TRIGGER WARNINGS: domestic abuse, abusive relationships, mentions of suicide, mentions of rape, and probably a bunch of other stuff that I can't remember. Please don't read this if any of these things are triggers.

Before anyone reads on, I want to say that I have never been in an abusive relationship, nor have I ever seen anyone come out of an abusive relationship that was this bad. I apologise profusely if you felt I have poorly depicted this but I took narrative license (if that's what it's called) and created a story within my mind. Please don't read on if you think that I shouldn't be writing this and think that I have done an injustice to the struggle that people who come out of toxic/abusive relationships face. I also want to say that if you are struggling with any of this please reach out to someone.

Disclaimer: what you recognise almost definitely belongs to JK Rowling.

Please review and I hope you like it

It takes all of my self-control not to punch Severus Snape. The only, only I tell you, reason I'm refraining is because of Snape's girlfriend. Snape's girlfriend being the love of my life: Lily Evans. Yep, you heard it right, I'm in love with another guy's girlfriend… and my old best friend. Not counting the other Marauders obviously (Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. Yeah, Wormtail, you're no longer a Marauder).

Wanna know the worst bit – yes, I haven't even got to the worst bit – Snivellus treats her awfully. Everyone can see the relationship is unbelievably toxic except Lily. Snape snuck it up on her; I don't think she even knows who she is anymore. The Lily Evans I knew was kind, funny, smart and could stand up for herself. Now… now, I can't even begin to describe the hollow shell that was once Lily Evans. But, somehow, I can't stop loving her.

Pathetic, right?

So, back to what's going on. I'm at a party with Pads (Sirius) and Moony (Remus), and Snivellus struts in, Lily attached to his arm. When she spots us, something like joy springs into her emerald eyes, the green flickering into life. All three of us can see that she tries to move away, but she's stopped by Snape. He leans down and whispers something in her ear; it's something as manipulative as possible, under the guise of love and adoration. Ha. Like Snape loves her. If he does, it's a poison rather than a balm.

Marlene McKinnon – Lily's ex-best friend, although it was never officially ended, if you know what I mean – rushes over to us, her newly-dyed electric blue hair swinging into her eyes. 'You saw it right?' Marley demands, 'You saw her try and escape.'

Coming up behind Marley with her boyfriend Frank Longbottom, Alice Fortescue says, 'We all saw it. When's this gonna end?'

There's really no answer. Never has been. Not since they started dating three years ago. Merlin's beard. Three years.

'We need to get her out.' Marley watches the couple through narrowed eyes, 'How?' She glances at me, 'Prongs?'

'I really don't know anymore. We've tried virtually everything.' Tired, I lean my head back on the sofa, closing my eyes and wishing I could block all the noise out. I so need to get drunk tonight, just to take my mind off it all.

'Hello.'

My eyes fly open. The tension is palpable. Slowly, as if I'm trying not to scare away a baby animal, I pull my head off the back of the sofa.

Hazel eyes meet green.

Lily quickly pulls her gaze away, aware of Snivellus's territorial look. She offers the faintest of smiles. 'We thought we would come over and say hello. See how you were all doing.'

Right. "We." Snivellus doesn't look pleased that he's had to come over to us, but he can't exactly deny Lily a simple suggestion (not yet anyway).

Out of my peripherals, I see Marley perch on the arm of the sofa, sitting too upright to be casual. Padfoot's knuckles have gone white; Remus is slowly shredding a napkin in his lap. Alice and Frank have each other firmly by the hand; I think Frank is holding Alice back from jumping on Snivellus. I don't know why. It'd do the jerk some good.

'We're fine,' I say carefully, 'You?'

Snivellus's grip tightens significantly on Lily's hand. 'Very happy,' he replies, cutting Lily off as she opens her mouth.

A low growl comes from next to me. 'How are you, Lily?' Sirius asks through gritted teeth.

'Lily is just beautiful and fabulous,' Snape answers, sporting a sickening smile.

