A/N: Welcome to a collection of Psychonaut based ficlets. That's right, I'm talking about "Psychobabble." :D All themes were found on some lj "100 Themes" comm, though I can't be arsed to say where. Well, I won't waste more time here. All titles are the themes in question, and I'm going to try to go in order, but I make no promises.

Disclaimer: Psychonauts mine. Psychonauts belongs to Doublefine
Pairing: None
Rating: G
Notes: Okay, so how awesome is the introduction to Psychonauts? I'm just saying.

Crash

Man, I am so beat. I can't believe I rode 25 miles on a miniature pony. That was one tough little pony. Still, I'm here. I'm actually here! Camp Whispering Rock, I actually made it, I'm so awesome-

I think I'm sitting on a bird's nest.

Okay, that's better. I hope there weren't any eggs in that nest... is that - yeah, that's totally a campfire. Oh, hey, people! Let's get even closer, shall we?

Holy crap it's Sasha Nein and Milla Vodello and some tiny red guy Agent Oleander? I thought he'd be taller holy crap holy crap. Raz! Stay calm, Raz. Psychonaut agents don't freak out like little girls. You want to be a Psychonaut, right?

More than anything.

Agent Oleander's making a speech now. I think it's important? It sounds familiar. Let's listen then. ...Okay, this guy's crazy. Ooh, campers. Fellow agents! I really still can't see very well- I'm gonna move over there juuuust a little bit. Wait, is the branch cracki- woah!

...Ouch. Ground. Thank you, Señor Bush, for breaking my fall. Dad would be ashamed of me, landing on my butt like that. ...I mean... even more ashamed than he already is, but whatever.

?"LAKE MONSTER!" Lots of screaming, followed by "Formation!"

Hey! Hey, what? Get your psychic vibes away from me! No way, you can't catch me.

?"It's... resisting."

Yikes. Pumped up psychic energy, no way I'm a match for that.

Okay, so... now I'm in the air. ...That's so cool.

"What is it?" Sasha Nein! Agent Razputin, reporting for duty!

"It's just a little boy! What's your name, darling?"

"I'll find out." Okay, I respect the Agency and everything, totally happy to be here, really, but I'm not ready to crack open my head for all to see, as it were. "Can't... get... in!" The coach gives up and I'm falling for the second time that night. Dad would be much happier with that landing. Not that I care what he thinks, 'cause I totally don't.

"My name..."

"Starts with a D!"

"...is Razputin. But everybody calls me... Raz."

I am so damn cool. This... this is going to be the greatest summer ever.

End