"Healer Potter. Healer Potter to Dai Llewellyn Ward, Floor One. Code Red. I repeat, Code Red."
Oh for fuck's sake, really? I've only just made this coffee, my scheduled break is two hours late because of an overrunning clinic, and I'm desperate for something to drink.
Damn emergencies.
Tucking my wand into a pocket, I sprint out of the Healers' mess and down four flights of stairs to the department of creature-induced injuries on the first floor. As the hospital's resident specialist in pain management and anaesthesia, a significant part of my day is spent running up and down stairs, going from one ward to another, making sure the hospital's patients are kept safely asleep, or as comfortable as possible. I know this stairwell like the back of my hand.
But I don't just deal with sleeping patients. Which is a shame, because unconscious patients are very easy to manage; it's the awake ones that have a tendency to be bothersome. Although in fairness, this current cognisant one, lying mangled on a bed in front of me, is showing some consideration by suffering quietly. My assigned trainee, Healer Heather Macauley, has already administered analgesia, a blood-replenishing potion, and applied a liberal coating of burn-paste to the raw flesh that was, at one point, an arm. The limb is beginning to heal nicely.
I begin to assess the patient. "Can someone fill me in on his history whilst I examine him, please?"
Heather clears her throat. "David Spelling, fifty-seven, got into a disagreement with his pet micro-dragon. Incident occurred about fifteen minutes ago. Blood loss. Third degree burn to left arm. Possible trauma to the abdomen and thorax…"
"Definite thoracic trauma," I mutter. Poor guy has a diaphragmatic rupture and bowel herniation in addition to his obvious injuries. No wonder his breathing is a bit erratic. "Merlin, people should learn not to argue with dragons, even small ones. Someone start him on an anti-shock serum, please, and get him on oxygen."
Despite his outward appearance, his stats aren't too bad and he's not in immediate threat of death. Code orange would have done, I reckon, glumly recalling my abandoned mug of coffee upstairs, which will be growing colder by the second.
"Care to continue your assessment, Healer Macauley? What else is going on here?"
"Blunt trauma," replies Heather smoothly.
"Is the patient haemodynamically stable?"
"Umm, no?"
"The correct answer is actually 'Yes'. His heart rate and blood pressure are within normal limits, so he's stable at present. That may change, of course."
"Oh." Heather, looking slightly sheepish, scribbles something down on a piece of parchment and shoves it into a pocket of her lime-green scrubs.
Whilst Heather is taking notes, I put the patient into an enchanted sleep. "Right, let's crack on and get this poor bloke fixed. Do we want to check for foreign bodies before repairing the damage?"
"No. Blunt trauma caused the injury, so there shouldn't be any foreign objects in there."
"Want to rethink your answer? Wouldn't it be possible for a bony fragment from a comminuted fracture to be present, for instance?"
"Umm, yes?"
"Right, so you should always get into the habit of checking for foreign bodies before performing any body cavity repair. Even when the damage has been sustained from force rather than penetrative injury. Ok, Healer Macauley, you're now going to repair this mess."
"What - I'm going to do it?" Heather says faintly, sounding very doubtful.
"No time like the present. See how his bowels have herniated into his chest cavity? They need to be pushed back into the abdomen first. I like to use Repello followed by Laqueus, which temporarily tethers the stomach to the abdominal wall to keep the digestive system out of the way. What three other spells could you use instead of Laqueus?"
"Umm." Heather pauses for a moment. "Cohaeresco, Glutinatio, and…and"
"Coniunctio. Good effort. Two out of three isn't bad at all."
I watch carefully as my trainee Healer hesitantly begins the incantation. "Is this right?"
I nod. "Yes, you're doing great. Remember to be confident with your wand movement; it's a nice smooth, singular motion. Once the digestive system has been secured, you can attend to the pleural space and remove the debris and air, allowing the lungs to expand as normal."
Heather slowly and painstakingly siphons off the air and particles as instructed. It's somewhat excruciating watching a trainee Healer take a fumbling half an hour to do what takes me less than ten minutes, but we all have to start somewhere. I keep a close watch on the patient just in case he deteriorates and I need to step in to speed up the procedure.
"Lovely. Now that rupture can be repaired and the skin can be healed over the top. Keep the movement slow and sigmoidal with your wand at a forty-five degree angle to the patient. Perfect job - looks as good as new!"
David Spelling immediately begins to breathe normally again and so does Heather.
"Thanks so much, Healer Potter."
"Feel free to call me Al. I don't stand on ceremony here."