'I asked Lily,' Padfoot snarls, 'It'd be pleasant if she answers.' He looks at Lily, 'Lily.'

Lily glances up at Snape. For approval. His approval. And I thought this night couldn't get worse. Turns out, it could get a whole lot worse.

'It's just as Sev said,' Lily says without the faintest whisper of a smile, 'I'm wonderful.'

Padfoot snorts but refrains from saying anything else.

'I'm going to get some fresh air,' Lily murmurs, 'Be back in a minute, love.'

Snape deliberates it. He physically considers whether he should let his girlfriend go out and get some fresh air. Merlin's sparkly wand. How can Lily not see how much of a rat this man is?

Eventually, Snivellus releases Lily's hand and lets her flitter away, watching through narrowed eyes. No one moves to touch or intercept Lily. In fact, they clear a wide path.

When Lily's gone, Snivellus turns to us. 'Stay away from her,' he warns.

'Why? What do we owe you?' Marley hisses, 'All you've done is ruin her life.'

Snape takes a threatening step forward. Moony is immediately up and between the short girl and Snivellus. Snape laughs manically. 'She's mine,' he answers with a sneer, 'she will never be yours.'

I throw up in my mouth. The claims he's making are sickening. The assumption that Lils is just an object, something to be owned and possessed. He's missing the point of a relationship, the point of love. Love is kind and allows the person to be free. True love is not a one-way street. It's not all about one person. This, whatever this thing, this twisted thing, is, is wrong. So, so wrong.

'Excuse me,' Snivellus says, and he's gone. I hear Lucius Malfoy and Tom Riddle greet him with cheers and slaps on the back. Ugh. How could anyone like this man?

'Prongs,' Marley turns to me, her face fierce, 'go talk to her.'

'What?'

'I don't care about Snivellus and what he says. He's just… he's proved we need to save her. We'll make sure that he doesn't notice, but you need to go and get her out. I don't know who she is anymore: she's Snape's plaything.' Tears are welling up in Marley's eyes, and she falls down on her knees in front of me. 'Please, James.'

My hands are shaking, but I understand what Marley's saying. Lily needs to be helped; she has to be. Surely, she has to know what's going on. Surely. 'Cover me.'

They all nod, eyes burning with anger. I slip into the crowd, moving quickly and stealthily. Snape can't notice me; Snape can't notice me.

He doesn't.

Going out, I heave a sigh of relief, which catches in my throat when I see her.

Her back is to me, the red curls tumbling to her waist. The skirt she's wearing is short - I assume that Snivellus picked it out, it seems like something he would choose. Lily's standing silently, not humming, not muttering to herself. Nothing. Just standing still, looking.

With trembling knees, I come forward. She doesn't give any sign that she knows I'm there. 'Hey there, Evans,' I say, keeping my voice studiously casual and upbeat.

'You shouldn't be out here.'

No hello, no how are you. It breaks my heart. 'Why not?' I ask, trying to get a little teasing into my voice.

'Sev won't like it.'

'Screw Snivellus.' The words are out of my mouth before I can help it. 'I'm sorry… I … I…'

Lily keeps staring ahead. There's not even a glimmer of a smile. 'You should go back inside.'

'If you can say, honestly, that I should, that you want me to and it's not just because of "Sev", then I will.'

She says nothing.

Laughing bitterly, I say, 'See.'

'What do you want?'

'To ask why you're still with him.'

'I love him; he loves me.' Lily says it like it's the most obvious in the world.

'Weird way to show love.' Tilting my head slightly so I can see her face, I question, 'You really believe he loves you?'

'Yes. Why wouldn't he?' Lily finally smiles, just a trace of the wide grin she used to have. And it's over Severus Snape.

'Potter.' Snivellus comes up behind us, resting his hands on Lily's shoulders. He drags her closer to himself, controlling her. Telling me something I already know: she's not mine. 'What are you out here for?'

