SO sorry for the delay- 2 major surgeries in 3 months made writing difficult. I'm on the mend and hope to wrap this up soon. Thanks again for your support and patience! - Dr. W
As Hope finally falls back asleep, Amy gently lays her baby girl on the futon and carefully tucks the blanket around her sleeping daughter. Leaning over, Amy kisses Hope's forehead as she whispers, "Don't worry, baby. Daddy and I are going to be just fine."
Stifiling a yawn, Amy thinks to herself, "There's no time for sleep. You just lost two weeks of writing time."
Sheldon is right though, she conceedes. She does need to start making time for him as well. The problem is that until she gets over this profound anger and feeling of betrayl following his arrest, she has no intention of doing so. Why should he be rewarded for bad behavior? she reasons. Sheldon hasn't given her a reason to not believe him when he states that he hasn't had any contact with Ramona... BUT... he's lied to you before, that tiny voice of doubt reminds her.
Deciding she needs a caffeine fix before sitting down to write, Amy quietly opens her office door, cringing at the slight squeak that may trigger round 2 with Sheldon. Pausing, she waits several seconds before deciding the coast is clear and going to check on Charlie.
Finding her son, the spitting image of his father, sleeping peacefully with his arms above his head, Amy makes her way to the living room and laughs at the cookie that Sheldon left perfect teeth marks in.
Sheldon has come a long way from despising Christmas, Amy decides as she turns to admire the gingerbread house he constructed with Hope. He's almost more excited for Santa and decorating and the endless marathon of movies and music than their children are.
Moving into the kitchen, Amy decides to make a cup of tea. She finishes up the few dishes in the sink while waiting for it to steep. Certain that Sheldon is still awake and could use a calming mug of tea after that horrible fight, Amy pours a mug for him and goes to the bedroom. Opening the door without knocking, her heart immediately jumps into her throat at seeing the suitcase on the bed, his clothes and toiletry bag now missing. Turning on the lights, she spots the white gift box on her pillow. Setting the mugs on her night stand, tears fill her eyes as she notices Sheldon's ring in the dish on the night stand. He only takes it off to shower or wash dishes, so for him to leave it behind means that he ran off to lick his wounds. Hopefully he keeps it in his pants this time.
She has to see what's in the box, Amy decides, suspecting she knows the answer already. Deciding to lock both doors so Hope will not walk in to find Sheldon gone, Amy quickly spots something purple hanging over the edge of her garbage can. Bending over to retrieve it, she admires the tasteful violet teddy that Sheldon picked out for her. There's a handwritten note safety-pinned to it, which Sheldon obviously forgot to remove in his haste to discard the nightgown. Five years into our journey to forever and I wouldn't change a thing. I love you, Mrs. Sheldon Cooper. I am still hopelessly in love with you, Amy. Always and forever.- S.
Setting the gown next to her, Amy retrieves the box and slowly, carefully removes the lid. She's not able to hold back the loud sob that rips through her throat at seeing the words, "In re: The Dissolution of Marriage between Amy Farrah Fowler and Sheldon Lee Cooper." This is not what she was expecting to find in the box. It's worse than she ever imagined.
Her tears falling hard and fast, Amy grabs for her phone and calls Sheldon. His phone immediately goes to voicemail, signaling it's off. Sniffling, she tries to compose herself long enough to leave a message.
"I don't know what you're thinking or where you went but... just let me know that you are safe? Hope heard our fight and... she's terrified, Sheldon. If she wakes up and her Daddy is not here for Christmas..." Amy pauses before sighing heavily into the phone. "Don't disappoint your daughter," Amy warns as she hangs up.
Swatting away her tears, Amy decides she has to do a little investigative work to figure out where her husband is... and who he may be with. She retrieves her Ipad from the top drawer of her nightstand and opens up the "track my phone" app. Selecting Sheldon's phone, she finds that it last pinged at 2311 Los Robles. He went to sleep at Leonard and Penny's, Amy sighs in relief as she sets the Ipad aside. She can trust Leonard (but more likely Penny) to help Sheldon calm down and make sure he's here for Christmas with the kids.
She's too emotionally raw to write tonight, Amy admits in defeat as she yawns again. Getting out of bed, she retrieves the old Batman t-shirt she purchased at Princeton and quickly changes before settling in on Sheldon's side of the bed. Setting an alarm for 6 am, so that she can be awake before the children, Amy drifts off to sleep a few minutes later.
As the Uber car pulls up to the Los Robles apartment building, Sheldon nervously glances up at 4A, finding that the lights have been turned off for the evening. Not surprising since it's a little after midnight. After tipping the driver, Sheldon retrieves his keys from his pocket and makes his way inside and up to the 4th floor.
Nobody knows that he kept Apartment 4B and pays the lease a year at a time using his sister Missy's name. Quickly letting himself in, Sheldon locks the door and immediately turns off his cell phone. If Amy should ping his phone, she'll assume that he's staying in the spare room at Leonard and Penny's, which will offer her a small moment of relief.
He hasn't been in this apartment in over a year, Sheldon realizes as he crinkles his nose at the slight musty smell. Opening a few windows, Sheldon retrieves his air mattress and sets up camp in the living room.
He wonders how long he can hide out before Amy and their friends begin their search for him. Realistically, he suspects it to be no more than 6 hours before Amy realizes he's left... less if Charles wakes up ill again.
An intense wave of pain and guilt hits him at the thought of his children. Hope heard the fight between him and Amy and it certainly terrified her. If she wakes up tomorrow morning and he's gone...
