Author's note:

Hello again! I'm back with another update. Two in one month! Haha, I amaze myself sometimes. Anyway, on to the chapter!

Chapter Five - The Past

Naruto was like a rock.

But he was so fucking scared right now. Sasuke was sweating, clutching at his stomach and so wrapped up in himself on the bed. Naruto did his absolute best to show he was calm, even when he absolutely wasn't. He spent the better part of the last couple hours on the internet, learning more about how to help Sasuke but all that did was freak him out further.

And the bounce in his leg wasn't helping either.

The sun was starting to peak through the curtains. Sasuke was fidgety, he couldn't keep still. His nose was turning shades of red from how much he's been blowing it. So red against the rest of his pale skin. He knew this wasn't the worst of it; he knew it was only going to get worse. Naruto looked at Sasuke on the bed, eyebrows arched in worry. Even though Sasuke's shirt was as dark as coal, he could still see darker patches all over his shirt. Hell, his entire shirt clung to his gaunt body.

"Sasuke," Naruto bent down beside him, "hey." Naruto pushed away the hairs that were stuck to Sasuke's face. "Sas, I need to know how– um…how frequently you used," his heart felt tremendously heavy with every word. Sasuke muttered what Naruto deciphered to be a stream of insults and profanities.

"Not a lot," Sasuke's voice sounded strained, "before, not too much." Naruto tried to understand, but–

"Maybe five times? I don't fucking know, six times, in the past few days," Sasuke let out a loud grunt, digging his head into the pillow. "Ugh, I feel like shit." He let out a frustrated groan.

"It'll pass, Sas." Naruto held on to Sasuke's arm. "You'll get better." Sasuke couldn't help but scoff, and it taste as bitter as it felt. A moment of quiet filled the room, only the sounds of Sasuke's restless feet shifting around the sheets, Naruto's thumb mimicking the motions on his arm.

"I thought you said you were careful," Naruto muttered. He saw Sasuke inhale with his eyes rolling back, and he shook his head stiffly.

"I am." He looked straight ahead. "It's been…" he closed his eyes, "a bad week."

"But you…" Naruto was hesitant, "Doesn't mean you could do–", he bit his lip and scowled. "Sasuke, you could've over–"

"I know." He bit back. "But I do small doses. I don't get much out of it, not as much as I would like, but it's how I'm careful."

"And you never once thought you could come to me?" Naruto sounded hurt. And curse Sasuke's inability to not look at the blond. As soon as he looked into those blue eyes, a chill rushed down his spine. Then, a sudden nauseating feeling. Then panic.

Panic. So much panic. His mind raced, his heart raced faster. It felt like he couldn't breathe. A familiar stinging sensation lurking in his eyes.

Naruto caught the way Sasuke's eyes were looking beyond him. The way his jaw muscles tensed.

"Hey," Naruto got closer. "Hey Sas, look at me," he brought up a hand to Sasuke's face, forcing those widened eyes to turn towards him.

Sasuke hesitantly looked at the blond. He didn't know if he'd finally fallen asleep or died because Naruto's face was glowing. It was fucking glowing and his eyes have never looked more blue…

Naruto squinted as the sun peered through the curtains and into his eyes. He moved and sat up on the bed, placing his hand back on Sasuke's arm.

"You know you've got a lotta people who care about you," Naruto started off softly, "your family, your friends," his eyes flittered over the still panicked face, "me," he grinned sheepishly. Sasuke's face relaxed a little, letting out a small breath and gave back the smallest of smiles. "Sometimes…" Naruto looked at his hand that was wrapping itself around the pale arm, "sometimes, you kinda scare me, though."

Sasuke was already uncomfortable, and just like that, it was worse. But he couldn't move even if he wanted to; his body felt extremely weak.

Naruto got the sense that what he was about to say– what he needed to say…wasn't exactly timed right. But he'd already started and…Sasuke needs to hear it. His eyes flickered from between Sasuke's and everywhere else. The pierce of those eyes had him thinking if beckoning them to look at him was a good idea.

He took in a deep breath, if only to calm his nerves.

"Sometimes, you just look so…," he vaguely waved circles in the air around his head, "out of it. And it terrifies me. I don't know if you're fine, if you're gonna like," Naruto felt his nerves growing again, "…collapse, or –um…or somethi–"

"Shut up," Sasuke's whisper barely made it out, and he's going to believe that the wetness trailing into his hair is nothing more than sweat.

