Chapter 1: La Petite Mort
It's always been a fantasy of mine to be reincarnated into an anime. It goes without saying that the dying part would suck—and I do learn later on that I was right about this, dying does indeed suck—but the rest of it sounds like a sweet deal.
Imagine waking up in the world of your favorite anime, getting cool powers and abilities, joining the protagonist(s); going on adventures and getting stronger so one day you can vanquish the great evil and be the hero.
Or, more realistically, using future knowledge to cheat code your way into godhood and getting all the waifus. Because let's be honest, why would any sane person want to live in a world that has a new omega-level, world-conquering sociopath running around every few months if they are not first gifted with the powers of an all powerful demigod and/or a harem of big-tittied, questionably-aged neko schoolgirls?
The pros have to outweigh the cons.
Getting back to the point, I had a soft spot for the trope; I've watched almost every Isekai anime out there and I've read enough fanfiction to consider myself an expert (read: overzealous fanboy) on the topic. It loved how it promises a fresh new start in life; a chance in becoming a better, much cooler version of oneself and the opportunity to do the impossible alongside a cast of loveable protagonists.
However, with all that being said, when it finally happened to me it went nothing like how I thought it would.
Fun Fact: there was no wait time between the end of one lifetime and the start of another.
One minute I was living my best life with my close friends, drunkenly attempting to break the Milk Crate Challenge World Record so we could be internet famous. Next thing I knew, before I could fully register that the skull was cracked open on the pavement like a dropped watermelon, my soul had already reawakened in the body of another.
There was no indescribable out of body experience, there was no New World Gaming Tutorial, and there was no playful deity there to explain to me that I kicked the bucket and then walk me through the do's and don'ts of being reborn in another world. It was simply "Death! Blink! Reborn!"
Another tidbit about this reincarnation process that I never expected was how I was not truly "reborn." What I mean is that I thought reincarnation meant that I would have to redo the entire human life cycle, starting with me reliving the moment of my birth. Instead, it appears that my soul was sort of...dropped into someone else's body while they were out and about living their life.
I was lucky that my host wasn't driving or flying a plane.
So, rather than being the reincarnation fantasy that I wanted, it's now a "sloppy seconds" self-insert mindfuck! And in a technical sense, a homicide!
And then it got worse...
In a blink of an eye, my world went from my grey matter being splattered on the ground to sitting on a bed in a pitch black bedroom with the only light to be found coming from the porn playing on the television set.
Yes, you heard me right. Porn.
Apparently, the person whose life I just hijacked was in the middle of getting off and he—judging from the throbbing that was in my hand, he's a he and now I'm a he too—was really needed to get a petite mort of his own.
I feel like the universe was trying too hard to push this gross, cosmic punch line.
So yeah, I died, came back, and now pleasuring myself to...what I am watching? Are those supposed to be cowgirls? Not actual Wild Wild West, boots and ten gallon hat cowgirls, I'm talking about literal cowgirls. Women who had the physical characteristics of cows: black and white patterned skin, cow ears coming out of their heads, hooves instead of feet, and the hugest set of milkers I have ever seen.
Like damn, these women could stop a raging bull with those udders!
And I would love to say that jacking off in someone else's body was the peak of reincarnation weirdness that I had to go through but I was proven again how little I was ready for this journey.
"Minoru! I've been calling for you! Dinner is ready!"
The bedroom door burst open and a petite older woman who could not have been taller than four feet barged in without a care in the world. Okay, this is just plain rude! From the little light that I had, I could make out that she was wearing a pretty yellow dress and white house slippers but her most notable feature was her hair. Or, at least, what I would assume to be her hair. It was more like purple goop that was styled into looking like hair that stopped just below her shoulders.
The world came crashing down on us. She spotted me and what I was doing and froze mid-step like a deer in headlights. I, on the other hand, had reached the point of no return and allowed nature to take its course.
I grunted before slumping into the bed, desperately taking in needed gasps of air. Neither of us broke eye contact—her eyes widened in horror and mine were half-lidded in bliss.
After what felt like an eternity of painful silence to confirm that this indeed just happen, the purple goop-haired woman marched out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her.
"Um...just...just...wash up! Don't let you're dinner get cold!"
Her embarrassed, high-pitched instructions were followed by the light footsteps moving further away from the door.
And thus begins the glorious start to my new life!
