Weep for yourself, my man
You'll never be what is in your heart
Weep, little lion man
You're not as brave as you were at the start

Rate yourself and rake yourself
Take all the courage you have left
And waste it on fixing all the problems
That you made in your own head

Tremble for yourself, my man
You know that you have seen this all before
Tremble, little lion man
You'll never settle any of your scores

Your grace is wasted in your face
Your boldness stands alone among the wreck
Now learn from your mother or else
Spend your days biting your own neck

But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?
Didn't I, my dear?

-Mumford & Sons (Little Lion Man)

Little Lion Man

Middle of October, 2003

Remus woke slowly, like emerging from thick gelatin, fighting to pull himself out. He was sprawled across the sofa, both legs hanging over the side and his torso twisted at an odd angle. It was as far as he'd been able to make it after finishing his transformation that morning. He glanced around the room with squinted eyes, trying to gain a vague idea of the time of day. Judging by the light spilling through the tall windows, he guessed it was late afternoon.

There was an insistent pounding inside his head, sounding like wild horses galloping and trampling everything in their path. He raised his hands and clutched at it, groaning faintly through the pain. It faded away after a moment, and Remus breathed a small sigh of relief before it returned, rattling through his head like he was pressing his ear directly to the side of a large drum. It took Remus longer than he would ever like to admit to realize the sound was emanating from the other side of the room, someone knocking with surprising strength on his door.

Remus groaned again, pushing himself up to a sitting position and trying to ignore the horrible ache pulling at his muscles and joints. The pounding fist sounded again and Remus moaned, shaking his head in an effort to rid it of the sound.

"All right," he attempted to say sharply, though it emerged sounding dull and grating, "hold on. I'm coming."

The knocking stopped at his words, Remus' face relaxing in faint relief in its absence. He searched around himself for his clothing before remembering that he had deposited them in the bedroom the night before. He stared at the closed door of the room woefully, knowing it would take far too long to retrieve them. Instead, he grabbed the large blanket thrown over the back of the sofa and wrapped it around his shoulders neatly as he stood, his body cracking and popping in protest.

Remus made his slow way to the door, assuring himself that the blanket was clutched snugly around his exposed skin before opening it. His brow furrowed when he was met with Minerva's pinched face.

"Remus," she said, her voice sounding strained to his ears, "I'm sorry to disturb you. I know you were…well, I am sorry for disturbing you."

Remus shook his head in dismissal. "Do you need something?" he asked, and he wished he didn't sound so very weak and breathless.

Minerva's eyes shifted around him, as though she were searching for something she couldn't find. "I was curious as to whether you had seen Professor Baines?"

"Yesterday afternoon," he replied slowly, his head tilting slightly, something pulling naggingly at the back of his mind. "She was in the staffroom. I asked her to take over my detention with a student last night."

Minerva's mouth pulled into a thin line, her eyes creasing in mounting worry. "Lexi didn't attend any of her classes today, Remus," she said, her expression bordering on troubled. "None of her students nor the other staff has seen her. Who was this student she was meant to meet? I should like to speak with them."

"Cordelia Butler," answered Remus, something thick and heavy pooling in his stomach that he was trying to ignore for fear the panic would swallow him before Minerva's eyes. "She's probably at Grimmauld Place. Perhaps she's ill."

Minerva's sharp gaze met his, the corners of her mouth pulling down into a small frown. Both of them restrained from speaking what they were thinking. If Lexi had found herself too ill to contact anyone about missing her classes, surely Sirius would have made the effort.

"Perhaps," mumbled Minerva, glancing down the corridor outside the room. "If you would check there with Mr. Black, I would greatly appreciate it. I will speak with Miss Butler."

Remus nodded in agreement and Minerva walked away briskly, intention and purpose sounding in her fading footsteps down the stone floor. Remus closed the door, leaning his head against it for a moment as he steeled himself for his visit to Sirius. He wanted to linger in this place forever, never having to cross the hearth into the suffocating house, but he couldn't. Remus knew, somehow instinctually, that he would not find Lexi at Grimmauld Place. Fear gripped around his heart with icy claws, digging in and piercing like ragged nails. Every second counted now.

