Hello! So I started writing this story on my archive of our own account but realized I didn't want to be limited to just one platform. I hope you enjoy!

Full Summary:

After Endgame, Peter has been struggling to deal with how much his life has changed after five years of being gone. Tony is suddenly married to Pepper and has a daughter named Morgan, MJ is married and has a newborn son, and Aunt May is remarried to a guy named George with a son named Alex. Balancing between his new family at home and befriending the Avengers, Peter is left with a case of emotional whiplash. When a familiar face, that he hasn't seen since he was a little kid, appears out of the blue Peter's life turns upside down. A new villain surfaces and this time he seems to be after Peter with a personal vendetta. The downside? This new greenie seems to know Peter's secret identity.

Peter jolted awake with a startled gasp, immediately sitting up as he frantically felt his body to ensure that he was still a solid human being and not crumbling to ash.

Ash .

Some people view ash as a melancholy version of rain, which to Peter confuses him since rain essentially represents the sky crying. However, rain usually doesn't kill people as much as breathing in the smoky remains of ash. Ash represents death. If people choose so, they get reduced to ash when they die. So in a way, when Peter was dusted and turned to ash, he did die. In the eyes of everyone else who survived, he died.

Shuddering at the memory of feeling his body falling apart against his will, Peter leaned back against his headboard and pulled his knees to his chest. It wasn't the first time he has dreamed of Titan since coming back home, and it certainly won't be the last time the nightmare scares him out of a restless night's sleep. It doesn't stop him from wishfully craving a dreamless night's sleep, as he could feel the fatigue that resided deep in his bones. However, to everyone else, he was "coping" very well, but to him he knows that he's just able to fake a smile better than anyone else would expect. He's not okay, and Peter didn't know if he'd ever be okay again.

Peter glanced over to his window, he had forgotten to close the curtains last night and so he could see the faint light trying to breach the horizon, signaling that dawn was right around the corner. It's only been two months since Carol Danvers had snapped her fingers and Thanos was defeated, dusted like the titan had done to them, only this time it was the heroes that emerged victoriously. Learning that five years had passed was the hardest part of the entire traumatic situation. To Peter, it had felt like a few seconds, and even though he knew it was an unrealistic expectation, Peter had thought that maybe it would've been a few months at most and that was that. Then Doctor Strange was helping him to his feet and telling him that it had been five years and that they were needed on Earth and Peter felt like he had experienced a severe case of whiplash. Sure enough, when reuniting with Tony on the battlefield, the billionaire had more grey in his hair and the broken look on his face almost made Peter break down into sobs then and there. He knew that Tony put the world before himself every time and he knew what the Snap would've done to the older man. However, all those thoughts went right out the window when Tony pulled him into a hug, and for the first time since coming back to Earth and even in the middle of a battlefield, Peter felt like he was home.

Peter blamed himself for luring himself into a false sense of security because shortly after the battle, Peter found out how much things had really changed since he had been gone. Apparently Tony now had a flesh-and-blood daughter named Morgan who was a spitting image of both her mother and father. Peter saw the way Tony looked at his daughter like she was his entire world and he felt his heartbreaking slightly. Once upon a time, Peter believed that Tony looked at him that way as if he had taken Peter to become his non-biological kid. Now that Tony had a biological kid, Peter doubted that Tony would ever look at him that way again.

Then Happy came around and told him that May was on her way and Peter nearly collapsed in relief that she was okay. Then Happy said that she had not been dusted and Peter's heart stuttered in sadness. May had believed that Peter had been dead for five years. Peter had left May mourning by herself for five years. Logically, Peter had known that it wasn't his fault that he was one of the people that had been dusted, but it didn't stop the guilt at leaving May to her own devices. Not only had she lost Ben but she thought that she had lost Peter too.

Soon after May arrived, Peter found out about MJ. May had been trying to keep that information from him at first, but Peter had overheard her conversation with Happy about it and things spiraled down from there. May had then explained to him that MJ didn't get dusted and that she was now married with a newborn son. As soon as Peter heard the news, the overwhelming sense of drowning in the past hit him full force and he emotionally shut down. His high school crush, one of his closest friends, was no longer his age and had moved on to build a life of her own. He knew that part of him was genuinely happy for MJ, but it was also a reminder of the five-year gap between him and everyone who survived the Snap.

