I posted a new chapter without waiting another three years. Just like I promised! :)
Constructive criticism is appreciated.
Enjoy!
Red Snow: Chapter 4 - A World Of Pain
Just as it was the case five years ago when he lost his leg, the way to help Hiccup recover was to keep him under the influence of sedative and pain-killing herbs and keep his injuries clean. For the sake of his mental and emotional well-being, it's in his best interest to help ease as much of his pain as humanly possible for as long as possible.
He wakes up occasionally, of course. They have to keep him fed, hydrated, his body has needs that need taken care of before they can let him sleep again. The many hours of slumber are more of an after-effect of battling the pain, which can only be a good thing. Time passes by faster for him, which means his recovery isn't as long as it could've been, which will be very long.
In this moment of wakefulness, he does ask questions. He wants to know where his dragon is, he tries to ask what happened, where Drago has gone, but they manage to evade his curiosity until he inevitably falls asleep again.
He has himself to think of, he shouldn't worry about anyone or anything else.
But then comes the day that they've been dreading; the day the herbs inevitably run out.
"We're all out," Valka tells them that fateful day, showing them all her empty crate. They've been seeing it run out, but that doesn't make this any less of a shock.
Everyone is gathered around her, as if each of them checking the crate out will somehow fill it back up again.
"Oh no, this is bad," Fishlegs is ready to panic. "Without dragons, where are we supposed to get more?"
They don't even have any functional boats left over from the battle that can take them to a different island or home. And the only dragons here are a gaggle of baby Scuttleclaws and an adult Night Fury who still refuses to face them well over a week after the battle.
At least the blizzard outside has calmed down.
"And you're sure there's nothing left?" Stoick asks his reacquainted love, taking her hand.
"No, nothing. I could search again, but I got all of my herbs during the trips Cloudjumper and I would make," she tells him. And as Cloudjumper is no longer by her side, that makes it difficult to go get more.
"Nothing that could've grown here either?" Fishlegs asks urgently. This island is a tundra outside these caves, but the very center is bountiful with green. Isn't there a single plant there that could buy Hiccup at least one more day? Just a few more hours?
Valka is trying to remember.
Groaning catches everyone's attention and they all look towards the bed, where Hiccup is stirring. The last of the herbs have run their course, he's waking up from his last peaceful slumber for a long while to come.
The pain must've hit him instantly, or maybe his body is finally awake enough to react, but his moaning turns into crying quite quickly. His face contorts and he grabs a hold of the fur he's lying on, so he has something to squeeze.
He is in so much pain. There's too much of it to bear.
He's surrounded by friends and family in an instant.
"Hiccup," they're calling his name and someone takes his uninjured hand.
When Hiccup opens his eyes, he sees that it's Astrid.
Despite the enormous pain that he's in, he smiles at her.
"Astrid," he says her name. She can tell from his voice and the look in his eyes that he's more awake than he's been in days.
Unfortunately.
That awareness comes with a toll and his smile disappears shakily and he grimaces.
"... What happened? Where did Drago go? … Where's Toothless?" The questions come almost immediately. It almost looks like a distraction.
"Hold on, slow down, son," Valka lays a hand on him. She's worried that he might be pushing himself too much.
"She's right, son, you need to think of yourself," Stoick agrees with her and takes her shoulders.
It hurts him to see the torment present in his child, but he's better at hiding it.
Hiccup gazes up at his parents, swallowing as his throat is dry. He wants some water to drink.
"Where's Toothless?" So he asks the question that is most important to him. If they want him to take it easy, can they at least tell him that?
"He's…" Astrid shares a look with the rest. "He's here somewhere."
"You don't know?" Hiccup asks, alarmed. How can they not know where his dragon is? What happened after the battle? Where is Toothless?
"We do know- wait, what're you doing?" Astrid asks as he seems to try to sit up.
"I need to find Toothless," his face is wrecked with pain as he tries to get up, despite the way the pain is pulling on his injuries. It's hard to move, hard to get up.
But he tries. For his Bud, he tries.
"Hiccup, stop!" Most of them move to stop him, but then his attention is taken by his right arm.
The pain is some of the worst there and he wonders why he can't get any support from that side.
He never thought everything could just be gone from halfway down his upper arm.
There is no shock on his face as he stares at it, he looks like he's still trying to comprehend what it is that he's looking at. Wasn't his arm there just a second ago? Didn't he grab the furs he's lying on with two hands? Or just one?
"Hiccup?" Fishlegs says his name, concerned with his silence.
"My arm is gone," Hiccup states, seemingly in shock, but unable to react much. How would someone react to such a discovery?
Wordlessly, he lies back down again with help, momentarily staring up at the ceiling.
