Chapter 1 - Two Wedding Invitations
A/N: This is a sequel to my first mult-chapter fic, Eat, Pray, Loki. This time around, I'll be posting once a week, on Fridays.
Leonard watched as Loki fumbled around with the coffee dispenser in the "snack bar" area of his office. He still wasn't completely on board with having a snack bar in his office. At one point, he'd had a partition put up sectioning the area off from the rest, but almost immediately, he'd figured out why that wasn't a good idea. The barrier had been pushed off to the side and had stayed that way ever since.
When Loki started reading the nutritional label on his sugar packet, Leonard started to get a little impatient. "Loki, why don't you come sit down now? I don't have anyone else coming in for the rest of the afternoon, so stalling won't make your session shorter."
Loki stirred his chai tea a few more times, added another packet of sugar to it, and then stirred it some more. At last, he picked it up. Balancing the oversized mug in both hands, he picked his way across the oversized room.
Once he had settled onto the couch across from him, Leonard gave him a tight-lipped smile, even though Loki was too busy staring into his tea to see it. "It's been about eight months since you've been on Earth. How would you say everything's been going?"
"I am happier than I have ever been, Doctor," Loki said, still staring into his tea as if it held the key to the secrets of the universe.
"You don't sound happy."
Loki looked up at him with furrowed eyebrows. "Because this sort of thing doesn't last for me. Mark my words, something is about to happen. Impending doom is looming on the horizon."
"'Doom' sounds a little dramatic, don't you think? But I do understand, Loki." Things had been great for him too for the past several months. He found his work as staff psychiatrist for the Avengers more challenging and fulfilling than any position he'd held previously. He lived in luxurious accommodations in the middle of one of the most vibrant and interesting cities in the world, and he didn't even have to pay rent. He'd been able to start saving for retirement, and at this rate, it was going to be a great retirement; maybe he'd buy a private island somewhere.
He was even in a committed adult relationship again. There was a limit to how much physical intimacy they could have because of Bruce's Hulk-related issues, but that didn't matter, because what they had was better than nothing, and nothing had been what he had had for two years prior. He'd almost given up on being with anyone ever again.
"Doctor Samson?"
Leonard looked at Loki before glancing back down at his notes and realizing that he had written Bruce's name in the margins. Mortified, he scratched it out with his pen. (At least he hadn't drawn a heart with both their initials it, though he had to wonder what would have happened if Bruce's name contained an "i.") "The thing is, you're probably right," he said, still a little distracted.
"I am?"
"There's a good chance that eventually, something bad will happen. You or someone close to you could be injured or become sick. Or your girlfriend could disappear from the face of the Earth, the economy could crash and take your IRA down with it—"
"I've never had a girlfriend who lived on this planet in the first place, nor have I had an IRA. Which one of us are we talking about here?"
"Sorry—anyway, my point was that no one can be happy all the time." Thank God, or he'd be out of a job. "It's probably best to appreciate what you have while you have it and try not to dwell on what might happen in the future."
Leonard watched Loki's hands as he tensed and tightened his grip on his mug. "So, what you're saying is that I should be resigned to the fact that my current contentment is not to last, because in the end, happiness is but a fleeting emotion. That I should resign myself to my destiny, which is to suffer and one day die alone and unloved."
"Holy shit, Loki, that's not what I said at all—" Loki's talent for catastrophizing shouldn't have caught him off guard anymore, but sometimes it still did.
"You have to put a dollar in the jar." Loki's grip on his mug loosened, and the corner of his lips hinted at a smile.
"Sorry, that was unprofessional of me," said Leonard, but he couldn't help being secretly happy he'd provided Loki with at least a momentary distraction from his negative thoughts. The Avengers' "swear jar" had been introduced by Pepper a couple weeks before. He wasn't sure why Pepper had suddenly become concerned enough with the language of the tower's residents to take such a measure, but the far more intriguing psychological puzzle had been Loki's reaction to it. In less than a day after it's introduction, he had become the jar's enforcer, and seemed to derive a great amount of satisfaction from policing the others' language. To Leonard, the psychological basis for this remained unclear—somehow, he refused to believe it was simple schadenfreude, because with Loki, things were hardly ever simple.
