Everything about the picu was driving dave up the wall. The hiss of the ventilator, the too nice nurses, the mint green walls, the electronic whir every time the door opened.
He thought he hated the cancer ward, but now, he would have been glad to go back down to the cancer ward and bask in its friendly orange paint work. The camaraderie between the kids and the parents in oncology was sorely missed. Up on the picu level, it was too quiet. And every machine that beeped or whirred simply reminded dave how sick spencer was.
He had quickly discovered he couldn't stand looking at spencer for too long. Any amount of time he spent staring at his son's lifeless form turned into time imagining a life without his.
The only thing keeping his there was that he knew spencer would want him there. He had a paternal need to watch over his child, even without looking. He needed to protect him.
"how's my superstars today?"
Aaron's voice was a welcome relief to the monotony of life in the picu. Sighing with happiness, dave stood from the recliner, walking straight into aaron's arms.
"he's still stable. No significant change. They had to change his feeding tube because he keeps going to throw up, so they're now giving his iv nutrition and using his tube to keep his stomach on a continuous drain," dave explained.
"and you?"
Dave let out a heavy sigh. "i'm tired. And i can't... I feel awful, but i can't look at him. It makes me wonder what life will be like if he... Doesn't pull through"
Kissing the top of his wife's head, aaron hugged his tightly. "no, i completely understand that. It's hard to see his like this. I'm so used to his being full of life and energy, even when he's been through chemo. Seeing him attached to all these machines to keep his alive... It's painful"
"i just want to bring his home. I want this horrible, horrible ordeal to be over. I want our life to go back to normal," dave said, his voice giving away that he was clearly on the verge of tears.
"i know. It's been an awful few months. Hopefully, within a few days, spencer starts to improve, and by the end of the year, this is over," aaron said, letting go of dave and moving to the side of spencer's bed.
"you hear us superstar? We want you home, annoying the crap out of your brother and sisters, being the little spunkrat we know and love. Ok? I miss you at home, peanut," he said softly, placing a gentle hand on the top of spencer's head. "we love you. Open those eyes for us soon"
Smiling, dave watched as aaron spoke softly to their son. He loved watching the relationship between aaron and spencer. He only hoped spencer would live to help it grow even further.