Loki woke the next morning and instantly realized that he was alone in the large bed he and Astrid shared the night before. Curious as to why she wasn't in his arms, he got out of bed and went searching for her around the house.
"Astrid," he called out as he walked from room to room. She was nowhere to be found – causing Loki to begin to panic. "Astrid!" he yelled out louder and in a more frantic tone – picking up his pace as he ran through the house. He heard a small cough from outside, and he recognized the voice it came from. "Thank god," he sighed in relief.
"Hey, you!" Astrid greeted Loki as he ran down the front steps of the cabin. "You alright?" she asked when she noticed Loki's relieved face.
"Uh, yeah," he answered. "You didn't wake up with me."
Astrid stood on her tiptoes and kissed him deeply. "I'm sorry, my love," she apologized. "I woke up early and went for a walk through the trails."
Loki placed a kiss on her forehead. "I wish you would've woken me," he said softly. "I would've loved to have gone with you."
Astrid smiled. "Well, let's go!"
She grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the dense woods that surrounded the cabin.
"It's quiet," Loki stated after enjoying the silence and Astrid's presence.
"Peaceful," Astrid added on.
Loki crept behind Astrid and placed his hands around her waist – pulling her back towards him and kissing the side of her neck.
"What exactly are you doing?" Astrid asked – knowing full well what he was after.
"Shut up," Loki growled in her ear. Astrid let out a giggle at being dominated by him. "I told you to shut up," he said again – sounding truly annoyed and angry. Loki backed her up to a tree and used magic to keep her hands above her head. Roughly, he split her legs apart and shoved his entire fist inside her tiny, tight entrance. Astrid screamed out in pure pain – no pleasure, and when she finally opened her teary eyes, she recognized the face of the god who took over Earth all those years ago. He looked feverish, sweating, and angry – hungry.
"Loki, wait, please," she begged as she tried to get over the pain. He wasn't helping – moving his fist in and out as he stared at her as if she were nothing. "Please, Loki, red!" she finally screamed – using their code word for when to stop any sort of dominant and submissive play.
Loki didn't stop. Astrid's heart shattered.
"You really thought I cared about you?" Loki hissed in Astrid's ear as full-panic began to set in. "Pathetic." He took himself out of his pants and instantly forced himself into her tight, small, bleeding entrance – placing his hand over her mouth as she cried and screamed – doing anything she could to stop. "This is what you wanted, isn't it?" Astrid frantically shook her head, and Loki responded by slapping her across the face. "Don't deny it," he ordered her. Astrid succumbed to her fate and cried as Loki treated her like she was a plaything meant to be broken and abused.
"Astrid!" Loki yelled – trying to get Astrid to wake up. She had started screaming and crying in her sleep, and Loki was pulled from the little rest he was able to get. "Wake up!" He kept shaking her, trying to hold her close to him, and soothe her, but she kept fighting him – connecting her fist with his jaw at one point. "Please, sweetheart, wake up," he begged quietly into her ear. "Please, Astrid, please, wake up."
"Get away from me!" Astrid yelled as she finally opened her eyes and kicked Loki out of bed. "No!" She started running towards the door to leave the cabin, but Loki easily cut her off by teleporting in front of her – holding her tight in his arms as she continued to fight him off. "Let go of me!" she kept yelling as she punched his face and chest to get him to let go – he held on even tighter. "Don't touch me!"
"Sweetheart," Loki pleaded quietly with her. "Please, Astrid, it's me." He held her face in his hands and gently forced her to look up at him – his heart beginning to break as he watched her tears fall. "Astrid, you were having a nightmare!" Loki stressed. "Please, look at me."
Astrid exhaled and looked at the area around her. The woods had disappeared, the feverish and hungry-looking Loki was gone, and Astrid finally began to get her breathing under control. "You're okay," Loki coaxed her as she tried to calm down. "You're safe." Loki placed a soft yet deep kiss on her head and breathed in her scent as he swayed back and forth with her. "I love you," he whispered as he placed his cheek on her head.
"Do you?" Astrid responded – the first time she hadn't said it back – adding another crack to Loki's heart.
"What?" Loki asked breathlessly. "Why would you ever doubt that?"