Everyone else is waiting for some sort of reaction. More tears, an outburst, but they don't expect what looks like just silent acceptance.
Then again, only Toothless was there when he woke up without a leg. So no one but him knows how he reacted to that either.
Hiccup feels like he's known about his arm for a while already. He doesn't know how long he's been out or how many times he was actually lucid enough to notice, but even so, he feels like he's known all along.
He has to swallow back his tears, though. The pain is overwhelming and he wants it gone. Right now.
Why aren't they giving him anything? Why are they just standing around and staring at him as if they're expecting him to break down? Shouldn't they be getting a broth of willow bark or something?
Maybe he does want to break down. His throat is burning with emotion.
"Willow bark? Anything?" He asks with a crack in his voice, but Valka shakes her head.
"We're all out," she lets him know. There will be no escape from the pain and he realizes this quickly.
Okay, that does make it harder for him to hold back. He thought he would've been able to keep it together. His Riders rely on him to be strong, his father would want him to tough it out, and he doesn't know Eret enough to show this level of vulnerability in front of him yet.
Alas, his face contorts again, his bottom lip trembles, there's a whine, and there he goes. He begins to cry.
"Hiccup."
"Oh son."
With Astrid and Hiccup's parents worrying over him, Ruffnut elbows Eret as she, her brother, Snotlout, and Fishlegs leave the circle.
"There's gotta be something on this island, right?" Snotlout asks. The island is all green inside the bowl that the Bewilderbeast created, one of those plants has to be helpful, right?
They all look at Fishlegs.
"Don't look at me, I don't know!" He tells them. He's been here, inside of Valka's den, taking care of Hiccup. He hasn't seen the rest of the island yet.
"Uh, then go and look?! One of those stupid things has to be helpful, we can't just leave Hiccup like this!" Snotlout exclaims.
"Of course, we can't! But will just guys even know what to look for?" Fishlegs asks and he can tell by their faces that they don't.
"I may know a thing or two," Eret says. He's not an expert, but when you trap dragons for a living, you need to have some knowledge on medicinal herbs. He's had a need for them plenty of times in his life.
"Then let's go already," Snotlout says and goes ahead of the others, getting to know the way around a little already. The rest follow after him.
Fishlegs hasn't been this deep into the island before. Unlike many here, he was a little too busy keeping one of his best friends alive and sedated to leave Valka's den much. Now that he has an opportunity to, he's eager to see the inside that he's heard so much about.
When he sees it, he's about as blown away as he expected to be. It truly is as gorgeous as they say. The further he walks in, the more beauty he sees. The greenery contrasts against the ice of the Bewilderbeast. And the chamber is large, so large. It's no wonder that a pack so big could live here.
He notes with some sadness, however, that it could never look as beautiful as it did when the dragons of this pack lived here. Now that they don't, this place is beautiful, but empty.
The only sign of life here, besides all that green, are the baby dragons who weren't tempted to join Drago through his captive Bewilderbeast's call. They've been trying to take care of them.
It's not easy, they are quite big babies, but their parents have been taken and there's no one else but them.
Tuffnut elbows Fishlegs as the group is moving on. "So what are we looking for?"
"I was hoping to find some willow bark here, but there aren't even any trees here. So we'll have to hope there are some plants here that we can use," Fishlegs answers. He scans their surroundings, spotting nothing even made out of bark.
"Wow, that answers that question," Snotlout scoffs. He's frustrated with their situation, he wants Hiccup better and Drago defeated already. He wants Hookfang back.
"I'll tell you what to look for, but I think it's best if we split up. We'll cover more ground, though it would help if we had more hands to help search, too," Fishlegs says. But who can you ask?
Astrid, who wants to stay by her betrothed's side? Gobber, who has always treated his mentee like a son? Stoick, who wants to be there for his son? Valka, who nearly lost her son after just getting to meet him?
Toothless?
No, there is nobody else they can ask to leave. It'll have to be the five of them.
Fishlegs gives the description of any plants that may be able to help and the group splits up.
While the twins stay together and Fishlegs goes off on his own, Eret and Snotlout end up searching near each other. They're both crouched at their own spots, Eret holds the leaves of one plant to see if it fits the description they've been given.
"Is this what Fishlegs said we were looking for?" Snotlout asks Eret, pointing at something.
Eret looks over and his brows furrow.
"That's moss."
"I'm talking about the plant in the moss!" Snotlout yells, offended that Eret would think that's what he's pointing out. His pride hurt, he turns his back on him. Maybe he should just tear it out and show it to Fishlegs.
A beat of silence passes with Snotlout still fuming.
"What was he like before?" Eret then asks, breaking that quiet again.
"Who was like what before what?" Snotlout asks, rolling with his eyes. Why does Eret have to be so vague?