Peter was jolted out of his self-pity when a knock sounded on his bedroom door.

"Peter?" A male voice called from the other side. "Time to get up for school. Breakfast is on the table when you are ready!"

Then there was that big change.

Peter first found out about George when he was driving back to Queens with May. He could tell that his aunt was trying her best to ease her way into the revelation, but it didn't make it any easier when he found out that his aunt had remarried to a man named George. George Andrews was an orthopedic surgeon at the hospital that May worked as a nurse. George had moved to New York with his son Alex to search for a new life post-snap. Apparently, they had both met when they were on shift and according to May, things just happened from there.

George's son Alex was a senior quarterback at Midtown High. He had been younger than Peter when May had first met him, and she had been the one to recommend Alex attending Midtown High as a freshman. Now Alex was technically older than Peter, as Peter was still stuck attending his junior year of high school in Midtown. In all honesty, the entire age situation sincerely confused him more than anything.

Peter had wanted to hate them from the beginning, he really did. Part of him thought that May had been betraying Ben when she told him she had remarried. As soon as he met them, he couldn't find it in himself to hate the newfound family. George was genuinely a nice guy and was really good for May. Peter could see the support that George never hesitated to give her when she needed it the most and who was Peter to stop May from having that? Also, Alex had been very willing to get to know Peter even though it was evident that they were polar opposites. Even after living with them for two months now, Peter feels like he connects with Alex much easier than he originally thought he would, and for that he was grateful.

Getting out of bed on shaky legs, Peter made his way over to his bathroom to take a shower. The scalding hot water did nothing to chase away the remnants of the nightmare. It was almost like Peter was hoping that feeling the hot water's sting would show him that he was indeed no longer crumbling to ash. The only thing he achieved was making himself sweat once he was out of the shower.

As Peter entered the kitchen, he could see George and Alex sitting at the table, George reading the newspaper, and Alex scrolling through something on his phone. In the middle of the table, there was a plate that was stacked with a ham-and-cheese omelet and two pancakes. It wasn't nearly enough food for Peter's metabolism, but that was only because May had never told their new family about his Spider alter-ego, something he was forever grateful for. He may be accepting his new family, but that doesn't mean he was ready to tell them every secret he's ever had. Anyways, he had some protein bars that Tony made stashed in his backpack at all times so he'd never fully starved. Maybe he'd tell them one day, but until then it was his and May's secret.

George looked up at the sound of his footsteps and smiled kindly, "Good morning, Pete, I set a plate for you."

Peter sat down and reached for the plate, "Thank you. You really didn't have to do that."

George shrugged off the comment, "Nonsense, it was really no trouble."

Peter immediately began to eat, even though the silence that fell upon them was still a little uncomfortable. It wasn't George or Alex's fault, Peter was an awkward teenager who didn't have the best social skills. He knew the conversations would come naturally in time, and until then Alex and George didn't seem to mind.

Alex looked up from his phone to greet Peter but frowned in worry at the sight of the tired teen. "You feeling okay?"

Peter was taken aback by the question but lied easily, "Yeah, just had a rough night."

Alex nodded, seeming to understand that Peter wasn't willing to talk further about it. That was another thing that Peter liked about Alex, the older teen knew when to respect Peter's boundaries.

The rest of breakfast went by quietly, and before Peter knew it he was walking to the subway with Alex to hop on the train towards Midtown. If it was one thing that Peter never thought he'd miss, it was the train ride to school, but since it was one of his only constants in this new Post-Snap world, he readily welcomed the comfort of familiarity.

The first half of the school day went by smoothly, with his first three classes going by rather quickly, a rarity that doesn't happen as often as Peter would've liked. One thing he looked forward to, however, was finally seeing Ned when lunch rolled around.

Peter was forever thankful that Ned was still a solid presence in his life, even if Peter would never have wished for Ned to be dusted like he had been. The selfish part of him was just glad that it was still the two of them against the world, unlike MJ who had to find her way in life after her friends disappeared off the face of planet earth.

