Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of the characters from the Inuyasha show. Those all belong to Rumiko Takahashi & her brilliant mind. I also do not own any of the music that will be mentioned, I will credit every artist at the beginning of every chapter!

TW: Mentions of su***de, panic attacks,
Song for this Chapter:

Ghosting by Mother Mother

One Month Later

Kagome was exhausted, dark circles sullied her usually pristine skin. She'd barely been able to sleep the past month. Every night she'd have terrible nightmares, her friends asking her why she left, people she couldn't save begging for her help. And every dream ended the same, Inuyasha handing her a blade, and killing herself. The people in the dream varied, the situations varied, but they all ended the same. Many times her friends died in her arms, blaming her for their deaths. Every time she woke up screaming and crying, yearning for a reprieve from her torturous dreams; her solution was sleeping as little as possible. Aina offered her herbal teas, salves and brews to assist, hopefully warding off the bad dreams. These efforts were in vain. The nightmares plowed through any defense they tried, tormenting her endlessly. Kagome was tired, too tired to fully enjoy anything. She could see the worry growing on Aina and Itsuki's faces, even Sesshomaru was less harsh on her during their training. Pushing her less than he had before, but still encouraging her to do her very best. They'd become good friends in the past month, better friends than she ever could've imagined.

After their kiss Kagome was worried Sesshomaru would be weird with her, or she'd be weird with him. She couldn't have guessed how wrong she was. Everything was normal; they sat together and ate in comfortable silence, on occasion she would even sleep in his bed. Her dreams were less unbearable when she slept in his room, but she wouldn't tell him that. Her pride wouldn't let her, instead she suffered in silence. They shared stories of their travels, she'd braid his hair despite his protests, and they enjoyed each other's company. Every now and then he'd move a strand of hair out of her face and send her heart racing, or put his hand on the small of her back leaving her skin searing. Each time she'd flush and turn away, and he'd remain silent. When she felt her feelings trying to grow, she would push him away. She'd throw up walls, avoid him, be short with him, in hopes of forcing a wedge between them. Hoping her feelings would dissipate miraculously. It didn't work, she knew he noticed her odd behavior, but he didn't comment. He kept doing what he was doing before, being a friend. His relentless support and patience warmed her heart. She told herself the butterflies she got when she caught him stealing a glance at her were nothing. How he said her name more often now, rather than constantly calling her "Miko", meant nothing. They could spend hours together, talking, sitting in silence, listening to music, and she never grew tired of his presence. That's how friends are, she convinced herself, chanting this affirmation over and over again. Just friends, she could live with that.

Her friendship with Aina strengthened too. Kagome never told Aina of the kiss, she pinky promised after all. When she wasn't with Sesshomaru, she was with Aina. They'd sit in the garden and talk, girl talk, small talk, jokes and stories. There wasn't a topic they didn't discuss, save the kiss of course. During their talks Kagome found out that Aina did have some feelings for Itsuki, who had been busy patrolling the territory recently. Aina was sitting in the garden one day, looking misty-eyed and depressed. Not long after Kagome found her and asked what was wrong, did Aina spill. Itsuki had left just three weeks prior, but Aina missed him terribly. They would spend most of their free time together. She confessed to Kagome that she didn't know if he felt the same so she kept her feelings to herself. Kagome was speechless, Aina couldn't tell? Itsuki was head over heels for her, every look and interaction proved it. Only a fool wouldn't feel the same, Kaogme told the kitsune, comforting her in her time of stress. The two women talked for hours, changing subjects endlessly. Before they parted ways for the evening, Aina resolved to tell Itsuki of her feelings when he returned. No harm would come from this one way or the other, their bond was so strong they'd remain friends even if he denied her. Kagome knew he wouldn't deny her though, she'd seen the way he looked at the kitsune. He acted like she was his gravity, the only thing holding him to the Earth was her. Itsuki never said that, but he didn't have to for Kagome to see it.

Due to her relentless nightmares of her friends haunting her, Kagome decided she wanted to go see them. It was time, she'd been gone so long without any word, they deserved better than that. So she wanted to be better, she was determined. She just needed to get Sesshomaru on her side, to convince him she was okay to leave the castle. Previously he mentioned how dangerous it was, and how she was a 'magnet for trouble', whatever that meant. She just needed to talk to Sesshomaru about it, for him to agree to let her go.

