Sunday mornings were always bittersweet in Crowley's reptilian eyes. Yes, it was the weekend, but the next day was one of Crowley's self-proclaimed nemeses ; the dreaded Monday.
But, he told himself, he would not let that govern his Sunday, because he, Anthony J. Crowley was going on an outing with his beloved angel.
Crowley was quite happy about this, so much so that he didn't even reprimand the plants for wilting like they did that sweltering Sunday, instead, he groomed himself and dressed up in the best garments he could find, because any outing with Aziraphale was worthy of some decent apparel and a few sprays of cologne.
When he was satisfied that he was looking the best he could, he rushed out of his flat and down to his beloved Bentley, which was waiting for him on the sidewalk by the flats. He sped through Central London, blasting Queen, and just generally having a blast.
In what seemed like no time at all, he pulled up to the bookshop, parked like an absolute plonker, and sauntered inside the shop.
Except, what he walked in on to was something he didn't expect at all.
A seemingly hell incarnate bird was perched upon the shelves with pages fluttering down all around it, and a book in between its beak, looking down at a one Aziraphale trying his absolute hardest to reach the bird, but no avail.
"Drat - oh are you going to- arghh!! Don't nip at me like that you little - HONK - oh honk yourself you winged beast- HEY! You give that back right this instant- HONK- I'll have you know that is one of a kind, you cannot find it anywhere else- oh, was that really necessary- no no no I'm begging you please don't"- RIIPPP
Amidst all of this commotion, Crowley had been standing to the side with a bemused expression upon his face, and upon seeing the distressed nature of Aziraphale having his bookshop ripped apart by this infernal creature, decided to help out a little bit.
"OY! YOU!! Yes, you! Get down here right this instant or else I will...err...let's see...UNLEASH ALL THE FORCES OF HELL UPON YOU, FOUL CRETIN!!" bellowed Crowley in an attempt to put a stop to this war-scene.
The goose stopped mauling Shakespeare's original script of Hamlet and dropped the book, which landed with a thud next to Crowley's feet. Crowley picked up the book and turned to Aziraphale and started straightening out the pages.
"See angel. Nothing a little empty threat couldn't handle."
"Erm-yes, well dear, it would appear that-
"Yes, yes, I know, you can thank me later."
"No, you don't understand dear, the goose-
"Has stopped its attack upon this bookshop, I am well aware of that."
"No dear, you really don't understand."
"What don't I understand, Angel?"
Whilst all of this was going on, the goose had descended from the shelf and had started to waddle towards Crowley, with an evil glint in its eye, undoubtedly about to unleash it's own version of hell upon the devil, hence Aziraphale's attempts to warn Crowley of this imminent danger, but Crowley just wouldn't listen.
"Crowley, you had better start walking."
"And why should I? I'm quite happy here."
"No dear, it would appear that the goose has taken quite a bit of interest in you."
"What?" Crowley turned around to spot said goose waddling towards him, beady eyes focused in on Crowley, and flapping its wings as if to show that it wasn't very happy that the devil had something it wanted. But it wasn't the book.
"Here now, goosey," Crowley said nervously " No need to be like that. Here, you want the book? Go fetch!"
And with that, Crowley flung the book out the door, ignoring Aziraphale's distressed cry at the book being treated like that, but the goose paid no mind to the book. Rather, it had its eyes set on something shiny, something - on Crowley's face.
"Why is it still following me? I thought it wanted the book?" said Crowley nervously.
"Perhaps it wants something else, but I don't know what." said Aziraphale, as he and Crowley started to back up towards the door.
"Oh, yes, way to make the obvious Azira- "
And just before Crowley could finish his sentence the goose let out an almighty HONK and took chase after him, leaving the angel behind in a fit of hysteria watching this bird chase Crowley throughout the shop.
Now, unfortunately for the demon, he could not run at all, let alone be fast enough to outrun this goose, which was a huge advantage for the goose, as it got closer and closer to the demon, until -
"ARRRGGHHHH!!!! MY ARSE!!!" bellowed Crowley, as the goose gave a well-aimed nip on the demon's butt, which resulted in Crowley jumping up in the air, turning around and taking chase after the goose, clutching at his poor behind, whilst Aziraphale, who had been watching all this going on, was collapsed on the settee in a fit of laughter at the reaction of Crowley having been bitten in the arse quite a bit more than he should have.
Now Crowley, who was becoming quite tired of the goose's antics, had picked up a broomstick that he had miracled up, and was attempting to brush the goose out of the house, but his attempts were futile, because the goose had taken flight again, and was heading towards Aziraphale's bedroom.
Aziraphale, who had recovered enough to sit up on the settee, had noticed the goose's flight towards his bedroom, and sat up quicker than lightning and ran for the stairs, Crowley right behind him.
As Aziraphale got to the top of the staircase, he spotted the goose waddling around near the door to his room. Silently praying it didn't enter his room, Aziraphale crept up next to the goose, who hadn't taken any notice of the angel that was positioning his hands near the goose in an attempt to catch it.
"HOONNNKK."
"Aha, got you, you buggering fucker!" said Aziraphale triumphantly, clutching at the goose, which was wriggling around and trying to twist its neck around to nip him, but Aziraphale had a firm grip on it and would not let go.
"Crowley?" called Aziraphale. "Where are you?"
"Mmphh."
Aziraphale walked over to the stairs where the noise was coming from to see Crowley lying face down on the stairs, as he had run out of energy to run up after Aziraphale.
"I caught the goose, darling."
"Good for you." came the muffled reply from the exhausted demon.
"Well, you're going to have to get up, because I can't get to the door to let this thing out if you're lying there." said Aziraphale, as the goose attempted to wriggle out of his grasp again.
Crowley brought himself to his feet, and as he looked up, he made eye contact with the bird, and it stretched out its neck quickly and stole Crowley's glasses before he could duck.
The goose brought its neck back, clutching at its purchase, looking quite triumphant, as Crowley shot the bird a dirty look, backing up to the safety of the chairs, as Aziraphale walked up to the door and chucked the goose out with all the strength he could muster, before slamming the door shut and making his way back over to Crowley.
"Thank you dear." said Aziraphale appreciatively "But you know, I was doing just fine by myself."
"Hmmph." scoffed Crowley.
"Tea?" inquired Aziraphale.
"Perhaps some whiskey, God knows we both need it after that debacle." said Crowley sitting back on the settee, closing his eyes and putting his feet up on the table.
"If you say so dearest, I'll go get it. In the meantime, you go make yourself at home." said Aziraphale, his signature smile gracing his features.
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Aziraphale and Crowley thought at the time that would be the last of that troublesome goose,but Mr Goose had other ideas.