Remus shuffled to his bedroom, locating clothing and dressing as quickly as his weary body would allow. Within ten minutes, Remus was stepping out of the Floo into the dim light of the basement kitchen.

"Sirius!" he called, as loudly as his hoarse voice would permit. His head was spinning, and he wobbled his way over to the table, clutching at the back of the nearest chair. Loud steps sounded down the stairs, the door flinging open a moment later. Sirius froze when he saw Remus in the middle of the kitchen, his eyes narrowing as they studied him.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, almost harshly.

Black spots were appearing in Remus' vision, his head still spinning. His legs were threatening to give way beneath him, his knees creaking faintly and shaking under his weight. His body was too exhausted and sore for this level of activity. His lungs struggled for breath.

"Sit down, Remus," muttered Sirius, his tone cold and reserved, "before you fall over."

Remus shook his head, but that was a mistake, the spots growing wider and attempting to overwhelm him. He had to sit, or else he would pass out soon from the exertion of remaining upright. Remus moved unsteadily, dropping into the chair he'd been clutching at with white knuckles. Sirius watched him as he inhaled deep breaths, waiting for his head to stop spinning so violently.

"Why are you here, Remus?" questioned Sirius again. His voice was softer now, bemusement coating the edges like thick oil.

Remus glanced up at him warily. "Is Lexi here?"

Sirius frowned deeply. "No, she's not," he replied icily. "She never came back last night. I assumed she'd stayed at the school."

"You're certain she isn't here somewhere?" said Remus, suddenly desperate. "Maybe she snuck in while you weren't around."

Sirius' eyes narrowed again as he pulled his wand. "Homenum revelio," mumbled Sirius, flicking the wand in front of him. Remus lifted his gaze to the ceiling, waiting for something, anything. Nothing happened, and Remus looked back at Sirius, the other man levelling him with a piercing gaze. "I'm sure," he said sharply. His brow furrowed as the meaning behind Remus' questions seemed to settle. "She's not at the castle?"

Remus swallowed back the bile rising quickly in his throat. "Minerva said she missed her classes today," murmured Remus, not looking away from Sirius' paling face. "All of them. No one's seen her since yesterday evening."

Sirius' expression shifted into hard lines, determination laying in a thin veil over the concern Remus could clearly see etched into the shadows on his face. He turned quickly, advancing toward the fireplace.

"Where are you going?" demanded Remus as Sirius grabbed a messy pinch of Floo powder, his voice still entirely too weak.

"Hogwarts," snapped Sirius. "Stay here. I'll be back."

Remus attempted to push himself to his feet, but his body resisted, his knees now too weak to support his weight. "Not on your own, you're not," he gasped out, still struggling. "I'm coming with you."

"Stay here," growled Sirius, rounding on him, fire licking at his eyes. "You can't help right now, and you'll only slow me down."

Sirius was just hanging his hand over the flames to drop the powder when Remus said insistently, "Sirius!" The other man paused, something in Remus' tone making him turn to look at the werewolf. "The map. Does Harry keep it here?"

Sirius' eyes widened. He dropped the powder on the floor without a second thought, streaking away and disappearing up the stairs in a blur of black hair and frenzy. Remus waited impatiently, his hands shaking in his lap, his foot tapping a nervous staccato beat on the wooden floor beneath him. It was a long time before Sirius returned, his stampeding footsteps on the stairs causing Remus' head to jerk up quickly, a painful spasm shooting through his neck that he ignored.

Sirius deposited the blank parchment on the table, pointing his wand at it and saying sharply, "I solemnly swear I am up to no good." The map unfurled before their eyes, and Remus took a very small moment to marvel at their creation again as they watched the lines appear and bleed like ink stains across the parchment.

Sirius immediately began scanning the footprints scattered like ants, but Remus stopped him, pulling the map toward him and saying, "Sirius." Sirius looked at him accusingly, but Remus held up his hand. "Go. Go to Hogwarts. Search all the places the map doesn't show. Check the shack and Hogsmeade and the Room of Requirement. She likes to go there sometimes. It's on the blank stretch of wall on the seventh floor, across from the dancing troll tapestry." Sirius straightened, but didn't move away, still staring at Remus uncertainly. "I'll look for her here. Just go, Sirius. Please."

