Sinking slowly to the floor with his back pressed against the cubicle wall, Dave was helpless to stop the floods of tears pouring down his cheeks. The sobs came with such ferocity that he could barely draw a breath between them, yet he didn't know how to make them stop.
The day had brought a hoard of new challenges, and for the first time since SPENCER's diagnosis, Dave had properly cracked.
Physical therapy in the morning had revealed that SPENCER could no longer hold himself upright, even while holding onto the walker. He had barely been able to shuffle his feet along the floor while Amy held his up, and Dave had watched on while desperately trying to fight back the tears. His attempts to remain composed had only been hampered when SPENCER broke down crying and refused to go on.
The disastrous physio session had been followed by another struggle with Dr Edmonds on SPENCER's part. SPENCER's luck with medical tubing had continued, and he had required a new feeding tube when the one he had became hopelessly blocked. He had fought and cried and struggled until Dr Edmonds had put his foot down and threatened to sedate his if he didn't comply. Another round of steroids after the tube was placed had left SPENCER feeling worse than ever, and as a result, he had spent an hour begging his mother to make it all stop.
The worst part for Dave had been hearing his son ask to stop the treatment and go home through floods of tears.
And so it was that he found himself huddled against a cubicle wall, sobbing and praying for cancer to leave their lives, while his baby boy slept his terrible day away at the other end of the ward.
He was so upset that he didn't hear the door open, nor did he hear someone walk into the small tiled room.
There was a moment of silence before they spoke.
"Are you ok?" the other woman asked gently. "Is that you Dave?"
Dave stifled his sobs as best he could, wiping away his tears on the sleeve of his shirt.
A few moments later, the door was gently pushed open and he found himself looking up at Mandy, who looked devastated to find Dave in such a vulnerable position.
"Rough day?" Mandy asked softly, sitting down opposite Dave with his back pressed against the door frame. Reaching out, he took the younger woman's hand, squeezing it gently.
"Spence's... not coping," Dave hiccupped. "Neither am I"
"None of us are," Mandy assured his friend. "We fake it till we make it, and some days are gonna be really shitty, but we're family here, and we help each other through it"
"He asked me... to stop it all... and take his home... Begged me," Dave choked out, fresh tears falling down his pale skin.
"They do that when things are really rough. SPENCER's at rock bottom right now, and losing Jess hasn't helped. He'll see in a few days that things always have to go up from here," Mandy promised. Dave immediately tried to reply, but all he managed was more tears.
"Oh Dave," Mandy sighed, pulling his friend into a hug. "We're all here for you, ok? Every single one of us"
Dave said nothing, the only sounds escaping his being the heart wrenching sobs ripping through his body.
"Just breathe. Sometimes it's all you can do"
Nearly an hour later, Dave emerged from the bathroom, his eyes puffy but his tears having lifted a weight from his chest. Giving Mandy one last hug, they parted ways, heading down to their respective rooms to rejoin their children.
Re-entering the room, Dave saw a tiny flash of light behind the curtain separating Katherine and SPENCER's beds. He recognised it as the little LED candle that Jodie lit every night while Katherine slept. It was no secret that Jodie and Katherine came from a strongly Roman Catholic family, and everyone had shown them the courtesy of taking care not to interrupt their nightly prayers.
Dave himself did not believe in a god. He just couldn't find it in himself to believe after something so horrible had happened to one of his children. But he knew that for some families, prayer and faith were all they had, and he showed them as much respect.
Quietly retaking his seat, he lifted his book from the nightstand, turning on his little book light so as to read without disturbing Jodie or the boys.
As he opened the book, a white square slid from within the pages onto his lap. In the dim light from the little lamp, he could see the words Stay strongwritten in familiar handwriting, followed by a heart.
Picking it up, he turned it over.
A stab of grief went through his heart when he saw what it was. A photo of his two boys, taken the previous Christmas. Derek was standing proudly next to his brother, both holding their new presents. SPENCER looked healthy and full of life.
Looking back down, he bit back tears, a watery smile crossing his face as he took in the beautiful image of his sons.