Weeks of chemotherapy had left Spencer starting to rapidly deteriorate.
His skin was losing its colour. Instead of the glowing, reasonably healthy looking child he had been, he looked paler and sicker.
It made Dave's heart ache terribly as he watched his son struggle with things like climbing the stairs, eating dinner, and doing the work that was being sent home for his from the school.
he was only two weeks into the nine week course, but the doctors had already decided his nutrition levels weren't good enough. he was vomiting more frequently, which resulted in not many of his meals staying down, and his throat pain, which was starting to re-appear, was making it harder to eat in the first place.
That was what led Dr Edmonds in the decision to give Spencer his first naso-gastric feeding tube.
"Ok, spencer, this tube is going to go in your nose and down your throat to your stomach. You will be fed predominantly through this tube, but whatever you can manage by mouth is great, ok?" Dr Edmonds said, holding the end of the tube he had measured and lubricated just moments before. Spencer was laying on a gurney in a small room adjacent to the x-ray room within the radiology department. A pillow was beneath his shoulders and head, keeping him propped up on the bed.
Spencer nodded, gripping his pappa's hand tightly. Dr Edmonds had told him it would probably hurt a bit the first two or three times they inserted the tube, and that had made him slightly afraid.
"Alright, I'm starting now," Dr Edmonds said gently, placing the end of the tube into Spencer's left nostril, being careful not to advance it too fast.
"Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth," he instructed as he gently passed the tube through Spencer's nasal cavity.
As the tube dropped through his nasal passage and into the back of his throat, Spencer began to gag.
Holding a straw to Spencer 's mouth that was in a cup full of cold water, the nurse, whose name was Lizzie, spoke softly to Spencer.
"Small sips, try swallowing as much as you can. It will help the tube pass," she said gently. Spencer tried to swallow but found that he couldn't. His gag reflex kicked in even more as he coughed and choked on the tube.
Holding the tube firmly so it wouldn't slip out of place, Dr Edmonds quickly helped Spencer sit up, while Lizzie held an emesis basin for him.
Sure enough, the gagging led to Spencer throwing up what little he'd eaten of his breakfast. Dave squeezed his son's hand, holding it tight so that Spencer knew he was there for him.
Spencer was crying by the time he stopped vomiting, and that broke Dave's heart. To him, watching them pass a tube through his nose down to his stomach was just cruel. It was hurting his baby boy, and they were continuing to do it. However, he knew it was important for Spencer to have high levels of nutrition, and if the tube was the only way to manage that, it would have to do.
"Ok Spencer, once this passes the back of your throat, it won't be so uncomfortable. Swallow as hard you can for me," Dr Edmonds said gently, slowly advancing the tube as Spencer, sniffling quietly, sipped the water Lizzie was holding and swallowed the tube down.
Feeling the give that indicated the tube was past the back of his throat and almost down to his stomach, Edmonds smiled.
"That feel better?" he asked gently.
"Yeah," Spencer croaked, still sipping the water to help ease the pain in his throat.
Once the marking Edmonds had made on the tube earlier was level with Spencer 's nose, Edmonds taped the tube down to Spencer 's cheek.
"Now we'll get a quick x-ray to make sure the tube is in the right place," he said, removing the gloves he'd had on. "You ready?"
Even though he wasn't ready, and he was clearly uncomfortable, he put on a brave face. Nodding at her doctor, he allowed his father to help her into a wheelchair and take him down the hall to x-ray.
With Spencer asleep upstairs, Dave found the house in a lonely silence. The other kids were at school, and Aaron was working extra hours to cover the shifts he had missed following Spencer's initial diagnosis. He and Spencer hadn't spent a lot of time at home in the last month, what with being back and forward to the hospital when Spencer wasn't staying there.
After cleaning up the kitchen from the late lunch he'd had, Dave retreated to the front lounge room, settling into the couch as he started to wind down from the busy morning he and Spencer had had.
No sooner than he had sat down, a lump swelled in her throat as tears flooded his eyes.
It had been just over a month since they had been told the news that spencers treatment haddnt been working and has cancer had spread. And already he felt like he was drowning. he'd watched their youngest child cry, scream in pain, vomit seemingly endlessly, sleep through entire days, shrink and pale right in front of their very eyes.
he was facing losing his youngest in what was truly every parent's worst nightmare.
he didn't know how to be a cancer parent. he didn't know what lay ahead, and he certainly didn't know how his baby boy was going to handle this next challenge in the toughest battle of his life. he and Aaron had been told the rough costs of saving their child's life, and it made Dave sick.
Burying his face in his hands, Dave tried to muffle his sobs; Spencer had been sleeping rather lightly recently, and he didn't want to wake him up with his tears.
he knew that cancer had the ability to rip families apart. However, Spencer 's diagnosis had seemingly brought them back together again.
That was enough to tell him that once they got through it, they would be closer than ever.