Sirius glanced down at the map, his mouth wobbling oddly. He looked back up at Remus a moment later and nodded, just once, before fleeing to the fireplace and disappearing. Remus exhaled a shuddering breath and began searching the map for Lexi's name. He spied Sirius' banner and smudgy footprints careening out of the staffroom and up a flight of stairs toward the seventh floor. Remus tracked him with his eyes, waiting with held breath as the man approached the Room of Requirement, his steps pausing for a short time before turning and descending again quickly. His gaze trailed after him, all through the castle, Remus' heart pounding faster in his chest as Sirius flew out of the school and advanced to the willow, his name suddenly disappearing as he vanished into the tunnel to the Shrieking Shack.

Remus felt frozen as he sat in the silent, empty kitchen, unable to move or think of anything except the fact that he knew Sirius wouldn't find Lexi in Hogsmeade. Remus knew, somewhere deep inside, blossoming like a growing bruise throughout his entire body, that Lexi was nowhere that could be located using the map or with Sirius' frantic searching.

Remus shook his head, trying to clear the thoughts and hold his panic at bay, turning his attention back to the corridors spread out across the map. He forced his eyes to focus on the footprints traversing this way and that, ordering them to stop fuzzing out around the edges as something hot and liquid demanded to be set free down his cheeks. He searched desperately, feeling helpless and afraid, one of his worst fears springing to fruition and smothering him like a thick cloud of smoke he couldn't fight his way through.

Sirius returned a while later, his flushed cheeks standing out in sharp contrast against his extremely pale and drawn face. He was panting from exertion and terror, his eyes sparking with the faintest hope that was threatened to be overwhelmed by fear as he stared across the room at Remus.

"She's not there," he said weakly.

Remus bowed his head. "She's not there," he mirrored devastatingly. He growled fiercely and shoved the map away roughly, slamming his hand down on the tabletop, the sound echoing around them like a heavy door banging closed. "She's not there!"

Sirius fell back against the counter, his hands gripping its edge, the knuckles of his fingers white. "Where is she, Remus? Where's Lexi?" His voice sounded like that of a ghost's, faint and ethereal and barely existing in the space between them. Remus looked at him, his entire body shaking as the truth washed over him like ice water pouring down his spine. Sirius' eyes hardened, his mouth pulling into a thin line as he seemed to realize it, too. "They've got her. Voldemort. He – What the fuck do we do, Moony?" he cried furiously, kicking his foot back into the cupboards, the force splintering the wood. "How the fuck do we find her? What if she's –?"

"She's not," interjected Remus forcefully. "She…she can't be, Sirius."

They were quiet for a long time, both staring at one another as the weight of Lexi's absence settled over them. Finally, his voice very low and dangerous, filled with something vicious that Remus had only heard once before, Sirius whispered, "I'll kill them all."

Remus knew he meant it, just as he knew that he himself would do anything required to find Lexi and bring her back. For once, Remus agreed with Sirius' violent words, his nerves hardening to steel.

Remus contacted Kingsley while Sirius left to track down Ella and Henry to question them about Lexi. Kingsley and Remus divided up the other Order members between them, but no one had any answers, Sirius returning at the tail end of their searching looking grim-faced and murderous. Kingsley was grave when he told them he thought their suspicions about Lexi's whereabouts to be correct. He disappeared in a flash of green through the fireplace to check in with the Aurors, telling Remus and Sirius to stay at Grimmauld Place until he advised them otherwise.

Sirius paced in brooding silence while they waited. Remus would have done the same, or possibly knocked Sirius over the head had he the strength to do so. As it stood, Remus was barely keeping himself upright at the table, his exhausted body slumping on its edge, fear the only thing keeping his mind alert and his muscles rigid enough to stop him from slipping to the floor.

When Remus could take the suffocating quiet no longer, his vision quavering dangerously around the edges with each passing second that he didn't do something, he asked flatly, "Was Ella frightened? And Henry?"

