Chapter 54
There is no emotion, there is peace.
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.
There is no passion, there is serenity.
There is no chaos, there is harmony.
There is no death, there is the Force.
Jedi were never meant to be generals, Ben mused. War was the antithesis of the Jedi code. There was no peace, serenity, or harmony in warfare. As he moved through the intricate steps of the kata, Ben found beauty in the precision and complexity of Makashi. While the highly defensive form of Soresu that his master had trained him in was his mainstay on the battlefield, he had devoted most of his free time to mastering each lesson of his newly adopted form. It was here, highly in tune with the Force that he found his serenity, harmony, and peace.
With each step, he released the uncertainty and frustration that the chaos of war and recent events of his life had brought. Yes, the Council felt he had proved himself on Geonosis and since had knighted him. There had been pride with a hint of grief in his master's eyes as he had severed his apprentice's braid, reflecting what Ben too had felt. His knighting had been rushed, as a response to war. In all actuality, little had changed since his knighting. Ben was a general under Obi-Wan's command, still at his master's side, still training with him almost daily. In fact, he hadn't even bothered to move out of his quarters at the Temple yet. They were seldom there.
A smile tugged at his lips as he felt the slight fluctuation in the Force indicating a poorly concealed Force presence. He had picked up an observer since arriving back at the Temple after this last campaign. The youngling sometimes practiced on her own in the neighboring room, sometimes watched him when she thought he wasn't aware of her presence, but always made a hasty departure when his master arrived. Perhaps she drew the line at spying on a member of the esteemed Council. Ben figured it was time to call her out. He finished the kata, coming to a closing position, and extinguished his saber.
"I know you are there," he called out softly. He heard a quiet gasp in response and continued, "You have done nothing wrong, but I think it is time we met."
Ben turned around, getting his first good look at his observer.
"My name is Ben'dek Itires, but I go by Ben."
She wore the clothing of a youngling; however, the saber hanging at her side showed that she had completed "The Gathering" on Ilum. That meant she was older than her size suggested. He saw no braid or beads indicating padawan status. At the moment, she seemed very interested in the tips of her boots.
"I assume you have a name?" he prompted.
"Ruo," she replied, looking up at him with worried brown eyes. She apparently thought she was in trouble. "Ruo An."
"You've been watching me. I think it is only fair you show me what you can do with that saber."
The girl considered him for a moment before she unclipped her saber and assumed an opening stance. Ben noted with amusement that she was attempting to mimic the kata she had just seen.
"Ah, you think you are ready for Makashi, do you?"
"I haven't seen anything like it before," she replied softly. "It's beautiful."
"It is, but it is a little beyond your training right now," Ben said. "How about you show me your favorite kata instead?"
The girl thought again and then closed her eyes, a content smile slipping across her features as she began a kata that had been one of Ben's favorites as well. Her slight form glided easily through the steps with grace and elegance atypical of someone so young. The Force stirred and whispered to him.
"I am not ready," he whispered back. The Force declined to answer.
The still figure didn't move when Anakin entered the room. That was the first thing that worried him. As he took a moment to observe his master, Anakin didn't like what he saw. Xanatos was kneeling on the floor in a meditative pose. Sweat soaked the hair that fell over his shoulders as well as the tunic that stuck to his back. Anakin could sense that his master was drawing the Force to him as he had never felt before, not even in the days following Tatooine and Geonosis. It was desperation, pure and simple. That was the only word that Anakin could assign to what he sensed. Deciding he had lurked long enough, Anakin walked over and kneeled down opposite his master. Xanatos immediately opened his eyes and looked at him. Anakin drew in a harsh breath. It looked as though his master had aged in even the few hours he had been gone, not in appearance, but in the burden that he seemed to carry.
"What's wrong?" Anakin asked.
He tried to think of what might be troubling his master so much. Obi-Wan and Ben were safe with them on Coruscant. Besides, Anakin would have sensed if something had happened to either of them. Had something happened to his mother? Cliegg? Owen?
"We need to talk," Xanatos said too seriously for Anakin's comfort. The Jedi master then settled to a cross-legged position on the floor. Anakin said nothing as he followed his master's example.
"Master Yoda came and spoke to me about a mission."
"Where are we going?" Anakin asked, knowing he probably wasn't going to like the answer.
"The mission is for me alone," Xanatos continued. "The Council has asked me to attempt to infiltrate the Separatists. To be specific, Count Dooku's inner circle."
