Death and Fear (Elena)

Dear Diary,

What a day! I really don't know where to start! At the moment I'm sitting on the couch at the Salvatore mansion and watch Caroline sleeping, tears still gleaming on her cheeks. It has been a hard day for all of us but especially for her.

But I should start at the beginning. Means with Damon! Damn it, this man drives me crazy! We have serious problems and what does Damon? Playing strip poker with some … slut! And I'm such a stupid idiot! Laughing when he hadn't been able to button his shirt! But the worst thing had been that he had seen it! I just hope Stefan hadn't recognized it. But I guess he had been too shocked.

But damn it really had been funny. Just because I had to think of the situation a while ago. He had been drunk after he had found out that Katherine had never been in the tomb and thus hadn't been able to button his shirt and had asked me to do it. And I mean c'mon who wouldn't have laughed while watching a clumsy vampire?!

And then he had gone upstairs with this … woman, he hadn't even be able to remember the name of! Thank god I had spend the night at home! The image of Damon, this bitch and a shower had already caused me a sleepless night; I don't want to image what it must have been like if I had laid in the room next to his. UGH! Okay but I already wasted too much space for Damon.

The day had already started with complications. As if I wouldn't have had enough problems with Damon my brother had decided to play the hero now and wants to help us with the Lockwoods! Brilliant! If he gets involved in all of this I have one more person I have to fear about getting hurt! I had told him not to get involved in all of this but why the hell do I think that he will not really follow my advice?

And then there is still this stupid game Stefan and I have to keep up for Katherine! I hate to pretend as if we broke up, I hate to fight with him! And all of this because Katherine wants to play some silly game! Ha, but believing Damon, our little theater show hadn't been very convincing. Arg! I hate him! He tells us that nobody will believe that we broke up but doesn't have a better idea, either. Oh stop, yes he has! Taking a shower with this bitch! And why the hell do I write about Damon now again? And why the hell do I get so furious? Damon can screw who he wants to! Even if it would be the whole town! I – don't – care. Period.

Today had been another one of these thousand Mystic Falls parties – a Historical society volunteer picnic whatever. I hadn't been very motivated but the students of Mystic Falls High had been engaged to help – means I had been forced to pretend the whole day in front of Car, Matt, Tyler and everyone that Stefan and I had broken up.

When I had arrived at the picnic I had been forced to face the next problem – a furious Caroline who had talked and talked about her problems with her mother. I really like Car but in situations which are already complicated enough it is really hard to stand her babbling. Well minutes later I had wished she would have gone on with her problems because she had started to ask me about Stefan. I think I had been more convincing this time because Caroline had really seemed to believe my "It feels like we are giving up" and "I thought we were stronger than that".

The problems had started when Stefan had shown up … I just hadn't been able to resist glancing at him but I had forgotten that I Caroline had been standing next to me – the professional in observing and analyzing people's behavior. So I had decided to make our game a bit more realistic by walking towards him and playing the jealous ex-girlfriend – having very obviously spectators, called Caroline and Damon (without his bitch), listening to every word that we had exchanged! And now tell me, Damon who's bad in acting?

After this little "fake drama" I had left the picnic to sit beside a waterfall in the distance. I had wanted to be alone. This whole pretending thing had really gotten on my nerves and had been exhausting. But Caroline hadn't given me some time for myself. As furious as I had been, I had told her sarcastically what a good friend she is and that I hadn't wanted to take it out on her, well knowing that she had been forced to help Katherine with her little mission.

Caroline had just surprisingly wanted to start telling me the truth when she suddenly had jumped up. She had spotter her mother who had been talking on the phone to someone – and it had seemed important. I had wanted to know what the hell had been wrong and followed her up to some hill where she had told me that she had needed to hear better. I had wanted to kill her in that moment! I hate it when nobody tells me what's going on! When I had just been about to scream at her that she should explain what's going on when she had turned around with an "Oh good! Stefan and Damon!" She hadn't needed to say more, she hadn't even had to ask me to follow her.