"You'll never believe what just came in the mail yesterday," Ned began as he sat down next to Peter.

Peter turned to look at his friend with raised eyebrows, curiosity sparking instantly. "What?"

"The brand new Millennium Falcon Lego set! 2500 pieces, Peter! Can you imagine the paradise that comes with that?" Ned exclaimed excitedly.

Peter's eyes widened, "2500 pieces?"

"So, what do you say, want to come over after school and build it together?" Ned asked, his eye sparkling brightly.

Peter was about to accept the offer when a thought occurred to him and his smile fell. "I can't tonight, I promised Mr. Stark I'd drop by the compound for the weekend."

Ned just waved off the apology nonchalantly, even though Peter could see the underlying disappointment in his features. "Don't sweat it, Pete, what about next weekend?"

Peter's smile returned despite the guilt that coursed through his veins at staunching his friend's excitement. "It's a deal."

Ned's smile returned and they performed their handshake to seal the deal. They spent the rest of the lunch period talking about random things, but it was those random things that made Peter feel like everything would be alright in the crazy world that felt like it was pitted against them.

Once the dismissal bell rang to end the school day, Peter immediately set off towards the nearest alleyway to safely change into his Spider-Man suit away from the prying eyes of the public. Happy had offered to pick Peter up from school to drive him from the compound, but Peter had been itching to get some fresh air since he had to be more careful about going on patrol with George and Alex now living in his and May's apartment. So, when he had the opportunity to change into the spider suit he jumped on it.

Swinging through his city as he made his way upstate towards the compound, Peter felt a calming sensation course through him. If it was one thing that Peter had learned very early on in his Spider-Man career, it was that he felt most relaxed when he took to the skies. There was no better feeling than the cool air flowing over him as he soared past the buildings and streets. It was the best way he could forget his troubles and just focus on being there in the moment. There was no room for distractions when he was swinging, for if he broke concentration for even a second it could lead him to falling to his potential doom.

At least I didn't lose the ability to be dramatic, Peter chuckled to himself.

It was the first time Peter was going to the newly rebuilt compound since the battle with Thanos and part of him was excited. Another part of him was also apprehensive, as the other Avengers were now living in the compound once more, and even though they knew his true identity he couldn't help but feel like they judged him for being too young in a career like this. No matter how much they tried to be subtle when they talked about him, sometimes Peter wondered if they forgot that he has super hearing. He tries to not let it get under his skin because they treat him with the utmost respect, almost as they do truly like his presence, but sometimes getting judged by your childhood heroes hurts more than anyone could ever comprehend.

By the time Peter swung onto the compound's front yard, his muscles were aching from lack of use, but it was a good kind of burn. Almost like a post-exercise burn, if he was being honest with himself. Walking inside, Peter made his way to the Avenger's area of the compound, pulling off his mask as he entered the familiar living room.

On the couch, Bucky, Clint, Sam, and Steve were currently playing Mario Kart, with Clint yelling dramatically when things weren't going his way.

"Sam, you pushed me!" Clint complained, "So not cool!"

Bucky smirked in amusement. "It's like the battle of the birds."

Clint scoffed at that. "Oh please, everyone knows a hawk is superior to a falcon."

Sam rolled his eyes at that as he sped ahead of Clint to take first place, "You were saying?"

"That's not fair, you cheated!" Clint protested.

Peter chuckled at their antics and cut in, "Falcons have longer wings than hawks and therefore are faster."

Sam pointed at Peter and exclaimed. "Thank you! See, the kid gets it!"

Clint pouted at Peter, "I thought I was the favorite one!"

Peter crossed his arms, "I never truly said that."

Clint gasped and clutched his chest in mock hurt.

Steve stood up and walked up to Peter, "Was the trip alright?"

Peter smiled at the kind greeting, "There wasn't any trouble if that's what you mean."

Bucky also stood up and walked over to stand beside Steve, "Trouble usually comes to you, Kid. There's a reason why Tony always said you were a magnet for trouble."

Peter groaned, covering his face with his hands. "I resent that statement."

