They are not. As my name leaves Larrett Dolittle's lips, I know they were never in my favor. Starkov kids cannot escape the Games. Not anymore.
The other girls in my section all move a few feet away from me, None of them want to be associated with this year's tribute or be mistaken for her. I can't say I blame them. Carly is the only one foolish enough to stay close, but I brush her hand away when she tries to grab mine. Her way of trying to keep me here, but I know I must go.
My steps are soundless as I walk, I'm so small that I can barely make a noise on a good day. But the silence fills my ears here, and I feel like I'm choking on it. My feet somehow carry me up onstage, and I stand stiffly next to Larrett, who has moved on to reaping the boy. The name Jasper Grant is called, but that is all I register. I'm too busy looking out at the crowd, to my parents and my brother.
It's terrible. My mother is burying her head in my father's shoulder, and his tears drip down and stain her shoulders. Neither of them would ever cry in public, so the fact that they are doing it now is haunting to see.
My brother is somehow worse, in a way. I can make out that his fists are clenched, and his face is almost as red as his hair, the same color as mine. Renee Liliac, his fiancee, is standing next to him. She moves even closer, and takes his hands in hers, trying to calm him down. It would do me little good if he exploded and caused a scene. It'd label me as a weakling, and get him in trouble. As relaxed as District 9 authority can be, they wouldn't be able to turn a blind eye to that. Horace is temperamental, but he needs to keep it hidden until they are all safely back home.
I feel a hand on my own, and out of the corner of my eye, I see a boy with dark hair and tanned skin. He must be Jasper. I take his hand, and we lift them in the air like we're supposed to. As we are lowering them, that is when I see it.
The Covey, all wearing roses pinned to their clothes. They do it every year, as roses are a way of saying goodbye here. We have a song we sing, but this is no place for that. Instead, the Covey show up every year wearing dresses and shirts with roses on them. It's subtle, so there is no trouble, but it is something so purely ours, not the Capitol. I wish it will never go away. Now I understand just how comforting it is. I hope future 9 tributes have it, too.
Jasper and I are escorted to the Justice Building, which I have never been in before. Inside, it's old and weathered, but fancy. I'm a little impressed if I'm being honest. We are each taken to a room where we get one hour for goodbyes. I sit on a nice, old, sofa. It's cushioned, and I think the fabric is velvet. I run my hand along it, enjoying how soft it is. Imagine if it were made into a dress. It'd be so soft.
The door bursts open, and my family rushes in. Ma takes my face in her hands and calls me brave. Pa hugs me and says he is sorry. Horace clutches me rather than hugs me and says he loves me.
"I don't want to go. Please don't let them take me!" I cry, not being able to hold back my emotions anymore. We aren't on camera, and this will be the last time I see them again. I don't care about crying anymore.
"You're only twelve, Gels. You should never have been reaped. They're going to pay for this!" Horace shouts as he sits on the sofa beside me.
"No, son. Don't do anything brash. We have to think about Gelsey. If you do something dangerous, it could come back on her." Pa warns. Horace looks horrified at the prospect.
Pa sits on my other side, and Ma sits right in front of me, looking me in the eye.
"I don't want to die, Ma." I say, tears running down my nose since my head is pointed down. Ma takes my hand. "You aren't going to die, Gelsey. You're going to live, I promise. You're smart and resourceful. That can get you far. You're observant and you can think on your feet. All you need is to learn some survival skills, and you can outlast all the others."
She looks me in the eye. "You can come home."
I nod. Pa sighs. "This is my fault." I snap my head to him. "No, Pa. It isn't. We all know whose fault it is." Horace says.
Pa shakes his head. "No, it's my fault your name was called, Gels. My bloodline got your name called. I'd be surprised if anyone else had a slip in that bowl."
I stare at the ground. We all know who he is talking about. But it isn't his fault. If this really is the last time I see my family, I need to tie up any and all loose ends.
"I love you all very, very, much. Please, don't blame yourself for any of this. Whatever you see on screen, don't think of me that way. Remember me for everything before today. Please don't let the Games ruin my memory." I request.
I know it hurts them to agree and accept my terms, facing the fact that I may not come back, but they do. I hope for their own sakes, but it may just be for me. Let a girl die holding onto empty promises she believes to be true then let her die not knowing how her family will remember her.
We form a group hug, with me in the center. For a moment, I feel completely safe, as if what is happening wasn't really happening. But, the moment ends too soon. The Peacekeepers come and tell them to leave. Just before they do, Pa whispers in my ear, "You're our rose, Gelsey."
Renee Lilac is, naturally, my next visit. She drifts in like she's dancing, her feet slightly bouncing off the ground. "I wanted to come with your parents, and be there for Ace when he says goodbye, but I thought you'd want time alone with them." she explains.
I smile at her consideration. "Thank you. But I am glad you came to see me. I'm going to miss you a lot, and I really wanted to say a proper goodbye." I reply.
She smiles and hugs me. Afterward, she gives me the rose she had in her hair. She tucks it behind my ear. "There, now you'll have something from home."
Renee Lilac is one of the Covey, and she and my brother met at one of her concerts. They were in different years in school, but thankfully they were able to connect. Anyone can look at them to tell they're in love. I'm going to miss their wedding.
"The rest of the Covey wanted to come, but they got held up by people wanting to book us. I'm so sorry." she apologizes.
I nod. I know how important their bookings are. It's how they eat, after all. Can't blame them for that.
"Will, will you write a song for me? For my brother?" I ask. Renee Lilac can play the violin like no one else and has a head for song lyrics. I think my brother will like it.
She nods with a sad smile. "It will be the best one I've ever written. Gelsey's Song." she says.
We hug again, and then the Peacekeeper comes to take her away.
Carly and her brother Carlos come to see me too. Carly immediately hugs me and starts crying into my hair. I can't help but cry, too. Carlos looks on, looking anything but happy. When his sister and I separate, he walks over.
"This sucks." he says.
"Yeah. It really does." I say.
We don't hug or anything. Carlos isn't like that. But I don't mind it much. Everyone else has been so emotional, it's a little refreshing to act a different way.
We all sit on the sofa together, Carly filling the silence.
"We'll make sure everything's going okay with your family. Make sure they eat, sleep, all of that, I promise. And I can keep track of everything we learn in school, too. That way when you come back you won't be far behind. Of course, Victor's don't have to go to school, but if you want to come anyways I'll always be happy to help."
Carly is obviously nervous. And when she's nervous, she fills it with talking. Usually, it's more like rambling, but I actually enjoy it now. I know she'll really do everything she says, and it's nice to know she and Carlos will help my family.
"You guys are really great best friends. You know that, right?" I ask them. Carly says yes, and Carlos nods.
"I'm glad we got to be friends. But, if I don't come back, you both need to move on, okay? I know it will be hard, but you'll have bigger things to focus on. Working, surviving, your own kids being in the Reaping. I don't want either of you to mess that up because of me." I tell them, looking between them as I speak. Both just silently nod, Carly at a loss for words.
"Only if you promise you won't just give up." Carlos says, which takes me by surprise.
"What do you mean? Of course I'll try." I argue.
"Yeah, I know you will, but don't do something stupid like kill yourself because you think you won't win. Those people from 12 won last year. Why can't you?" he points out.
For the first time this entire day, I begin to feel a little hopeful. Carlos does have a point. If Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark could win together, and be from the worse off district in Panem, why can't I win?