( ﾟДﾟ) - #$%!
Tony sat down across from where the kid sprawled on one of the couches in the common room, by all appearances attempting to stare a hole into the ceiling. He knew better, though; if Loki's mind were a hamster, it would be running itself ragged on its wheel. When he broke the silence between them, he tried to make his tone conversational. "Doc told me you've been worrying about the future."
Loki turned onto his side so that he could stare a hole through Tony instead. "Doctor Samson isn't very good at the whole 'doctor-patient confidentiality' thing, is he?"
"Hey, he didn't give me any specifics. I can only speculate on what you're worried about. But you get that it's okay for Doc to tell me if there's something he thinks I need to know, right? I'm actually your legal guardian now. I mean, it might not hold up in court, but I'm still the closest thing you have to one; my name is on your fake birth certificate and everything. You know, if the press ever gets a hold of that, they're going to have a field day—"
"That's why it probably wasn't necessary or advisable for you to do such a thing, but on the other hand, I don't see how anyone would get a hold of it. What's the point in even having a fake birth certificate when you won't even let me use it to get my learner's permit?"
As far as Tony was concerned, there wasn't a reason for Loki to learn how to drive when he wasn't allowed to go anywhere on his own that wasn't within walking distance. There was also no way he'd let a kid drive any of his sports cars; if he ever did let Loki get a license, he'd have to find him something that couldn't go over sixty-five miles per hour. "Look, I told you I'd think about it, if you're a good boy—er, girl—what are you today, by the way? Usually, you give off more cues than I'm picking up on at the moment."
Loki shrugged. "Do I always have to be specifically one or the other?"
"I guess not, even though you generally have been up until now."
"Is there a burning reason you need to know what genitalia I currently possess?"
"Oh, hell no—I mean, you know that wasn't what I was asking. Biological sex and gender aren't even the same thing."
"Swear jar." Loki pointed to the former mayonnaise jar that happened to be sitting on the table in front of them, to which Pepper had taped a note written in her own scrawling handwriting: Avengers' Swear Jar, Proceeds go to the Maria Stark Foundation.
"Give me a break. 'Hell' isn't that bad—"
"We're still counting it. Whenever you're in doubt, just ask yourself if Captain Rogers would give you a dirty look for using it."
Tony took a hundred-dollar bill out of his wallet and stuffed it through the slot that had been carved into the top of the jar. "There. Now I've prepaid through the next ninety-nine times I say something Cap would consider naughty, which I'm guessing would include 'gosh-darn it,' 'dagnabbit,' and 'leapin' lizards.'"
"If so, you're already down to ninety-six," Loki pointed out. "No wait, ninety-five—you actually said the 'h' word twice."
"You know, I kind of think you should have to put a dollar in for saying 'genitalia,' not because it's actually a bad word, but because Cap would definitely blush if you said it in front of him. But instead, let's just go back and pretend I never asked you what gender you were, since that seems to be an offensive question today."
"It isn't offensive, I just don't see why it's relevant."
"It's not," Tony assured the kid. "Anyway, I came in here to try to cheer you up, or at least distract you a little."
"And how are you to do that, Tony? No, let me guess—you have a gift for me."
"Am I that predictable?"
"Well, yes—you think you can solve any problem by throwing money at it. The only way you know how to 'cheer someone up' is by giving them a gift. I'm guessing that's what your parents did whenever they actually noticed you were unhappy."
"Son of a monkey. Have you been listening in on my therapy sessions again?"
"Not since Doctor Samson figured out that the partition you had installed in his office wasn't soundproof. It was just something that was easy to put together."