Dinner was a painfully awkward affair. Both the short goop-haired woman and I sat across from each other at the dinner table, eating in complete silence. There was no talking and definitely no eye contact; just the sounds of clattering from cutlery hitting our plates.
Awkward moment aside, this was okay. Perfect even. After the craziness that just past, I prefer the quiet to put some things into perspective.
Firstly, I'm happy to announce that I was able to piece together that I now inhabit the body of Mineta Minoru, the horny short stack from the anime My Hero Academia.
Actually, happy is not even remotely close to the word I would use. When I find whoever is responsible for putting my soul in the vessel of this anime pervert trope, I'm going to perform unspeakable acts of violence on their entire family bloodline! But this is not the time for planning vengeance...
...for now!
Moving on, I can also safely hypothesize that the woman sitting across from me is Mineta's—or my—mother. Which would makes sense because now that I'm taking a good look at her, she looks like an older Rule 63 version of Mineta.
All this has led me to my final observation: I am living in the world of My Hero Academia—a world where eighty percent population has superpowers, or Quirks.
A world of Pro Heroes doing what they can to keep civilians safe and out of harm's way.
And a world of villains. Superpowered villains that will stop at nothing to destroy and burn and tear down everything for their own agendas.
This does not bold well for me. I am Mineta now which means I do not have super strength or super speed or enhanced human capabilities. Hell, I'm barely tall enough to reach doorknobs. I do have his quirk [Pop Off] at my disposal but what can it really do? I cannot deny that they are very sticky and make good capture tools to trap mid-tier villains but it won't be enough to protect myself from the likes of the League of Villains. What's worse is that I don't much future knowledge of the anime either—I stopped watching after season 3. So I don't know what's going to happen after All Might's retirement nor do I know if there is a way to level up Mineta from being a F-tier character with a C-tier quirk.
"So..." my head snapped up to my mother, who was still blushing and looking anywhere but my general direction. I guess she couldn't stand the silence as much as I could. "Are you... excited for next week?"
Next week? Isekai Rule #12: Ad-lib your way to gather more information. You're in their world, act like you belong.
"Uh..." Okay, my ad-libbing needs some work.
She frowned and starting looked at me. "For the UA entrance exam? You know, to become a hero!"
I blinked. Mineta hasn't taken the entrance exam yet? So I'm not even a UA student!
I played it off. "Yeah." The smile I gave must not be convincing enough because she doesn't look reassured. "I mean, yeah, I'm a little nervous but I'm good. Don't worry about it."
How did Mineta get into UA? I remember reading some theories that Mineta had friends in high places that fudged some test results and got him in. But I'm guessing that it was nothing more than hateful remarks from fans that really hated the purple perv being in Class 1-A.
So does that mean I would have to go against those murder bots that the hero school decided were safe for fresh out of junior high school students to fight?
I'm sure I can immobilize them with my Quirk but I'm not sure they would count it. I remember the other test takers destroying those robots like they were papier-mâché. Now that I think about it, forget immobilizing the robots, I don't even know if I can throw these grapes as accurately as Mineta could with these little arms. I haven't tested the quirk yet!
Fuck the League of Villains and the death machines, how was I going to pass the written part of the exam? I don't know anything about this world's history. And we're supposed to be in Japan, I don't know Japanese! Am I even speaking it? I can't tell!
This is a fucking disaster—
I felt something warm covering my hand. I looked up, my vision blurry—dammit, I inherited Mineta's crybaby antics too—to see my new mother standing on her chair, leaning on the table so she could hold my hand in hers. Her smile was small and a little bashful yet warm and determined.
"Minoru," she said, "you don't have put a brave front for me. I know you're nervous about it. But I also know that you are a smart young man and whatever they decide to throw at you, you'll figure a way out of it. And as long as you give it your all, that's all that matters. And regardless of what doubts you may have, I believe in you."
Of course she would say something like that. She was definitely his mother. It was her job to believe in her son. It was so cliché and sappy and—
Why was I smiling like a doofus?
To hell with it! If Mineta could pass the entrance exams, then I can too. I don't have a plan for the League of Villains or the entrance exam but I can work on one this week and analyze how [Pop Off] works too.
I wiped my eyes with my sleeve and then laughed, squeezing her hand. "Yeah," I agreed, more confidently. "I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna go and go Plus Ultra at the exams next week!"
Maybe this new life won't be that bad.
A/N: I got rid of the disclaimer. It was problematic for the reader!