This dream again. This dream…again.

I'm in an endless field, tall grass fluttering in the wind hypnotically. Before me is a sword – a sword in a stone. It's a beautiful weapon. Even I can tell that much. Its power is nearly emanating from where it lies wedged within granite, otherworldly might beckoning me to try my hand at pulling it out from imprisonment. Gold, silver, and blue sparkle in the evening sun, luminescent hues of purple and orange cascading over the foreign land.

A hand touches my shoulder, and a soft voice whispers in my ear. I've only heard the voice once, as far as I can remember, but chills run my spine as his words wind their way through my very soul and being.

'It's time.'

I awaken with a start, a shaky breath exiting my mouth as I sit up in a bed that I still find unfamiliar. I turn in the moonlight within what I quickly recognize as my apartment, but something is different. I know it is. There's a warmth at my side, and when I glance about, not even the darkness of the night can conceal the form that shifts ever so slightly next to mine. Rin Tohsaka is inches from my body, her hair draped about her gorgeous visage alluringly. I can't look away from the beauty that is this girl I…

I…

I feel the heat rushing over my face, my hands covering my cheeks soon thereafter as the coolness of my apartment at night notifies me that I am still very much naked.

I made love to Rin Tohsaka. When she brought me to this bed, we had continued to pleasure one another for quite some time. I was lost in longing, desire, and lust not completely my own, yet I cared not. I wanted to feel Rin's mouth between my legs. I wanted to fulfill her with my fingers while she did the same for me. I wanted to taste her again, and she returned the favour simultaneously, the position we had taken, in retrospect, causing my face to burn even hotter as I recall it.

Then, we faded, the adrenaline lost to us but the emotions heightened beyond redemption. She held me and I held her. We whispered words of affection, a hesitancy coming over us until Rin was the first to succumb to sleep. Then, I said what I felt, knowing it was the truth.

'I love you, Rin.' I whisper to the sleeping girl, a pain tickling my heart.

It's time…?

'Indeed. You have decided, haven't you?'

I can't turn to see him. Somehow, I know he might leave if I do. His airy voice triggers memories both pleasant and horrid. Déjà vu again. Naturally…

Decided what?

'To accept your truth.'

I…Perhaps I have.

'Perhaps?'

I don't know anymore…

'As entertaining as I have found all this, you serve no real purpose as you are beyond a placeholder. Does a caterpillar decide to stay as thus knowing it can become a butterfly? Never. There is nothing to fear in ascension.'

…But the caterpillar is no longer a caterpillar once it decides to transform.

'It is not a decision. It is fate. You are heir to a greater being; one that gave up everything for this chance.'

A chance to be with her again?

'Indeed. Rin Tohsaka. To think she would be the greatest influence upon my favourite human.'

I'm…not your favourite human?

'You are and are not. Just as you are and are not the person Rin loves. If you do not take the sword, you will forever be just that; a replacement. A sad, pitiful end, honestly.'

Rin is willing to accept me, should I choose to stay.

'…And you believe her?'

I step out of bed and carefully put on a housecoat. I tie the soft band around my waist and make my way to the kitchen, stealthily pouring myself a drink of water and downing it in a few gulps before placing it in the sink and wandering into the main living area. I sit at the end of the sectional Rin bought me, and I can't help but reflect upon the way I had so unabashedly performed a rather lewd act upon her. The most I had ever done with anyone was kiss. Yet, with Rin, I easily and willingly engaged in oral sex as if I had any clue of what I was doing. I was drunk with affection; affection I know is not solely my own. Affection so strong and palpable it directed my actions into a realm I couldn't imagine mere days ago.

I should feel regret. Shame. Panic. But all I feel is unfulfilled. All I feel is the desire to do it all again to her. Because I love her. I love her so much my chest hurts with every moment I'm away from her. However, there lies another paradox, for there is a notion of guilt when I'm with Rin. It is a guilt stemming from the concept that I am, indeed, not who she truly wishes to be with. I'm not the woman she is thinking of when that sad expression subtly passes over her intoxicating features. I am a shadow of the woman Rin truly loves. I can empathize with that. I fell for a shadow as well, after all. My lady in red…My…

You're saying I shouldn't?