As fast as possible I had followed Caroline into the woods – I had never been more happy that she is a vampire with supernatural senses than in that moment! When she had stopped because she had found a track of blood on a branch, we had heart a familiar voice behind us – Mason. I should have known from the very beginning that he had been involved in the disappearance of Stefan and Damon! Stefan had told me yesterday evening how Damon had failed to kill Mason and that he had really seemed to have pissed him off. The wolf wants revenge. Awesome. Why does Damon always have to make dangerous people furious and in the end it is Stefan who has to pay for it? But I hadn't had much time to be furious about Damon again because Mason had been about to make Caroline really angry by threatening her to tell her mother what she really is. When Car had wanted to attack him he suddenly had taken me by the shoulder and hold me in a grip I hadn't been able to escape from. Oh please, Car don't do something stupid, I had thought, I'm not wearing one of these popular rings which bring you back to life, I would be really DEAD, I had screamed inside. Mason had gone on threatening Caroline but probably he shouldn't make a vampire furious when not being a werewolf because within seconds Caroline had gripped him, thrown him against the next tree, slammed her knee into his stomach and kicked him against another tree like he would have been a football and not a 90 kg heavy male person. I had been lying on the ground and had been only able to look up to her in surprise. Jeez, the nice and always friendly Caroline, normally pushed around by men, had just brought a man down to his knees. Her new personality had surprised me once more.

We had continued our search until we had reached the ruin of the old Lockwood property when Caroline had come to a stop again.

"I hear them … oh my god … she is about to kill them", she had told me shocked.

I had wanted to run downstairs to help them but Caroline had gripped my arm to hold me back.

"I can't go there, Elena! She will find out about me" she had said desperately.

That moment, I had hated her new personality again. But what possibilities had I had in that moment? Letting them die? I had had to make a decision and in that moment I had been forced to decide against Caroline, I had had no other choice if I hadn't wanted to lose Stefan.

I had run downstairs and entered the ruin when I had suddenly stopped. Liz had been standing in front of me with a gun that was pointing directly to my heart.

"Elena what are you doing here? You should leave", she had screamed.

"No, I will not let you kill them!" I had yelled back when a deputy had pushed me into the cave.

Suddenly the door had been shut, a shadow had rushed into the cave and seconds later buried her fangs in the neck of the two deputies. Caroline! I hadn't been able to believe she would come to help us! To expose her true nature to her mother! With blood all over her face, fangs bared and red gleaming eyes she had slowly approached Liz who had only looked at her in bewilderment. Seconds had passed and nothing had happened until I had heard a coughing from the ground. Stefan! I had run towards him and fallen to my knees to check if he had been okay while Liz had gone backwards and let herself drop onto a stone, speechless. Stefan had been breathing heavily and his chest had been covered all over with blood and bullet wounds. I had felt so helpless in this moment! Damon had fallen to his knees right beside me, his face covered with blood from one of the deputies he had just fed on, and had wanted to force Stefan to drink some blood, too but he had refused. I hadn't known what to do … memories came back from the time I had saved his life by giving him my blood and all the problems it had caused … but I hadn't wanted him to suffer either.

"Stefan maybe this is the best idea … I don't want you to suffer … I …", I had begun slowly.

"It's fine Elena, it will just take some more time for me to recover", he had calmed me.

Damon had only shaken his head and stood up.

"Awesome. Somehow our situation doesn't really get better. Now we have 2 dead deputies I can bury again, in which I have became a professional in the last time by the way", he had said with a brief look to Caroline. "And we can add a mother, who just found out that her daughter and the person she trusted are vampires, to our list of people we need to get rid off!"

"No, Damon, no you can't kill her!" Caroline had screamed. "She is my mother!"

"Then tell me, hunnie, what shall we do with her? I bet you don't want to be killed tonight in your sleep, do you?" Damon had answered ironically.

