"About You Now"

A/N: Anotha one. Here's the interviews as we continue to do this weird thing where I update once/day after months of zero updates. Enjoy!

~Not a day, pass me by

When I don't think about you~

Kyler Valde

I hate this suit. It's stuffy and tight and makes me feel like somebody that I'm not. Everyone else looks so much more in place, comfortable than I do in their outfits. The ones in front of me especially. I can still remember what Amara looked like during her interview. It was like she was the center of the universe up on stage, like it was where she was meant to be. I feel like I'm trailing after her, a shadow that will disappear the moment the spotlight hits it.

Coira Thompson is up on stage now, enthusiastically introducing the stakes, as if they needed any reminder. At least it's almost going to start. The last twenty-four hours have felt like the most excruciating waiting game of my life. At least on the train and during training there were distractions, sand for me to bury my head in and ignore the pressing walls of reality closing in on me.

But then my Private Session ended, I went up to my floor, and I waited. Cambria and Audra both tried talking to me and I spent last night dodging their attempts. All they have for me is pity and I don't want it. The last thing that I need is more reminders of why everything is awful.

Eventually I locked myself into my room and laid on my bed. I still had the crumpled paper that Audra gave me. The lyrics of the last song Amara ever wrote. I kept taking it out, scanning my eyes over the letters as if I could decipher them if I just squinted a bit harder. But it's all just as meaningless and nothing as it's always been.

My morning was spent getting a repeat treatment from my prep-team of what happened before the chariot rides. Audra tried drilling some advice into me, things I should say and things I should avoid. The way I should sit in my chair. All the sorts of things I'm sure Amara heard and mimicked without having to think twice about it. But while Audra may have disillusions about who I am, I don't. I'm not going to go up there and play their game and woo them over. Even if I could, what would be the point? What good did it do for Amara?

Cambria turns around from her spot in line just in front of me, a sickly sweet smile as she gives me a meek wave. Good luck, she mouths. I can't find it in me to respond, but she seems ready for that, turning back around before I get the chance to even think about a reply.

Things go by quickly after that. District One is up first, and the name May Redding is met with raucous applause as she skips out on stage, double-handed waving as she twirls about. Her interview would almost make me think she was just a nice little kid if I hadn't spent the past three days in the same training center with her.

"What was it that drove you to volunteer, especially at such a young age?" Coira asks, and the whole audience seems to hold its breath waiting for the answer.

May just bristles and laughs. "I couldn't let Gal and Prestige and Glory hog all the spotlight."

"And how do your District One friends and family feel about your decision to volunteer?"

Her smile drops for a moment, and even though she quickly replaces it, the smile that appears doesn't seem so real as before. "They'll all be laughing at themselves for ever being worried once I win."

"And if you don't win?" Coira asks somberly.

"I will," May says dismissively. "If I had any doubt about that I wouldn't have volunteered."

The interview wraps up soon after that, ending with the first score reveal. May looks annoyed for a moment when an eight pops up on the screen, but quickly laughs it off.

"I didn't want to step on Gal's toes and get another twelve, you know how much he likes to brag about that still. Couldn't take that away from him."

Pierre Bijou goes next and the crowd doesn't stop laughing his whole interview. Half of the time they're laughing with him as he cracks jokes, mostly at the expense of May, the other half they're laughing at him as he proclaims his invincibility.

"So they call you Achilles?" Coira asks amusedly.

"Ever since I was fifteen years old." He puffs his chest. "Haven't lost a single fight since then."

"So you don't have any weaknesses then?" Coira teases.

"Everyone always brings up the heel thing, but that's lame. If anybody wants to try shooting me there feel free. I'm not going down like that."

His score flashes on the screen as an eleven, and he looks even more disappointed than May. He calls out the Gamemakers and says they're going to see they made a mistake soon enough.

After him comes District Two, Everly Amata leading the way. It's overwhelming watching the endless stream of Careers take the stage. If it were any one of them I could maybe convince myself of some sort of unlikely situation where I beat them. But seeing them all, one after the other, it feels like weight after weight being added to my shoulder. It's crushing, the path in front of me squeezing tighter and tighter so that it seems like my minutes are becoming more countable with every passing moment.

