Later that evening David pushed open the door to the pub and was relieved to see that Chris was already there. He didn't fancy sitting on his own in a pub filling up with patrons from the village who all knew each other but didn't know him. After he and Chris left the woods earlier that afternoon, he walked back with Chris to the shop. Once they started walking again after sitting down in the woods, Chris began to walk a bit more normally again and wasn't in need of his support anymore. David though, didn't remove his arm and Chris didn't let go straight away. Whether it was because he didn't notice that Chris was walking better at first or if it was due to them both being comfortable with the physical contact they were providing each other with, David wasn't sure. All he knew was that when he saw Chris sitting at a table looking at him with a smile that had been rare to see when he first knew him, David wanted to hold him again.
"I know you said you'd buy me a drink but I think I owe you one," Chris said as David approached and sat opposite him. They were at a table in the corner, not the centre of attention, and just how they both wished it to be. "Consider it a thank you for earlier. Not just for offering a hand but for listening."
"You don't need to thank me, but thanks all the same. I'll get the next round alright? That's if you want another?" David offered.
"I reckon I will. It's been a while since anyone had brought me a drink without wanting much in return, a long time," Chris said. He looked up at David at the exact same time David looked at him and for a moment both were caught in each other's gaze until they both remembered where they were and broke away.
"So how are you feeling? I never asked after we got back earlier," David asked, changing the subject.
"Better thanks. I get good days and bad days. More good than bad in the summer, and the opposite during the winter. My muscles don't like the cold you see. Moving around helps," Chris explained. Of course, both Thomas and Richard have asked him how he has been in regard to his injury many times. Thomas especially has helped him out before, but talking with David about this felt different somehow. He didn't feel like he was being an inconvenience by being honest. Thomas and Richard didn't treat him as such either, not at all. Maybe it was all in his mind, but he felt like he was sometimes, like he was in the way of them both. But David, he was here for him. "Thomas once came home to find me on the floor of his and Richard's kitchen. I got stuck, it was December and I had collapsed on the floor unable to move. I was there in the dark for hours until he came home. Richard was stuck in York due to the snow."
"Bloody hell!" David exclaimed. "I take it Tommy got help?"
"He didn't need to. He was all I needed in the end. He's got medical training from the war and he helped me. It was the lying in the dark part that was the worst part of that experience. Pain I can deal with. Memories- well they are harder," Chris said honestly.
"You aren't the only one carrying physical reminders of times they like to forget. Plenty of us out there," David said, nodding in understanding.
"You look fine though," Chris said.
"Yeah you can't see it. It's not much of a big deal to be honest not anymore. I mentioned I was in the navy, well the ship I was on, 1916 it was, got struck by the enemy. Went down pretty quickly. I was one of the few who survived, I'm a strong swimmer and that probably saved me. Got hold of a piece of wreckage and was picked up by a French fishing boat. They found me half alive from exhaustion apparently. I had a piece of stray metal in my back, they got it out in hospital and I healed up fine which is why I say it's no problem really. I was lucky as it missed my spine, there would have been trouble otherwise. But I know it was there and the scar is still there if I look and it's a reminder you know?" David told him.
"Not always the actual injury that causes the most discomfort. I know that," Chris nodded. "I never had much to show for my time fighting. Honestly, before I got this, you could look at me all over and not really know I was even there and when I saw how others fared- well it made me feel guilty. A lot is in the mind, but to a lot of people that doesn't count as they can't see it and have to take your word for it that the damage is there." Chris finished his drink.
"I'll get another," David said. "Same again?"
"Yeah thanks," he answered as David got up to go to the bar.
...
"I don't know how much Thomas has told you about me? I am going to guess you have talked about me?" Chris assumed.
"We have, but he never mentioned anything about what we spoke of earlier, he only said you had seen a lot of trouble. He was very good, wouldn't say more, even to me as I think he didn't want to betray your trust," David said.
"Did he tell you about what I did in the war?" Chris asked.