Sirius stopped, looking at Remus with blazing eyes, like he was building toward a massive explosion. Remus wasn't sure if the man's ire was directed at him or for remnants of whatever dark thoughts Remus had so abruptly pulled him.

"Of course Ella's terrified," snapped Sirius harshly, as though it was the most idiotic question he'd ever had to answer. "She was white as a sheet when I told her. She wanted to make flyers with Lexi's face on. I had to convince her it would do no good. She feels useless and helpless, something I understand far too well. Henry, he…" Sirius sighed heavily, the rage fading from his eyes slightly, his expression turning forlorn. "He was quiet, resigned…and then he was accusing."

Remus straightened in his chair as much as his body would allow. "Accusing?" he muttered in bemusement, though he wasn't sure why. Remus thought he had a fair idea to what Sirius was referring.

Sirius' eyes shifted away shamefully, the knot on his throat bobbing as he swallowed. "He blamed me, partially," admitted Sirius, clearly struggling to get the words out. "He's right, of course. I told him I was taking care of her, and now she's gone." Sirius looked at him again suddenly, his gaze apologetic and condemning all at once. "But mostly, his blame was aimed at you. He said that if you'd stayed with her, where you belonged, there probably would have been less chance of this happening. Which, again, he's also right about."

Remus closed his eyes. The guilt was festering again. He realized, suddenly, that it never stopped; he'd only become increasingly more skilled at ignoring it. For so long, longer than he could even remember, for days, months, years, it had been so much a part of him that Remus was struck by the overwhelming surprise that it hadn't completely consumed him. It was like being hit over the head with an anvil, this revelation. His soul felt tarnished and burnt around the edges, charred and blackened and crumbling from so long ruminating in it. Remus didn't understand how it was still possible for him to feel anything at all.

"None of this is right," he mumbled, more to himself than to Sirius. "Every decision I've made, most of the choices of my life, for as long as I can remember, has never been right. Every direction I've turned, everything I've ever done, it's all led to ruin and destruction. Since I was four years old and thought it would be fun to sneak and leave my window open so I could watch the moon from my bed until I fell asleep, I've only ever made mistake after mistake. I've not only crippled myself, but everyone around me."

"Every single decision?" questioned Sirius, a small bite in his voice, his eyes flashing with hurt. "James and Lily? Me?"

Remus looked at him, his vision around the edges again. "Sometimes…sometimes I think, when I allow my mind the freedom to drift, that if you lot had never met me, things would have been different. Maybe Peter would have had more room to expand and fill; maybe he wouldn't have felt so out of sync, or maybe he would have never been so close to James in the first place. You and James were always this force of nature, Peter and I left on the edges sometimes to marvel at the two of you. Maybe it was because of me that he stuck around for as long as he did."

Remus inhaled a shaking breath, his chest feeling tight. "And sometimes I think that if I'd never been bitten, maybe you never would have lost trust in me when they were still alive," he murmured. "If that were the case, maybe you would have told me you were considering letting Peter take your place as the Secret-Keeper, and perhaps I could have swayed you away from the decision. Every path I've ever taken has so many different cross paths, and it seems I've always chosen the wrong one. And now here I sit in your kitchen, too weak to even move, with Lexi gone. We've no idea where she is or how to find her or if she's even…and here I am again, struck like a boulder rolling over me, breaking my bones and pressing me flat, realizing how incredibly not right everything I've ever done that's led to this moment has been."

Sirius stared at him, his expression fluctuating between several different emotions before settling on antipathy. "That's all fucking ridiculous, you know that, don't you?" Remus would have responded, wanted to, desperately, but he was having more trouble focusing. He blinked slowly at Sirius, trying to force his double vision to fade away. "I don't agree with how you've handled things with Lexi, but I know you've had your own idiotic reasons. All the rest of it, it just…it's shite, is what it is. Nothing would have happened the way you think it would have. Nothing ever does. Things happen the way they're meant to, that's all there is to it. You've only ever done what you've thought was best for the people around you, and that's part of the problem, if I'm being honest. You've always focused too much on them and not enough on yourself. You can't decide what others do, you just – "

Remus wasn't listening anymore. His head was spinning again and there was a sharp throbbing at his temples, drowning out Sirius' voice and making his eyes ache to be closed. His stomach gave a sick lurch and he felt himself dipping forward.