Kagome had her head resting in his lap as he read a book. They were sitting on his bed, where previously she had begged him to let her braid his hair again. Unwillingly he obliged, and now a beautiful white braid flowed over his left shoulder. She played with the end of it absentmindedly, lost in thought about her friends.

"Hey Sesshomaru?"

"Yes, my little Miko?" he replied, not looking away from his book.

Her stomach fluttered, he always called her his miko if he didn't call her Kagome.

"I want to go back to Kaede's village."

His eyes snapped down to meet hers, he closed his book and gave her his full attention.

"Why?"

"I miss my friends, I want to check on them. I need to apologize too. They deserve that much."

"I see."

"I mean I left letters explaining everything, but they need to hear it from me. It's the least I can do after ghosting them for almost two years."

"Would this make you happy?"

"Yes, well maybe not. It's complicated. I think it'll help with my nightmares though."

"Hn, okay."

"What? Yes?" she repeated in disbelief.

"You know I do not like to repeat myself."

"Well yeah, I just expected you to say no."

He raised an eyebrow at this statement. Tucking a strand of hair behind her hair, looking thoughtful. Kagome was starting to read him better, he never showed his emotions in his face. Only in his eyes, it was subtle at first, but now it was clear as day.

"Do you wish to remain there?"

"What? No! Just visit," she shot up. Turning to face him she creased her brows, "Unless, you want me to stay there."

"I do not, silly woman." he lifted her chin up with a curled finger. "Kagome, have you not realized I want you here? If I wanted you gone, it would be so. "

"You…. want me?" she whispered. Surely he meant that in a friendly way, she violently ripped the wings off the butterflies forming in her stomach. He held her chin there momentarily, and she could've sworn she saw his eyes flicker to her lips.

"Hn. We leave tomorrow morning. Aina will accompany us to the village." he replied, standing up, offering her a hand.

He pulled her up gently, stabilizing her with his free hand as she stood. For a moment they didn't move, they just stayed there looking at each other, until an unrecognizable look crossed his eyes. He broke their eye contact first, glancing to the door.

"Get what you need from your room, you will rest here tonight."

"Um, well I actually already bathed, and I'm in my pajamas, so I should be set for the night." she replied, turning her head and blushing softly. Gesturing to her oversized t-shirt and shorts.

"What odd apparel, surely you'd be more comfortable with it off? I could loan you something of my own, or perhaps you'd like to free yourself of any clothing at all."

"What! No! I'm just fine with this!" she exclaimed.

"Hn, then I shall leave you to rest, sleep well my little Miko." he said softly, he turned to leave the room, stopping just before he crossed the threshold. Before Kagome could blink he was in front of her. He brushed her bangs aside and softly kissed her forehead before disappearing.

Lifting a hand to her head she touched the place he kissed, her face instantly flushed red. She lowered her hand down to her mouth, covering her dropped jaw. Did he really just do that? Kagome's thoughts were buzzing, she didn't know if she could sleep after that. Friends kiss each other's heads, she told herself, she did it to Rin and Shippou all the time. Sesshomaru always had a way of making her heart race, it wasn't fair. She knew it was her idea to stay friends, she just didn't know it'd be this hard. Everytime he gave her that look, the one she couldn't read, electricity shot through her. Did friends look at friends that way? She convinced herself they did, it made things easier. Still, there was a tinge of loss in her heart. When she asked him to be only friends, she lost any chance of a relationship with him. Regret would follow her until she stopped being around him, she supposed. Crawling into his bed she curled up onto her side, allowing his scent to lull her to sleep.

Kagome was anxious, she couldn't stop fidgeting. She was so nervous about seeing her old friends again. Her only strand of sanity at the moment was Sesshomaru. Doing this without him seemed terrifying, impossible even. She had to laugh at the irony of the situation, their once feared enemy now her biggest source of comfort.