"No, never mentioned it. He skimmed over the subject a lot. He said something about his hand and how he got injured and then worked in the hospital here. He seems troubled by his hand and when he changed the subject I left it. I reckon if he wants to tell me he will. But no he never talked about you," David said. He and Thomas have talked a few times in the evenings over the past few days and on the road back from Downton. He had noticed how he wears a glove on one of his hands. Whatever happened though, if his hand got him away from that horrific place, then David was glad. One of his fears when he had come to find Thomas was that he would be told he was killed in the war.
Chris fiddled with the grooves in the glass he was holding, that was now half full. "I'm a good shot. Rifles, guns, rifles in particular but I never miss. We all have training of course but, I just seemed to get the hang of it a lot more than everyone else. So the captain of the regiment I was in gave me the role of a sniper. I don't hold it against him, he had orders to follow and a job to do as well, his was to use his resources, or in other words, his men, in the most efficient way possible. I didn't think much of it at first. We all shot people, I just did mine at a distance. But as time went on I felt like I was not just reducing the number of enemy soldiers. I felt like I was just killing. Murdering but with no choice. As you know, you didn't refuse or disobey orders or they'd shoot you as a coward. I didn't see most of those I killed. I sometimes just saw a light from a torch or a lighter. I shot people as they tried to take a break from the hell we were in. They weren't a danger to me, I wasn't defending one of my fellow men by killing them, I was just killing them. I'm not sure, even now, whether I should have been grateful I didn't see their faces or if I wish I did. And I know they were the enemy, but as I think of it now. Most of them were like us- they didn't want anything to do with someone else's war."
David felt the self loathing radiating off the man opposite him. Chris seemed to be letting every thought that he ever wanted to say to come out of his mind. It was a good thing really, does no one any good to keep it all locked away, but he didn't know how to respond. How to make it better, because it was all he desired but it was out of his power. He couldn't change the past, not for himself or for Chris. "I can't tell you what you might want to hear. That it was all okay because nothing about it is okay. But I can say that you are not a mindless killer Chris. People who enjoy that, who feel no guilt, they are the ones who have a problem, not you. It's a good thing that you feel how you say you do."
Chris just looked at him blankly. "Really?"
"Well I might not be explaining it the best way but I hope you get what I mean. I'm saying that you are not a bad person. There is a lot of good in you, I can see it as can others okay?"
"I know what you are trying to say. I might even believe it. But I look at Thomas, who was only there to patch men up, but at least he was helping keep people alive, not the opposite," Chris said. David was about to tell him not to compare himself with Thomas when something unexpected happened. In spite of the darkness of the conversation, Chris smiled and shook his head to himself as if laughing at a joke only he knew the punchline to.
"What?" David asked, confused.
"Oh sorry. Just one other thing about Thomas that you don't know. When I was beaten up last month, Thomas tended to my injuries. Richard gave him a nickname, and I shouldn't tell you, but it made me laugh. I teased him with it for ages."
"Oh? I must know now."
"Nurse Barrow. He pretended to hate it, but I think because it made Richard and I laugh, he didn't mind as much as he let on," Chris said. He was spilling one of Thomas's secrets, he shouldn't but he can't help himself around David. Besides after the conversation they just had, they both needed something to lighten the mood.
David laughed. "Oh I like that one. Nurse Barrow. I will have to remember that one!"
...
They left the pub shortly after. The evening was still young but the temperature was beginning to cool, indicating the day was nearing its end. They walked along the river and then left the village and the village green behind them and retreated into the countryside once more. They walked slowly, sticks and pine needles crunching under their feet. David walked with his hands in his pockets, and looked up at the trees above them. He looked so casual and relaxed and Chris found himself drawn to him once more. David smiled to himself as he looked up at the trees. "What is it?" Chris asked.
"Oh, just memories. Good ones I promise. Tommy and I, we mentioned how we had our own place in the woods near where we grew up? Well, I was just reminded about how he hated climbing up trees. I loved it, but he was not keen on heights. He was concerned I would fall too."
"He's still not keen on trees I believe," Chris said, not able to stop himself talking about Thomas once again, or not able to stop himself from talking about Thomas to David more like.
"Butlers climb trees do they?" David asked with a grin.
"No, but Downton's one does, on occasion. I shouldn't say, Thomas was embarrassed and told Richard only to tell me."
"He won't mind if it's me. Go on, I'm intrigued Chris!" David said, giving Chris a little nudge.
