1.

He stood at her grave, smoking a cigarette.

Draco wanted to believe that his wife was in a better world, where it is always warm and there are no sorrows. He was never able to make her truly happy, although he tried to put all his strength into this. But there was no point in his efforts if he couldn`t give her the main thing, a bit of love.

Malfoy was only acting out the feeling that Astoria wished for to see in her husband's grey eyes. He hugged her because it was supposed to be, and not because he could not live without touching her skin. He kissed her in the morning, because this is how men in marriage behave. He slept with her under the same blanket because they were a family.

He did everything because this is what the family was supposed to look like.

But what shouldn't have happened was Astoria Malfoy's death. She was too young, her name shouldn't have been on the Grim Reaper`s list. Draco hoped until the very last it was a cold that was about to recede, but Astoria was feeling weaker by the minute. And now her caring gaze was immortalized on the marble tombstone, that was being struck by drops of February rain.

He couldn't make her happy, and he couldn't keep her safe. Draco was deeply wounded by the guilt he had felt years ago, and now it has begun to bleed. His grey eyes darkened, he looked at Astoria's grave for the last time, threw out his cigarette butt and briskly walked out of the cemetery.

He didn't want to apparate at all. Perhaps it was because Malfoy Manor was too quiet and lonely right now. Everything about the estate reminded Draco of Astoria and her unhesitant laughter accompanied all of the girl's stories. He was amazed at how cheerful his wife was, after all, this could be one of the reasons to love her. But he never did.

His coat was soaking wet, and now he could feel the raindrops dripping down his back. Malfoy waited for the snow as if he wanted to hide his longing under it. But the heavens were crying, and at the same time, they destroyed the block of ice formed in Draco's heart.

"I'll make you happy," her voice went like a blade over his soul. "We'll be the happiest, Draco!"

She believed so desperately in their happy future thus he wanted to scream out loud because of the torn feelings at that moment. Malfoy stopped at a nearby tree, leaning against it and breathing heavily. He blamed himself for what had happened, he was too arrogant, and thereby ruined another life. He didn't just destroy it, he buried it.

His finger was still wearing a wedding ring engraved on the inside. Astoria took a long time to choose these rings, putting into them all the feelings she had for Draco. Thus she wanted the dream to come true one day, but it wasn't meant to be.

Hot tears welled up from his eyes and squeezed his hand into his fist. He lacked the strength to figure out what to do next. Astoria's death knocked him down and the ground out from under his feet, he felt he hadn`t done everything for her. While he returned to the empty Malfoy Manor over and over again in the evenings, his heart and soul were rushing to another place, but he was afraid.

He was afraid that he would again doom someone to pain and suffering. After all, it was the fate of Draco Lucius Malfoy, to cause anguish to those who opened their hearts to him.

He knew there were only two people left in the world who would listen to him and share with him the shit that had been piling up for years. This is the slytherin friendship that no one remembers when they undertake to talk about what freaks are studying at the snake house.

Draco raised his eyes to the sky, staring with anger at the storm clouds, and appealing to the Nott Manor where he was welcome no matter what. With a bright and spacious living room and a smouldering fireplace, everything is the same. These walls literally smelled of cosiness, until the Malfoy estate without Astoria became too cold and depressing.

"I've been expecting you," Theodore put aside the book. "You are not changing traditions, exactly four hours."

"I don't know how it works," Malfoy shrugged and sat down in a chair across from his friend.

"Have you been to the cemetery?" Nott asked the question, knowing exactly the answer to it. "It's time for you to let her go, Draco."

"I owe her, Theo. It's my fault."

"She knew who she was marrying. It's nobody's fault. Astoria agreed to become your wife, knowing you didn`t love her, and you asked her to marry you knowing you could never love her.

It was true.

It was a bitter and poisonous truth that was known to everyone around. And Draco and Astoria were the ones who knew the truth better than anyone. Only now, two months after his wife's death, Malfoy began to think all this could have been avoided if he had not sought to please his father.

He wouldn't have condemned Astoria to six years of an unhappy marriage and feigned feelings, and perhaps now she would be alive. And Draco himself wouldn't have felt devastated. His whole life turned into the simplest aimless existence.

"Where's Pans?" Draco looked around as if he expected to see her somewhere behind him.

"Neither do I, she knew you were coming over for tea, so she decided to visit her mother."

"She will never forgive me." Malfoy grinned sadly. "And I still keep some hope. I began to hope for too much, and as life shows, this is contraindicated for me."

"It's Pansy," Theo stood up and walked over to the fireplace. "You know her. If she decided she no longer wants to communicate with a person, there's not much to convince her."

"The right decision. This gives me the confidence that at least I cannot harm her."

