The news of Jessica's passing had spread by morning, and to say it hadn't gone down well with any of the kids was an understatement. But of all the kids on the ward, SPENCER had by far taken the news the worst. Jessica had been his partner in crime; together, they were going to kick medulloblastoma to the curb.

The first hour had been incessant crying, to the point where SPENCER had thrown up all over his sheets. It had been hard to get his cleaned up, but somehow, Dave and Lizzie had managed amidst tears of their own.

However, it was when Edmonds tried to run a new course of medication that SPENCER put up a fight like Dave had never seen before. He had no idea if it was because of what had happened, if SPENCER was actually scared, or if he was just exhausted, both physically and mentally.

"I have to re-needle your port, SPENCER, the catheter dislodged from the chamber somehow," Edmonds said apologetically as he pulled the hem of SPENCER's shirt up to his ribs to expose the port living beneath his skin.

"No, I don't want to," SPENCER sobbed. "It's gonna hurt"

"I'm sorry, SPENCER, but we need to give you your medicine," Edmonds replied. "I don't want to have to get someone to pin you down, so let's make this easy on both of us ok? Can you hold your Dad's hand?"

SPENCER shook his head, tears pouring thick and fast from his eyes as he moved as far away from Edmonds as the bed would allow. Every time Edmonds reached out for his, he shied away, determined to not have to go through the painful procedure.

Stepping up to the side of the bed, Dave forcibly took SPENCER's hand, fighting to keep his emotions at bay. He hated seeing his child so distressed, hated seeing the awful things he had to go through to get better. SPENCER hated having his port accessed on a good day, and Dave knew that he would be giving Edmonds a run for his money today.

As Edmonds pulled the tape up, SPENCER cried out, trying to pull his hands free of his Dad's as he writhed on the bed.

"Stop, stop, stop!" he sobbed, his distress rising. "I don't want it, I don't want it!"

"SPENCER-"

"No! NO!" SPENCER shrieked, pulling his hands free and pushing Edmonds' hands away.

Without hesitation, Edmonds hit the call button on the wall, and Dave felt his heart break immediately. They were going to have to pin SPENCER to the bed to get his port accessed safely, and while he knew it needed to be done, it tore his apart irreparably. SPENCER had always complied when Edmonds asked his to hold still. Dave knew it was because of Jess that SPENCER was acting out, and he sadly admitted to himself that he didn't blame his. He wanted to kick and scream as well.

Lizzie came into the room, followed by another nurse whom SPENCER liked, Angela. They knew immediately what they needed to do, and Dave watched as Angela held SPENCER's legs down, while Lizzie took his arms and pinned them easily above his head.

Swallowing back the lump in his throat, Dave reached out, placing his hand on the top of SPENCER's head as Edmonds wiped SPENCER's skin down to prep it for the needle insertion. SPENCER cried relentlessly, trying to pull his arms free, but to no avail.

"You're ok...you're ok, sweet boy, it's only going to hurt for a minute," Dave said thickly.

"NO!" SPENCER sobbed. "BE QUIET!"

"It'll be over soon," Dave pressed on.

"Stop!" SPENCER cried, trying to jerk his arms free once more. "I hate you!"

The words were like a knife going through Dave's heart. Tears welled in his eyes as Edmonds pushed the needle through SPENCER's skin into the chamber of the port, eliciting another scream of pain and an attempt to jerk himself free.

He hated having to watch SPENCER go through these procedures, and SPENCER usually cooperated well with the doctors, but hearing his vocalise the thing that Dave feared during those times was almost his breaking point. He spent days on end wishing that there was some other way for SPENCER to be treated for his cancer, but he had long since accepted that this was just how it had to be.

Edmonds finished up, covering the tubing with a clear plastic bandage and pulling SPENCER's shirt back down over the top of it.

"There you go kiddo," he said thickly, and Dave looked up sharply. He was surprised, yet touched to see him clearly fighting back tears of his own. SPENCER had never struggled like that before, and clearly having to hold his down to get something down had taken a toll on his oncologist as well.

"Never again," SPENCER sobbed as Lizzie and Angela let go of his. "Never again"

"I'm sorry kiddo, but I had to do it," Edmonds said warmly, squeezing SPENCER's hand. "Next time will be easier, I promise"

Bidding goodbyes, Edmonds left the room with Angela as Lizzie finished setting up the infusion of SPENCER's medication. SPENCER sniffed, pulling the blankets up as Dave sank numbly into the recliner.

He wanted to go home. He wanted to take his little boy home and never have to set foot in the hospital again.