Author Note:

Hello and welcome back! I know that this has been a long time coming! The holidays have thrown me waaaaaay off course and it has been hard to get back on track! So here we are! Enjoy!

Thank you to my beta, she had stayed with me on this and kept me consistent. Neither of us expected this story to go on this long (I practically have this whole thing written on my computer). So I hope you guys like it!

Chapter Eleven

Starkiller Base, Ilum, 34 ABY

A week had passed since the First Order had destroyed the soul, the government of the galaxy. There was a rumor that the Resistance was gearing up for a counter-attack to retaliate against this first act of war. After years of working in the shadows, building an army, it had finally begun. Though, it was not something that satisfied him. In fact the opposite, it carved out his insides. The screams of the Hosnian system had echoed in his mind since that consequential day. He tried not to think about it, tried to ignore it, but with that much blood, those screams were too powerful to ignore.

The meetings that took place the days following did not hold his attention, even when they pertained important intelligence and stratagems against the Resistance. How could he, when all those screams rang sharply in his ears? He should be focused on the attack heading their way. He should be focused on the presentations led by First Order generals. He should be a monster, unaware and uncaring about the screams that cried out in the Force that day.

It caused a distinct shift in the Force, making it abundantly clear that the Dark was rising to power again. Did Kylo Ren really want to be a part of that? Did he really want to be the monster he had let himself become? The only solace he could find was selfish, that Rey had not been there. That at least, if it meant anything, she was safe. But in order to keep her that way, he must cast her far from his thoughts when Snoke lingered there.

If he must continue to be a monster to keep her far away from himself, then he would. If he must make her hate him so that Snoke would never touch her, then he would. And if he must kill the last of Ben Solo, snuff out the light to achieve his goal, then he would. Kylo Ren would play the bad guy time and time again to make sure nothing would ever happen to her, even if no one but him saw it that way.

The halls of Starkiller Base were teeming with wild energy as Kylo walked through them. A communications officer had found a piece of an encrypted transmission that showed that the Resistance was preparing for an attack. Snoke had warned him and General Hux, but he never imagined they would be so brazen as to show up on the doorstep of the largest weapon in the history of the galaxy. The Death Star waned in comparison to Starkiller. Starkiller had taken a planet and weaponized it to the point where it was capable of killing whole star systems from far across the stars, powered by absorbing a sun.

All around the base, alarms blared, calling all to their battle stations. The Resistance had brought their fleet of x-wings, which would not be powerful enough to disarm a planet-sized weapon. Kylo Ren walked the halls with his battle helmet on, fully intent on joining Hux, but something pricked his senses. It was strange, he had not felt these Force signatures in so long, he barely recognized them. Kylo Ren turned on the balls of his feet, his cloaking billowing out. They were somewhere here, how they made it on the base he did not know. But Kylo Ren would find them.

They were close, he could reach out and touch them if he wanted. Adrenaline flooded his veins, enthralling him as he began his hunt for the invaders. How they made it this far baffled him; he would snuff them out. He walked the halls whilst reaching out from inside him, letting the Force guide him through the First Order facility. The closer he got, the stronger their signatures became. They overtook his senses, he knew that his father was here with his ever-loyal wookie, but the third one stopped him in his tracks. It was Rey. She had narrowly missed dying on Hosnian Prime to only come to the most dangerous place in the entire galaxy. And for what? To be a hero? Kylo felt a prick of frustration at this.

I have done so much to keep you safe, Rey, why did you come here ? He thought to himself as he made his way to the turbolift. The grating on the walls surrounding the inside of the car was black against the stark backlighting as the doors opened and he stepped in. He reached his gloved hand out towards the panel of buttons but stopped just before it. Was this hesitation? No, it was weakness and he must destroy it. Weakness is like a wildfire. A lonely ember, a spark, drifting in the wind and if unchecked it would spread throughout him. He drenched the ember in his growing anger, letting himself drown in it.

The lift sped with haste down into the lower levels of the base. The closer he got to the thermal oscillator, the stronger the signatures overwhelmed his senses. He was a bloodhound with a scent, an assassin with a target. Each level he passed, the deeper and darker his thoughts became. He let the Dark in, let it weave itself into his muscles. He used to be scared of this place and used to have it blocked off. Now, it was his dark harbinger and the source of his power. Snoke's instructions were clear now, he must kill the last remnants of Ben Solo. Tonight he would let the past truly die and kill it if he had to.