"Mum, you won't tell anybody, right? Please … mum … I'm your daughter and it is important! And he will kill you!" Caroline had said desperately.

Liz had still looked at Caroline in bewilderment, then she had turned to face Damon.

"Then please kill me, right now! I can't stand this! Please!" Liz had screamed.

I had watched how Damon had approached her slowly, his face only inches away from hers. Oh my god, he wouldn't … no, he can't kill her! Caroline just saved his life! He can't kill her mother! And his friend … But I know what he is capable of, I had thought gasping.

The moment he had gripped Liz and raised her up, I had screamed. And had recognized that I hadn't been the only one.

"Relax guys. No one's killing anybody! Did you really believe …?" Damon had started.

I had looked up to him with an unbelievable certainty in my eyes.

"Oh yes, Damon, I believed you would kill the mother of the person who just saved your life. Because you are not only a professional in burying dead bodies …" I had replied angrily.

"She is my friend, Elena." He had shouted.

"That doesn't keep you necessarily from killing the person, Damon!" I had hissed.

"Believe what you want, Elena."

Without any further comment he had taken Liz' arm and dragged her out of the cave.

On the way back to the Salvatore mansion we had put up a plan to solve our problem with Liz. We had decided that it would be the best for her and for us that she gets compelled to forget everything that has happened today and while the vervain leaves her system she should stay in the cellar of the mansion where Damon will have an eye on her.

I'm so sorry for, Caroline. She already has to deal with her new nature, with the blood thirst and with the break – up between her and Matt and now she has to deal with her mother, too.

The person that had shocked me the most had been Damon. When Caroline had come back with some clothes for her mother and we had walked down the stairs to the cellar, we had heard how Liz had told Damon to keep Caroline away from her … and that Caroline isn't her daughter anymore, that her daughter is gone. I had frozen immediately and turned my head to Caroline. Her expression had shown me something between sadness and disbelief. I had just been about to drag her way from the room when I had heard Damon say "You have no idea how wrong you are about that" in a quite but very concerned voice. I had been so surprised that I had remained where I had stood, my arm on Caroline's shoulder.

Did Damon really say that? Did he defend Caroline? Did he even admit that Caroline deals with her situation better than he ever had expected? I had thought. I think this had been the first time since a long while that I had asked myself weather there might nevertheless be a part inside him that cared about other people or not … in this short moment he had shown me that he can be selfless … he hadn't wanted to kill Liz although it would have been the easiest and safest way for him but he takes the risk to let her live. I hadn't have more time to think about Damon because Caroline had let the suitcase drop to the ground, turned around and rushed up the stairs.

I had wanted to follow but when I had passed the room with the refrigerator where Damon keeps his bloodbags, I had frozen. I had seen Stefan standing in front of it, one of the bloodbags in his hand and I hadn't really liked the expression on his face. And I had been right, I really don't like the idea, I had nearly been able to read on his forehead. He wants to start drinking human blood again to be able to protect me and to learn how to control himself. I had wanted to remind him of the last time he had drunk human blood and that it is not necessary, that we will find a way to deal with Katherine but he hadn't wanted to listen. The whole conversation had ended in the fight, we had faked all day. But this time it had been real.

In the end I had just left him alone with his bloodbags … I hadn't been able to stand this any longer! We have already enough problems! Why does he have to make it even more complicated? When I had entered the living room I had had the next problem right in front of me. Caroline had sat on the couch, tears shimmering in her eyes. I had placed myself beside her just about to tell her some calming words when she had started to tell me everything; everything that Katherine had done to her the last days; and that she had done all this because Katherine had threatened to kill Matt. And what friend am I to hate her for protecting the one person she loves the most? I had taken her in my arms and tried to calm her instead.

And here I am now. But writing everything down that has happened today didn't really help. I'm still … confused, unsure, afraid. Since Katherine had come back to this town and Mason had appeared my whole word had turned upside down. There is so much … death around here at the moment, so much fear. And I absolutely don't know what to do ...

Elena