'Your hands are still so graceful.' Shion thought, as he watched Nezumi rip apart a pastry and shovel the bits into his mouth. But you're not putting up such a high and mighty face anymore. It's... fun. To see you at ease like this. I could get used to it.
Stirring his coffee and gazing at Nezumi, Shion barely noticed when there was only one muffin left on the plate between them. He managed to snatch it just before Nezumi finished his food.
"I know I said I wanted you to eat well, Nezumi, but isn't this a little..."
"'When you can, eat as much as you need and store the rest for later' That's the sum of what I learned in the last few years so you better take my lesson to heart." Nezumi looked like he was really enjoying himself. "You remember that time I told you it's easier to starve if you've never had a full belly? Well, I've got the small print for you: it's also easier to live if you never starve."
"Usually you learn that the other way around."
"Maybe spoiled brats like you. So you're saying my wisdom is worthless to you? Child's play, even?"
"Oh, mh, no I'm... I'm going to memorize it." Shion chuckled through a mouthful of muffin. "But for hands-on learning, could you get us some more material?"
"Of course, your majesty, only the best for you."
Shion was left alone at the little table in the storeroom. It looked a little empty to him, without his 'bedroom' in the corner. After he had moved into his own place, Karan had seemed out of sorts for a time. Shion knew that even though he came to visit, being alone in that house had reminded her too much of a worse time. In the end, she moved in with her friend and neighbor Renka, Lili's mother. The woman had lost her husband during the fall of No. 6 and needed help raising her daughters. Karan loved taking care of children and even if it was stressful, she often told Shion she couldn't have wished for anything better.
Everyone was moving right along with their lives.
Shion's mind wandered back to Nezumi. He was so different. Naturally, Shion couldn't help but see the things he knew in him, and listen more intently when they quoted each other's words from back then. But from the outside, Nezumi must seem like another person entirely. He had much more of a presence now, without putting on a show. Shion also hadn't heard him give a single insult or mean-spirited remark in earnest today. Like he was just thinking better of the world around him. The tense, vengeful air about him had dissipated. Even if he got angry, it didn't feel like he was lashing out.
Shion felt a pang anger in his stomach. Why did he get to be so jovial, when Shion had just grown up to be numb and melancholic? It was a stupid sting of jealousy.
I know why. He went away, he forged himself anew just like he changed me back then. He came back because he wanted to. And all this time I just sat here and stared at the walls, waiting... No, that was whiny, Shion decided. So what if I waited. I'm not the same as Nezumi. I can't let go of things like him. And I wasn't just sitting and waiting idly, I was fighting all the time.
"Hey, anyone home?" Nezumi's knuckle rapped hard against Shion's forehead.
"Ouch! Ah, I guess I spaced out."
"Well, sorry to disturb your beauty sleep, but you have to be awake for this lesson." Nezumi set a plate before him, piled high with delicious pastries. "Dig in. It's not a very balanced diet but you have to start somewhere."
"Thanks, doctor." Shion answered with a smirk, taking a cinnamon danish from the pile.
The door creaked and Karan joined them in the storeroom, sighing. "Goodness, that took longer than I thought! But Lili can take care of the customers for a bit now." She untied her apron and let herself fall into another chair at the table.
"Oh, I hope I didn't interrupt you!" she exclaimed as Shion poured her a cup of coffee.
"Don't worry, we weren't talking about anything." Nezumi gave her a charming smile.
"Really? Don't you have a lot to talk about? I'd like to hear all about your travels, Nezumi!"
"I wouldn't even know where to start. We'd be here until next week, if I told you all of it."
With a start, Shion realized that Nezumi hadn't said a word about his time away yet. Shion had been so occupied with his own thoughts all morning, he hadn't even thought to ask. Was there something he was hiding? Or did he think they wouldn't ask? No way. Nezumi must have a reason for not wanting to talk about it. Maybe it really was just too long a story. Panic jabbed at Shion's insides. What if Nezumi took off again, without telling him anything? Would he leave Shion in the dark, taking with him the story they might have shared? But asking him might just push him further away. Shion felt the harsh beat of his own heart.
Nezumi, what can I do? Tell me what I can do so you'll stay.
"Just start at the beginning!" Karan suggested. "What was the first place you went?"
Nezumi didn't answer. He was holding Shion's gaze brutally.
If you want to know something, ask. But think first, if you really want to hear the answer. Can you handle it if I say there's something I can't tell you about, or that I'm leaving? If that thought is too much, handle the weight of your silence. Bear the uncertainty. You're too trusting. So then, trust me all the way.
Under that gaze, a familiar bliss washed Shion's anxiety away. He slid his hand under Nezumi's on the table and intertwined their fingers.
"Actually, mom, I was thinking I could tell him about No. 6 first. About what happened with the city." Resolutely, Shion addressed Nezumi. "We'll have a chance to hear about your travels some other time, when you're ready."
Nezumi nodded, and shot Shion a smile that might have been thankful. "That would be nice. I'll tell you my story some other time."