"Alright, fine. In that case, I'm not going to give you this, even though I'd been planning on giving it to you anyway." Tony pulled the prepaid debit card he'd been planning on giving Loki out of his pocket and waved it in Loki's direction.
Loki reached for the card. "I never said that my problems couldn't be solved with money, or that my love wasn't for sale. They definitely can be, and it definitely is."
Tony held the card out of Loki's reach. "Okay, now I'm having serious reservations about this. I want to make it clear, I really was planning on giving this to you before Doc told me that you were in a funk. I also don't expect anything in return, be it love, affection, or unyielding loyalty. I just thought you might want to get some stuff. You've been here for over half a year, and your room still looks like a guest room. I mean, you've got a few books and some souvenirs you've picked up here and there, but that's it."
"I'm to use the money to redecorate, then?"
"You can use it for whatever you want. Just do me a favor and don't go using the money on that card to buy a plane ticket and fly half way across the world. I feel like I shouldn't have to say that, but I didn't think I had to tell Frigga not to use my credit card to go globetrotting either. She still hasn't given it back—do we even know where she is right now?"
"I'm not sure I care."
"Come on, Loki. She is your mother, and I know you actually—"
Loki leaned forward and grabbed the card from him before Tony could hold it any farther away. "How much is on this?"
"Five grand. Just try not to spend it all at once, because I'm not giving you any more allowance until Christmas. Also, don't tell your mom. He'll think I'm out of my mind for giving you that much at once."
"I take it you're talking about Bruce this time."
"Who else? Frigga might be your mother, but that doesn't mean Bruce isn't your mom."
"I'm not sure that Bruce appreciates that characterization."
"Well, he can't be your dad, because obviously, you can only have one of those. Seriously, do you have any idea how many kids would love to have Tony Stark as a dad? Don't get greedy, Bambi."
Loki's lips pursed together, and Tony could tell he was about to get chewed out—probably for "spouting nonsense again," if he had to guess. Or maybe it was the nickname he was going to get in trouble for. But before Loki could make their feelings known, JARVIS interrupted. "Sir, I just picked something up on the police scanner. There is currently an ongoing incident at the New York Aquarium. The extremist group NAMOR—which stands for National Association for Marine Organisms' Rights—have taken as hostages a full aquatheater of aquarium goers how had been there to see the sea lion show. They demand that all of the animals in the aquarium's exhibits be set free immediately, or they will start forcing the hostages to perform tricks for the sea lions."
"Foolish of them," said Loki. "Don't they understand that the aquarium plays an important role in educating the public and makes significant contributions to wildlife conservation efforts? Besides, I know for a fact that the sea lions love to perform for the public. Mister Flip-Finny is a bit of a ham, to be honest—"
"And that's why you're not allowed to go to the aquarium or the zoo anymore, since you can't be trusted not to climb into the exhibits when we're not looking." Tony shook his head. "Do you even get how lucky we were that somehow, no one noticed the extra sea lion?"
"But you were the one that told me I needed to be more social—"
"When did I say that?"
"Sir," JARVIS interrupted again. "Shall I ask the Avengers to assemble in the war room?"
"Or you could just ask them to meet up in conference room A. You don't have to get cute about it." Tony got up, ruffling Loki's hair as he walked by on his way to the elevator. He hated having to leave the kid so abruptly, but he knew that Loki understood that when the Avengers had a mission, he had to go. He was pretty sure that long goodbyes just made the kid's anxieties worse anyway.
[ $ ] [ $ ] [ $ ]
Loki sat cross-legged in the middle of his bed, trying to visualize what he wanted to do with his room. It was an exciting prospect; he'd never had the opportunity to furnish his own living space before. In the palace, most of the furniture had been around since Bor's time. The tapestries and linens in his quarters had been done up in his colors but hadn't been changed since he had moved into them from the nursery. At that time, Frigga and her handmaidens had decorated and chosen furniture for him from the things already available in the palace.