He's completely unstuck. Draco lowered his head, looking down at the floor, ignoring Theodore, who was watching his friend intently. Everyone around saw what happened to Malfoy, but they didn`t say a word. There was no sense in it, he saw what he had become. Broken eight years ago by the War and now completely broken.

Life hurt him painfully and left him alone among the fragments of his past life. I`m afraid this is not how young Draco Malfoy imagined his life, that Draco who bullied Harry Potter and his friends in the corridors, who loved to come to Manor for Christmas, who believed he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. It wasn't like that.

Fate hinted to him that he should stop and make the right decision for once but Malfoy ignored it. He believed that by choosing between two mistakes the one that would incur fewer consequences, thus he would be able to properly arrange his life. Draco had forgotten that everything had consequences, and now he was paying the price for his decisions.

"I want to talk to Weasley," said Malfoy suddenly. "I think the time has come."

"And how do you imagine this?" Theo raised an eyebrow and looked closely at his friend. "I think she won`t listen to you. More precisely, I'm just sure of it."

"What will happen to her? Blaise is always glad to me, and where he is, there is the redhead."

"Are you sure Draco? It might hurt you." Nott shook his head. "You have avoided this conversation for so many years."

"I only avoided it because of Astoria. I didn't want her to suffer." He stammered. "To suffer even more."

"You know after that Pansy will hate you," Theo walked over to him. "She'll just turn you to jello."

"I have to."

"You should have been eight years ago, Draco. You don't even know where she is and what's wrong with her. Not the fact that Ginny knows."

"So why not ask right now?" He immediately apparated, leaving Theodore alone with indignation and an unread book.

He punted this conversation for so many years. He looked at Astoria, who was struggling to preserve the delicate balance in their family and punted it. Malfoy couldn`t give his wife love, so he had to give at least a miserable semblance of family well-being. He knew if he lashed out and rushed to Italy to talk to his friend's girlfriend, Astoria wouldn`t stand it.

His wife was well aware of what was hidden behind his grey eyes but she continued to smile. And only a mute appeal in her own eyes stopped Malfoy's impulses over and over again. She didn`t say anything during the day but kept praying to him at night for six years.

"Do not do this. Don't break my heart even more, I`m begging you," she bent over her sleeping husband. "I love you so much. I`m ready to accept your truth. I accept it. I accept you don`t love me, but do not ruin it all."

He breathed heavily, and she got up from each sudden movement. For many nights in a row, she woke up from the fact Draco began to mutter something in his sleep. Each time it was the same name, and each time it stuck the knife into her chest harder and harder. Astoria wiped the tears from her face, got out of bed and headed to the bathroom.

"No!" Draco screamed. "Don't go! Please! Stay with me!"

Astoria bit her lip and squeezed her hand into a fist. He asked to stay and not leave, but not her.For six years, he asked to stay one another, although he didn`t even know if she was still alive. Nobody knew this.

"Hermione!" She heard his voice and covered her ears. "I`m begging you! Stay with me!"

Tears rolled uncontrollably down her cheeks. This name was Astoria Malfoy's worst nightmare, the name of one no one had heard of for eight long years.

The wet coat didn`t fit into the interior of Blaise Zabini's villa in sunny Florence. It got too hot and stuffy, there was a need to change into a cotton shirt and linen pants and go for a walk. But that's not why he came here.

"Malfoy?" Blaise appeared on the veranda. "Glad to see you, buddy!"

Mulatto embraced him with no regard for Draco's disgusting cold robe. They hadn't seen each other for about a month, and Malfoy was just as happy to see Zabini as the last one.

"I thought I wouldn't see you until next Christmas. Is it bad weather in London again?"

"As usual," he shrugged. "I'm on business."

"Something happened?" Zabini furrowed his brows.

"I need your girlfriend. I want to talk to Ginny."

"She won't talk to you, Draco." Blaise relaxed. "We all know what you want to talk to her about."

"I have to find out the truth."

"Has anyone ever felt better from the truth? I don't think you need to go far."

"I have to."

"You don't owe anything, Draco. Don't get into this shit."

"This is my life, Blaise."

"Ginny!" Zabini shouted, clearly annoyed by the conversation with his friend.

Malfoy was well aware of his friends` fears. He didn't like the idea himself but he could no longer run away from it as if it hadn`t happened. It won't get any better and if it gets worse, then he wasn`t afraid of it. Draco was prepared for irreparable pain after talking with the Weasley.

Even if Blaise's girlfriend didn't talk to him, he would still be in pain. He has been in pain all these years.

The red-haired girl appeared on the veranda a few minutes later, immediately changing her face at the sight of the guest. She lowered the little red-haired boy to the floor, flicked him on the nose and smiled warmly:

"Run off, dear, and play with your grandmother. Mom will come soon."

