The Chuunin Exams had been a widely anticipated event for the past eighty or so years, ever since they were started by Senju Tobirama. In a war-weary world sick of constant bloodletting, they were a secure way of testing the mettle of the next generation of ninja. Budding genin were subjected to rigorous, high-stakes training while eliminating the casualties that they might otherwise have faced in their chosen line of work. That was the logic behind the Chuunin Exams.
They were also a great source of entertainment, betting, stupid fighting, boastful taunts, and significantly, spreading rumors about random shinobi during the course of all that stupid fighting and through those boastful taunts.
Most of these rumors would be related to the ninja who actually participated in these battles. However.
When you put two ninja together, one with latent rage from years of having an axe to grind against his clan for the death of his father, and another with absolutely no brain-to-mouth filter and a loud, loud voice that echoed throughout the arena, sometimes other people would find themselves subject to random celebrity status. In fact, that was exactly what happened during one of those Chuunin Exams, in a fight between Hyuuga Neji and Uzumaki Naruto.
Poor Hinata.
Arashi sighed, carefully adjusting his face mask so as not to give any of his mannerisms away. He had a terrible poker face. Not that it mattered since he'd already placed his bets last week, but ninja never showed weakness. Even if he was just a genin who was only there to make some cash during the Chuunin Exams.
He sighed again.
They were slow.
Konoha ninja sure had a talent for melodrama. The way things were going between this "Naruto" and "Neji," you would think that you were watching a soap opera, not a match to determine the outcome of the Chuunin Exams. They were dragging it out, especially Neji, lecturing Naruto about how he should "stay on his knees and recognize his worthlessness against a power he could not change."
This would never have happened in a Kiri-sponsored event. Mizukage-sama would just casually threaten to kill you if you chose to ramble on and on like this Neji.
Judging by the constant frowning and smirking and smug I-know-so-much-better-than-you looks, Neji had severe emotional constipation. Or maybe physical constipation.
"Having dreams come true with hard work is an illusion," he announced, either unknowing or uncaring of the fact that he was being watched by hundreds of spectators and came off as a jerkface.
"He sounds like he's thirty and stuck doing guard duty for the rest of his life." The Iwa nin beside him scowled. "I think Naruto should kick his ass soon."
"I think he needs laxatives. He probably has a sensitive stomach."
His newfound friend snickered and gave him a thumbs-up. That was another point in favor of the Chuunin Exams. If you forced all enemy villages to call a temporary truce and watch little kids beat each other to a pulp, it wasn't too hard to find at least one kindred spirit.
Emotionally constipated people were annoying.
Arashi nodded in agreement as Naruto launched into a lecture of his own about how he hated the way Neji had insulted someone called "Hinata" and "called people losers." He didn't know what Neji had done exactly, but it was obvious that he was a real jerkface.
He had heard bits and pieces about the Hyuuga of Konoha a few times. He knew that they were renowned for their all-seeing Byakugan and signature Gentle Fist taijutsu. They were a noble, aristocratic clan that had given Kiri trouble quite a few times through the course of history. There were bound to be several exceptional shinobi from that clan, such as this emotionally constipated jerkface Neji. But by the end of the match, when Naruto had finally kicked Neji's ass and Arashi had won his bet, only one Hyuuga had registered in his mind.
Hinata this and Hinata that.
Naruto getting enraged at whatever Neji had done to "Hinata."
Neji getting enraged at whatever special treatment "Hinata" had supposedly received.
The Hyuuga skipping out on attending an important peace ceremony just because it was "Hinata's" birthday.
Someone trying to kidnap "Hinata," and when that didn't work, Kumo creating a big diplomatic scandal about it. Said diplomatic scandal ending with the death of Neji's father, and leaving Neji with a serious grudge against "Hinata."
He didn't claim to have heard everything those kids were ranting on and on about. It was a blustery day and there were hundreds of other people in the stadium. But Arashi would later swear on the Nidaime Mizukage's wispy moustache that whatever he'd learned from those fateful Chuunin Exams could be boiled down to two things.
One: emotionally constipated people were annoying.
Two: There was someone in Konoha called "Hinata," and she was serious business, if all the special birthday parties and kidnappings and ranting and raving about her were to be believed.
Like he said, he swore it on the Nidaime's wispy moustache after getting back to Kiri, and quite a few foreign ninja took notice.
Poor Hinata.
Akamaru closed in on the pointy-faced bandit, fur raised, growling ferociously. Kiba grinned.
Okay, this was kind of boring for Team 8's first mission as chuunin, but whatever. It was still way more than what Naruto was off doing with Jiraiya-sama, and each mission was one step closer and closer to becoming Hokage. He'd display his leadership skills here and Tsunade-sama would have to take note and promote him soon.
With that thought in mind, he began bellowing out orders to his other teammates.
"Shino, you take out the bandit! Akamaru's got him cornered!"
Shino did not comply, choosing to cover his face securely under his thick jacket instead.
"Kiba, you are not the leader of this team. Why? Because although she is not present, Kurenai-sensei is still our jounin instructor and she is the one who gives orders. Besides, you smell like dog urine and I refuse to subject myself to such a scent by crossing over to handle the bandit."
Naturally, this didn't go down well with Kiba. He growled just as ferociously as Akamaru, then grimaced as he took a whiff of his own smell. "Ahh, man, you're right. Akamaru, we gotta be careful with Dynamic Marking next time, okay? Spray only the bad guys, not me, got it?"
He turned pleadingly towards the only sensible person on the team.
"Hinata, could you – "
She sighed, also covering her face with her thick jacket. "Kiba-kun, you really do smell like – " She didn't get to finish, because –
"Hinata?" The pointy-faced man gaped. "As in Hyuuga Hinata?"
"Hey, pay attention! We're fighting you!" Kiba snapped.
The bandit paid no heed. "The extremely awesome Hyuuga Hinata? The one people threw birthday parties for and kidnapped?"
Hinata blinked. "I'm...sorry?"
He gazed at her, enthralled. "It's true, you are a Hyuuga. You have those white eyes." Then he squealed and clapped his hands together like a little boy. "Your cousin hates you!"
"We get along well now," she said defensively even as she realized how insane this conversation was.
Shino twitched. A little caterpillar fell down his face. "Hinata, do you...know this man?"
"I'm your biggest fan! You almost started a war." He said war the way Naruto would say ramen. Hinata covered her face still more securely and took giant leaps backwards, away from her bandit fanboy, who somehow knew extremely personal details of her cousin's animosity towards her and thought she was cool.
"I don't know him," she said, shaking her head fervently.
"Can I have your autograph, Hyuuga-san?"
What the –
"I..."
"Hyuuga-san," he said, getting on his knees and bowing deeply. "If you give me your autograph, I...I promise I'll come quietly to Konoha!"
Kiba's jaw dropped. Shino's jaw dropped. Akamaru's jaw dropped.
"I'll even let you tie me up! Just give me your autograph!"
A/N: This idea came to me while rereading "The Pied Piper of Konoha" by Egusi Soup.
I thought it would be funny to use one of the popular old fan-created names for Minato before we found out his actual name, so hope you liked Arashi.
I'm accepting ideas of whatever random hilarious situations Hinata might find herself in thanks to her newfound celebrity status, so please send them in! :)