He wondered if Tony would let him have the walls repainted. If so, he thought he might have them a sage green. He would purchase darker green curtains to mask the blinds, and bed linens in the same color. Perhaps he could also paint the floor of his bedroom with chalkboard paint, so that he could draw magical circles and symbols on it as much as he liked without Tony getting angry at him for ruining them.
He'd have at least one floor to ceiling bookshelf put in, and a comfortable chair to read in. Maybe he'd even take advantage of the room's natural light by getting a few plants. In Asgard, his rooms had been located on the palace's interior. He hadn't minded the lack natural light so much; dim lighting was good for certain types of magic. But keeping most plants had been impossible. He could use magic to keep them alive, but that was usually more trouble than it was worth.
Loki browsed online a while for accessories and ended up placing a rainbow-colored lava lamp and a giant bean bag chair in green in his cart. There was something so quintessentially "Midgardian" about such things that he couldn't resist. Just as he had finished entering the information for the card Tony had given him and hit the "place order" button, a rip in the fabric of the universe opened above him and a green envelope fell in front of him and landed on the duvet.
He had become accustomed to such things happening. He hadn't seen Frigga in weeks, but she'd been opening miniature portals and throwing letters through them. Most of them, he'd ignored, deciding that if she really wanted to talk to him, she could step through the portal herself and talk to him face to face. But he suspected this letter, in its dark green envelope with silver scrollwork, was not a normal letter. He had a feeling that it needed to be opened, so before he could change his mind, he tore it open and pulled out a crisp piece of forest green cardstock with silver lettering.
YOUR PRESENCE IS REQUESTED
FOR THE MARRIAGE OF
Frigga of Vanaheim
—&—
Victor Von Doom
THURSDAY, THE 31st of OCTOBER
TWO THOUSAND AND THIRTEEN
—-
AT FIVE O'CLOCK IN THE AFTERNOON
DOOM CASTLE, LATVERIA
—
RECEPTION TO FOLLOW
In lieu of gifts, please donate to the
Doom for Humanity Foundation
Before he even had the opportunity to process what he had read, Loki's bedroom door swung open, and Thor came in, flopping onto the bed beside him in a way that reminded him of their younger days in Asgard. Loki scowled at him. "What are you still doing here? Didn't you go with the others on their mission?"
"I have been banned from the aquarium ever since the unfortunate incident with the electric eel tank," Thor reminded him. "Brother, did you receive a wedding invitation?"
"I did," said Loki, still staring at his own invitation.
"Sif cannot possibly wish to marry Odin. He is over five thousand years old!"
Loki's head snapped towards his brother. "Sorry, what are you on about?"
Thor and Loki stared at one another suspiciously. Then they exchanged invitations.
"Norns, not Mother as well!" exclaimed Thor, after he'd read Loki's invitation. "This Doom fellow is a villain, is he not? Mother cannot be serious about marrying such a man."
The invitation Thor had handed to Loki was written in runes, but translated roughly as:
YOUR PRESENCE IS COMMANDED
FOR THE MARRIAGE OF
All-Father Odin
—&—
The Lady Sif
ON THE FIRST DAY OF YULETIDE
—-
AS HATI CHASES SOL BELOW THE HORIZON
THE PALACE, ASGARD
—
FEASTING TO FOLLOW
Those who do not bring a gift may
face fines or imprisonment
"So the All-Father intends to marry Sif. Feeling jealous, are we?"
Thor scoffed. "Why should I be jealous?"
"Perhaps because your father is planning on marrying your ex-girlfriend?"
"I am with Jane now, Loki. I have not been with Sif in centuries. Still, I cannot stand back and do nothing about it, because Sif is my friend, and surely, this cannot be what she wants."
"It is what she deserves."
"Loki, you cannot mean that. Sif was your friend too."
"She has not been my friend in a long time, Thor. According to Odin, she volunteered to chop my head off, remember that? Clearly, this is her reward for being such a loyal subject."