He can't do that to his daughter, Sheldon decides with a heavy sigh. He accused Amy of feeling trapped by their children, but the truth is, even if he and Amy are not able to repair their marriage, he will have to have a relationship with her in some capacity due to the children. They are both trapped in that sense.
Getting out of the bed, Sheldon decides he best be going home. He can walk the 6 blocks, he decides, and the exercise will help calm him down. As he reaches their block, he notices that the only light on in their otherwise dark house is coming from Amy's office. Letting himself in, he makes his way to the bedroom and is shocked to find Amy sleeping on his side of the bed.
Startling at the noise of Sheldon entering the bedroom, Amy rolls so she can see him as he stands in the door way.
"Hope is sleeping on my futon," Amy explains.
"Oh. I'll um... I'll go sleep on the couch," Sheldon decides.
"Sheldon... come here. Talk to me," Amy softly requests as she pats the bed next to her.
"There's nothing left to say, Amy," Sheldon defeatedly replies.
"There is plenty left to say!" Amy argues as she raises her voice. "Divorce papers?! Really?! Merry fucking Christmas to me, huh?"
"Don't wake the children," Sheldon shushes his wife.
"Sometimes the only way I can get through to you is by yelling at you to make my point!"
"Now you want to talk? Where was this yesterday? A week ago? A month ago?! It's too little, too late, Amy!"
"You don't get to unilaterally decide on something that affects our family," Amy argues, "especially divorce!"
"You decided for both of us, Amy," Sheldon points out. "You decided to end our relationship in every way that matters, other than legally... so I have to be the bad guy in this story. I have to do the one thing you don't have the courage to do."
"I am not signing those papers. You do not get to walk away this easily," Amy warns.
"Do you honestly believe that any of this is easy for me, Amy?! You left me with absolutely no choice!" Sheldon claims.
"There is always a choice, Sheldon!" Amy exclaims as the first tears fall. "It does not have to end like this!"
"I agree, it didn't have to end like this, but this is what you chose for us, Amy."
"So what? That's it? You made your choice and there's no changing your mind? Damn it, Sheldon. Talk to me! Please!" Amy pleads.
"I need time, alright? I am emotionally overwrought and I need time to process my emotions and form a coherrant thought. I don't want to fight any more. I want peace, Amy."
"We are NOT getting divorced, so you better..."
"What? I better what? Sit and stay like some damn dog, hoping that if I'm a good boy you might play with me?" Sheldon wonders.
"What do you want from me, Sheldon?!" Amy yells in frustration.
"I told you what I want, what I need, Amy, and you said that you don't have time for me," Sheldon reminds her. "I don't have time for you either."
"That... that could've been worded better. It wasn't my intent... Once I finish this book..."
"You'll find another excuse and then another and another..." Sheldon interrupts.
"It wasn't an excuse, Sheldon!"
"It was the truth. You could make time for me if you wanted to... so thank you for finally being honest with me about the fact that I am nothing more than your roommate, your maid, your nanny... your biggest regret."
"Do you regret marrying me?" Amy softly murmurs as her voice shakes.
"My only regret is bringing two innocent children into this sham of a marriage," Sheldon coldly replies.
"Leave our children out of this! This is between you and me!" Amy yells at him.
"I can't leave them out of this, Amy! Every action, and every inaction, by us as a couple, affects our children!" Sheldon yells back.
"You will not use our children as pawns to score points against me. I won't allow it," Amy warns in a low growl.
"About time you developed a motherly instinct," Sheldon bitterly replies.
"Oh, like you are father of the year?!" Amy retorically asks.
"When is Hope's science fair, Amy? What is she currently learning about in school? What is the one thing she wanted to see in Paris? Who is Charlie's best friend at daycare? What is his favorite color or book or animal? What is their favorite food, Amy?!" Sheldon rapid fires. Waiting a few seconds for a response, and realizing none is forthcoming, he points out, "You don't know, do you?"
"What are you trying to prove, Sheldon?" Amy asks in frustration.
"I don't matter to you! Your children do not matter to you! I shouldn't be surprised by that. You learned from the best mother in history, right?" he snarks.
"The apple didn't fall far from that Cooper family tree, did it? I just hope Charles becomes a better man than his father."
"With you as their mother, I'm not holding out much hope for either of our children," Sheldon replies.
"Where did you go tonight, Sheldon?! Who did you fuck tonight, Sheldon?!" Amy accusingly asks him, deciding she is done letting him attack her.
"Everyone but my wife!" Sheldon replies before he can stop himself from speaking.
"I guess it's true what they say, once a cheater, always a cheater. Placing divorce papers on my pillow doesn't absolve you of anything," Amy softly points out.
"What crazy tales are you concocting in that otherwise brilliant brain of yours?!" Sheldon yells in frustration. "I am not having coitus, Amy... with you or with anybody else."
"So your solution to not getting fucked on the regular is divorce?! Glad to know how little I mean to you," Amy bitterly replies.
"I love you unconditionally, Amy, but unconditional love does not mean unconditional tolerance," Sheldon replies as he turns around and slams the bedroom door.
Going across the hall, Sheldon decides to check on Charles, finding him sleeping on his hands and knees in a crawling position, his tiny, diaper padded butt straight up in the air. How is that comfortable? Sheldon wonders with a soft chuckle. Hope did the exact same thing, Sheldon recalls while gently lifting his sleeping son out of the crib.
Sheldon cradles the little boy to his chest and shushes him as he begins to stir. As Charlie goes back to sleep, Sheldon moves to the rocking chair and closes his eyes, trying in vain to keep from crying. She is not deserving of his tears or his sadness or his remorse.
"I'm sorry, Buddy," Sheldon whispers to his sleeping son as he places a lingering kiss on Charlie's forehead.