'Can't a man get some fresh air without being interrogated?' I retort, flashing a smirk I know gets on Snape's nerves.

Sure enough, Snivellus's eyes darken, and he tugs Lily back inside. 'See you round Potter.'

I grimace. I wasn't even getting anywhere with Lils. She just… she was so convinced Snape loved her. This is so much worse than we ever thought. He's not just controlling her actions, he's controlling her mind, her emotions, her… everything.

I head back inside with the intention of getting absolutely wasted. Marley grabs my arm as I enter, 'How was it?'

'Fancy some shots?'

Marley knows what I mean. I can see it dawn across her face. 'Wanna go until we can't remember our own names?'

'Definitely.' I try one shot, trying to do anything to drown out what just happened.

It. Does. Absolutely. Nothing.

Lily's face won't be pushed away by alcohol; it's glued to the front of my mind.

Through the night, I watch all my friends get wasted and don't join them. Nothing can possibly rid my mind of Lily. That's how I end up lugging them all back to my apartment – the one I share with Pads, Moony and – strangely enough – Marley. Padfoot basically collapses onto his bed and zonks out; Moony's a little harder – he wants to dance and sing and drink and drink and drink. It's a challenge, but I get him into bed and almost lock the door behind me (I refrain but it's unbelievably tempting). Alice and Frank claim my bedroom for their own and… well… I don't want to think about what's happening on my bed. I'm burning those sheets.

Marley gets more drunk than all of them together. She almost finishes off an entire bottle of vodka in the car, which she promptly throws up. At some point, she falls asleep next to the toilet, and I leave her there just in case there's an accident in the night.

For me, I just can't get to sleep. Every time I close my eyes, I'm confronted with emeralds shining with nothing. Then, they transform, and they're shining with love for me.

Merlin, I'm the most pathetic guy on planet Earth. I've been in love with this girl for something like five years, and I just… can't let her go. I had two years – two whole freaking years – to ask her out, to do anything, and I didn't. I chickened out every time. Coward. I'm a coward.

Everything on TV tonight is junk, but I throw an old movie on in the background and curl up in self-loathing, and Snape-loathing. Mainly Snape-loathing. It's so hard to see a way to get Lily out. If she really loves this guy then we can do literally nothing. Nothing. Nada.

Hours pass – maybe only one but it feels like a lifetime – and suddenly there's another movie. I recognise it immediately as Lily's favourite. Presumably her old favourite now. The door knocks just as the first scene finishes. Jane Nichols is a bridesmaid, never a bride, but somehow, she's still beautiful – that's rom coms for you.

Heaving myself off the sofa, I trudge over to the door, rubbing my forehead as I notice the late time. Who could possibly be coming over now? Sighing, I pull the door open, leaning against the edge. I don't quite clock who's in front of me. 'What'd you want?' I say impatiently, 'Don't you know how late it is?' I glance up to finally look whoever interrupted me in the eye… and freeze.

The world stops.

Red-rimmed eyes gaze up at me. Lily looks so, so tired. Her red curls have lost their shine, hanging limply over her shoulders. They almost perfectly match the striking red handprint marking her face.

Some kind of unimaginable rage overtakes me. All I can see is red. 'What. Happened.' The words are scarcely audible, gritted out.

Her eyes are staring at the floor, but she brings them up, flinching back at whatever she perceives in my eyes. I try to dim it down, just in case she's seeing Snivellus, not me. 'I…' she just trails off, her mouth forming words that don't come out. There's something so… defeated in her eyes. Something broken.

'Come in,' I gently suggest, 'do you want a drink or something?'

Following my advice with something like perfect obedience – I'm going to kill Snape – she shakes her head, her shoulders stiffening. 'Not a drink,' she gets out, 'Water?'

'Water.' Moving as if I'm trying not to frighten a little bird, I go over to the kitchen, picking out a plastic cup. I don't know how fragile or jumpy Lils is, and I can't take risks with glasses. The tap does the thing it sometimes does – bursts with water. I end up soaked; I don't mind.