"Your friend, Hiccup. What was he like before Drago?" Eret asks his question, causing Snotlout to glance at him from over his shoulder.
"When I met him, he seemed like the kind of guy who takes charge. And on Drago's ship, you and your friends acted like he was someone to look out for. Someone to fear. You and your crew were so sure Hiccup was going to defeat Drago. So what was he like?" He then elaborates, clarifying what he means.
Snotlout takes another glance at him, almost confused by the question. But then he remembers, Eret is an outsider and doesn't know Hiccup like everyone else here does.
"Pssh," he makes that noise first. Then he continues searching, taking the plant he was pointing out and moving to a more desirable spot.
Eret thinks for a moment that he won't actually answer and that he'll need to ask someone else. Astrid seems more reasonable to talk to, more reliable.
"Don't you ever tell him what I'm about to tell you, but yeah, he kind of is. It takes knowing him to know, though," to his surprise, Snotlout responds to his inquiry.
Curious, Eret shoots him a look.
"We come from the same village, so we grew up together. When we were young, there wasn't anything to Hiccup. He did nothing but cause trouble. You should've seen him, it was almost a work of art the way he could mess up," he chuckles at that. He remembers the kinds of messes Hiccup used to cause and Snotlout makes sure he reminds him whenever the opportunity presents itself. Gotta keep him humble, right?
Now it's just him and the twins who cause all that trouble.
"Then he met Toothless, bonded with him, and somehow that dragon pulled something out of him. And whatever that something was, it ended a 397 year old war and saved our village from dying," to keep himself from appearing too emotional. He holds up a couple of leaves and pretends to look at them very intensely.
It's an unspoken fact that there are a lot more children surviving their harsh world with no more dragon raids.
"He's been kind of keeping us safe ever since."
Eret has a contemplative look on his face, mulling Snotlout's words over, rolling a stem between his fingers.
Hiccup did come across as needlessly confident to him when they first met. Maybe that's because he can actually live up to that confidence. Astrid and their mutual friends seemed to share that sentiment with him.
Just like on his ship, Hiccup seems too good to be true. A leader who advocates for peace and achieves it, too? What a dream.
But then again, Drago got to him. Just like any other leader who tried to oppose him when he and his army came to take their land and people. In the end, he wasn't truly special either, was he?
"He sounds like he was a great guy," Eret tells Snotlout. He's sorry that Drago got to Hiccup, too.
Confused again, Snotlout looks back at Eret.
"What's that supposed to mean? You heard Fishlegs, he's going to make it," he says it with an almost accusatory tone. He doesn't like what Eret is implying.
"I know. I was talking about Drago getting to him. Anybody who tries to stand up to him and defend their people, they always end up the same way when Drago's done with them. He's a force of nature, has been for decades. Nobody will be able to stop him," Eret has seen too many people fail to ever think otherwise. Of course, Hiccup wouldn't be any different.
Snotlout rises to his feet, unsure of how he feels about what Eret is saying.
"Yeah, sure, I guess that Drago guy is pretty dangerous. You know who else is a force of nature when he wants to be? Hiccup. Drago's going to get what's coming to him," he tells Eret almost in anger. So far, Hiccup hasn't started or interfered in a war without it eventually ending in a win for the Dragon Riders, this one won't be any different.
All Drago did was delay the inevitable.
Sure, he has an army of dragons, he has their dragons, and one of them will need months to recover from his injuries, but they've fought foes who were just as big of a threat. They simply didn't do as much damage because their ambitions weren't as great as world domination.
Eret rises to his feet as well. Snotlout seems so certain, it's almost like they haven't tasted true defeat yet, the kind you simply can't recover from. Or maybe they're just good at recovering.
"Trust me. He was raised on Berk," Snotlout then says. He walks away, planning on asking Fishlegs if he's found the right plant for the job.
Eret is left to think about his words. He isn't sure what being "raised on Berk" means, but it means something to Snotlout.
Unlike him, the former dragon trapper decides to continue his search for herbs.
With the painkillers and sedatives all gone, Hiccup is suffering.
It's been hours since he's been forced to quit his herbal treatment and everyone can see what it's doing to him.
The first few hours, the maddening amount of pain he's in made him cry almost the entire time. But who can blame him? With those kinds of burns and a fresh stump, how can he not be in agony?
And when he's not crying, he's angry. When he's not angry, he's quiet and almost appearing to withdraw inwards, into himself.
Nobody knows where he's going when he does this, when he stares up at the ceiling above him and doesn't respond when anyone asks him how he's doing, when there's a blank look in his eyes. But wherever he escapes to, they hope it's somewhere nice.
"Astrid, please," then there are the times when he doesn't cry, when he's not angry, and with them, when he tries to talk to them.