"Fine, but you are ridiculously tempting and I hope I don't regret it!"
Ridiculously tempting? Hmm, David thought as he wondered if Chris meant more with that remark than what he intended. "You won't."
"Wilde, he has a habit of following Thomas up to Downton and one day he got himself stuck up a huge evergreen tree on the front lawns. Thomas climbed up a ladder to fetch him down, managed that okay, but the ladder fell and so he was stuck up there in a tree with his cat for any visitor to Downton to see. He was lucky though as Richard found him and rescued him so his secret is safe. So no, he's still not keen on trees!"
David laughed again and Chris found himself laughing alongside him. He hasn't done this in a long time, just talking and joking. He also loved the sound of David's laugh and how his face had little lines on it after he had been laughing or smiling a lot. "Is Thomas a lot different to how he was when you knew each other? What was he like back then?" he found himself asking suddenly.
David thought for a moment. "I suppose it is hard for me to say if Thomas is different now. It's been a very long time, we've both changed. He seems more at ease with himself now than he was when I knew him. Takes a while to figure those things out about yourself I suppose. From what he told me, in the earlier days of his time at Downton he had a lot of anger and bitterness towards the world. He had this during the time we were together as more than friends, and before too if I'm honest. It's easy to see why, he saw things being that everyone was against him. Not everyone in the world is of course he has experienced that now thankfully, but at the time most people were."
"He did things that he's not proud of, but I get it. He felt he had to stand up for himself, defend himself against everything, as no one else would. I was the same. I might still be like that," Chris said understandably.
"When he was with me though, he was different. I was too, we could both be ourselves. He had a wicked sense of humour, full of sarcasm but well placed so it was funny and not offensive. I can see he has not lost that," David remembered fondly.
"What about you? What were you like?" Chris asked.
"Probably best to ask Tommy if you want an unbiased answer, but I suppose I was similar. I had the confusion and then anger and fear that came with discovering that I was different. I tried not to let people see that though. I hid behind a smile and a carefree attitude perhaps."
"I don't see that as a disguise though. You must be one of the most laid back people I know, apart from Richard. He has that feel about him too," Chris said. He smiled. "You're laid back in your appearance too. I mean, when did you last have a hair cut?"
"Um, I don't know," David answered, fiddling with a strand of his blonde hair that seemed to have a mind of its own. "Not really the top of my priorities. I thought you liked it?" He sat down on the floor at the base of a tall tree. Chris remained standing.
"I do, I meant that as a joke, sorry. You're better at those than me," Chris said.
David looked up at Chris and smiled. "Are you just gonna stand there or am I going to have to pull you down with me?"
"I'm good here thanks. The ground is probably damp," Chris said, making a pathetic excuse for reasons unknown to him.
"It hasn't rained for a few days Chris, come on," David said, holding out his hand to Chris.
Chris looked at David and then at his hand and back to David again. He then instinctively looked around him. Being caught alone in the woods holding another man's hand would be a hard one to explain if anyone noticed. He looked around him again. Nothing. No one. "Fine!" he said, giving in and taking David's offered hand before sitting down next to him, shoulder to shoulder. When he sat down he expected David to let go but he didn't. Chris wondered if he should let go, but he didn't.
"Not so bad is it?" David said as he looked at Chris next to him.
Chris didn't like to admit he was wrong but he was not going to argue, not when David was running his thumb slowly back and forth over his hand. He tried to stop his heart from jumping around all over the place within him by trying to breathe slower. "No, it's not."
…
"How about these ones?" Thomas asked Richard, coming into the living room later the next morning with a bunch of roses.
Richard looked over his shoulder from where he was standing on a chair with a duster in his hand. Thomas had been able to spare a couple of hours around lunch time to help him with a bit of spring cleaning in preparation for when his parents visit later in the day. He climbed down from the chair and walked over to Thomas. Thomas had chosen well, he had cut roses from two bushes in the garden, one coloured a blossom pink and another a bright red. "Yes these will do nicely, I already have a vase with water over on the window sill that they can go in."
"Ever prepared aren't you?" Thomas said.