He was late, he was never late, she began pacing in front of the castle gates. He wasn't there in the morning to wake her up either. That realization made her more anxious, he wouldn't leave her without saying anything. Anytime Inuyasha left her without words he was seeing Kikyo, did Sesshomaru have his own Kikyo? The thought made her stomach fall to the floor. She told herself she shouldn't care, she was the one to insist they stay friends, nothing more. What if he grew tired of her? Maybe he sent Aina so she wouldn't beg him to stay, did he plan on sending her away? Her thoughts were spiraling beyond her control, sending her deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole of anxiety.

"Kagome, are you okay?" Aina called. She was just as beautiful as ever, wearing the outfit she wore the first day Kagome met her. A frown crossed her face as she stared at the pacing Miko.

"Hey, yeah I'm good. Have you seen Sesshomaru though? We were supposed to meet up like ten minutes ago. Kinda weird of him to be late"

"I have, he gave me this to deliver to you."

A small folded note was in Aina's hand, which she stretched out to Kagome. Her stomach plummeted, she just knew it was a goodbye note. It was full of words of parting, telling her to go back where she belonged. Grabbing the note with a shaking hand, she opened it.

I have some urgent business to attend to. I am deeply sorry I am not physically with you today. Aina will take care of you. Trust and believe in yourself. Stay out of trouble, my worrisome little Miko.

She read the one once, then twice, then a third time before folding it and placing it in her pocket. Urgent business, what could it be? She hoped everything was okay, and that it wasn't another woman. Shaking her anxiety she mustered the fakest smile she could for Aina, hoping to hide her worry. At least he wasn't sending her packing, she'd take her wins where she could get them.

"Well that's that! Let's go!"

"Are you certain you're okay?" Aina asked, shooting Kagome a skeptical look.

"Yep! Right as rain! How about we get this show on the road?"

"Hmm, we will ride A-Un to make the trip shorter."

"A-Un?"

Just as Kagome asked, the two headed dragon yokai appeared. Landing gracefully between the two women. He examined each woman carefully, before deciding they were trustworthy.

"Oh! A-Un, I remember you!" Kagome said excitedly, walking up to him tentatively.

A dipped his head down, nudging Kagome with his masked snout. She was unsure what he wanted at first, she gave the dragon an odd look. Hesitantly, she stroked his head, watching him close his eyes happily. Lucky her, she could've gotten trampled for offending him. Un nudged her shoulder, showing jealousy over A's treatment. Using both her hands she rubbed both heads at the same time, giving them equal amounts of love.

"Aw I never knew you guys were so sweet! There's plenty of rubs for both of you!"

"Let us depart." Aina said, gracefully climbing atop of A-Un, gesturing for Kagome to do the same.

Kagome gingerly gave booths heads one last rub before hopping on behind Aina, securing her arms around the kitsune's waist. In an instant they were in the air, flying steadily towards Kaede's village. The pair didn't talk, they couldn't even if they wanted to, the air was rushing past their ears at a deafening pace.

Kagome's nerves were fried over what was to come, she was so wrapped in her own thoughts she didn't realize A-Un had landed. Or that Aina was standing next to the dragon, looking at her sympathetically.

"Kagome, it's time to get off." Aina said gently.

"Already? That was short, are you sure we're in the right place?" the miko asked.

"It took us over an hour, Kagome. We are in the right place."

"Well can we make another lap? I wouldn't want to disturb them too early."

"No, Kagome, let's go." Aina replied firmly, grabbing Kagome's wrist gently, tugging her off A-Un.

"Wait, please just give me a minute." Tears welled in the Miko's eyes.

Silence passed between the two, Kagome felt her breathing quicken and her pals become clammy. She sat down on the ground next to A-Un and curled her legs to her ches. Un nudged her gently, shifting her shoulder forward for a moment. She sat still, typing desperately to ground herself somehow. A panic attack was on the cusp of her mind, threatening her menacingly if she didn't regain her composure quickly.

"Kagome," Aina crouched in front of her, placing a hand on her knee, "It will be okay. No matter what happens, I am here for you. You are stronger than you know."

"But what if they hate me?"

"Then they are fools, blind to the blessing you are to them."