When I walk back over, Lily is perched on the very edge of the sofa, ready to fly away. She takes the cup with shaking hands, taking baby sips. The fact that she has a bruise forming on her face doesn't seem to even phase her.

I'm going to murder Snivellus with my bare hands.

Cautiously, I dare to ask the question that's on the tip of my tongue. 'What happened, Lily?'

Lily doesn't look over at me. She's staring fixedly at the TV, 27 Dresses still playing quietly across the scene. 'That's my favourite movie…' she whispers and reaches out blindly to touch the screen, pulling back at the last moment. She looks down at her hand as if it were burnt, eyes closing for a long time.

I try repeating my question one last time, 'What happened?'

'It was nothing,' Lily says quietly, 'I just misunderstood Sev.'

'And that ended up with him hitting you?!' The words burst out of my mouth before I can use any kind of filter.

'He's just passionate.' Lily's excuse comes out feeble and utterly unbelievable. Passion doesn't lead to hurting someone; it never will. Whatever lies Snivellus has drilled into her head are just pathetic – not pathetic as if they won't last but pathetic as in the most cowardly thing I've ever heard. Passionate. How dare he claim passion and love as an excuse for abusing his girlfriend.

'Lils, please.' It takes all my strength not to reach out and envelop her in love. 'You just… you haven't seemed yourself recently.' I remember the lessons I learnt recently when we'd all looked up ways to help a friend out of an abusive relationship. Nationaldahelpline, thank you.

Create a safe space.

Tell her you're worried.

Take her seriously. Listen. Believe her.

Tell her it's not her fault.

Don't judge her.

Remind her she's not alone.

Give her time.

My instinct at the time was to throw away the words and just overwhelm with love and trust and the idea that Snape is manipulating her. Seeing her now, seeing the excuses she's making… maybe the website was right. Slowly wins the race.

Snivellus, you're going down.

Lily looks up, meeting my eyes. 'I'm tired,' she says quietly, not saying my name.

'You can stay here,' I suggest, 'Everyone will be fine with that.'

'Everyone?'

'Marley, Pad – Sirius, Alice, Frank and Mo – Remus. They're all here.' It's habit to say Moony and Padfoot's nicknames, but I refrain just in case she's forgotten. Merlin, I hope she hasn't. That would be… that would be unimaginable.

'Oh.' Placing her water on a mat on the coffee table, Lily sits further back in her chair.

Good. Progress.

'Are you okay with staying, Lily?'

'I should get back.' But she doesn't move. Not one inch. Finally, her hand creeps up to the bruise on her cheek, touching it very gently. 'I should get back,' she repeats and presses down ever so slightly. A wince.

Reaching over, I take her hand, pulling it away. 'It'll hurt like hell tomorrow.'

'I know.'

The world stops, starts, and stops again. She knows. How many times has she experienced this? How on earth does she know what a slap feels like? What had Snape done?

'Lily,' I try to form words, 'You can stay here. And you can tell me what happened. It's not your fault.'

Instead of answering, Lily curls up in a little ball on her chair and closes her eyes. It's hard not to notice that her arms are cradled protectively around her – one around her head and the other around her stomach. It doesn't take long before she's asleep.

She doesn't snore anymore.

A small thing but something that hits even harder than usual. She's probably just grown out of it or something, but it hurts. It hurts that I haven't been around to see it, that I haven't been able to tease her about it. How many things will have changed? How much have I missed?

I watch Lily's chest move up and down as she breathes, and it's hard not to wonder how much Snape has changed her. For once, she looks peaceful, calm, free. Sleep sets her free, and she can fly alone. I wonder if that's the only time she can.

Hey everyone! Please review and let me know what you think (though please don't just write complaints. I promise I'm trying). I'm sorry for disappearing for so long but I hope you enjoy what I've come up with.

Most chapters will be this short - or shorter! Still, I hope you like Sleeping With Snivellus...