Steve laughed, "Considering the stories, I'm assuming it's true."

Peter let his hands fall back to his side and joined in on the laughter, not being able to remember the last time he felt this genuinely happy and carefree.

Clint set down his Wii remote and asked, "How long are you staying, kid?"

"Just for the weekend," Peter replied, "I promised my aunt I'd be home Sunday night so I'm ready to go to school on Monday. Speaking of Mr. Stark, is he in his lab?"

Peter felt a pit in his stomach tighten painfully when he saw the apprehensive look between the four Avengers.

A wave of sadness washed over him when he realized why. So, he asked a question he had a feeling he already knew the answer to. "He isn't here, isn't he?"

Steve shook his head, sympathy etched on his face. "He said something came up and wouldn't be here until sometime tomorrow. He said he wanted us to tell you he was sorry."

Peter felt bitterness course through him. At this point, he shouldn't have been surprised anymore, it wasn't the first time that Tony hadn't shown up for something. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths before he spoke again, "Guess I shouldn't have come then."

Steve's eyes widened, "No, we didn't mean it like that! You're always welcome here, Peter, you don't need Tony's permission for us to be cool with it."

"Steve's right," Clint perched himself on the back of the couch. "You're chill to have around, Kid."

"Even though I offended your pride?" Peter made a weak attempt at a joke, but the sadness was still there in his voice.

"No, I will get you back for that," Clint amended.

Sam rolled his eyes, "Don't listen to him, he's all talk and no brawn."

Clint narrowed his eyes at the comment, "I take that back, Peter, I have set my eyes on my new target."

Steve rolled his eyes and turned back to Peter, "I know Tony's not here, but what do you say on maybe some training? I don't know about you, but I could blow off some steam."

Peter could see that Steve was trying his best to cheer him up, and Peter did have to admit that training seemed rather appealing at the moment. So he nodded and said, "Yeah, I'm up for it."

Six hours later, Peter was laying in his bedroom at the compound, staring at the ceiling. He was so tired that he wanted to go to sleep, but part of him was terrified about the images that his brain would conjure in his dreams. He dreaded going back to Titan and experiencing the feeling of his entire body falling apart as he turned into ash, begging Tony to not let him go.

Part of the reason that Peter was looking forward to being at the compound that weekend was to be around Tony. He would never admit it aloud, but hearing Tony's heartbeat from the floor above him, even from before the Snap, comforted him in a way that let him dream a dreamless sleep. It was creepy and weird, but to Peter, it made sense to himself. Before the Snap, Tony had become another father figure to him, and even if Tony hadn't felt the same, he still protected him the way a father would protect their son. It was that protectiveness that gave Peter a sense of security, so wherever Peter was around Tony, he felt safe and secure.

Now, Tony wasn't there and Peter didn't even know if he should keep up the hope that he would be there before Peter went back home. Sure, being around the other Avengers was still amazing and a wonderful change from his life at home, but in a selfish way, it wasn't the same. Tony was a busy man and he talked to Peter every once in a while over the phone but Peter hasn't seen the man since he went home with May after the battle with Thanos. He knew that Tony had a kid now, but it didn't stop the hurt of lack of visiting him face-to-face.

Eventually, Peter did drift off, but before he knew it he was crumbling without control, turning into dust. Gasping awake, Peter sat up and placed a hand over his racing heart and he tried to get his breathing under control. His entire body was covered in sweat and he still had the sense to feel disgusted at the feeling of sweat drying on his skin. When his legs were no longer fully jelly and he was confident he wouldn't fall on his face, Peter took a quick shower before changing into a different t-shirt and pair of sweatpants.

When he was situated, Peter snuck out of his room and made his way to the kitchen. Turning on the stove light to cast the room in a faint glow of light, Peter grabbed a glass from the cabinet before pulling a gallon of milk from the fridge. Pouring himself a glass, Peter put the milk back in the fridge before taking a seat at the kitchen counter.

Peter knew that keeping his sleeping troubles a secret would come back to haunt him. Right now he was so tired that he wanted to sleep but was too scared to sleep alone.