"What if they're angry? And they don't want to see me ever again? What if I break down the instant I see them and can't even apologize? What if-" she began hyperventilating, barely able to catch her breath. The calm wave of Aina's yoki rushed over her, bringing her down from the edge.

"You live too much in the 'What ifs' Kagome, think of the present and how you will handle it. If you cannot handle it alone, I will be here to handle it with you. I promise." Aina held out her pinky, expecting Kagome to finish the gesture.

"Pinky promise." Kagome agreed, locking pinkies with her friend.

Aina offered a helping hand with standing her up, pulling Kagome into a firm hug when she finally stood.

"You are so much stronger than you believe, and worth so much more than you know. I am beyond blessed to call you my friend." Aina whispered.

"Oh Aina!" Kagome said, her tears flowing freely now.

"Stop your tears silly miko, they're unnecessary." The kitsune said, rubbing her back.

"Y-you're just s-so sweet!" The Miko cried.

"I am honest. Pull yourself together, troublesome woman, we have things to do." Aina said with a feigned strictness.

"You're right, I can do this. I got this. I've done more impossible things, I'm the Shikon Miko for crying out loud! Let's do this!" Kagome cheered herself on, hoping her 'fake it til you make it' attitude would pay off.

Aina let A-Un go back to the castle, they decided it would be nice to walk back through the woods together. It'd give them time to reflect on whatever was to happen. The lands were peaceful at the moment; there wouldn't be any demons or bandits running about, giving them the opportunity to enjoy the forest scenery.

The women had landed a bit away from Kaede's village. About a ten minute walk, which gave Kagome plenty of time to keep her spirits up. Aina was her silent companion the rest of the way knowing Kagome needed some space, and that her presence was enough comfort at the moment. The village began creeping into sight, and Kagome's heart began pounding. Every step they took made her stomach drop farther and farther, until it felt like it would fall out of her body. Her pep talk was failing, she started to panic again. Her palms grew clammy, her hands shaky and her breathing quickened.

"Okay give me just a second."

Stopping, she took a few deep breaths, allowing Aina's yoki to wash over her. It was calming, but she wished it was Sesshomaru's. More than anything Kagome wanted Sesshomaru next to her, walking her into the village. Aina was beyond wonderful, but Sesshomaru was… Sesshomaru. He had quickly become her rock over the last month, his unbreakable composure soothed her. The way his yoki caressed her reiki calmed her more than anything she'd ever experienced before. Putting her hand in her pocket she toyed with the edge of the note Sesshomaru left her, repeating his words over and over in her mind.

You are stronger than you know.

It meant the world when Aina told her that, but she believed it when Sesshomaru said it.

You can do this, you got this. Let's get it done.

Steeling herself she pushed ahead, not allowing her thoughts to hold her back any longer. She would make it to Kaede's village, and she would face whatever waited for her. If it was hatred and anger, well she deserved it. Kagome held onto the hope they'd be happy to see her. Every step she took she pictured her friends' faces. Sango and Miroku, Shippou and Rin, she remembered them warm and smiling. The kids, Kami, hoped they'd forgive her too, she missed them terribly. She held them as babies, cradling and burping them. Kaede, she deserved the biggest apology of them all. Kagome helped heal the village with her, after she left Kaede had no help. Rin was still new, she could do some things but she was still too inexperienced. She grasped at the good memories she had with them all, hoping to make more in the future. Twenty more steps and she'd be at the village.

One.
Two, who would she see first?
Three.
Four, what were the kids doing?
Five.
Six.
Seven.
Eight, is it too late to turn back?
Nine.
Ten.
Eleven, the village was directly ahead of them. Approaching faster than Kagome liked.
Twelve.
Thirteen.
Fourteen, Kagome gripped Aina's hand, praying for courage.
Fifteen, she felt like throwing up.
Sixteen, what if they all left and she could never see them again?
Seventeen.
Eighteen, it was too late to turn back now.
Nineteen.

Twenty.

"Kagome?"

Another chapter done! I start taking a class this week, it's pretty challenging so I'll do my best to update when I can. I love y'all and appreciate you so much, your kind words and reviews mean more than you know. Thank you so much for your support!