Yes, he would kill it. Only then could he truly be free from this agonizing push and pull within himself. The turbo lift slowed and stopped with a lurch. Kylo Ren's gloved hands tightened into fists before the doors opened to the thermal oscillator. He let a dark calm wash over him as he unclenched his fists and took collected steps out of the lift car. The thermal oscillator was built directly into the core of the planet in the middle of a deep trench carved right into the equator of the planet. Down here the sun was absent and the only illumination came from red lights in the walls.

The Force signatures were strong here, stronger than he had felt them from above in the facility. They were here, lurking somewhere in the shadows. He could feel them so clearly as he stepped out onto the bridge that connected each side of the trench. The echo of his footsteps resonated through the expanse of the metallic reservoir.

"BEN!" A voice he had not heard in fourteen years shouted behind him. It made his body go rigid as he balled his gloved hands into tight fists. Kylo Ren had not heard that name in so long, it felt foreign to his ears. It meant so many things, called so many memories, but it belonged to a dead man.

Kylo turned on the balls of his feet to face the man he had once called his father. Han Solo stood tall at the head of the bridge, waiting to see his long 'lost' son. Time had caught up with the smuggler turned war hero. His hair was now grey and age had touched his face. But underneath the wrinkles and grey hair, Han Solo still bore the once-familiar strong features and soulful eyes.

"Han Solo, I have been waiting for this day to come."

There was a long pause, only silence filling the spaces in between. Images of his childhood began to flash before him at the sight of Han Solo. But they were too far gone to be pleasant, too many opportunities lost, to be anything but painful. They became fuel, his strength. If he faltered now, then everything he had worked for would come crashing down. He felt the persuasive warmth of the Dark side flow through him, filling in the cracks in the fault line of his being.

Han took sure steps towards his masked son, thinking that if he could get close to him, that he could have him back. It was a foolish plan, Kylo thought, as he watched Han close the distance between them.

"Take that silly mask off," Han demanded sternly as he walked.

"What do you think you will see if I do?" Kylo retorted plainly.

"My son," Han said, now stopping to face his son.

Kylo Ren felt his heart stop in his chest at the words. Even after all this time? After all he had done? He reached his hands to his augmented battle helmet, freeing himself from it, and tossed it to the floor. He looked his father in the eye for the first time in almost two decades. His father, as stubborn as ever, did not turn away with disgust or pity, but with an intent that Kylo Ren could not decipher.

Kylo Ren's brow furrowed at the statement, "Your son is dead. I killed him, Ben Solo was foolish and weak, too much like his father."

"No, Ben. You're right here, my boy is right in here." Han lifted his finger, pointing at Kylo's chest.

"Come home, Ben," Han pleaded, "Your mother and I just want our son back."

Kylo felt his breath hitch in his chest. There were two versions of events running through his head as he stared into the begging eyes of his father. There was the sequence where he could take his father's hand and just go home. Leave behind the Dark side and the First Order, to put a stop to all of this. Then there was the task Snoke had given him, his last quest to vanquish the Light side that still lived inside him. And Kylo so much wanted to just leave all this behind and go home . Home to his mother, to Rey.

He could feel her watching him from her hiding spot above, needing him to make the right decision. And Kylo Ren desperately wanted to conquer the Light inside, kill the past, but a part of himself he thought he had buried told him to just reach out and take the offer. There was so much life waiting for him on the other side of this bridge. A life that he thought could no longer be possible for him, happiness, true freedom.

"Leave. Leave now," Kylo spat, "All of you."

"Ben, please..." Han's face dropped, disappointed that his son had turned his back to him again.

"Leave now, or Snoke will kill you all!"

"Then come with us, we can all leave together, just come home."

Kylo Ren shot a gloved hand out, feeling the Force flow through him. His father flew backward and landed on the ground at the head of the bridge.

"I said leave now, or you will die."