Unable to hold in his emotions any longer, Sheldon lets the hot tears freely flow as he continues rocking his youngest child.
Getting out of bed to check on Charlie when she hears him whine, Amy stops short in the doorway as she watches Sheldon rock their sweet little boy. Sheldon rarely cries, but seeing him now, unable to stop his tears from cascading down his cheeks, is ripping her heart from her chest.
"Your mother... she doesn't love me anymore," Sheldon murmurs, choked up with emotion. "I'm not certain if she ever loved me."
Noticing Amy's presence in the doorway, Sheldon looks into his wife's eyes as he warns his son, "Don't fall in love, Charles. All you will get in return is a broken heart and a lot of regrets. It's not worth it."
"Earlier tonight, our daughter told me that love shouldn't hurt. Our 4 year old said that to me! Do you have any clue how terrified she is right now? And we... her parents... just keep adding fuel to the fire rather than sitting down and talking, like the adults we are!"
"I asked you to give me time but you keep pressing and poking and are then surprised when I lash out. Give me time to process this, Amy."
"Fine."
Going into her office, Amy glances over at Hope, who is peacefully sleeping on the futon, blissfully unaware of the turmoil brewing all around her.
"I'm sorry, Baby," Amy whispers. "I know you're scared. I'm scared too," she softly confesses as she strokes Hope's downy soft brown locks out of her eyes.
Sitting in her chair, Amy sighs heavily as she wipes away the tears once again. Maybe, for the sake of their young children, she should just give Sheldon whatever he wants in order to save the marriage.
Grabbing the contract she signed earlier in the day, Amy flips to Section 18 regarding penalties for failure to complete the project as agreed upon and gasps as she sees the fine if she were to cancel the book. Is her marriage worth $250,000? Only she can decide that.
Knowing she is about to make the most difficult decision of her life, she sets the contract aside for now. Amy opens up the manuscript for her newest book, Up the Creek without a Paddle: The True Story of Deceit, Infidelity and Espionage. Clicking on the bookmarks, she flips to the chapter about their wedding day and smiles through the tears as she begins reading.
Pulling into the underground parking garage of the Los Angeles County Courthouse, Amy's stomach is doing flip flops. They're really doing this.
She's able to locate a parking spot close to the elevator and as she goes to get out of the car, Amy is stopped by Sheldon's comment, "I never expected I would be this nervous while obtaining our wedding license."
"I'm nervous too, Sheldon," Amy admits.
"Okay, good," he decides with a sigh.
"It's a good thing that we're both nervous?" Amy asks.
"Maybe?" Sheldon replies with a shrug after a few moments of silence, making his bride to be smile. "Are you sure that you want to do this?"
"We are going to proceed as if we are getting married tomorrow. If my mother decides to not attend our wedding... I... I will have a very difficult decision to make," Amy admits as she exits the car.
Waiting at the back of the car for Sheldon to exit, Amy is delightfully surprised when he immediately takes her hand into his and gives it a gentle squeeze of reassurance. They walk in silence to the elevator, each lost in their own thoughts about the upcoming 32 hours and both working to find a solution to the Rita Fowler problem.
Reaching the 7th floor of the courthouse, Amy is rather surprised at how long the line is for a Tuesday morning. They quickly check in and after being told it will be a 45 minute wait, they locate an empty bench and take a seat. Sheldon keeps watching her out of the corner of his eye, carefully examining her. Every time she attempts to catch his eye, he quickly looks away, afraid to say what's on his mind.
Finally, when she can't stand the tension any further, Amy reaches out and pushes his head to face her, lightly caressing his cheek with her fingertips.
"What's wrong?" she softly questions.
"Your... your clothes are getting baggy," Sheldon points out before asking, "Have you been eating?"
"Yes," Amy reaasures him with a soft smile. "I told you that I've been going to the park near our house every evening. What I didn't mention is that I've been going for long walks, at least a mile a day, sometimes more."
"Why?" Sheldon wonders.
"Stress relief, boredom..." she trails off with a shrug. "Hope loves going for a ride in her stroller. She usually falls asleep while I'm walking," Amy explains as Sheldon smiles at the mention of their daughter.
"I'm worried about you, Amy," Sheldon softly admits.
"I feel great, Sheldon. Everything is fine, I promise. It's not like I couldn't stand to lose a little weight, contrary to what Meemaw thinks."
"Oh?" Sheldon hums, trying to stay neutral in whatever argument his beloved grandmother and fiancee are having.
"Every time she cooks something, she says, 'Eat up, Honey. Cooper men like their women with a little meat on their bones," Amy explains.
"I think you look great exactly how you are, Amy, but if you want to lose weight, I support that too," Sheldon promises.
"That's a very diplomatic answer," Amy replies with a laugh.
"I'm trying to stay out of that dog house," Sheldon explains with a soft smile.
"I'm in love with you," Amy softly murmurs.
"I'm in love with you," Sheldon whispers in reply.
That's become their "thing" since starting relationship counseling, Amy realizes as Sheldon brings her hand to his lips and softly kisses the top. They don't just love each other, they are in love with each other.
"This no physical affection rule is more difficult than I anticipated," Amy confesses.
"Typically, I'm a stickler for adhering to rules, but in this instance, I am of the opinion that this rule is meant to be broken," Sheldon conspiratorially suggests while waggling his eyebrows, making his fiancé laugh.
"I want to save our kiss for tomorrow. Everything else is fair game," Amy requests.
"By everything else you mean...?" Sheldon wonders.
"Hugs, hand holding, maybe some cuddling later," she suggests.