Don't lie to yourself, Pete, you can't sleep because one person isn't here , Peter berated himself. However, that thought did little to make him feel better. The last person he wanted to talk to about his nightmares was Tony. Tony didn't need to relive that horrific memory just because Peter was carrying a lot of his own personal baggage. He was almost an adult, he should be able to deal with it himself.

No one knew that he had felt himself turning to dust. It was almost like his enhanced healing had been trying to stop him from crumbling into nothing. It was painful and more than that, it was haunting. In that particular moment, Peter knew what people meant when they said that they could feel like they were dying. Peter knew he had been dying and he had been terrified. Part of him knew whatever was happening then wouldn't take himself to the same place Ben had gone. This had been a different source of power. Sure enough, Peter couldn't remember what had happened after he had been dusted. It was almost as if he had literally ceased to exist. When he closed his eyes, he would once again experience that feeling and it was something he never wanted to feel again.

He vowed to himself he would never tell anyone about him feeling himself dying. That was a secret he would keep to himself until his true dying day.

"Peter?"

Peter jumped out of his skin, nearly spilling his milk in the process. Turning around he saw a sleepy-looking Bucky Barnes leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed against his chest. The metal arm glinted slightly in the faint light of the kitchen.

"You scared me," Peter's eyes flickered down to his glass. "What are you doing up?"

"I could ask you the same thing," Bucky cocked his head in a questioning manner.

Peter shrugged, turning back around to take a sip on his milk, cringing a bit at the warm temperature of the drink. He must've been stuck in his thoughts for a while.

Bucky came to sit beside him, "Couldn't sleep?"

"Who says I couldn't sleep?" Peter returned tiredly.

"You might be fooling other people, Kid, but it takes an insomniac to know one," Bucky said.

Peter flinched at the word insomniac. Surely it wasn't becoming that much of an issue, was it?

"I'm going to go out on a limb and say you had a nightmare," Bucky guessed.

The milk left a sour taste in Peter's mouth, "What gave it away?"

Bucky studied him for a moment before saying, "My momma used to tell me a glass of milk would soothe away all your troubles."

"That's what my Uncle Ben used to say too," Peter replied in acknowledgment. "So far, it isn't working like it used to."

Bucky hummed in agreement. "It took me a while to realize why the trick stopped working. I think our minds have a breaking point when it comes to dreams. Usually, the mild and unrealistic nightmares went away after a glass of milk because for some reason it grounds us to reality. However, the dreams that reflect what we've seen, what we've gone through, they're so ingrained in our minds that it just doesn't go away as easy as those other dreams."

Peter's shoulders slumped, "I'm just so tired."

Bucky sighed, "I feel you. Look, Kid, I know it's none of my business but have you talked to someone about it? As much as you don't want to, speaking from experience, it does make it easier to sleep. They don't fully go away, but they become tolerable where you can sleep."

Peter shook his head, cursing the tears that began to form in his eyes.

"Not even Tony?"

"Especially not him," Peter's voice broke and he winced. "He doesn't need that on top of everything else he deals with."

Bucky bit his lip as if he wanted to disagree. "Is it about your time in space?"

Peter didn't answer, but that seemed to be answer enough.

Bucky sighed, "I'm not going to force you to talk if you don't want to. I can't tell you how to make it go away, because it won't and we all have different ways to cope. For me? I try to focus on something soothing. Have you ever heard the sound of the ocean or rain? Sometimes it fills my mind with so much noise that I drift off with nothing else on my mind."

Peter's eyes flickered to see the genuine expression on Bucky's face.

Bucky placed his non-metal arm on Peter's shoulder. "You have to talk to someone eventually, Pete, or else it'll swallow you whole."

"How do you know when you're ready to talk about it?" Peter wondered quietly.

"Trust me, you'll know," Bucky squeezed his arm one more time before saying. "Go back to bed. Ask FRIDAY to place some sounds of rain. You might be surprised at the comfort it brings." With that said, Bucky walked out of the room and left Peter alone.

A few minutes later, Peter was back in his room and did just that. Sure enough, the soothing patter sounds of rain allowed him to drift into an uneasy sleep.

Was it good? Was it bad? Feel free to let me know!