"I have to go," Astrid stated – pushing herself away from Loki. Loki didn't fight her – too confused about what had happened to her – and watched as she ran out the front door and into the woods.
Astrid walked for hours – taking whichever trails she could to get the most distance between her and her nightmare. After walking for hours, she came upon a stream and sat down on a rock nearby. She let her tears fall as she stared into the moving water, and she watched a family of frogs go out for a swim before returning back to their, what Astrid thought, dream home. Two adult frogs – a mom and a dad – a pair of two who undoubtedly loved each other – and two baby frogs – little ones that relied on their parents to help them make it through the world. Astrid felt a lump in her throat, and her heart cracked more than she thought possible.
"What have I done?" Astrid whispered to herself – expecting to hear the voice of the god she loved more than life itself. Instead, she was met with the noises of the woods. "Please," she cried out quietly as she looked around – realizing that she had no clue where she was – lost in the middle of dense woods with the sun hidden. "No, no, no, no," she began to chant in panic under her breath. "Loki?" she looked up with some hope as she heard the sound of footsteps approaching. There was no response, but somehow, she knew it wasn't her love. "Hello?" she called out – the footsteps and crunching of leaves coming closer. Before she knew it, the sound was coming from every side – wherever she turned, the same predatory footsteps walked closer. Eventually, she heard a growl – a menacing one. She turned in the direction immediately, and she looked directly in the eyes of a big, gray wolf – showing its teeth and keeping down low to prepare for the attack. Having nothing else to do and nowhere to turn, Astrid held her hand over her Lokean tattoo and closed her eyes. "Loki, please," she began to pray, "please, please come help me. I need you. They're going to tear me apart." She opened her eyes slowly, and the only image that met her eyes was the pack of wolves looking hungrier and getting closer. "That's what I thought," she mumbled. Not a second later, a green glow engulfed her, and she felt a strong grip on her waist. Once the glow disappeared, she was relieved to find herself standing in the cabin with Loki in front of her.
"Are you okay?" Loki asked with concern. "How did you end up-," he was cut off by Astrid kissing him deeply and exploring his mouth. Normally, Loki wouldn't question her affection, but the event from earlier that day was eating at him. He pulled away from her and looked her in the eyes. "Tell me what happened," he said in a concerned yet demanding voice. "What's going on with you?"
"I'm so sorry, Loki," Astrid said through tears. "I don't know why I do this shit."
"Are you having any cravin-," Loki began to ask before being cut off.
"No!" Astrid yelled – quickly realizing she had yelled at him once again. "No, no, I'm not," she repeated in a quieter voice. "I don't know – maybe," she said with a shrug.
"Come sit," Loki said as he held a hand out to her. He sat down on a chair in the kitchen, and Astrid sat across from him. "Talk to me."
Astrid shook her head and looked down as she fidgeted with her nails. "I can't," she let out in a weak voice. "I can't."
Loki scoffed and let out a chuckle to avoid crying in front of her. At this point, he was sad and hurt, but mostly, he was angry. "Then we need to break up," Loki finally said in a stoic voice – causing Astrid to make immediate eye contact with him.
"What?" she asked breathlessly as tears streamed down her face. "Wait, no, why?"
"We're toxic," Loki realized. "I'll always be your friend – always support you," he insisted. "But this," he continued as he motioned to the two of them, "us? I can't do it – I can't do this anymore."
Astrid desperately grabbed for his hand that rested on the table. "Please, Loki, no," she begged. "Let me fix it."
"Why?" Loki scoffed. "So you can continue refusing to place any trust in me, so this can keep happening?"
"I do trust you," she swore through her tears.
"You don't," he insisted. "If you did, then you wouldn't run away from me when all I'm trying to do is help you. You wouldn't make me feel like I have to force you to talk to me when something is bothering you. You don't trust me, and that's fine, but I'm not going to keep wasting my energy on trying to earn something that clearly isn't mine to earn."
Astrid let go of his hand and slumped back in her chair. "Is this really what you want?"
"No," Loki answered immediately. "I want to love and hold you until the end of my days, but if all we're going to do is cause each other pain and heartache, then it's not fair to either of us."