"Looking forward to it," Sheldon whispers in her ear before kissing her cheek.
As Amy sighs heavily and closes her eyes as she tilts her head back to rest against the wall, Sheldon can't help but become alarmed at her reaction. He, surprisingly, feels a sense of peace and calm. He's finally marrying his longtime love. They are finally closing this long, painful, dark chapter. Finally...
"You're showing physical signs of anxiety," Sheldon softly points out after a few moments of silence.
"I'm trying to figure out what to do about my mother," Amy explains. "I'm open to any suggestions you may have."
"I want to speak with her. I'll be the bad guy," Sheldon decides as he retrieves his phone from his pants pocket.
"Sheldon, wait," Amy urgently requests before Sheldon can dial. "Wait," she softly murmurs once he puts the phone back in his pocket. "I think I have a solution. Let's get married, right here, right now."
"But it has to be the 11th," Sheldon protests.
"We can still celebrate our anniversary on the 11th, but by getting married today, the pressure is off. If my mother comes to our party tomorrow, great, if not, well... she didn't ruin our wedding because it already happened... just the two of us."
"Okay, if this is what you really want," Sheldon decides.
"It is. The where or when doesn't matter. I just want to be Mrs. Sheldon Cooper," Amy replies before laughing at Sheldon's goofy grin. "You like that, huh?"
"Mmmhmm," he confesses. "But I know you find it sexy when I call you Dr. Fowler."
"I do," Amy admits while blushing.
"Are you taking my name?" Sheldon wonders.
"I'm hyphenating. Is that alright?" she wonders.
"Of course," Sheldon quickly agrees.
"Will your mother be disappointed? She got ordained specifically to marry us," Amy points out.
"As she believed that I would likely never find a mate given my... uniqueness... she is thrilled for us. She will be fine with it since it wasn't a "real" ordination."
"Are you okay with this, Sheldon?" Amy asks again.
"I'm okay with it... Mrs. Cooper," he softly whispers in her ear, making her blush.
Reaching for Amy's hand, Sheldon brushes his thumb against her ring finger as he watches the long line of other couples awaiting their marriage licenses. The honest truth is that this is not how he wants to get married, in front of a random judge without any of their friends, family, or most importantly, their daughter, present. Amy deserves better than this. Amy deserves for him to stand in front of everyone they know and promise to love her... to be faithful to her... for better or worse, in sickness and in health, until death they do part.
He's not going to tell her no, he decides as he glances over to find Amy lost in thought as well. He'll still get to declare his eternal love for her tomorrow. Tomorrow...
Feeling Sheldon take a deep breath and slowly exhale, Amy quickly turns to make sure he's alright. He immediately squeezes her hand, trying, unconvincingly, to convince her that he's alright.
"What's wrong?" she quietly asks him.
"This isn't the way I imagined us getting married," Sheldon explains.
"Me either," Amy admits. "What did you imagine?"
"I assumed you'd want a big wedding... probably outside... on a cliff at sunset. You'd walk down the aisle to 'At Last' and I'd be wearing a..."
"If the next words out of your mouth are 'Star Trek uniform' I may throw myself off this cliff," Amy teases him.
"I'm not even able to give you a proper honeymoon because of my work obligations," Sheldon remorsefully points out.
"I don't need any of that, Sheldon. I promise."
"Maybe you don't need it... but, deep down... do you want that instead of this?" he wonders.
"I don't... I really don't. Maybe if we were in our 20's and didn't have work obligations or a young child at home or a mortgage and bills to pay, I'd feel differently, but I really am okay with this," Amy promises before asking, "Where is this coming from? We planned our back yard celebration together and you seemed fine with everything."
"I never thought I'd get married but now that I am... I'm realizing that I... I kind of wanted that huge wedding where I promise to love you forever in front of everyone we know. I wanted a first dance with you, and a first kiss... and to have caked smashed all over my face..." he admits as Amy laughs.
"I have your permission to smash the cake in your face?" Amy questions.
"Yes, as long as I can smash it in yours," he counters.
"Deal," Amy quickly agrees while laughing.
"Love you," Sheldon whispers in her ear as they are called up to window 2 to complete the paperwork for their marriage license.
The process of applying for their license flies by in a blur of yes and no questions and being instructed where to sign. Being led to a small room in the corner, Amy feels an odd sense of calm and peace come over her. Glancing at Sheldon, she teases, "Last chance to bolt."
"Never," he promises. "15 minutes from now, you will own my ass and as California is a community property state, exactly half of my comic book collection."
"In the event of a divorce, I get the house, you get the comic books," Amy decides.
"I'm in this until death, Amy. I will love you forever," Sheldon promises.
"Forever," Amy repeats.
Five years is a far cry from the "forever" that they promised each other, Amy decides with a heavy sigh as she quits reading and wipes away her tears.
Turning to check on Hope, she finds her daughter still sound asleep. Deciding she needs to check on Charlie, Amy stands up and slowly turns towards the door, not daring to move to open it, fearing yet another showdown with Sheldon.
She has to check on her sick child, her husband be damned, Amy decides as she feels herself growing angry at Sheldon once again. Needing to be a good mother, Amy takes a deep breath and releases it through her mouth before slowly opening the door and going to Charlie's room, finding the room dark and Charlie not in his crib.
Not sure where Sheldon would take Charlie, she checks their bedroom, finding it empty as well. Deciding to check the living room, Amy finds Sheldon laying on the couch with Charlie sleeping on his chest as Tom and Jerry plays on the tv.