"Sasuke, you don't know what the fuck you're doing!" Naruto's eyes snapped to Sasuke's.

"What I'm doing is getting clean!" Sasuke's voice broke. "You have no idea how shitty this feels! You don't have a fucking clue why I started in the first place–"

"You're right, I don't," Naruto's stare was intense. Sasuke fell silent. "You never talk to me. It's always me who's talking your ears off. When I try to get you to talk to me, you just tell me to 'fuck off'." Sasuke tried to hold his angry gaze but broke under the pain, and now this damn blinding headache.

Yes. It was only the physical pain and headache. Nothing else.

"I can't tell you," Sasuke shook his head, and his voice…he hadn't meant for it to come out as quiet as it did.

"Bullshit," Naruto called. Sasuke exhaled in defeat. He silently debated whether or not to tell him right now. Now, when he's in this state of physical pain and mental exhaustion. To put it simply, he'd rather die at this very moment than deal with any of this– and why was he cold?

"God damn it," Sasuke visibly shivered. He clenched his jaw and rubbed at his face, finally pulling away from Naruto's grip.

"I think you're getting a fever," he heard Naruto's voice, which has calmed down considerably. He felt a warm hand on his forehead. "Do you wanna take a hot bath?" Naruto asked, and Sasuke knew Naruto had talked with his brother. A hot bath was another one of Itachi's usual tactics.

"I'm fine, just give me the blanket." Sasuke waved Naruto's hand away. The blond disregarded the harsh tone and obeyed, yanking the blanket from under him, and covering Sasuke.

"So, are you going to tell me?" Naruto spoke after a while. His stern eyes and determined tone back with a vengeance.

"Right now?" Sasuke grimaced.

"Sure. It's not like we're running a marathon," Naruto shrugged. Sasuke deadpanned at him, only then did the blond realize what he'd said. "Eh, sorry," he grinned, scratching the back of his neck.

"You're not going to like it," Sasuke muttered.

"At least it's some truth I'm hearing from you," Naruto said, and Sasuke…wasn't sure what he'd meant. With a brief glare at the blond, he took in a deep breath anyway, and readied himself to recall those memories.

The memories he had desperately tried to forget.

"I don't know where to start."

"Anywhere." Naruto gave him a reassuring nod when Sasuke's questioning eyes looked at him.

"…The party seems like a good place." Sasuke muttered, his stare suddenly distant. It didn't look like he was looking at something in particular. Naruto had figured he was talking about Sakura's birthday party two years ago at that club. He remembered catching Sasuke stumble into the bathroom with another guy and had chased after him to make sure he was okay. He walked in but found no one, only heard two voices coming from one of the stalls. One he instantly recognized, and the other…he'd never heard in his life. So, he decided to eavesdrop on the conversation.

"–and you're sure?" He heard Sasuke say. "This isn't that weak shit they're selling at the piers?"

'What?' Naruto thought.

"No! No way! I only deal with the pure shit. You doubting my connections, Sas? Ouch," the unfamiliar voice said. He felt enraged. Not only at the unfamiliarity, but only Naruto was allowed to call Sasuke that–

"Then give me two," He heard Sasuke say and a bunch of shuffling noises ensued.

"Always lovely doin' business with ya!" The other guy said, followed by footsteps. Naruto made no moves to hide, he remained glued to his spot, blocking the only entrance and exit to the bathroom.

"Oh!" A short, white-haired guy turned the corner. Naruto doubted he was even above eighteen, the kid looked way too young to be at this club.

"Excuse me, sir," the boy smiled sinisterly, bearing his array of sharp teeth. Naruto felt another surge of anger and grabbed him by his little purple shirt.

"How old are you, kid?" Naruto hissed. A moment later, he heard a bathroom stall door close and lock hastily. The boy, fumbling on his tip toes, laughed nervously.

"Hey, hey, hey…" he raised his hands in defense, "Look dude, I'm not looking for any trouble here. Let me go, and I promise you'll never see me again." There was that creepy smile again, followed by a wink. Naruto didn't want to waste another second with him. Dropping him, he trudged on into the bathroom. He heard the door open and close, and just like that, the boy was gone.