"You know me Mr Barrow," Richard smiled. "Oh hang on a second," he added before Thomas put them in the vase. He gently moved a couple of the stems aside, his hand touching Thomas's wrist in the process, and plucked off a dead leaf. "There. Now they are perfect."
"You sure you need to make all this effort? Your parents don't strike me as the fussy kind," Thomas asked as he arranged the flowers in the vase.
"No I suppose they aren't but I like to make an effort. Besides this place needs a bit of a tidy up and my mum always insists that a house should have flowers in it," Richard explained. "Chris is tidying the shop downstairs too."
"I saw that when I came in. He never said you asked him to do that," Thomas remarked, standing back a few steps from the vase on the window sill to check that the flowers looked okay in their current arrangement.
"Well he actually suggested it. He said that there is no point in tidying upstairs if downstairs isn't neat too. He is right of course," Richard said, standing back up on the chair to continue cleaning the lamp fittings.
"Don't want him over worked though. The shop is still open after all," Thomas said.
"He's alright. Don't worry. He's the best at multitasking I know and besides, David is dropping by soon, so I'm sure he won't mind if he lends a hand," Richard said, implying what Thomas was thinking.
The door, that led to the stairs and the kitchen below slowly moved open, pushed by their cat's paw as Wilde entered to see what they were up to. He looked around the room, unsatisfied that the chairs were not in their usual arrangement and therefore his usual napping spot was non-existent. Yawning and stretching his front, and then back legs, he slowly padded over to a pile of rags that Richard had found for cleaning that were lying in a square patch of sun coming in through the window and warming the floor around them. Deciding that this place will do, he sat down lazily and began a meticulous cleaning routine of his own, starting with his front paw and his face. Thomas watched as Wilde licked his paw and then rubbed it over his face and wondered how effective it really was at actually cleaning him? That being said, apart from the time he first found Wilde out in the rain, he had never seen him untidy at all. "Do you have a spare duster Richard?" he asked, feeling the need to make himself useful.
"I don't but the chairs need a sweep, you could do that?" Richard suggested. "I could give you this once I'm done with the lamp shade. The chairs need doing though, as that little creature keeps shedding his fur all over them, especially in the recent warm weather," he said looking at Wilde who was ignoring them both, and was focused on washing behind his ears with his paw.
"Okay, that will be fine," Thomas agreed as he fetched a soft brush, a little like the lint brush a valet would use, only bigger as it is designed for furniture. He started on the sofa first, pleased to see the brush was making light work of picking up little black and white cat hairs.
They worked in a mixture of comfortable silence and casual conversation, the only other sounds being from downstairs in the shop or from Wilde who occasionally warbled as he cleaned deep within his fur. Richard ran a finger over the last lamp shade that he had just cleaned. He rubbed his fingers together and grunted with satisfaction as no dust was visible now. "Lovely," he said. Thomas was kneeling down stretching towards the back of the chair he was brushing. Richard tapped the feather duster in his hands as he looked at the back of Thomas's exposed neck. Probably shouldn't, he thought to himself, but it was too tempting in the end and besides, he knew of a sensitive spot on the back of Thomas's neck. Thomas didn't notice as Richard crept up behind him. Thomas jumped and suddenly looked around as Richard gently brushed the feathers against his neck.
"Hey! Get off!" Thomas looked behind him to see Richard trying to remain innocent whilst holding the offending weapon in his hand still.
"You had a bit of dirt there, that's all," Richard said innocently.
"Of course I did," Thomas said with sarcasm.
"Maybe I was mistaken," Richard said.
Thomas turned back to his brushing. He then felt another tickle of feathers on his neck. "Richard!"
Richard chuckled. "Just needed to be sure."
Thomas stood up, abandoning his work. He reached for the duster in Richard's hand but Richard pulled it back out of reach. "Give it here!"
"You'll have to try and take it from me!" Richard played.
"Really?"
"Catch me Thomas," Richard said as he stood behind the chair out of Thomas's reach.
"We have work to do," Thomas said, trying to sound serious, although Richard's humour was infectious as always.
"Well in that case I will have to attack you!" Richard grinned as he launched himself at Thomas with the feather duster.
Thomas jumped back and around the side of the sofa that was pulled out away from the wall. "Richard! How old are you right now? Ten? Five?" He ducked as Richard tried to reach for him with the duster once more.