Sheldon doesn't acknowledge her presence as she watches his grasp on their son slightly tighten while Sheldon controls his breathing. Deciding to dip her toe into gleaning some basic information from Sheldon, Amy takes a calming breath as she approaches her husband, keeping the coffee table between them.
"Is he running a fever?" Amy asks as she notices the bright red chubby cheeks of her son.
"101.9," Sheldon replies.
"Did you get any medicine down him?" Amy wonders as she reaches for the remote and turns down the volume on the tv.
"He took the chewable Tylonel about 1 am," Sheldon replies. "Is Hope feeling alright?"
"She hasn't complained about not feeling well. Did you get all of the presents out?" Amy wonders as she quickly does a check against her mental list.
"They each had 4 presents that were hidden, correct?" Sheldon questions.
"Yes, and the stocking stuffers," Amy replies.
"I believe all of the presents are out," Sheldon replies, dismissing his wife.
"Do you want to talk?" Amy quietly wonders.
"No."
"Sheldon..."
"I don't want to hear the excuses or the half hearted apologies or the promises that things will change. We both know that anything you say to me right now is a lie."
"Sheldon..."
"I will be civil while the children are awake but we are done. I am done."
"Sheldon..." Amy gasps in shock.
"What, Amy? What, Amy? WHAT, AMY?!" Sheldon yells, his voice getting louder with each repeatition.
Startling awake at his father's thunderous anger, Charlie immediately begins to sob as he looks from his father, who is hanging his head in shame as he breathes through his mouth to control his temper, to his mother, who is gritting her teeth in anger. Rushing forward to grab her son, Amy is met by Sheldon's vice grip over the scared child.
"Give him to me," Amy growls in warning.
As he relents and allows Amy to take their son, Sheldon flops his head back against the pillows in frustration and closes his eyes.
"We are NOT ruining Christmas for our children. You have 4 1/2 hours... maximum... before Hope is awake so you better do whatever it is you need to do in order to calm down," Amy warns.
"You're getting a little too comfortable with bossing me around," Sheldon decides.
"Be a good father, Sheldon. I know you hate me right now..."
"I don't hate you," Sheldon promises as he finally opens his eyes and looks at his wife and scared child.
"You had Christmas destroyed for you when you were about the same age as Hope. Please do not destroy the magic of Christmas for our children," Amy begs him.
Deciding nothing else needs to be said, Amy shushes Charlie as she takes him to his room and sits in the rocking chair. Closing her eyes, she places a lingering kiss on the crown of Charlie's head.
"Shhh... it's alright, Baby," Amy whispers to her son.
"Dada scary," Charlie explains as he continues to cry.
"Daddy didn't mean to scare you, Sweetheart," Amy consoles.
"Hope?" Charlie wonders.
"Hope is sleeping," Amy reassures her scared son.
"Oh. Shhh," Charlie replies, as he places his finger over his lips, making his mother smile.
"Does your ear still hurt?" Amy wonders.
"Yeah," Charlie softly replies before requesting, "Mama sing?"
"Okay. Close your eyes," Amy requests.
As her son yawns and snuggles into her shoulder, Amy finds herself suddenly exhausted. Hoping he'll fall asleep quickly so she can get a few hours before a hectic morning, Amy tucks Charlie's blanket around him.
"Baby shark do..."
"Nooo," Charlie whines as he looks up at his mom and places his hand on her cheek.
"Okay, sorry. Scooby dooby do..."
"No, Mama. Sing," he demands.
"I don't know what song you want me to sing," Amy gently explains to her two year old. "Can you sing for me?"
"Okay," Charlie agrees as he nods his head, reminding Amy of a bobblehead doll. "Joy to fishies in big blue sea. Joy to you and me," Charlie slowly sings as he recalls the words to one of his favorite songs.
"You've always liked that one," Amy points out with a soft smile as her baby yawns.
"Sing?" Charlie requests again.
"Jeremiah was a bullfrog..."
Out in the living room, Sheldon has come to the stark realization that he has not mastered control of his bladder nor his love life. Deciding that he can resolve the former and possibly (hopefully) avoid dealing with the latter for the time being, he quietly pads his way down the hallway.
Stopping to look into Charlie's room, he can't help but smile as Amy sings "Joy to the World" to their son as she rocks him. It's the song she was singing when she first felt Charlie kick in-utero, Sheldon recalls. Trying to go unnoticed, Sheldon slowly backs up and startles as he steps on a small foot.
"Ouch!" Hope cries out in pain.
"Sorry. You snuck up on me like a ninja," Sheldon explains before asking, "What are you doing up?"
"I want to see if Santa came yet," Hope explains, putting an end to any chance of her parents getting some much needed sleep. "Can I go look?" she requests with barely contained excitement.
"It's 3 in the morning, Baby. Can you wait until the sun comes up before we have Christmas?" Amy requests.
"I'm too excited," Hope explains before pleading, "Please?"
"How about we let you each open one present now and we do the rest in the morning?" Sheldon offers before covering his mouth with a yawn. "Mommy and I are tired."
"Okay, deal," Hope quickly agrees.
"Presents?" Charlie perks up, suddenly eager to climb off of his mother's lap.
"Yes, presents," Amy relents as she helps Charlie down.
As the kids scamper off to the living room, Amy instinctively reaches for Sheldon's hand, stilling him as he attempts to go in the opposite direction to the bathroom. Feeling Sheldon flinch as she touches him, she immediately drops her arm to her side.
"Civility is the word of the day," Amy warns as she follows the children.
Quickly realizing that she is caught in the middle of an unwinable battle between Sheldon's ego and his heart, Amy sighs as her husband silently heads in the opposite direction to their bathroom. Deciding that it's pointless to try to resolve anything until his ego ceases its Vulcan death grip on his heart, Amy makes her way to the living room.