"Master," Anakin protested, already shaking his head. "Do they even understand what they are asking?"
"Yes, which is why it is not an order," Xanatos explained calmly. "Obviously, there is a decision to make."
Xanatos watched him for a moment, waiting for a response. Anakin wanted to give one. The idea that the Council would even ask this nearly enraged him. Instead, he offered a shrug and broke eye contact with his master.
"You must do what you feel is right, Master."
Xanatos laughed. Not a snicker or a chuckle, a whole-hearted laugh, which helped to break the tension that threatened to fold the room in on itself. "Now Anakin Skywalker plays the part of the dutiful, obedient padawan."
Anakin couldn't help but crack a smile when his master put it that way.
"That's not the Anakin I need right now." The smile disappeared from Xanatos' face again, the burden returning to his features. "I honestly don't know what to do. I need your help, Padawan. I need someone to help me mull over this decision and decide if I am reacting according to the Force or according to emotion."
"You're leaning towards going, aren't you?"
"The war is dragging on, and I could help end it," Xanatos said. "I worry about attending your funeral or Obi-Wan's, or worse, having to stand at Obi-Wan's side should something happen to Ben. But those fears, as real as they may be, are not a valid reason."
"Ben said that the Council feels like they are in the dark."
"Listening in on things he shouldn't again, I see," Xanatos murmured.
"How can the Council think anyone would really believe you have walked away?" Anakin blurted out.
"I did once before." Xanatos pointed out. He took a deep breath and ran shaky hands through his hair. "Though I hate to admit it, most in the Temple will have no problem believing I have left the Order again. Especially, when the reason becomes apparent."
"So, what's the plan?"
"The Council is going to knight you … against my wishes, essentially removing you from my care." Xanatos gave a slight shrug. "That would easily do the trick."
"Knight me?" Anakin asked, failing to hide a hint of giddiness from his voice.
"In name only, Padawan," Xanatos chided teasingly. "In reality, Obi-Wan would take over your training for a time, until I return."
"So, I will be a fake knight," Anakin grumbled sarcastically, adding a slight nod of his head.
"You will be as much undercover as I am, which is why I can't make this decision alone." Xanatos reached out and fingered the braid that fell from behind his apprentice's ear. "You will be required to sacrifice and bear as much of a burden as I will."
"I won't be the one in danger without anyone to watch my back."
"You will be the one living a dual existence here, listening to whatever disparaging remarks come up about me, hearing as my honor is ripped apart … and you won't be able to defend me. You must go along with the charade that I am a traitor who falls to the Dark side. No one can know."
"Obi-Wan?"
"The Council, Obi-Wan, you, and I have asked that Ben be told. That's it. Everyone else must believe I have fallen – your mother and Cliegg and Owen, Bant, Senator Amidala, everyone."
"It's not fair!" Anakin snapped heatedly. "You have worked so hard, and now they are asking you to flirt with the Dark side again."
"We never are guaranteed that life will be fair," Xanatos replied firmly. It was a lesson he had tried to instill in his apprentice since the beginning of his training. "Having worked so hard to resist the Dark side is what makes me best suited for this assignment."
"What if I lose you?" Anakin asked, sounding more like a lost little boy than the young man he was becoming.
"You could lose me on one of these hellholes that they call battlefields," Xanatos reminded sarcastically.
"That's not what I mean."
"Padawan," Xanatos spoke in the soft voice he had always used to reassure Anakin after a bad dream or when a mission had gone bad, the one that held the wisdom and strength of one who had faced much and always came through strong. "I gave you my word that I would not fall again – that I would die first. It's an oath I don't take lightly. I will remember that you are here holding me to that promise if it gets tough."
"When do you have to give an answer?" Anakin asked in a near whisper.
"The Council has given me a week to explore the matter." Xanatos rose to his knees. "I will not accept this assignment if you are not in complete agreement as well. Will you help me, Padawan?"
Anakin too rose to his knees, and both master and padawan sank into the agitated currents of the Force in meditation, hoping that together they could make sense of it.
Obi-Wan walked slowly toward the training rooms. He was late meeting up with Ben - again, unable to speak to him about what was on his mind and heart - again. After leaving Xanatos, he had sought out the Force on his own to center himself from a swirling mess of emotion, knowing that Ben would pick up on his former master's troubled spirit. Never had he thought that Xanatos would give any consideration to actually going undercover with a Sith. At least Xanatos had agreed to meditate with Anakin and spend a week to make his decision.