"Dad?" The child pouted his lips and looked towards Blaise. "When will dad come?"

"Dad is already coming," Zabini jumped to his son, grabbing him in his arms.

Ginny watched her son and man go and reluctantly turned to Malfoy. The tension between them was felt from afar. The air literally sparkled with the hanging tension and anger of the Weasley. She took a step towards Draco and folded her arms across her chest.

"What do you want, Malfoy?" He felt the disgust with which she spoke his name. "Why'd you come here, of all places?"

"I want to know…"

"Do not dare!" Ginny interrupted. "Don't even dare say her name!"

"You have to tell me!" Malfoy couldn`t resist. "I have a right to know!"

"I don't owe you anything, bastard! You have no rights! Get the hell out of here, otherwise, you will end up like your wife!"

"Shut up!" He grabbed her wrist, his eyes suddenly darkened. "Who are you to mention her?"

"And who are you to ask me something?" Ginny snatched her hand from Malfoy's grip. "Go away."

He turned and stopped. He knew Ginny was the only one who could tell him the truth. She was the only one who talked with Granger in the last year at Hogwarts. Potter and her brother didn`t return for an additional eight-year and didn`t know what was happening within the walls of the school.

"I beg you," he dropped to his knees. "I have to find out the truth."

Everyone was hustling and running somewhere, while Malfoy wanted to get to the dungeons as soon as possible in order to let go of another hard day. Every new day without her seemed like sophisticated torture. It was like ten Unforgivable together, it was more painful just to look at how she smiled carelessly and pretended nothing had happened.

"Mr. Malfoy," a stern female voice came from behind him, "May I invite you to my office for a few minutes?"

McGonagall stood a few feet from him and waited for an answer.

"Of course," Draco sighed wearily and dragged himself along the old woman.

If it had happened a year earlier, he wouldn`t have followed the mother of all gryffindors so obediently in life, but now he didn`t give a damn. He had no idea what McGonagall wanted and why it was necessary to go to her office for this. Malfoy just wanted to get rid of her as soon as possible and return to his monotonous plans.

"How long have you seen Miss Granger?" The woman asked as soon as they were in the headmaster`s office. "What did you talk about the last time?"

"What?" Malfoy stared blankly at McGonagall. "How am I involved with Herm... Granger?"

"I know you and Miss Granger had a certain kind of relationship," the woman blurted out with obvious anger. "Therefore, I ask you to immediately answer my questions."

"I saw her this morning at breakfast, in the Great Hall. The last time we spoke was in June when she told me to fuck off."

"I ask you not to swear. You can go, and I ask you not to tell anyone about our conversation."

He wanted to send McGonagall to hell. He leaned into her office so she could ask him two questions and look at him like he was a piece of dragon shit. Malfoy opened his mouth, but restrained himself and headed towards the doors.

"Why did you ask, headmaster?" Suddenly burst out of his mouth when one leg was already beyond the threshold.

"Miss Granger is missing," Minerva said quietly but excitedly. "I thought she could share something important with you, but I was mistaken."

"What do you mean "missing"?" he angrily slammed the door.

"Nobody saw her after breakfast. She didn't appear in class, she's not in the living room and in the bedroom either..."

"But that doesn't mean she's missing! There are more secret passages and places in Hogwarts than there are stars in the sky!"

"We're looking, Mr Malfoy!" McGonagall screamed. "But so far to no avail..."

Everyone was looking for her. They were looking for her everywhere. And then these searches stopped. Once and for all.

Except he still remembered the same breakfast when he saw her for the last time. She was smiling and talking to Ginny while Goldstein adjusted her hair. This is how he remembered her, happy, but no longer with him.

"She's missing," Weasley said coldly. "She just disappeared. Is that what you wanted to hear?

"You know a lot more. You wouldn't stop looking for her if she just disappeared. You all stopped looking for her and pretended like she never existed. I would assume you all just gave up on. I could have believed that Potter and your brother did that, but not you." He looked up. "What happened then? I beg you. Tell me."

"This is not my story and not my secret."

"I can't live without her."

"Somehow you lived all these eight years, even got married."

"Is she alive?" Malfoy asked very quietly, afraid to hear the answer to this question.

Any answer would have killed him.

"Yes."

Final shot to the head and heart. She's alive, and he didn't do anything, didn't even try. He spent eight years waking up in the mornings trying to move on, believing that wherever she was and whatever happened to her was better than being with him. But now he realized his whole life without her is just pain, in its purest form.

"If you can call it life," Ginny whispered. "I`d rather die than live such a miserable life. Anyone would."