Hope is at the tree, sorting the presents into two seperate piles as Charlie attempts to help by asking, "mine?" each time Hope inspects a name tag.
"No, that's for Daddy. See? His name starts with a S," Hope shows Charlie.
"Give me that one," Amy requests as she quickly retrieves it and goes to the closet to store the present.
"Mommy, why are you being a grinch?" Hope wonders as Sheldon comes around the corner and immediately heads for his spot on their couch.
"A grinch?" Sheldon wonders.
"Yeah. Mommy hid your present," Hope explains.
"I see. Well, as we are no longer going to Paris, I guess it's only appropriate that we don't exchange gifts this year," Sheldon reasons.
"Are we not going because you're fighting?" Hope wonders.
Opening her mouth to immediately reassure her daughter, Amy gapes like a fish as Sheldon beats her to a response by replying, "Yes."
As Hope begins to silently cry, Amy shoots Sheldon a death glare. If looks could kill... she silently fumes as she kneels on the floor and tries to hug Hope, who turns her back to her mother and resists the affection.
"Fix it," Hope demands before grabbing Charlie's hand. "Come on Charlie. Mommy and Daddy need to talk."
"Presents?" Charlie wonders.
"No presents right now. Mommy and Daddy are fighting. We need to sleep so they can talk and kiss," Hope gently explains to her brother.
"Dada scary," Charlie shares with his sister.
"Daddy's not scary," Hope scoffs.
"I am very sorry that I scared you, Charles," Sheldon remorsefully apologizes.
"All better?" Charlie wonders.
"Daddy and I need some sleep but we will talk later, alright?" Amy promises, hoping to end the conversation.
"How did you scare Charlie?" Hope wonders.
"I... I yelled at your mother," Sheldon admits.
"Fix it, Daddy," Hope pleads as she leads her brother to her bedroom.
As the children leave the room, Sheldon cocks his head slightly as he watches his wife turn off the lights on the Christmas tree.
She looks haggered, Sheldon decides as he notices the tension in Amy's back and shoulders. Normally, he'd go to her and silently begin rubbing her back as he held her close and she rested her head on his shoulder. Instead, he watches as she goes to the kitchen and retrieves a half empty bottle of Rosé from the cupboard above the stove. As she retrieves a wine glass, he decides he's seen enough. Adding alcohol to an already volatile situation is just asking for trouble, as his years of living with an alcoholic father has taught him.
Standing, he stops short as Amy asks, "At my Dad's funeral you told my mother..."
"There will be nights when we make love by our fireplace and nights that we can barely tolerate being under the same roof," Sheldon recalls.
"Luckily the latter have been few and far between," Amy chimes in.
"We've been ordered by the boss to, 'fix it.' How do you propose we do that?" Sheldon wonders.
"Well, unless and until you rip up the divorce agreement, we will not be having a civil conversation," Amy warns her husband as she immediately goes on the defensive.
"I'm not taking anything off the table until you..." Sheldon counters as Amy cuts him off.
"I can't fight against your ego, Sheldon! I'll never win," Amy points out.
"Is this about you winning?" Sheldon wonders.
"No!" Amy exclaims in frustration. "It's about... you've said that the only acceptable reasons for divorce are abuse and infidelity so... is there anything you wish to confess?" his wife wonders.
"I am not having an affair, Amy! Do you want a polygraph?!" Sheldon yells in frustration.
"For starters!" Amy replies.
"Then I want paternity tests," Sheldon demands.
"You know they're yours! CHARLIE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE YOU!" She yells at him.
"He could be Georgie's. You did become pregnant in Texas after all," Sheldon points out.
"It's not enough that you're hurting me? You have to hurt Hope and Charlie as well?!" Amy bitterly questions.
Sheldon has never doubted that Hope and Charles are his children, not for a single second. He simply wants to hurt his wife as badly as she is hurting him. He immediately regrets the words that just came out of his mouth. He went too far.
"This is ridiculous. You're being ridiculous!" Amy exclaims. "I have never been intimate with anyone else... especially your brother!"
"But it's perfectly acceptable for you to level baseless accusations against me," Sheldon points out.
"That's different!"
"I don't see how it is," Sheldon argues.
"You have a history, Sheldon. Like it or not, your past gives me all the more reason to suspect infidelity currently, especially in light of your arrest," Amy reasons before taking a large swig of her wine.
"When would I have time or an opportunity to conduct an affair, Amy? If I am not at work, I am with our children, taking them to swim lessons and piano lessons and gymnastics and Lego club and the zoo... all while you are at home "writing," he puts in air quotes.
" I'm sorry that I have deadlines and can't always be present for our children," Amy apologizes to him.
"You need to apologize to Hope and Charles, not to me," Sheldon points out.
That seems to be the end of round 3, Sheldon decides as he watches Amy drain her wine in 5 gulps as she turns away from him towards the stove. As she bows her head and grips the edge of the counter he decides he went a little too far and he should apologize.
"Amy, I'm sorry," Sheldon stutters, not sure what to say.
"I'll sign the papers," Amy softly murmurs, stunning him.
"Oh. Um... okay," Sheldon mumbles, not sure what to say.
It was a bluff and it backfired spectacularly, Sheldon realizes as panic sets in. Going to Amy, he's rather shocked when she turns towards him, tears streaming down her cheeks, and wraps her arms around his waist while she buries her head into his chest as the first sobs vibrate off the walls.
Having left her bedroom door open, Hope hid under her blanket as her parents yelled at each other. Hearing her mother crying, she removes the blanket from over her head and glances at her brother, who is half asleep as he sucks his thumb.
