"how did you know what to do?"

Derek ' question was sudden in the quiet room.

Emily turned, looking at him blankly for a minute before raising an eyebrow. Confusion read clearly on his face.

"when spencer had a seizure," derek clarified. "how did you know what to do? You were so calm and in control...all i did was panic"

Emily sighed, moving closer and placing his hand over his brother's. "you didn't panic, derek . You went into shock. It's normal"

"you didn't answer my question," derek said softly, turning his hand over and closing his fingers around emily 's.

"you know that family down the street i babysit for," emily replied simply.

Derek frowned. "what?"

Emily took a deep breath. "i babysit the three kids once a week. The youngest he 's three and he 's absolutely gorgeous, but he 's also a severe epileptic. Before i was allowed to look after him, the parents made me take a first aid course and have a meeting with his doctor. I've brought alexei through more than a dozen seizures...by now, responding to a child having a grand mal seizure is just a reflex"

"you knew spencer was having a grand mal straight away?"

Emily nodded. "alexei has had seven grand mal seizures under my watch. I can identify it before it even starts most of the time now. I saw spencer go completely slack, and his face turned grey. I was already off the couch before he had started to fall"

Derek shook his head in disbelief. "you're incredible, you know that?"

Emily smiled. "i only did what i've been taught to do, derek "

"yeah...but you might've made the difference between spencer living and dying," derek said softly. "you might've saved his life"

Bounding out of her room, jj hopped the stairs two at a time as she headed for the kitchen. She could hear her dad rustling through the day's paper with the usual furiousness he had about his in the mornings.

"morning dad!" she chirped as she skipped through the kitchen door.

Jj looked up, bleary and confused, as she entered the kitchen. "hi grandma mary, wheres dad and pappa?" She asked.

"hi sweetie. Did you sleep ok?" she asked.

Jj nodded as she took her cereal out of the cupboard. "i had this really weird dream. I was a dog. And i was in charge of making rollercoasters run. But then the one at six flags got stuck, so i ran up to get it unstuck, and then i turned into a polar bear"

She laughed. "you need to stop eating sugar before bed, my little rugrat"

Jj giggled. "i like my crazy dreams"

Watching as jj poured out her cereal, mary's stomach was in knots. Jj loved sunday mornings. The last thing she wanted to do was ruin that for his by giving his the bad news about spencer.

"jayje," she started softly as jj made her way to the table.

Looking up at her grandma as she sat down, jj raised an eyebrow, indicating she should keep going.

Taking a deep breath, mary sat forward, clasping her hands in front of her.

"jj...spencer's back in hospital," she said.

"is he having more chemo?" jj asked naively, putting a spoonful of cereal into her mouth.

Mary shook her head. "no...jay, spencer was taken to the hospital in an ambulance last night because he had a seizure. Do you know what that means?"

Jj frowned. "kind of...isn't it when your brain makes your body like...spasm?"

Mary nodded. "it is kind of like that. But seizures can be very dangerous. And when they got spencer to hospital, they found out that his seizure happened because he has a tumor in his brain"

Jj's eyes widened. "that's really bad, isn't it?"

"yeah, jay, it's not good. They did a surgery on spencer which has hopefully fixed his brain up, but he's in a coma in the icu at the moment. They have to wait for his to wake up"

Jj's eyes grew bright. "is spencer...is spencer going to die?"

Mary found herself stumbling over her own tongue as she tried to find the words to reassure her granddaughter. A lump grew in her throat, which she immediately tried to swallow back down. She loved spencer. How was she supposed to do this, to explain to jj that spencer, her best friend, might...

"spencer's very sick, jay. His brain needs to heal, and if it doesn't...yes...spencer could die," mary explained gently, helpless to stop the tears spilling out over her lower lashes.

Jj burst into tears almost immediately, her cereal forgotten a she slid from her chair into her grandmother's lap. Mary wrapped her arms around her, holding her close and rocking back and forth slightly as she cried into her grandmother's shoulder.

"cry it out baby girl," she whispered. "it's alright"

"why did this have to happen to spencer?" jj sobbed, lifting her face to look at mary.

Mary sighed. "because life's a bitch, jj, because the universe decided that family didn't have enough on their plate already"

"i wish we could make his cancer go away"

Mary swallowed thickly, hugging jj tightly.

"me too, sweetie"

Sitting by spencer's bed in the icu, dave felt helpless.

He was supposed to protect his children. Protect them from the evils of the world, and all the things that could hurt them. Keep them safe and guide them on the right path.

And now a disease was ravaging his son from the inside out, destroying his little brain as it swept through his body on a killing spree.

He'd failed them. He hadn't kept one of his children safe.

"you have to fight like hell, baby boy," he whispered, reaching over and taking spencer's hand. It pained his to see so many tubes and wires running into his son's body, but he knew that each one of those tubes and wires were playing an important part in keeping spencer alive.

"you've come this far. Don't let this win. You just have to keep fighting. Please don't leave us just yet"

A sob escaped his lips, and he dropped his head to the edge of the mattress to pull himself together. Or attempt to.

"i don't know what i'll do if you don't make it, sweetheart," he sobbed. "there are days where i wake up and i forget for just a second that this horrible disease exists. I can't lose you. You and derek, and emily and jj and pen are all your dad and i have left...without you guys, we're nothing"

Taking a shaky breath, he allowed his tears to fall. "derek is so scared you're going to die. You need to show him that you're ok. You need to walk back into that house and show cancer who's boss"

Choking back his sobs, he ran a gentle hand down spencer's pale cheek.

"you're such a beautiful boy, spencer. The world has so much to offer you. Just hang on, and one day you will get to experience it all"

Leaning down, he kissed spencer's forehead, being careful to avoid the evp drain.

"god i love you, gorgeous boy"