"I didn't know I was hurting you," Astrid admitted honestly. "Loki, I, please forgive me."
She went back to picking at her fingernails.
"Honestly, I didn't know that I was hurting you. I sometimes forget that you still have feelings and a heart even though you're a literal god." She nodded her head and wiped her tears away, "but you're wrong. You haven't hurt me – I've hurt both of us. You've done nothing but be there for me, and I've done nothing but push you away. I know you don't think it, but I do trust you – more than anyone, but please, I'm begging you to understand that you are my actual God – the God that I follow – that I believe in – worship – pray to. Being like this with you is intimidating," Astrid explained, causing Loki to relax his demeanor. "You're like my idol, I guess, in a way, and it's...nerve-racking, and the thought of embarrassing myself in front of you is a fate worse than death."
Loki looked at her with a sympathetic smile.
"Come here," he softly ordered Astrid. He pushed his chair out from under the table, and he waited for her to get close to him. "Sit," he instructed – tapping his lap. Hesitantly, she did as he asked, and his arms were immediately around her waist. "I love you," he declared with as much love as he could muster. "I wasn't aware that you felt that nervous – vulnerable around me," Loki admitted. "But," he continued as he rubbed her back, "now I know. I'm so terribly sorry for accusing you of not trusting me."
"I didn't know that I was hurting you," Astrid replied. "But now I know. Will you be able to forgive me?"
Loki smiled the beautiful smile that she had come to know so intimately. "I already do, my love."
"I'm sorry," she whispered, still trying to get her thoughts in order. "I love you." She threw her arms around his neck, and Loki released a sigh of relief at having her in his arms again as Astrid's tears began to flow.
"Don't cry, sweetheart," Loki tried to calm her as he rubbed her back. "We're okay now. Everything's fine. I'm not going anywhere. I'm sorry for scaring you." He removed one hand and conjured up a Buprenorphine pill, and offered it to Astrid. "I know you're having cravings."
Nervously, she took the pill from his hand, and he handed her a glass of water to take it with. "Astrid, you can't be afraid to talk to me about these things," he pleaded as she swallowed it. "It could kill you."
Astrid nodded. "I know, but I just, I don't want you to think less of me."
Loki took the glass of water and placed it on the table, and wrapped his arms back around her. "You know I think the world of you."
After a few minutes of being wrapped in Loki's arms, Astrid pulled away and was thankful to see the god she had come to love looking back – not the monster that attacked New York. She played with his hair, and Loki smiled at the sensation.
"You didn't stop," Astrid finally blurted out in a small voice. Loki cocked his head, feeling confused. "My nightmare," she specified.
"Ah," Loki realized. "Do you want to talk to me about it?"
Astrid nodded and continued to mindlessly play with his shoulder-length hair. "It was you, but...it wasn't you," she started to explain. "It was you from when you attacked New York – sweaty, feverish, tired, and sickly looking you. You came outside to find me one morning because I apparently woke up before you and walked outside." Astrid took a deep breath, and Loki softly rubbed her back and waited for her to continue. "We started walking through some trails, and...," she trailed off and stopped playing with his hair. Astrid looked at her fingernails and began to pick at them.
"You're safe," Loki reminded her in a soft voice, placing his hands on hers to get her to stop picking at them.
"You...well...I thought you were...we were...I guess doing my fantasy," Astrid finally got out. "It didn't seem like you were...you know...it seemed too real, but when I asked, no begged you to stop, you wouldn't, and then when I used our code word, and you still didn't stop, I tried to fight you off, but of course, I was too weak, and then I woke up."
"Astrid, look at me," Loki ordered softly as she tried to look away in embarrassment. Astrid turned her head back to him and saw the pure love in his eyes. "I will never do that to you," he asserted. "He may have, but I am not him anymore." Astrid nodded, trying to believe the words he was saying. Loki knew that she was trying to convince herself that he was telling the truth – not that she was telling him she understood. He placed a strand of her hair behind her ear and held her face in his hands. "Let me prove myself to you," he quietly begged as his lips hovered less than a centimeter away from hers. Astrid nodded, and almost instantaneously, his lips were melted to hers, and his hands held her by the back of her head – ensuring that she wouldn't pull away.