"I think I'm going to – " he muttered, cutting Sirius off as he fell from his chair and hit the floor.

"Remus!" shouted Sirius, rushing toward him and dropping to his knees next to Remus. "For fuck's sake, now is not the time for your dramatics, mate, you daft sod." His voice was shaking, sounding panicked at the edges of Remus' quickly blackening consciousness. "Moony…" he heard faintly before everything faded away to nothing.

Remus returned to the waking world with a startled jolt, jerking upright before the pain in his body hit him like a lorry and lowered himself back down with a faint hiss of breath.

"Easy, Moony," said Sirius, pressing a firm hand on Remus' shoulder to hold him still, his face suddenly in Remus' vision as he leaned forward. "Just…take it easy, mate."

Remus glanced around as his eyes finally began to focus. He was in the ground floor parlor of Grimmauld Place, his body stretching across the uncomfortable chaise lounge. Sirius was watching him in concern, his face strained, deep lines showing in sharp contrast on his pale skin.

"I'll give you this," mumbled Sirius, pulling back when he was sure Remus wasn't going to bolt anytime soon, "you do have a certain flair."

Remus tried to swallow but he couldn't. His mouth and throat felt like sandpaper. "What happened?" he asked hoarsely.

Sirius frowned. "You fainted," he replied, the strain from his face invading his tone, "like a bloody woman. Did too much too soon, I suppose, you bleeding idiot." Remus pushed himself up slowly against the wing of the lounge behind him. A deep crease formed between Sirius' brow, but he didn't try to stop Remus from moving. "Sorry about the parlor," he apologized without much feeling. "I would have taken you upstairs to a bed because that's probably what you need, but I wanted to stay close to the Floo and I didn't trust leaving you on your own."

He eyes drifted over Remus warily, as though waiting for him to repeat his earlier impersonation of a dying fish. Remus shook his head carefully, trying not to jostle it too much, brushing off Sirius' words of apology.

"Have you heard anything?"

The lines on Sirius' face deepened. "The Aurors know nothing," he said quietly, his fingers worrying at a crease in his trousers. "Kingsley said everything from Voldemort's side is silent, which never happens." His eyes met Remus', his grey irises so dark they were almost black. "He's called a meeting in an hour's time, to discuss what we should do." Sirius scowled. "Frankly, I don't give a damn what the rest of that lot does. I'm going to find her, Remus. If it's the last thing I do, I'm going to find her."

Remus swung his legs over the side of the chaise and pushed himself to his feet before Sirius could stop him. The other man followed, Remus teetering slightly on his weak knees, Sirius' hands coming up, ready to catch him.

"Let's go, then," said Remus determinedly. Sirius eyed him for a moment, as though sizing Remus up, before nodding and gripping Remus' shoulder with his fingers, leading them out of the parlor and down to the kitchen.

"Voldemort has Lexi," said Kingsley solemnly. "We're almost certain of that."

"Not almost," growled Sirius. "We know he does. She can't be anywhere else."

Kingsley shot Sirius a quelling looking. Sirius fell silent, his expression shifting darkly as he glared back at the other man.

"We've no idea where she's being held," continued Kingsley, still eyeing Sirius balefully. "There's no known Death Eater activity that the Ministry is aware of at this current time. They've all gone silent, which is troubling. Any Death Eaters we have in holding or in Azkaban aren't supplying any locations we don't already know about and haven't previously searched. Wherever Voldemort is, it's being protected."

"Have you tried Veritaserum?" questioned Hermione, her back rigid and eyes focused.

"We have," replied Kingsley. "It's a general assumption that wherever their stronghold is, it's being safeguarded by the Fidelius. We won't gain anymore information regarding it without a willing source."

Sirius noticed Remus' shoulders stiffening at the table in front of him. "Snape," he said suddenly, his voice weighted and low. "Severus would know."