"Nothing wrong with a bit of childish fun every so often Mr Barrow," Richard said as Thomas made a run for it across the room, hoping to make it to the hallway that led to their bedroom so he could hide. He never reached the door though as Richard's strong arm grabbed him around the waist and before he knew it he was up against the back of the door with Richard in front of him, lightly tickling him around the head and his ear.
Thomas couldn't stop himself now as he gave in to fits of laughter as he tried and failed to get away from this less than unpleasant trap that Richard had him in. "Okay okay!" Thomas gasped between laughs. "You win, I surrender!"
"Not like you to give up so easily Mr Barrow?" Richard teased.
"I only give in to you," Thomas said. They were both breathing heavily as Thomas found himself in a similar position that David was with Chris a few days ago. As they calmed down their breathing slowed. Thomas looked into Richard's eyes that were glinting with laughter still, as though they were still laughing on their own. "You're impossible," he said, before he placed his free hand on the back of Richard's neck and pulled him into an intense kiss. Richard eagerly responded and the feather duster he had been holding up near Thomas's head fell from his hand as it found its way onto Thomas's waist, so he could pull himself into Thomas further. They repeatedly kissed each other simultaneously and Thomas's hand moved away from Richard's neck down to Richard's hip. Thomas's other hand was free now and that one rested on Richard's upper back on his spine.
Wilde meanwhile, had taken refuge behind a chair, after all of this sudden activity.
"Oh well you two are clearly busy!"
Richard and Thomas immediately parted at the sound of an unexpected voice. "David!" Thomas exclaimed, blushing as he saw his friend standing at the door at the top of the stairs grinning suggestively. "What are you doing here?"
"Been downstairs helping Chris in the shop and the kitchen. We heard a commotion from up here and I was curious. Also, Chris is making tea and wants to know if you two would like some?"
Richard, still holding Thomas, turned his head away and laughed, partly into Thomas's shoulder. Thomas, feeling embarrassed, cleared his throat and wriggled away from Richard and the wall behind him. "How long were you standing there?"
"Not too long, but long enough I guess. Probably should have listened to Chris. He told me to leave you two to it," David said. Downstairs Chris had ignored the noise of laughter from his two friends up in the living room. He hadn't even looked up in the direction of the noise. David knew why and he was sorry now, as he had hoped he was beginning to ease some of Chris's pain.
"We'll have tea thanks," Richard said, matter of fact. Thomas envied him at how he didn't react much to their interruption.
"Right, well I was going to ask if you needed any help up here but I think I'll leave you to it," David said with a wink.
"David," Thomas said. "You could be useful actually. I'm done here I think but the bed needs making. That's if you don't mind?"
"I could do that. I'll be up in a minute okay?" David chuckled as he looked to the floor behind where Richard was standing. Richard and Thomas turned around and saw what was making David laugh. The feather duster was lying abandoned on the carpet and Wilde was crouched in a pouncing position across the other side of the room. Wilde paused, wriggled and then leaped on top of the duster grabbing the feathers and the stick and rolling over onto his back with it, holding it with his sharp front claws and kicking it with his back paws as he chewed the feathers in his mouth. "I would rescue that before he pulls all the feathers off."
Richard tried to grab the handle but that was not simple given having to navigate sharp teeth and claws. He got hold of it but Wilde clung to the feathers. "Wilde, come on let go!" Wilde dug his teeth and claws into the feathers deeper, enjoying the game far too much to give in. In the end, it took Richard several attempts to shake the cat off the feathers. Wilde eventually released the duster to Richard and jumped onto the sofa Thomas had just swept clean.
"No no no! Not the fur!" Thomas shouted as he watched Wilde's malting fur land on the sofa once again in a little cloud of black and white cat hairs.
Richard picked up a few stray feathers from the floor and the brush. "I'll do it okay? David can help you with the bed."
Thomas sighed. "Better ask Chris to make the tea sweeter," he said to David.
…
"So how did it go last night?" Thomas asked David as the two of them unfolded a new sheet in his and Richard's room. Thomas was still a bit annoyed with Wilde, but it was hard to be annoyed with a cat for long and Richard would sort it so the chair looked as good as it did before.