"Sasuke?" Naruto called out. "Sasuke, I know you're in there." He stopped at the only stall with a closed door. "Who was that kid?" He didn't expect a reply, but he asked anyway.

After what felt like an eternity, Sasuke unlocked the stall door and walked out, eyes like a deer in headlights. The rest of the night was full of single-worded answers, or no answers at all, and Sasuke avoiding Naruto. Ultimately, Sasuke avoided Naruto for a month after that night.

And Naruto only ever dared to bring it up at times when he felt brave enough.

"That guy you met," Sasuke started, "Suigetsu. I buy it off him." Naruto finally had a name. He'd been fighting Sasuke for that for years. Naruto didn't want to interrupt Sasuke. It was about time he opened up and Naruto sure as hell wasn't going to say anything to ruin it.

"I don't know where he gets it from. Honestly, I don't care, as long as I have it." Sasuke drifted off. "It helps with..." Sasuke struggled to put the feelings into words, leaving a few attempts unfinished. He shivered, again. "I don't know, it just helps me feel better." Naruto watched as Sasuke's glassy eyes closed slowly, he shifted uncomfortably, his legs never really stopped moving the entire time.

"After some time, I started taking it to feel normal." Upon hearing that, Naruto's heart was a wreck. However, no matter what he was feeling, he wasn't going to let it show.

Sasuke looked up at Naruto. The blond idiot was so bad at hiding his emotions. He saw how devastated Naruto looked, but the blond made no efforts to stop him so far. Looked like he really wanted to hear this. In spite of every thought in his mind screaming against it, Sasuke continued…

"I…smoked it, at first." Sasuke looked away. "I thought it was amazing, the feeling, everything. It helped me sleep– I could finally sleep." He shook his head, staring down at the sheets. "And then I discovered injections…" and Sasuke heaved in an enormous breath, as if no air was enough to fill his lungs. "Fuck, Naruto," he whispered, shutting his eyes tightly. He rubbed at his face, at his eyes.

"When did you start?" Naruto gently pulled Sasuke's hands away. He was clutching at his own head a bit too harshly for Naruto's liking.

"I was eighteen, the first time." A moment passed. "Three years before you found out. Two, before Itachi." His voice gradually got quieter, groggier. Naruto figured it had probably been the summer before they'd gone to university. The summer Naruto was busy hanging out with his other friends a lot more than he hung out with Sasuke, unworried because he and Sasuke, and a couple of others, were going to the same university anyway, whereas the rest were scattered. He felt a ton of bricks drop on his shoulders. How could he not have noticed?

He felt the bed shift, halting his train of thought. Sasuke was struggling to reach the bottle of water on the floor. He'd drank most of it, Naruto would have to go get another soon. The blond shoved Sasuke's chest back gently and went to reach for it instead. He helped Sasuke sit up, uncapped the bottle and handed it over. He just watched as Sasuke gulp down whatever was left. Sasuke dropped the empty bottle on his lap. He hauled the covers over himself again and leaned back against the headboard. He felt little droplets around his mouth, unsure if it was the water, the sweat or the ceaseless tears–

It was definitely the sweat.

"Thanks," he said lowly, and a sly smile tugged at his lips, "for mom-arming me."

"What?" Naruto whipped his head up to Sasuke. He realized he was referring to the way he pushed Sasuke back, and instantly was red in the cheeks. "Ah– haha, well," Naruto looked down, his same hand now rubbing the back of his neck. "I couldn't just let you fall, y'know?" He laughed awkwardly.

Sasuke chuckled, though he hid it by bringing the blanket up to his nose. The two settled down, relieved at the break of tension in the air. Naruto scooted further up on the bed and twisted to face Sasuke better, reminding the huddled man that he still had more to tell the curious blond. Genuinely curious.

"I never meant for this to happen," he whispered after a moment. Sasuke felt too taxed to keep going. "I didn't know…I would–" the lump in his throat stopped him from saying another word.

"It's alright, Sas," Naruto squeezed his legs under the covers. "You're gonna be fine," he offered a sympathetic smile.

Author's note:

A majority of the chapters are on the shorter side, I'm afraid. Sorry about that! The story is cut up based to what happens, but there will be longer chapters coming. Lastly before I go, I'd like you to know that this month's fic will be up very soon! So, keep an eye out for that ;)

See you soon,

-Vernie