Author's Note: I'm adding this in after the fact because it only occurred to me after posting, but... this is based off - as mentioned in the summary - the If You Give... series by Laura Numeroff. I tried to find the listing in the crossover section and couldn't do so; as such, I'm placing this under "regular.' However, I wanted to make it clear that this is a tribute to/parody of her work and not a writing style I invented. (Once more, for the record... this is a Supernatural parody of her stories). Sorry for the overkill, but wanted to give credit. Thank you all, and I hope you enjoy this utterly ridiculous story! :)
If you give a moose a salad, he's going to need a fork to eat it.
As he searches the motel room, he's only going to find spoons.
Every time he sees a spoon, he's going to think of a shovel.
And once he's thought of shovels, hunting comes to mind right after.
Whenever hunting comes to mind, he's going to want to burn off the calories from his lunch (but only after his food settles)
You'll have to get the weapons from the Impala; he'll want to go with you.
When he opens the door and sees how rainy it is, he's not going to want to dig a grave without one of his old college hoodies
As he pulls it on, he's going to be reminded of a hunt at the college nearby.
Thinking of the college is just going to remind him of how dangerous the hunt will be, so he's going to want to leave as soon as possible.
When he reaches the Impala, he's going to try to pick the music…
And, when you tell him no, he's going to use Bitchface 67 to get his way.
But when you get to the college, he's going to forget about the music and go after the spirit.
First step is interviewing the witnesses, but he's going to get too emotional in the process.
To calm down, he's going to leave for the library to do some research.
But he's going to get lost in the lore and forget to tell you what he's learned.
Once you finally get the information from him, he's going to want to burn the bones immediately.
And after he burns the bones, he's going to want to leave since the ghost is gone,
But he's not going to be able to get in the car before he hears a shout from the dorm nearby
As soon as he hears the screaming, he's going to want to rush in and help…
And he'll probably steal your shotgun to use in the process.
Only once the ghost disappears will he remember that the man's watch is framed in his office.
Then, he's going to want to burn it, too, but he'll get attacked by the spirit in the process.
So you're going to have to do it yourself.
Once you make sure he's alright, you're both going to want to leave.
When you get back to the motel room, he'll remember that he used up his salt during the hunt.
As he looks around for more, he'll finally find his packets of crappy diner utensils.
And, when he sees crappy diner utensils, of course he's going to want a salad to go with them.