Astrid gazes at him. Even now that he's awake, she still only leaves his side to use the bathroom and maybe to eat. Sleeping is done by his side as well, when she can.
"What is it?" She asks him, attempting not to let her eyes wander to his multitude of injuries.
He doesn't want attention drawn to them, he doesn't want to be pitied or suffocated with care.
"Tell me where Toothless is. I asked… nobody answered," well, they did give him an answer. But none that actually answered his question. All he knows is that they know where Toothless is and they haven't told him where he is yet.
"Hiccup," she runs a hand through his hair. Her touches are featherlight.
"You don't need to concern yourself with him right now," Stoick answers in the stead of his future daughter-in-law. This doesn't come from a place of anger, though he still has a hard time shaking off his resentment towards what's happened to his son. Right now, he simply wants Hiccup to worry about himself first.
Astrid looks at him, uncertain if she should say something now.
Toothless hasn't moved from his spot much at all, he doesn't even accept any of the food that they bring him.
She wants Hiccup to be okay, but she also realizes that he might be the only one who can break Toothless out of his depression and make him eat.
"Dad," Hiccup sighs, tired. "You're not mad at him, are you?"
Valka comes and sits down by him, holding a bowl of soup prepared by Gobber.
Helping him sit up will be a nightmare for him and it's terrible that he won't have any relief afterwards, but he needs food if they want him to recover.
"He's alright, son," she tells him.
"But where is he?" He reiterates. He's so tired and in pain, why are they making him talk like this? It's one of the few times he actually doesn't feel like talking.
"He's outside. He refuses to come in," Valka tells him. Finally, a proper answer to his question.
"He does?" Hiccup asks and it's not hard for him to figure out why. He remembers enough of the battle to know that it was Toothless who shot him and put him in this state. Flashes of the hunt are etched into the forefront of his mind, a predator relentlessly chasing down a prey. The heat, the shockwave, being thrown around, the way his heart raced as a dragon was always on his heels.
Hiccup doesn't blame Toothless, he doesn't even blame the Bewilderbeast, he blames Drago. But obviously, that's not the way Toothless sees it. It is much unlike his Rider, who can separate the Night Fury who hunted him down and took his arm from his soulmate.
Gods, that dragon... And he can't stand up and go get him himself.
Or can he?
Scooting forward, Valka shows them the bowl in her hands.
There's another sigh from Hiccup, who's stomach growls despite everything, but dreads moving an inch.
Hesitantly moving his uninjured arm, he tries to maneuver it in a way that will help him sit up, but it's difficult. He tries and a grimace immediately presents itself on his face, his teeth are clenching.
Stoick comes to his aid, taking his arm and supporting his back, whatever part of it is left unburned.
Sitting up is only a bit more uncomfortable than lying down, but the difference is enough that he wants to call it a day and lie back down almost immediately. Unfortunately, his body needs food, no matter how broken it is for the time being.
He can't keep the whimper down or stop fresh tears from gathering in the corners of his eyes. He's shaking just from the effort of sitting up. Oh, he hates sounding so weak, even though he'd be the first person to say that this isn't a show of weakness.
"If there's any way we can make this easier on you, lad," Gobber leaves the cauldron he was at to come check up on his fellow blacksmith.
Hiccup looks at him, the agony evident in his eyes. He wants to say "herbs", but he knows that they're all out of those. It's why he's been awake, right? They told him that he's been out of it for days.
Gods, why couldn't there be more herbs?
"The bowl," so he whispers that, more disappointed than he will ever be able to describe in words. He knows he won't be able to have any kind of relief after this.
Healing after his leg was difficult enough, how is he going to get through this one?
Hiccup supposes he has no other choice, but to face every day as they come.
It should be such a simple task, sitting up, but it is a surprisingly arduous one to him.
Hiccup is insistent on taking the bowl himself. He doesn't remember how he was being fed before today, but he'd like to do it on his own now. He's missing an arm, that doesn't make him incapable, just like missing a leg didn't.
He has to place the bowl down on the bed, no way he can bear something that hot with one of his thighs burned.
He takes the spoon and dips it into the bowl. He's trembling so much. This isn't going to be easy, is it?
No, it isn't. He's shaking and suffering the entire time, which makes it almost impossible to eat. The only reason he endures is because his hunger is so bad. The second he's had enough to still it, he's done eating and it's time to lie back down again.
He struggles to lie on his left side and he needs to accept help doing so. He can't bear lying on his back or on his right. It's one of the many disadvantages of having a large portion of one side burned so badly. Some of his lower back has been damaged as well.
The experience left him with such pain that he slipped right back into that little safe space of his. It's about as much peace as he gets from this world of pain that he lives in now.