'I'm saying Rin is a good girl. She sincerely cares about you, I can imagine. But you're delusional if you think you're who she wants.'

His words cut deeper because they reflect my own trepidations. I know he's not wrong. I know because there's no way Rin and I could be in the situation we're in right now if there wasn't more to our meeting.

If I pull the sword from the stone…I'll learn the truth?

'Heh. Assuming you're still worthy, yes.'

Even if I can't, Rin will tell me everything should I ask her to.

'She can tell you, but so long as you reject the sword, you shall remain Lily. You must accept your fate. You can only become that which gave you this opportunity if you personally allow it.'

I lay upon the couch's longer piece, my legs dangling over the edge as I stare up at the dark, unfamiliar ceiling. I'm tired, but I'm not sure I can go back to sleep. I know I'll dream again. I know he'll be there, waiting for an answer. I know for a fact the dreams that have haunted me all my life are likely the memories of the woman Rin wants – the woman she earnestly desires.

Tears fill my eyes against my will and I turn on my side, curling into a ball and biting at my lip.

I thought making love to Rin would give me no regrets. Instead, the passion we shared only fed my uncertainty. I only feel a sense of selfishness and unshakable entitlement. I want to stay with Rin as I am. I'm scared of losing this unfiltered affection. All my life, a blank canvas stretched out in my mind, too many pieces missing to be normal. Rin, all on her own, filled such a gap in my psyche that the idea of threatening that peace is terrifying.

I want to take her hand and walk to school together. I want to have lunch with her. I want to sneak kisses when we think nobody is watching. I want to listen to her speak of her passions, goals, and accomplishments. I also want to be there for her when she's sad; because a deep part of me know she hasn't had someone like that for a long, long time.

I want to protect her. I want to be by her side always. I want to introduce her to my parents and tell them about my newfound love. I want to endure life with her. I want to be with her until my dying days.

'These aren't…my thoughts.' I mutter breathlessly, tears streaming down my cheeks and onto the couch. 'B-but they feel more real than anything I've experienced before now.'

…I'm scared. I don't want to lose her.

'You've only known her for hardly two days.'

And I've never been so comfortable with someone. So terribly protective of them. So fixated and obsessed with their happiness. I am on the verge of possibly giving up my sense of self for her.

'You will only disappear if you allow it to be so, Lily.'

Even in a dream, my heart leaps and bounds.

W-what…?

'The caterpillar remembers all it has learned even after becoming a butterfly, does it not? Only the passage of time can take away what you already know.'

Is that…the truth?

I fear he's tricking me. There is something not altogether trustworthy about the way he spoke.

'Mostly. I think. Maybe not. You see, there is always the chance the flood of memories could completely override your consciousness as well, I suppose.'

To be able to speak so flippantly about someone's possible misery. This man is horrible. Yet, I am not surprised.

I'm not sure how long I remain alone on the couch. Long enough to catch a chill without the warmth of a blanket or Rin. My housecoat could only do so much. My thoughts were swirling out of control, the depths of the night doing little to help my already compromised psyche. I kept going in circles, one moment committing to taking whatever risk was involved if it meant giving Rin happiness and the next selfishly clutching onto what I had in the present.

It was foolish. The joy I derived from being with Rin wasn't my own. My actions as of late didn't correlate with the experiences I could recall. It wasn't fair of me to stay with Rin if I didn't have the intent to give her the woman she loved. That man was cruel, but he wasn't exactly lying to me either…

'So, what shall it be? Need we drag this out further? Or is it time for the charade to come to a close?'

The sword in the stone glimmers in the remnants of the evening sun. A breeze blows through the field, causing the grass to tickle my ankles. I swallow within the dream, the act far more difficult than I thought possible.

I…

'Lily…?'

My sandpaper eyes snap open, and I'm disoriented, the dreamworld I've filtered in and out of the whole night mixing with reality. Rin's voice startles me, and I turn about on the couch, almost falling off completely before I feel her hand on my shoulder. Rin helps me maintain my balance, and I shuffle up and into the back of the couch, huddling my knees close to my chest.