Her interview is less explosive and entertaining to the crowd than District One was, but there's something uneasy about her that makes me feel like squirming in my shoes. Her answers are all terse and intense, short and to the point, but none of it feels real. Coira asks her why she's volunteering and Everly snaps out an answer about honor for her district, but even I can tell how forced that answer is.

"And what about once you win, what then?" Coira asks, leaning in close.

Everly stays seated stiffly in her chair. She suddenly doesn't look like the shut-off, hardened Career that we all need to be scared of. She sinks into her seat and for a brief moment she almost looks even smaller than May. Then another moment it's gone and she's back sitting up, belting out a rehearsed answer about giving back to District Two, and duty and reputation. She doesn't even seem to notice the ten that flashes on the screen behind her.

Ethan Faber seems almost closer to a puppy than a Career in his interview. He talks excitedly about his place in the Career pack, and even more excitement fills his voice as he raves about the victors and how excited he is to join all of them.

"What's the thing you're most excited about if you win?" Coira asks.

"Finally having a family," Ethan says without thought. "I've never really had people that get me, that are like I am. It'll be nice to finally belong somewhere."

He seems pleased with the nine that shows on the screen behind him and is overly polite to Coira as he thanks her for interviewing him. Eliya Atkins follows him and is immediately out of place, the only normal person in an ocean of Careers.

She seems distant the entire interview, like she isn't entirely there. The whole audience seems relieved when her interview finally comes to an end and the second half of the Career pack starts to take the stage.

Ariya Arden's interview is every bit as electric and chaotic as May's and Pierre's, if not more. It's full of laughter and jokes and Ariya playing herself up as a jokester and comedian, like she isn't here to slit our throats the moment the gong goes off. I can't help but wonder what it'll be like at the bloodbath. Will her and May and Pierre still be laughing and joking when they run us through with swords and spears? Or will they be more like Everly was, all detached and robotic, their movements somebody else's.

Coira stifles her laughter and leans in. "Okay, now, before we go, is there anybody in particular you'd like to say something to?"

Ariya grins. "Yeah, of course! Ne–" She cuts herself off, her smile dropping from her lips as her eyes unfocus, lost in the sea of the crowd. "No, no, I don't think so, actually. I don't think so."

The crowd seems intrigued by that, but there's no time to dive deeper. Her timer runs out, and a ten flashes on the screen behind her that she pumps her fist to, her dramatic flair returning in an instant. She gives a dramatic bow on her way out, waving widely at the audience as she slides offstage.

And then it's District Four's turn, and the energy turns down. Ainsley Maris Sims is called to the stage and she seems the most like what I expected all the Careers to sound like. She talks about how hard her life was and how much she had to struggle and how much she earned her chance to volunteer. At one point when she's talking about the challenge of moving from home to train, one of the kids from District Eight bursts into laughter, though her allies quickly shush her.

"So it seems safe to say that you're a very determined and focused young woman, but what do you think separates you from the rest of the Careers?" Coira asks.

Ainsley shrugs, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "I'm the only Career on this stage tonight who's had to work for everything that got me here. I'm the only one you can be sure deserves to be here, and the one who deserves to win."

"And if you get what you deserve? If you do win?"

Ainsley thinks about that for a moment. "I don't like to think too far ahead. I just take things one step at a time. But whatever it is, it'll be something worthwhile. I won't waste it."

"I'm sure you won't," Coira says, patting her on the hand and offering a warm smile.

A few moments later a nine flashes on screen and Ainsley doesn't offer much response aside from responding the courtesy that Coira gives her and thanking her for the interview. Her district partner takes the stage next, and it suddenly becomes apparent just how close it is to my turn. Only Cambria is in front of me in line and then I'll be in front of all of Panem.

I already know the questions they're going to throw at me and I don't want to have to hear any of them. I don't want to be asked about Amara. About who she was to me, about how she looked after me for so long, about how she left me all alone even though she promised that I would see her again. I don't want to tell them about the last song that she promised she'd go out on that would have meant so much more than the quick knife across the throat she got instead. I don't want to hear any of it. I don't want to talk about any of it. I just want to bury myself somewhere else entirely and not come out until I'm on the other side.