Karan sighed. "That's too bad, but alright. But it's just postponed, Nezumi. I'm still itching to hear all about it." Shion could almost hear her voice behind that, 'I see you two have some kind of agreement here that I'm not in on. I won't push it.' "I suppose you'd want to know if it's safe for you now, right?"
"You must have noticed that much, walking back in!" Shion laughed.
"I'm more observant than you'd think." Nezumi grinned. "No gates, no walls, no cameras, and the West Block market looks better than the one in the city. This place has really turned around."
Shion cleared his throat "Well, it wasn't easy to get to this point. The first years were really chaotic. Yoming and his group made a lot of trouble, acting like the new kings of No. 6. It was dangerous, with that power vacuum..." He suddenly withdrew his hand, so Nezumi wouldn't feel how the memories of those stressful years still made him jittery. Underneath the beautiful promises of the Restructural Committee, the story turned dark quickly.
"We... I had to get rid of him. And the way I did it was..., I... Nezumi, I made a lot of terrible decisions and sometimes..." Shion took a deep breath, but his whole body trembled at this thought, "In those days I often thought 'This is it. We've failed. Any day now. Elyurias is going to come back, and we're all going to drop like flies. Nobody could watch us stumble in the dark like that for any second longer.' But it didn't happen, no matter how often I lost the way."
Nezumi said nothing, just watching Shion intently. Sorrow was etched on Karan's face, as her hands mechanically picked crumbs from the tablecloth. He shouldn't dwell on it for too long.
"There were so many setbacks. The Committee appointed a temporary police force to keep unrest between the citizens and the people from the districts in check. But then we found out the police was hoarding weapons that were supposed to be destroyed, and were using them against civilians. And then the farmers outside the city went on strike to negotiate for better education and infrastructure in the south and east at the same time. And a year later, part of the hillside in the north collapsed because of an illegal mining operation that went wrong. It was just one long nightmare."
Shion noticed Nezumi perking up at the mention of the mining operation, but he didn't ask any further. Instead, Karan piped up.
"Oh now, you're making it sound like it's worse than before! But you and the Committee did a lot for the city. There's a parliament now and we had our second round of elections last year. I think people noticed how much control the mayor really had, and how it all went unchecked. It's good that there's a way to get involved now. And the whole city is more lively now. Those years were stressful for you, but a lot of people finally got a chance to live their own lives too, you know?"
"I was going to get to that-"
"Without your efforts, someone would have just stepped in and made the city another prison."
Even though it felt like an argument, Shion had to smile. It was rare to see Karan so agitated. When they were alone, or had guests over, they usually kept the conversation pleasant and would steer clear of difficult memories. Nezumi wasn't even talking at the moment, but his presence just heightened Shion's emotions.
"You're right, you're right." Shion laughed. "But the best changes really only came after the Committee was dissolved. And when the city state partnerships started."
Nezumi gave a knowing nod. "I heard of that when I stayed in No. 4. It was the partner city for some sort of recycling project, right?"
Shion's breath caught in his throat. Nezumi had been in No. 4? Suddenly his whole 'time away' didn't seem so 'away' anymore. He'd been right there, in a place Shion could have gone to. Not in some nebulous, uninhabited 'outside world'. Nezumi had had countless chances to contact him...
"Shion?" Both Nezumi and Karan looked at him expectantly, and with a bit of annoyance. The sight brought Shion back to the conversation at hand.
"Ah, yes. We had to find safe ways to dispose of all the weaponry No. 6 was developing and stockpiling... The project in No. 4 was to design facilities where the materials could be salvaged. As far as I know, it should finish in about two years. Then No. 6 can reenter the Babylon Treaty. I think the partnership projects helped build some trust between the cities."
"Sounds like you're not involved anymore." Nezumi remarked.
"No, I didn't join any of the project teams after the Restructural Committee..." That time had been harsh on Shion. He used to constantly accuse himself of dropping the responsibility he had taken on, of betraying the precious friends who had put the matter in his hands. No matter how sound his arguments, something nagged and doubted that he hadn't done enough. But it took hours of therapy to let go of that guilt, and he wasn't going to let it get the better of him now.
"We were... I was taught the most advanced scientific stuff in school, but I didn't even know a single thing about how No. 6 came to be...I think if something like No. 6 should never happen again it would be because we're teaching kids to see the world with their own eyes. To find out the truth for themselves and make decisions, knowing what the consequences will be. Uhm... So, I'm helping out with the Board of Education. And I started studying ecology again. I... never want to stop learning."
Towards the end there, he had slipped into part of a speech he'd given to the Committee before it was dissolved. Smiling faces around the table, their hands raised to applaud him, they'd have to carry on with the work. The memory faded now and left him a little confused. It sounded clumsy now. He had tried everything to rebuild and stay sane. But every little part of the city he had been involved in haunted him now. Every issue and unfinished project reminded him that nothing was ever fully done.
"There's still so much to do." Shion said to no one. "There always is."
"A city isn't something that you can finish, Shion." Nezumi gripped his hand and held it tightly. "Even the old No. 6 had cracks. That's what saved our lives."