'S-sorry.' I mutter, not sure why I'm apologizing.

'Sorry?' Rin rubs her eyes with one hand, holding the blanket from my bed close over her body with the other. 'For leaving me? If so, then I'll forgive you if you return sooner rather than later.'

A flicker of hope passes over my heart, but then I'm captured again by the dread of what it means to move forward in this life of mine. I hear that man's feathery voice demanding a decision, and I struggle to look directly at Rin, fearing any resolve I'm managing to muster will disappear with but a glance of her.

'Hm.' Rin makes a sound of affirmation, as if she's figured something out. 'You're not okay.'

She says it so confidently, even though I was trying to hide the terror I'm feeling with every fibre of my being. Then again, I suppose being out in the middle of the night alone on a couch was all the evidence she needed.

'Not…really.' I admit, sniffing back tears and the quiver in my voice.

'Of course.' Rin sighed, but it wasn't a physical act of disappointment or exasperation. She sat beside me, close enough so our arms were touching despite hers being concealed in the blanket mostly. She must have felt me shivering, for she quickly wrapped a part of the comforter over me, cuddling into my body so that her immediate warmth cascaded through my veins.

'Thank-you.' I hear my voice and it's so quiet and shy, reflecting my mental turmoil perfectly.

'I had a feeling this might happen…' Rin sounded annoyed with herself even while keeping her tone to a near whisper. 'But I was careless, regardless.'

I consider what Rin says, and quickly understand why she might be chastising herself. The thought immediately makes me uncomfortable, and I shake my head, wanting to take Rin's hand under the blanket but hesitating.

'No. I don't regret what happened between us, Rin. Not even a little bit…'

'Really?' She sounds hopeful, and I wonder what exactly has happened in her life to make her seem so relieved to know she hasn't wronged someone because of a lapse in judgement. I could find out. She could tell me. She could tell me everything.

'Of course. Honestly, being this close to you makes me think some fairly obscene things even now.'

I like the way I can imagine Rin's cheeks flushing over with embarrassment. It's a side of her I have a feeling only I am lucky enough to see. I can't look directly at her due to my own fears, but I at least allow my hand to find hers under the covers. Our fingers tickle one another's for a brief moment, and I feel her massage my palm with her thumb before she strokes the lengths of my hand and finally intertwine hers with mine. I shiver, having been joking before about my desires but not feeling quite as frivolous with the words chosen. Rin's touch completely overwhelmed me.

'It's not like I would mind or anything…' Rin mutters shyly, and it's positively endearing beyond compare. 'But if it's not about that, then you're having second guesses about our future.'

I feel Rin squeeze my hand as if she's offering immediate comfort and security to the situation. The relief I experience is swift, and somehow the sword in the stone doesn't seem so intimidating to me.

'Something along those lines, yes.'

'That's understandable.' Rin nods, her thumb drawing soft lines over my hand as she continues to hold it. 'So, I'll repeat myself: there's no rush. Take your time.'

'And I appreciate your consideration, but by taking your advice I'm only delaying and perhaps even perpetuating our possible anguish, am I not?'

When Rin doesn't instantly deny this, my chest caves.

'Hear the Tohsaka girl out, then, at the very least. Let her words begin to guide you back to the sword. When you learn the truth, then make your decision. Sound fair?'

I breathe in the pure air around me, the enchantment of the sword in the stone sprinkled throughout the very air as it remains lodged in ornate granite.

Maybe that's all I can really do at this point…

'…I think I need to hear everything. Right now. While I'm brave enough to listen.'

'Lily…' Rin begins, but I squeeze her hand back.

'Please, Rin. At least the bare minimum of how we might have gotten to this point where I'm capable of putting your happiness and joy above and beyond my own.'

Rin huffs haughtily, and I smile at the sound, a deep part of me relishing the stubborn reaction.

'Are you sure?' Rin asks after a substantial beat in the darkness.

I open my mouth, close it again, and then allow myself to answer.

'I am. This can't go on. I can't think about sleep at this point. Please, Rin.'

Rin breathes out slowly enough for me to hear it, and then she releases my hand, shuffling under the covers.