Arno spends most of his interview talking about his time in prison, the false accusation that left a mark on his life he's here to scrub off. It's hard for me to care enough to pay attention to any of it anymore, though. He scores another nine and is off stage in the blink of an eye, Cambria taking the stage in his place.

Her interview blurs by even quicker. She talks about all the things I've heard her talking to Audra about a thousand times before. All the things that make me know that she deserves to live so much more than I do. All the things that won't matter a single lick because what people deserve doesn't matter in the Games. Can't matter.

Cambria scores a four, and there's a ringing sound in my ear as she meekly walks off stage with a few shy waves. Nobody is in front of me anymore, just an empty stage waiting for me.

"And next up, from District Five, you may recognize the name, it's Kyler Valde!"

It takes a moment for my feet to start working. Step by step I find myself walking across stage, the noise of the crowd thrumming in my ears, leaving me wobbly with each and every step. I make it to the empty stool opposite Coira's and barely manage to slide into it without falling.

The crowd doesn't seem to get any quieter and Coira offers me a sympathetic smile before turning to the crowd and motioning for them to quiet down. The effect is instantaneous and I breathe easier, the ringing in my ears dimming down as the stage falls into a calm near-silence.

"Hello, Kyler, it's so nice to get the pleasure to finally meet you after hearing so many wonderful things about you last year."

I go to answer but can't find the words, my mouth dry as I struggle to will any noise to rise up from my throat. Coira doesn't skip a beat, though, continuing her train of thought as if she never expected me to answer in the first place.

"As much as we'd love to hear even more stories from you, I have it on good word from the lovely Audra Lee that you might like to treat us to something even more special than words, is that so?"

I barely have time to look confused before she motions behind me, where a stagehand quickly rushes up to set a guitar up against my stool. Things seem to slow down, the outside world fading out of view as I reach down and run my hand along the soft, smooth wood. My fingers trace along the tightly drawn strings, the faintest hints of music whispering off the string.

"Last year Amara Valde sang a beautiful song for the country during her interviews, but without her guitarist behind her it was only half complete." Her voice brings me back into the real world, the guitar held tightly in my arms as I turn back to face her. "What do you say, Kyler, would you like to show us the second half?"

"Yeah," I choke out, my hands shaking ever so slightly as I put them into place. "I'd like to finish it. I'd– I'd like that."

She nods her head, and the crowd seems to go even quieter than before, and it's like there's nobody in front of me at all. I close my eyes and I can imagine that I'm back home again. Or at that old dingy bar, and Amara is right there next to me, her voice reaching out for those notes that I could never reach.

And it isn't silent anymore. My fingers glide across the strings, bouncing from note, dancing from chord to chord in the shadow of her voice. Even when I open my eyes to watch my hands as they move through the music, the rest of the world doesn't exist. It's just this song, not a single other thing in the world there. Everything is just quiet. In the way only she could ever manage to make it.

And then it's over, the final note echoing out and bouncing around the room, dissipating in the air into an empty silence. The crowd responds and Coira has words for me. My score flashes on the screen behind me. None of it exists, though. I set the guitar down and walk away to the sound of a buzzer and a rippling applause, like the sound of the world when your head is submerged underwater.

I dash away at the tears in my eyes before they get the chance to spill. Backstage Audra and Cambria are waiting for me. Cambria has a flurry of compliments and kind words but Audra doesn't say a thing, she just smiles sadly, her arms crossed.

I nod my head, and it's all I can manage to find a few words and push them from my mouth, timid afternotes reverberating long after the last string has been strummed. "Thank you."

She just nods her head and motions with her head toward the elevator, only a fraction of a smile still in place. "Come on," she says. "Let's go get some rest, huh?"

A/N: And there's the interviews with the always lovely Kyler. A special chapter coming up next!

PS: For reference, here are the training scores that everybody earned:

11- Pierre

10- Everly, Ariya

9- Ethan, Arno, Ainsley

8- May

7- Azai

6- Kyler

5- Kiera, Lakin, Ceeja, Tamika

4- Eliya, Cambria, Epzo, Basila, Jedediah, Vesta

3- Cyrus

2- Morah, Alyssane

1- Elias, Thomas