"I didn't know you knew about that?" David asked as he shook the sheets out straight.
"Chris told Richard and Richard told me. Sorry, if you wanted it to be a secret," Thomas said. He took one side of the sheet and David took the other and together they laid it neatly on the unmade bed. Although despite them being careful, they still ended up with it being uneven so they lifted it again and on the second attempt the sheet lay equally down both sides of the bed. Perhaps Thomas had underestimated the maid's at Downton in their skills over the years.
"Only from most people. Not from you. But to answer your question, I think it went well," David said. "Pass me the pillow case will you?" Thomas threw it over to the side of the bed David was standing by, opposite him. "We talked. A lot. About a lot of things. Things about the war, that got a bit intense and we bought more drinks than we planned on buying. Chris shared a lot that was on his mind. Oh and we talked about you."
"Sounds worrying," Thomas said nervously. A conversation involving Chris talking about him could mean a lot of things.
"Not really, he asked me what you were like when we were younger, and he asked what I was like too so it was not uneven. He told me a few things about you though and I hope you don't mind. I don't think he was supposed to share them but he couldn't stop talking about you and we both know why," David said. Thomas still looked worried and was just holding the other sheet in his hands instead of unfolding it. David had to reassure him. "Only two things that were too amusing to keep secret. No big secrets I promise. He told me about how you got yourself stuck up a tree with that troublesome cat of yours."
Thomas relaxed. He was embarrassed at the time but David could most likely tell worse stories about him so it didn't matter that he knew. He didn't hold anything against Chris for breaking his promise not to tell. He knew how hard it is to stay quiet about someone you love. He still finds himself wanting to talk about Richard to anyone who would listen. "Oh that. I'm just glad it was Richard who found me and not, well, anyone else. Butlers don't belong in trees with animals. Highly unprofessional and my dignity would have been in tatters!"
David smiled happy to know that Thomas wasn't bothered by him knowing. "He also told me about your nickname Tommy."
"Um what? Which one?" Thomas asked.
"Well I'm interested in knowing there is more than one, but the 'Nurse Barrow' one. Richard's idea I believe." David tucked the sheets into his side of the bed and Thomas did the same to his side, they leaned forward to both smooth out the creases.
"On account of my medical training. I would never have told Richard that I have such skills if I knew he'd tease me with that. He told Chris to cheer him up and it worked. But at my expense," Thomas said.
"Oh but you don't mind too much do you?"
"Suppose not. I put up with you calling me Tommy in front of everyone."
"Force of habit. Never remember calling you anything else. I could try to call you Thomas but it won't work trust me," David said. "There, think this is done right?"
"Almost, got this one. But at the moment it's more for decoration as it's too warm for a duvet," Thomas said, picking up the red duvet folded on the floor.
"Fancy looking. Who did you steal this from? Is it from Downton?" David teased.
"No of course not! It was a birthday present for me," Thomas said.
"From Richard?"
"No from a friend of his, of ours. Larry Ferroland. I suppose you will meet him eventually since you are staying here now. He's a Lord, and he's stupidly wealthy. He and Richard had a relationship years ago," Thomas said.
David frowned. "Sounds complicated. Always thought it's best to steer clear of people like that. Money goes to their heads," David said.
"In most cases you are right but no Larry is alright. He's not like that at all. He and Richard have a genuine friendship now. I did have a problem with it at first but not anymore. He paid for a week's holiday for our five year anniversary a few months ago. He made his own fortune too, not inherited or anything. He flirts with everyone though, just warning you."
Thomas gave Larry Ferroland a strong defence."Well I guess I should give him the benefit of the doubt if we meet," David said. "Nice taste in gifts though," David added before flopping down on the bed and sighing. "Oh I could use one of these!"
Thomas followed David's lead and laid down on the bed so that his feet were over the side and his head next to David's. Thomas stretched and yawned. He would have to get back to Downton very soon but David was right, it was comfy. "Better smile sweetly at Larry when he comes here then!"
David gave Thomas a friendly shove. "Yeah sure! No, there's only one person I plan on smiling sweetly at in the near future." The words came out before he could stop them.
Thomas looked up at the ceiling and smiled to himself. He was not an idiot and he knew who that person was.