An unfamiliar voice caused Obi-Wan to stop outside the training room door.
"What am I doing wrong?"
"You're trying too hard." It was Ben's voice that replied. "There is a lot of truth in what Master Yoda always told us - to do and not try."
"How do I do it without trying?" The young voice matched the frustration bleeding into the Force and Obi-Wan held in an amused laugh.
"You are very gifted so it is easy for you to rely on your own physical abilities instead of the Force," Ben explained patiently. "But this part of the kata requires you to be in tune with the Force. You can not do it on your own no matter how hard you try."
"I don't understand," the youngling replied, obviously exasperated.
"Let's try this," Ben suggested. "I am going to perform the same part of the kata that is giving you trouble. I want you to close your eyes and pay attention to the Force around me and see what you notice."
Obi-Wan allowed his eyes to slide shut, sensing his former apprentice's strong connection to the Force and the way it flowed through him, an extension of his movements. The master knew it had not always been the case and he felt an overwhelming sense of pride in the young man's accomplishments.
"Now Rou, I want you to perform the third movement again. This time close your eyes and focus only on the Force."
The youngling began again, following Ben's instructions. Obi-Wan could sense the young knight's instinctive nudges toward his student and wondered if the pair were even aware of the blossoming connection through the Force.
"I did it," the girl replied excitedly at the close.
"Well done, Rou," Ben praised warmly.
Deciding he had eavesdropped long enough, Obi-Wan stepped around the corner.
"Hello, there."
"Master," Ben acknowledged, glancing down at the youngling he had been helping as though he might be reprimanded.
"Master Kenobi," the girl said, bowing respectfully before hurrying to tidy a few strands of black hair that had worked their way loose from her long braid. "I was just going back to my room. Master Kya is probably wondering where I am."
She quickly pulled on her boots and clipped her saber to her belt.
"Thank you, Knight Itires." The girl bit down on her lip for a moment. "My clan is working on training exercises tomorrow if you have time to come help - but, you are probably busy, I know."
"I will see what I can do," Ben said after a moment.
With a smile that reached large, dark eyes the girl scampered off leaving master and apprentice alone.
"First, Makashi, now as a secret apprentice," Obi-Wan teased. "What should I expect next?"
"Master," Ben replied, sliding down to sit against the wall. "It's not what you think. I was just helping her through a rough patch in a kata."
"If you recall, that's how our journey began," Obi-Wan reminded him, joining his former apprentice on the floor. "And that was a bit more than helping her with a rough patch. You helped her connect more deeply to the Force."
"I know," Ben breathed out in frustration after a pause. "If I am being perfectly honest, it … it felt right."
"The Force has spoken to you about her," Obi-Wan murmured in sudden realization.
"And I told it I am not ready, Master," Ben replied, tipping his head back against the wall.
"Tell me, why are you reluctant to consider an apprentice?" Obi-Wan asked.
"I haven't even been a knight for a year, Master," Ben replied as though the reason should be obvious. "I am still not even sure I should be a knight."
"There are many who take apprentices almost immediately after being knighted," Obi-Wan encouraged.
"Master, it is not simply a matter of taking an apprentice. Perhaps, I am not ready … no, perhaps I fear taking her to war - look at her - she's what - 40 kilos soaking wet?" Ben shook his head. "How do I keep her alive on a battlefield?"
"What would Master Yoda say of size?" Obi-Wan asked calmly. "Believe it or not, there was a master at one time concerned with keeping Padawan Yoda alive long enough to be knighted. It is one of many struggles Jedi face in the journey of becoming a Jedi master."
"You never seemed to have doubts …"
"Xanatos can tell you how often I felt inadequate to the task of training you. In turn, he has often come to me for counsel in his own training of Anakin."
Ben grew quiet for a moment, and Obi-Wan could sense him trying to order his thoughts.
"The Council has actually considered assigning younglings to some knights and masters," Obi-Wan murmured. "The need is too great and we have lost many. The truth is … you are gifted, well trained, and would make a good teacher. If the Force is speaking to you, trust its prompting."
"Will you meditate with me about it, Master?"
"Of course, Padawan. Just because you are a knight does not mean I am no longer here to listen and provide counsel. Trust me, you will need it as a new master."