'At least allow me to put on some clothes first, then.'

'Do you really have to?' I try to tease, alleviating my own building stress with the attempt. Rin scoffs at me, and I feel goosebumps over my arms as she steps out of the blanket, the barely present moonlight peeking through any curtains I have up painting a silhouette of feminine perfection as Rin proceeds to my room. I can't help but wonder if she's purposely swaying her hips more than usual to get me back for the previous comments.

'I hope you don't mind if I borrow some of yours.' She speaks calmly before disappearing into my room briefly.

I pull the blanket tight over my shoulder, a strange semblance of excitement and terror vying for dominance in my conduct. Rin doesn't take long to return, and I am suddenly certain she is attempting to toy with my emotions. She's wearing nothing but a plain dark t-shirt with white underwear just barely peeking out from underneath. I only own boring panties save for the odd one with a tiny pink bow in the front, but somehow knowing Rin went so far as to borrow a pair was enough to set my mind on fire.

Was this her attempt to calm me down? In a way, it somewhat worked, for the conversation didn't seem so scary now, but in another way, I knew I really was becoming aroused again, which was so very silly.

Rin quickly pulled the other half of the blanket over her body, the warmth of her closeness calming my nerves anew.

'Ahem.' Rin cleared her throat. 'Thank-you.'

'O-of course.'

A beat.

'I thought it might soothe the tension in the air, okay?' Rin went off suddenly. 'But now I feel ridiculous! I should have just grabbed the pair of shorts I saw. Damn it…'

So, she was trying to do something outrageous for me, but it backfired. She's so cute…

'I mean…it's definitely having an effect. Not sure if it's precisely what you were going for, but…'

'Ugh!' Rin groaned. 'Whatever. It'd be just as embarrassing to go back and change. It's fine.'

'Heh.' I let out a giggle, moving my head so it's resting on Rin's gently. She leans into the contact, her hand finding mine again under the covers.

'Are you truly certain, Lily?' She whispers, and I hold her hand tighter, biting at my bottom lip and nodding so she can feel it.

'Yes. I think I am. If what I feel for you is even a fragment of what you had, then I could never, in good conscious, deny you another second, Rin.'

Rin sighed again, this time distantly but with a certain level of commitment.

'Very well.' She decided. 'But once again, stop me if you start to feel strange, or scared, or out of sorts whatsoever. Understand?'

'I do.'

Rin squeezes my hand one last time, and I can almost tell what she is thinking. Perhaps because I want the same thing. I turn my head, and her lips are waiting for mine. I give in, feeling her soft mouth melding so perfectly with my own, our kiss lingering tentatively before we part.

'I'm ready.' I say with finality, and Rin nods, taking a deep breath and then beginning where she presumably thought it best to.

'I'll consolidate the information to the most relevant pieces, starting with the Fifth Holy Grail War…'

My left eye twitches with immediate understanding, but I snuggle in as close as I can to Rin as she continues, her voice levelled with only brief moments of shakiness slipping through. Her words wash over me as she goes on to describe the summoning process involved with the hidden war, and when she mentions the class of Saber, I'm shaken, my body curling into a ball next to the girl who had become the master of the strongest unit available. The word "Saber" has less of an effect on me than before, perhaps because I'm ready for such moments of déjà vu, but the more Rin goes on, the less control of my thoughts I begin to have, and I fall into a daze unlike any before it.

The sword pulsates with golden light, my hand subconsciously reaching out to it despite still being a few feet away from being capable of drawing the blade out. The wind whips about me, tugging at my humble tunic.

'You going to give it a try, Altria?'

I suck in a deep breath of air, the voice manifesting into physical form as a young man I know better than most goads me on.

I better not, Kay. I wouldn't want to bruise your poor ego by succeeding where you failed…multiple times.

Howls of laughter and whoops surround me, and a faceless crowd is cheering alongside claps of inspiration.

'You forget the duels we've fought where you've gotten the upper hand? Pretty sure my ego is more than capable of enduring another beating.'

I take a step forward, my hair catching in the wind as if I'm being drawn to the sword.