"Mama cry," Charlie worries as he removes his thumb from his mouth and sits up in his sister's bed.
"This is bad, Charlie. This is super duper bad," Hope stage whispers to her brother who nods in agreement.
"Dada cry?" Charlie wonders.
"I have never seen Daddy cry," Hope admits before urging, "Lay down. It's sleepy time."
"Not sleepy," Charlie protests as he does what his sister demands.
"Scared?" Hope wonders.
"Yeah," Charlie replies.
"Me too," Hope admits.
He should tell her it was a bluff, he doesn't mean it, he loves her and takes it all back... but if he does that, nothing will get resolved. Instead, Sheldon holds Amy tight as she sobs and wills himself to stay strong in front of her.
She's tired... tired of fighting, tired of pretending, tired of living a lie. She hasn't been happy for a long time, longer than she's ever before admitted to herself. She's simply been plodding along, hoping to fake it until she makes it. Yes, these are tears of sadness, but they are also tears of relief and tears of healing. She's going to have to be strong; for herself, and for her children. Calming herself, Amy pulls away from Sheldon and looks up into his eyes, full of unshed tears as he fights to remain composed in front of her.
"I will always love you," Sheldon softly whispers in Amy's ear before kissing her cheek.
"Please don't placate me," Amy begs as she turns away from him and goes to the sink, turning the tap to warm so she can wash her face. "Let's get this over with," she decides. "The papers are on my nightstand."
"Alright," Sheldon softly mumbles as he goes to retrieve the paperwork.
His heart is going to shatter the moment she signs her name, Sheldon fears as he slowly makes his way down the hall. Noticing Hope's door open, Sheldon peaks his head in, finding both kids now fast asleep.
Closing the door, Sheldon goes to his and Amy's room. His heart is trying to pound its way out of his chest as he sits on the edge of the bed and pinches the bridge of his nose. What caused Amy to so suddenly agree to sign the divorce papers, he wonders? Round 3 wasn't even all that bad, when compared to the previous two fights earlier this evening. Does she really want this or is she just tired of fighting? His mind racing, Sheldon lays back on the bed and closes his eyes as exhaustion overtakes him.
It's taking Sheldon a long time to retrieve the paperwork, Amy worries as she glances at the clock on the stove. A full 30 minutes have passed since she turned to wash her face at the sink. Deciding that something isn't right, Amy slowly makes her way to their bedroom. Opening the door as quietly as possible, she stops in her tracks as she hears Sheldon's slightly congested snoring. He fell asleep, Amy realizes as she softly laughs at his long legs hanging off the edge of the bed.
As quietly as possible, Amy retrieves a spare blanket from their closet and lays it over Sheldon. As she turns to leave, Sheldon reaches out from under the blanket, grasping her hand as he entwines their fingers.
"I was bluffing," Sheldon softly admits.
"There are many things you may bluff about, but ending our marriage? You would never threaten that unless it's truly what you want," Amy counters.
"I love you. I am in love with you, Amy, even now, even after everything we've said and done to hurt each other today," Sheldon immediately protests.
"I think... you never thought I'd agree to sign the papers, but now that I have, you're terrified about what comes next... the actual seperation, dividing our lives and our home and figuring out how to co-parent or how to stop loving each other," Amy points out.
"I don't want to lose you... or my children. Please, Amy. Let's just calm down and talk this through. Please," Sheldon begs, on the verge of tears.
"It's a little too late for that," Amy replies, trying to keep her tone cool. "I'll never keep the children from you, but Sheldon... we cannot continue like this. I am miserable. I have been miserable for months," Amy confesses.
"Since my arrest... or prior to that?" Sheldon wonders.
"Your arrest was the linchpin."
"I believe that we would have been fine if you hadn't opened pandora's box," Sheldon argues as Amy snorts derisively.
"I doubt that, but go on. How is this my fault?" Amy wonders.
"This damn book," Sheldon mutters.
"The book has nothing to do with it! Even if I wasn't writing the book right now, I'd still suspect you rekindled your daliance with Ramona," Amy explains.
"Where's your evidence? Where's your proof?!" Sheldon questions.
"You were arrested, Sheldon! You were implicated in an espionage scandal along with the woman you had an affair with! That is my proof!" Amy yells at him.
"I was also cleared of any wrongdoing! It's as if you want me to be having an affair so you can play the victim card!" Sheldon claims. "You enjoy fighting with me! You enjoy the drama!"
"You think I'm enjoying fighting with you? We've been fighting for the better part of 8 hours and just going around in circles! It's exhausting, Sheldon! Not to mention that our children are absolutely terrified by our fighting! None of this is enjoyable!" Amy confesses as she takes a seat on the bed next to Sheldon.
"If I was having an affair, don't you think that the United States Government would've used that as motive? You would know, Amy. They made you watch that disgusting video from six years ago. If I had betrayed my marriage vows, they would have evidence of that. You would know," Sheldon calmly reasons with her, hoping he can somehow get through to her.
"15 years, Sheldon. We've known each other for 15 years. If I've learned anything during our relationship, it's to trust my gut instinct when it comes to you," Amy explains. "Occam's razor, Sheldon.'
"The simplest explanation is usually the correct one," Sheldon automatically recites. "Your hypothesis is flawed, Amy! Your gut instinct is wrong! I am completely innocent of everything you are accusing me of. My only crime, if you can call it that, is that I was apparently the only person unaware of Dr. Noyes' affair with Dr. Slutbunny. I was helping a colleague. I did nothing wrong," Sheldon reinterates.