Thor gave him that look he had always been so good at—the one Midgardians might refer to as a 'sad puppy' look—and Loki cursed himself, because he knew he would end up doing whatever his brother wanted him to.
"Lets say you're right, and this isn't what Sif wants? What are you even proposing—that we sneak into the palace and help her escape?"
Thor nodded.
It would tick off Odin if he helped Sif escape him, so there was that. "Fine, but we need to do something about Mother first."
"We cannot allow Mother to wed a villain," Thor agreed. "But what are we to do?"
"I suppose the first thing is to get to Latveria."
"I could fly us both there."
"Absolutely not, Thor. I do not enjoy flying that way. Tony gave me a card with five thousand dollars on it, and I've hardly used it—"
"Sir specifically asked that you not use it to buy plane tickets," said JARVIS, making it obvious that he had been listening in on both this conversation and the one he'd been having with Tony earlier.
"Yes, but he didn't tell me not to let Thoruse it for that, so it should be fine if—"
"I have already apprised Sir of the situation, and he says you are not allowed to leave the tower until he returns. He has just asked me to put a hold on your debit card as well."
"He can't forbid me from leaving the tower with Thor," Loki objected.
"Sir seems to be under the impression that he can, Master Loki. Mister Odinson, Sir told me to inform you that if you attempt to take your younger sibling out of the tower, he will have an Amber Alert put out saying that you are his kidnapper."
"What is an 'Amber Alert?'" asked Thor, just as Loki's phone began making a noise like a siren. He pulled it out of his pocket and stared at a notification on the phone's lock screen:
AMBER ALERT, New York, NY. Victim Loki Stark-Banner, age 1050. Suspect Thor Odinson, age unknown. Vehicle is Magic Hammer. Last known location Midtown Manhattan. If observed call 1-555-STARK.
Loki blinked at it. "This isn't real, is it?"
"It is only an example," JARVIS told him. "And because you are still considered a war criminal by the United States government and police involvement would not be desirable, it would not be feasible to utilize the actual Amber Alert system. However, if you leave the tower with your brother, Sir has ordered me to send out such an alert to all Stark phones, which account for approximately half of the smart phones sold in the United States and forty percent of the international market."
"He still can't do that. No one is supposed to know I'm here at all."
"Sir may not be thinking in a way that is entirely rational at the moment. I believe he is about to call you, by the way."
As if on cue, Loki's phone rang.
"You had better answer it," said Thor, collapsing back onto Loki's bed.
"Hello, Tony," Loki answered, wincing in anticipation of the scolding he was about to receive.
"Loki Stark-Potts-Banner-Samson-Romanoff-Barton-Rogers-Thorsbrother-Friggasson, if you run off to Latveria on your own, you are so grounded."
Loki sighed into the phone. "I wasn't going to go on my own, I was going to go with Thor. And it isn't fair for you to use JARVIS to spy on me."
"It might not be fair, but it's obviously necessary. Hold on, give me a second—" Loki heard an explosion in the background of the call, which had more of a staticky quality to it than usual.
"Tony, are you calling me from inside your suit?"
Tony came back on the line, breathing heavily. "I mean it, kid. You just wait for the rest of us to get back before you do anything. There's no reason for you and Point Break to try to handle Doom on your own."
"You're going to help?"
"Of course we'll help. You think we're going to let Victor force your mom to marry him?"
"You believe she is being forced?" The idea that such a marriage might not be Frigga's will made Loki feel a little better, but he still wasn't certain that a mortal could force Frigga to marry him. Either this Doom was a formidable opponent, or— no, Loki didn't want to think about the alternative. He would have to hope that Frigga's hand was, in fact, being forced.
"The guy kidnaps Sue Storm and tries to make her marry him like once a year, so let's say I wouldn't be shocked. Just stay in the tower, got it? We should be back later tonight. Wedding isn't before then, is it?"
