Karan practically jumped and skipped to the door when the little bell above the door rang, announcing Shion and Nezumi. Her face looked much older than the last time Nezumi had seen her, and she was beautiful and full of life. She greeted both of 'her boys' with a hearty embrace and gave a surprised little "Oho!" when Nezumi returned the hug.
Nezumi still had trouble being this affectionate. It felt like paying a role on stage. Like a cheap act, no matter how real the emotion he tried to convey. Adjusting the pitch of his voice to sound gentle, putting his arms around someone at the right moment, it wasn't exactly difficult. But it wasn't natural, either. There was a disconnect, a layer missing in between a true-looking face, and the true feeling behind it. Maybe it was the hate and pain that had crumbled with No. 6's walls, that had wormed itself into him so deep it replaced what should have been there. Scratching at it, trying to see how he could change... it made Nezumi feel hollow. Like the wind could blow right through him...
"Oh, you're just on time!" Karan patted his arm. "Could you help Lili get the last batch of rolls out of the oven? I've got my hands full with the customers, but that should be the last of the morning rush in a few minutes." A wide smile illuminated her face "I'm glad to see you both." And with that she hurried back to the counter and continued ringing up customers.
Nezumi had been such a bitter kid when they had last met. He hadn't been able to absorb the peace and warmth of Karan and Shion's home in the short time he had stayed with them. But his old pain, his gripes and revenge fantasies had eased over and been sanded down by experience. Travelling had been dangerous and painful, but it had definitely put his stationary, obsessive life in the shadow of No. 6 into perspective. Of course he remembered all the pain they had endured. But the only memory that moved him to act any more was the dull ache of wanting to see Shion. Maybe there was room for him now. He wanted there to be room.
Nezumi opened and closed his hand a few times to take himself back out of the thought spiral. They were glad to see him. He didn't have to worry.
"Karan looks like she's having the time of her life. Was she always this energetic?" Nezumi attempted to start the conversation back up.
Shion nodded, regarding his mother with a forlorn smile.
She was there for you all these years. She must have helped carry a lot of the baggage I left you with. "You know, you're not alone." Ah damn it, that one slipped out.
Nezumi tried to keep his cool as Shion shot him a questioning glance.
But before he could bite his tongue and deflect with a joke, a girl stuck her head out of the kitchen and called to Karan: "Ma'am, could you help me for a second? Oh-!" Her gaze locked on to Shion and her cheeks flushed. She ducked back into the kitchen without another word. Shion was scratching his neck absentmindedly.
"Was that Lili?" Nezumi prodded.
Shion answered with another nod and a weary grin.
"Ever a hit with the ladies, aren't you?" Nezumi grinned and finally got a good reaction out of Shion, who elbowed his side violently.
"Nezumi, that's just sick. Besides..." Shion looked up at him with his unnervingly honest eyes. "Like I said, there's already someone I'm attracted to."
Nezumi felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. You've caught me off guard again, Shion. More times than anyone else I've ever met.
"Alright, alright! Let's go, before anything burns back there. You might be starting to irritate that precious person, you know." Nezumi sighed and took Shion's hand to pull him along.
"Didn't I say it clearly enough?" Shion didn't budge and held his hand tightly, so that Nezumi had to turn back around. "I love you."
Nezumi's face flushed, for what felt like the first time in his life and quickly turned away to hide his grin. A confession like that would piss anyone off, Shion.
Underneath the unbearably sweet happiness, Nezumi tasted a hint of his own bitterness too. The naivety he had scorned from the beginning was now the thing he envied Shion for the most.
How can you be so close to your own heart and not choke, Shion? Remember when I told that woman you were mine, in the back alley in the West Block? It's like I'm living backwards. The more I understand it, the less I'm able to say it.
'I love you too.' That's what I want to answer, Shion. It might take a while until I can. But that's what I want to tell you, properly.