King Arthur. Saber's true name was King Arthur. Of course, it was. King Arthur Pendragon. The same last name as me. Rin and Saber fought in the war together as mage and knight. The thought transports me to my dreams, and everything clicks into place so perfectly. I hear Rin string words together in a haze of comprehension, a bubbling in my heart prickling with every second that passes.

Rin describes the fights won, the fights postponed, and the strife caused amidst them all. Yet, as she begins to talk about the feelings she couldn't resist feeling for Saber, I know I'm holding her arm with both my hands suddenly, nuzzling my face between her chin and chest.

'L-Lily…?' She stops short, but I need her to keep going.

'It's fine.' I murmur. 'It's fine…'

Rin hesitates, but proceeds, regardless, respecting my resolve. The more she describes the relationship that formed between herself and Saber, the more I want to hold her, love her, and be with her forevermore; especially when her voice quivers with restrained emotion. My dreamworld begins to merge with reality as she describes the strife she and Saber endured; their love fated to be severed, but the emotions felt too powerful to ever resist.

Who am I?

I ask the question, and the crowd goes silent, Kay giving me a questioning glance as he crosses his muscular arms over one another.

'Uh-oh. The stress of failing is causing my poor sister to lose her mind.'

Laughter, and even I practically smirk.

What if I told you my name was Lily?

Silence renewed, but this time, I could tell I was causing a strange scene. The wind could be heard blowing about, collecting under my feet and encircling me.

'What are…you talking about, Altria?'

Is that my name?

'Of course, it is. What kind of strange prank are you pulling here?'

I suppose I could be both, couldn't I?

'Altria. Are you going to give the sword an attempt or what? I don't think anyone's getting your joke here.'

'Rin…' I clutch Rin's arm tighter, pressing it between my breasts, a warmth forming in my stomach and dispersing through my whole body. Rin's tale weaves itself into my mind, thousands of pieces falling onto the canvas that is my life. There are too many for the frame, but I know each one. I recognize every single image no matter how fragmented.

'Rin…' I murmur, kissing her neck, holding her face now, and embracing her with every thought of affection she has bestowed upon me.

'Lily…?'

'Keep going…Please.'

'Are you okay?'

I close my eyes, my breaths laboured as I resist the urge to continue kissing Rin from every angle. My heart is plummeting with love, my body heating up and mind whirring. The puzzle pieces are moving on their own, forming pictures that correspond with the events Rin describes.

Every intimate encounter. Every life-threatening confrontation. A confession in the rain. Lovemaking full of fear. A terrible separation. A shadow's lust. A fight for freedom and redemption. A tragic farewell.

'Ah…' I shiver, clutching onto Rin's clothes and holding fast to my consciousness.

It couldn't be clearer. Saber was King Arthur Pendragon. Everything in my life that mattered led me to this moment. These feelings, these thoughts, these dreams…they were all to lead me – to bring Arturia Pendragon – back to Rin Tohsaka no matter what it took.

'Lily?'

I push off Rin and stand up away from the couch, my mind cracking but the memories finding a place in the canvas of my soul. I break apart the frame and rework it, extending the space needed for another life; another entity that's been in my heart since the very beginning. I'm not afraid. Not even slightly. Why should I fear that which is simply a part of me? Why wouldn't I want to be whole? If it means bringing the woman I love the joy she deserves then I will gladly accept the call of Avalon. Afterall…

I hesitate not, stepping to the sword in the stone and taking its hilt with both my hands. The crowd shakes off my previous outrageous musings and begins clapping slowly with encouragement.

'Altria…?' Kay gapes, but I merely give him a knowing grin.

I'm aware of the outcome of this. I know…because I've done it before.

'Well done, my king. You never fail to keep me oh, so very entertained…'

Merlin's words echoing in my mind, and with a swift burst of strength, I extract Caliburn from its stone, and my dream is filled with laughter, screams of joy, and the weight of Camelot's story returned to my hands.

Afterall…

I turn back to my Rin, the image of the love of my life filling me with joy incomparable. She notices immediately – instantaneously – her hands covering half her face as tears fill her eyes.

'Afterall, the Everdistant Utopia is not so far from me now, is it, my glorious Crimson Maiden?'