Prologue
My Winter
The first time I saw you I wouldn't -- couldn't -- believe that you were human. I thought a winter sprite had wandered into Yuko's shop then, looking for a wish. You looked enchanting, dark and pale at the same moment. Those eyes, like cracked glass, bright and shifting in the afternoon light. I wanted to hold out my hand to you. Hold out my hand and ask you, who are you and where have you come from? I could not remember an instance when I was not mesmerised by you. Who are you to make me think only of you? The wicked white witch.
The last time I saw you I wouldn't -- couldn't -- believe that it would be the last time, although I knew somewhere inside of me that it would be. It was December then, and you and I were downtown observing the crystal lace frost of the shop displays. You were wearing a white coat, and when you leaned forward to gaze at the display window I saw the two of us in the reflected in the glass. At first I couldn't understand that the boy with glasses and the beautiful girl was you and I; I couldn't understand suddenly why I was standing there with you. Why you had not always been with me. You were born a day ahead of me, so I had never lived in a world without you.
There was frost on the ground outside of the apartment when we arrived. You, in that white coat, snowflakes clinging on to your eyelashes like living creatures in love, casting spells with your eyes. They brushed against the top of your cheeks when you closed your eyes and stood on your tiptoes, crushing your mouth against mine -- furious, tongue and teeth like that one time -- and I possessed you for a moment. Or was it you possessing me?
Kimihiro, you said. Do you love me?
How could I not? My wicked white witch. I wanted to tell you, wanted to sing out praise, the high note that breaks the glass and spills the liquid but my voice stopped working, my throat was stuck. You touched my face, took my hand. You brushed my fingertips against your lips before you turned, wordlessly, and climbed into the driver's seat of your mother's silver Toyota. The windows were rolled up and you wouldn't look at me. You started the engine. You shifted gears. You pulled out. I couldn't even see the back of your head for all of the boxed piled up in the back seat.
The winter that year was cold, but it was nothing compared to the cold in my heart. I stood frozen on the spot as I watched you drive further and further away. When the car disappeared around the corner I knew that there would be no more you, nothing left of you with me but the scent and taste of your mouth, your hair, on my skin which will linger for only a week before fading forever.
- - D R E A M I N G & A F T E R - -
an xxxHOLiC fanfiction by Jun-Ko