"Maybe not legally but morally, ethically..." Amy trails off.
"How was I supposed to know that assisting Dr. Noyes would lead to all of this?!" Sheldon wonders.
"Was she ever in the room with you?" Amy wonders.
"No!" Sheldon exclaims.
"I doubt you would tell me if she was," Amy replies in disgust.
"I have, over the past six years, actively worked to evade contact, any contact with Ramona. On the rare occassion where I do have contact with her, such as department meetings or that time we shared an elevator, I have gone out of my way to immediately notify you of such contact, Amy, in the spirit of openness and full transparency and fidelity in our marriage," Sheldon promises.
"Guilty conscious?" Amy immediately accuses.
"6 years, 2 children, 3 years of marriage counseling and we are still letting her come between us! She's still accomplishing her one and only goal; tearing US apart," Sheldon argues.
"She is not tearing us apart, Sheldon. You are by leaving divorce papers on my pillow," Amy counters.
"You're right," Sheldon softly admits with a sigh of defeat. "You're right. I acted rashly, however, I'd like to point out that we are both to blame, Amy."
"What was the point of you leaving the divorce papers on my pillow, Sheldon? What was your end goal? It feels to me like it was about beating me into submission," Amy wonders.
"I have never nor would I ever cause you physical harm," Sheldon growls in anger.
"Metaphorically speaking. I know you'd never physically assult me," Amy reassures him. "I'll ask again. What purpose did the divorce papers serve?"
"I now understand how... sad, angry, frustrated and... hopeless you felt during our breakup on our 5th anniversary. I'm not a priority to you. This is not a functioning marriage, Amy. I... I... I want my wife back," Sheldon whispers as he turns to face Amy.
Impulsively leaning forward, Sheldon's lips brush against Amy's in the most gossamer of kisses. As her brain registers what's happening, Amy roughly pushes on his chest, as she stands up and towers over him, making her appear much taller than her 5 feet, 4 inch frame as her nostrils flare.
"What the hell was that?!" she yells.
"You used to believe that a kiss could solve everything," Sheldon softly explains.
"And I was niave to believe that! Kissing me is not going to fix this!" Amy yells at him before turning her back to him as she paces.
Deciding there's only one way they are going to end this, Sheldon stands up and turns on the overhead lights as Amy quickly covers her eyes with her hand. Going to Amy's night stand, Sheldon retrieves the divorce agreement and a blue ballpoint pen before going to stand in front of his wife.
"What are you doing?" Amy wonders as she looks up at Sheldon.
"Sign the papers," he dares her as he holds them and the pen out for her to grab.
Grabbing the papers from Sheldon, Amy has to fight back the sudden rush of tears. From time to time she has imagined this moment, a worst case scenario, her worst nightmare. She never imagined it would take place on Christmas Eve in their bedroom.
With shaking hands, she flips to the last page, and stares at Sheldon's signature in all its impecciable glory, the perfect swoop of the 'S', the precicse 4/10 inch spacing between his first and middle names, the 'P.H.D' added as a taunt to anyone who dare question his intellectual authority.
"If you truly believe that I've violated any clause of our marriage agreement, then you should have no hesitation ending our marriage," Sheldon points out.
He's daring her to sign it, all but calling her a chicken, a coward. She wants to sign it just to spite him but... she loves him. Damn it, she's in love with that egotistical, pompous ass.
"Of course I'm going to hesitate, Sheldon!" Amy exclaims. "Even though you are a pompous, egotistical ass at times, you are the man I am hopelessly in love with! You are the father of my children! You are... you are..." she stumbles, unable to find the words. "If I sign this, that's it! There is no possible way to repair our relationship!" Amy warns him.
"Is our relationship able to be repaired right now?" Sheldon counters.
"I don't... I don't know," Amy admits.
"Do you want out?" Sheldon wonders.
"No," Amy whispers. "I just want us to stop hurting each other."
"There is one thing I can do to stop all of this," Sheldon decides.
Grabbing the divorce agreement from Amy, Sheldon violently yanks the last page from the bound metal rings. Holding it so Amy can see his signature, Sheldon tears the page straight down vertically, dividing it in half. He then tears those two sections horizontally before crumpling the four sections into a ball and tossing them in Amy's garbage can.
Amy's unable to hold back the tears as she looks up at Sheldon, his jaw clenched in anger, as he stares back at her.
"Your move, Fowler," he challenges.
"Cooper," she corrects, "Mrs. Sheldon Cooper."
"You have no idea how relieved I am to hear you say that," Sheldon relays with a heavy sigh of relief.
"What happens now?" Amy wonders.
"Now... we both get some much needed sleep," Sheldon decides.
"I meant with us, our marriage," Amy explains.
"The honest answer is that I don't know, Amy," Sheldon admits. "We need to continue talking, however, it is 5am. I'm not a betting man, but if I were to place a monetary bet, it would be on neither of our children sleeping a moment past 7. We both need to try to get a nap in," he urges as Amy yawns.
"I'll agree with that," Amy replies.
"I assume I'm taking the couch," Sheldon needlessly offers as Amy grabs the blanket she covered Sheldon with earlier.
"With the strict understanding that all forms of physical contact are off the table... I would not be opposed to sharing a bed with you," Amy offers, surprising Sheldon.
"I can't, Amy," Sheldon admits. "I'm craving physical contact with you. I can't torture myself like that," he admits with a heavy sigh. "That's why I canceled our Paris trip. I can't spend 10 days with you hoping for something that obviously isn't going to happen."
"Okay," Amy replies, almost a whisper. "Good night."
"Good night," Sheldon replies as he pauses to grab the manuscript before shutting the door.