A low rumbling from above, echoing through the trench. The call of a Wookiee was distinct to him, having known Chewbacca his whole life. He was distressed and calling out for Han. Kylo looked up to see the Wookiee was holding onto the railing of the platform above, but what shocked him was the woman standing next to him. Even though he sensed her up there, it stopped him cold for eyes to fall upon her.

"I'm okay, Chewie," Han muttered, casting away the Wookiee's warranted concern.

Rey, even from this distance, Kylo could see how beautiful she had become if it was even possible. But he could not face her, not yet. No like this. He turned back to his father who had returned to his feet. Kylo began to walk towards him.

"Finish the job and leave," Kylo said as he walked past his father.

When Kylo left the thermal oscillator and boarded the turbolift, he felt strange. As if something had awoken inside of him. Feelings he had not felt for years had begun to surface from the depths. The lift shot upward, leaving behind his father and the others. If he wanted to protect them, then he must stay away from all of them.

Above ground, the facility was crawling with troopers with blasters held at the ready as they ran to their battle positions or securing locations. Even from inside the base, he could hear the barrage the Resistance carried out. It made the ground shake and dust shift loose from above. He did not let it shake him though, as he moved to meet with the Supreme Leader. Kylo needed to distract him, give the others time to escape.

But before he could reach him, there was an explosion that rippled through the base. Even from up here, Kylo could feel the blast wave hit him. Then, only seconds later, something more sinister, more violent shook the planet to its core. There would be no time to reach the Supreme Leader now, he must leave the planet, regroup with the fleet. It is a fitting fate for Starkiller, to be ripped apart like it had done to the Hosnian system.

Kylo did not account for this. He had no plan on how he should continue. Snoke would know what he had done and punish him for it. Should he run? If so, where could he hide that Snoke would not find him? He felt pangs of fierce anxiety coursing through him as he walked through the hangar bay. The ships and land vehicles were sparse now, having been deployed to fight the encroaching enemies.

The hangar door was left open, letting the frigid winter air and snow blow in freely. The wind hit him like a blaster bolt and burrowed deep within him. Even his thick armor and cloak did nothing to fend off the constant wintery state of Ilum. His feet sunk into the piled snow with a dry crunch.

Kylo did not know where he was going, his feet took him freely into the forest. As if something was drawing him closer, something important that made him go to the treeline. His ship was back at the hangar, his freedom, and safety with it. But going into the forest was dangerous. The planet was about to destroy itself and yet he did not stop.

He did not know how far he had ventured. A mile? Five? But the reason his feet had taken him there became alarmingly apparent. He almost could not see it through the restless, violent snow, and endless white. But there stood a ship he had, like Rey and the others, not seen in almost two decades. It stood in all its glory, still a symbol of freedom and goodness. The Millennium Falcon stood with an open ramp, the faint light bleeding into the dark forest around him. The sight brought back a different lifetime, a different man. It was long trips with his father. It was nearly escaping slimeball traders across the galaxy. It was a fraction of Ben Solo, a man that was clawing beneath the surface to break free.

Movement from the right caught his attention. Three figures were running through the dark towards the opened ship. Two tall figures lead the way, followed by a smaller silhouette. He knew of course who they were, the three people he had just allowed to escape and blow up the greatest weapon known to the galaxy. Rey stopped dead in her tracks and turned towards where he hid in the dark. His breath froze in his lungs. She was much closer now than she had been earlier.

A flash of when they kissed the night they received their kyber crystals crossed his mind. Even after all this time, he still remembered how her lips had felt that night, their softness, and how she had kissed him back. Or the night back on Yavin-4 when they first made love. They were only seventeen, so young and caught up in lustful passion to ever think that they would be parted by a war, by him.

But he did not dare move from where he stood. Kylo was filled with conflict. He wanted to run to her, but his feet were rooted. He wanted to feel happy, but he was filled with horror. She had always had such an effect on him, leaving him awestruck and shaken. She moved, turning with haste, and followed her company into the ship.

"Rey…" He said with his breath taking physical form in a fleeting, misty cloud.

Author Note:

So, how do we feel about that? Kylo let Han live and let them finish the job, knowing full well what they were there to do! I love that small little tweak to the story.

As always, don't forget to feed and water your authors!

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