Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters.
Chapter One
A Visit to Town
"Cousin! Cousin! We're going to the city today." Dudley jumped up and down over the very spot that Harry was contemplating his navel. Dudley's fat dust sprinkled down under the stairwell and all over Harry's bedhead and slender, yet, hunky, shoulders. "I can't believe they stuck me back down in this awful, cramped cupboard," Harry thought, "especially since I'm at least two feet taller than the last time I lived in here. If only I hadn't turned that python on Dudley…or let Dobby drop that pudding on Uncle Vernon's guest…or Sirius hadn't died…I guess there's no sense crying over spilt pumpkin juice." Before he could shimmy the dust off, a magical thing happened without his doing…Harry turned into an English bulldog puppy. "My life sucks. I'm surprised that Dudley didn't fall through the stairs, with his bulging aggregation jumping up and down over my head and all. Ugh, Ginny doesn't even like dogs. By the way, I wonder how my girlfriend is…" Harry, the English bulldog puppy, thought. Who knew Dudley had magical powers? As Harry started barking wildly, Dudley jumped down the last three steps- fat dust flying everywhere.
Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon swooped into the hall to see what the commotion was all about. "Is that Ripper? Did that sneaky Harry lock up poor Ripper in the cupboard?"
The Big V clumsily unlocked the door, unleashing a frantic Harry puppy.
"Vernon dear, it's not Ripper- he's too small- but it must be one of Marge's."
"I'll call Marge as soon as we get back from London. That freak of a boy must've gotten himself out by magic, and dognapped this poor baby from Marge. Very funny, very funny. He'll pay- either through me or that freak headmaster of his. You'll see. He's not going to ruin our Dudder's special 16th birthday outing to London." With that, the supercilious trio made their way into the big city.
Odd things- little things, but, nonetheless, odd things- happened all through Dudley's very special day. They noticed on their way out the door that candies were strewn throughout the foyer- wherever Dudley's fat dust had hit. "Must be from some secret admirer of my little Duddy-wuddy's. She has left sweets through the post box. Oh, my little Dudders is growing up," Petunia said, with tears in her eyes. Turning left out of Privet Drive, Vernon nearly swerved off the road when they spotted dozens of owls, perched in their traditional pairs, along the electric poles, post boxes and yard ornaments along the street. The farther they got, the more extreme the strange occurrences became. Their relaxing turn on the Big Eye became truly breathtaking as the Ferris Wheel started spinning and spinning, rapidly accelerating until Dudley screamed "stop!", at which time the giant wheel came to an immediate and screeching halt. The Big V, P, and D all wrenched forward as their sizable collective mass sought syncopation with the ceased G force.
Trying to collect their wits with a leisurely stroll through the grounds of the Tower of London, a murder of crows suddenly took flight, swarming around the threesome in a menacing dance. When they broke free of the dark feathers, Dudley exclaimed "and I was just wondering what it would be like to fly with them! Scary!" With Dudley's pounce onto the stone that marked the spot where Ann Boleyn lost her head, they all heard a distinct "Ouch! That hurt," coming from the very same marker. Every traffic light turned green as the Dursley's car approached. Beautiful women- or what passes for them in the U.K.- turned and smiled at Dudders from the tops of double-decker buses. Oh, right- only tourists ride on the top. Beautiful women from the U.S. and Scandinavia turned and smiled at Dudders from the tops of double-decker buses. Even the fish and chips vendor indulged the snotty family, giving them each two extra pieces of the greasy cod.
As Dudley and Petunia excitedly chatted the whole way home about the strange and wonderful happenings of the day, the Big V remained quiet. Something seemed quite wrong and eerily familiar to him. "Mark my words, things will go pear-shaped by day's end." His apprehension proved warranted when they returned home to an entrance hall filled to the gills with Hogwarts letters- for Dudley- and a little dog yapping what sounded like a spell.