Loki double checked the date on the invitation. "The wedding is to take place on October thirty-first."
"We still have a few days, then. And if Victor's planning on marrying her, I don't think he's going to hurt her before then."
"I suppose that's a reasonable assumption," admitted Loki.
"Just try not to worry too much, okay? If you start feeling anxious, let Doc know."
"Alright, Tony, you win. I promise not to run off to Latveria before your return."
"Or anywhere else, got it? I promise we'll get it all figured out when we get back—oh, shit." After a good deal of static, the call dropped completely.
"JARVIS, what just happened to Tony?"
"Do not worry, Master Loki. Sir will be fine," JARVIS told him, but he sounded a little uncertain.
! -（ ××)┘
"I'm sorry, Tony. This is my fault for distracting you." Loki sat on the floor in front of the couch, making it easy for Tony to reach out and pet the top of his head using the arm that wasn't currently in a sling.
"It's okay, kid. It's just a dislocated shoulder, and it's my own fault for flying distracted."
"I can't believe you flew into a police helicopter," said Clint, as he flopped down on the other side of the couch with a bag of chips, jostling Tony's shoulder and making him wince.
"Clint, how would you like to be one of those pigeons you hang out with on the side of the building for a few days?" asked Loki.
Tony stopped petting him and lightly squeezed the back of his neck. "Uh-uh. We do not turn people into animals, even when they are being jerks." He turned to Clint, narrowing his eyes. "The sea lions had been evacuated before it went down in their tank, and the pilot could swim. It wasn't a big deal."
"Yeah, I wonder if that's how Pepper's going to see it, since she's probably the one that's going to have to smooth things over with the police department." Clint smirked as he held the open bag of chips out to him.
Tony just stared at it, and then arched an eyebrow at Clint. "We'll buy them a new chopper and donate a bunch of other new equipment, maybe make a large contribution to their pension fund—problem solved."
Loki tugged at Tony's pant leg, hoping to gain his attention again. When Tony looked at him, he stuck out his bottom lip. "I am sorry you were hurt, but I still do not like that you have been spying on me."
"I don't spy on you. I just have JARVIS watch out for certain things now, like if you're going to run off, or if you're sick, or if you're injured or about to be injured. Remember the first couple of weeks you were here? Forgive me for not wanting a repeat of that."
"In other words, you have JARVIS spying on me because you don't trust me."
"I trust you, Loki. Hell, you've more or less behaved yourself for the past six months, other than a few hiccups here and there. I'm just not willing to take any risks."
"You take all sorts of risks," he said to the man who had flown into a helicopter.
"He's got you there," said Clint.
"I don't take risks when it involves the safety and wellbeing of a kid I'm responsible for," Tony insisted.
Loki didn't try to argue that he wasn't a child. Over the past six months he'd figured out that there were a lot of benefits to letting Tony and the others think of him that way.
Thor had been pacing back in forth in front of the window. "What are we going to do about Mother?" he brooded.
"If the Avengers cross the border into Latveria, Doom will consider it an act of war." Natasha sat down in one of the armchairs across from them as she cracked open a can of tomato juice, which she didn't then pour into a glass of vodka. It seemed like she hadn't been drinking as much lately; then again, maybe she'd just stopped drinking in front of him, since she and gotten in trouble with Tony the last time she tried to "corrupt" him.
"We've been invited," Loki pointed out. "Or at least I've been invited. I can only think that they'd have meant to invite Thor as well. Perhaps his invitation got lost on the way here."
"As I am certain your invitation to Father's wedding must have gotten lost," said Thor.
Because Doctor Samson had explained it to him, Loki understood that Thor said things like this because he was still stuck in the "denial" stage of his grief over their broken family. He knew ought to be patient with him—but after several months, it was starting to get old. "Odin would not have invited me to his wedding after he disowned me and I defected from Asgard, Thor. Considering you told him you were defecting as well, I'm surprised he's even invited—" Something occurred to Loki that ought to have occurred to him before. "Now that I think of it, perhaps you shouldn't go. Odin might intend to prevent you from returning to Midgard once you're there."
"At the very least, I must speak to Sif," Thor insisted.
"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," said Steve. "Frigga's wedding is first, right?"
"Assuming Loki and Thor are both invited, it's usually a given that you can bring a plus one to a wedding," said Tony. "So that means two more of us can get in."
"Obviously, you're not going," Steve informed him, his tone making it clear he meant this as an order.
If there was one thing that could be said about Tony, it was that he didn't take well to orders. "It's just a dislocated shoulder. I should be good to go in a couple days."
"Absolutely not," said Bruce. "Tony, you need to rest, maybe for as long as a few weeks to make sure that heals right. You're lucky you don't need surgery. Besides, there's no reason for you to go if we can only get two more people in with Loki and Thor anyway."
Tony seemed to deflate, and Loki realized he'd been wrong. Tony wouldn't take orders from Steve, but he would take them from Bruce. Clint and Natasha smiled at each other, and Clint made a gesture that Loki at first assumed to be part the sign language that they sometimes communicated in. It was the one language on Midgard that eluded AllSpeak, and that Loki hadn't learned yet.
However, this time, Tony seemed to understand what had been said, even though Loki was certain he didn't speak sign language. "I am not whipped, Clinton. That's just rude."
"Obviously, I'll be going as Thor's date," said Natasha, before Clint could challenge him.
"Why obviously?" asked Tony. "These days being straight is practically unfashionable. Steve could go as Thor's date."
Steve blushed. "Tony, I don't think I'd be comfortable going as anyone's date."
"It doesn't matter," Natasha told them. "I know it's hard to imagine in this day and age, but there are still a few countries that criminalize same sex relationships. I'm pretty sure Latveria is one of them."
"I knew Doom was a prick," said Tony, "but I didn't realize he was that big a prick. Don't scowl at me Cap, I paid for those in advance."
"I wasn't scowling."
"You are now."
Natasha cleared her throat. "Anyway, it's not worth stirring things up at the moment. We need to get in and get Frigga out, not start the Latverian sexual revolution. Besides, you want me in on this, because unlike some people here, I'm good at stealth missions."
"I agree with Natasha," Loki chimed in. "It makes the most sense for her to go as Thor's date. And I should take Bruce as mine."
Bruce made a choking sound and spit his coffee back into his mug. Doctor Samson, who'd been sitting next to him and listening quietly the whole time, took his mug away from him and started patting him on the back.
"Steve just said he wouldn't be comfortable going as anyone's date, and I don't think Barton and I would hit it off," said Loki. "Besides, I daresay your alter ego might prove invaluable if things go south."
"But Natasha just said—"
"I will of course be attending as Lady Loki."
"I'm still much too old for—"
"Technically, you're a thousand years younger than I am. Besides, I daresay the Latverians will bat an eye, if their country is as backwards as I am starting to imagine."
"Loki's right," said Natasha. "In Latverian society it would be normal for a young girl to be seen with an older man. It's common for Latverian girls to get married when they're as young as fourteen, often to men several times their age. I also think he's right that you should be the one to come along with us, in case it all goes to hell."
"I know you do not like to feel like a 'creepy old lech,' Doctor Banner. I could make myself look older, if it would help."
"It really wouldn't. But if you guys think you might need the Other Guy, I guess I don't have a choice."
Samson looked like he wanted to say something too, but instead he got up and wandered into the kitchen to pour Bruce's spit-take coffee down the sink.
...φ(ｰ￣*)
Author's Note:
I've decided to try not to write overly long author's notes anymore. If you're actually interested in hearing my ramblings, I've started a blog. You can find a link to on my Ao3 profile (also Jackaloki), since FanFiction doesn't allow web links. Once again, I'm cross-posting this work on Fanfiction and Ao3.