"Can you make contact with him?" asked Kingsley, looking skeptical. "It's been my understanding that he's only ever sought you out."

"I…don't know," mumbled Remus, his muscles tensing further, "but I have to try. I'll communicate with bloody smoke signals if it'll bring her back."

Molly, seated next to Remus, attempted to give him a consoling pat, but Remus shrugged out from under her touch, looking pained. Kingsley studied him calculatingly, something remorseful flashing in his eyes.

"Do it, then," he said, nodding his head once at Remus.

"You think Snape is just going to offer up their location to save Lexi?" demanded Sirius, scowling at the back of Remus' head. "He's a bucket filled with holes. Not exactly where I'd store the last of my water supply."

Remus turned to look up at him, his brown eyes narrowed. "Actually, I think he'll do exactly that," he replied bitingly.

"Why?" barked Sirius challengingly. "Because all his previous actions have been so trustworthy? It's fucking rubbish to depend on him."

Remus glowered up at him. "I never said I trusted him, Sirius. That would make me a larger fool than I already am. However, Snape made contact again so he could inform us of Voldemort's plans to gain further immortality, to warn you and Lexi of his intentions for the both of you. And he released Lexi when he was under no obligation to do so, just so she could save your helpless arse, if you'll recall." Remus wilted, the fight leaving him as quickly as it had risen, looking exhausted and suddenly defeated. "What other choice do we have, Padfoot? There's no one else."

Sirius wanted to argue, but he knew he couldn't. Remus was right. Snape was their only option. "You're not meeting with him alone again," he said instead, refusing to give up on one last shred of stubbornness still clinging in his abdomen.

Remus blanched at his words. "You cannot come," he said resolutely.

"Sirius is right, Remus," interjected Kingsley before Sirius could retort. "I've never liked you meeting with him on your own under normal circumstances, but now Voldemort is taking our own. We must be more cautious."

"Severus will not reveal himself if there are others with me," stated Remus gruffly. "He's made that perfectly clear. He means to stay detached from the Order. I'll gain nothing if anyone else accompanies me. Especially you." He shot Sirius a vicious glare.

"Remus, it isn't safe," rumbled Kingsley in warning.

"I don't care!" shouted Remus, suddenly pushing himself up from his seat with so much force the chair toppled over behind him, clattering loudly against the floor. He leaned forward, pressing his hands flat against the table. His eyes darted around the room hostilely, his body exuding more strength and fierceness than Sirius knew it currently contained. "I will not leave her with them for one single second longer than necessary. I'm going to find her, and I'm going to bring her home before…I don't need you – any of you – to tell me how to do it."

Remus stormed away from the table without looking at any of them again.

"Remus!" growled Kingsley, his voice enraged.

Remus left the house without responding, slamming the door behind him. Sirius immediately followed after him in determination.

"Sirius," snapped Kingsley, trying to stop him, "do not encourage him to do this. Don't turn this into a suicide mission."

"Piss off, Shacklebolt," hissed Sirius as he raced through the door after Remus. "Wait, Remus!" he called after the other man. Remus was already halfway to the gate and showing no signs of slowing down. "For fuck's sake, Remus, stop for just a second."

Five steps away from the property's edge, Remus rounded on him, fury filling his eyes as he glared back at Sirius. "What?" he snarled.

Sirius froze midstride under the ferocious weight of the other man's gaze. "I won't let you do this alone," he said, his voice steadfast and determined. Remus' eyes blazed with rage as he opened his mouth to lash out, but Sirius stopped him, holding up his hand in a calming motion. "I'm not trying to come with you to meet Snape, but I'm not letting you do it all on your own." Remus was still glaring at him, his face hard and unforgiving in the pale light of the moon overhead. "It's Lexi, Remus, and I…she's important to me, too."

The anger in the lines of Remus' face suddenly faded away as he frowned deeply. His gaze roved over Sirius as though seeing him for the first time, his brow furrowing in sudden realization. "You…?" he uttered, trailing off, the unspoken question lingering in the chill air between them. His eyes drifted back up to meet Sirius', but Sirius glanced away, unable to look at the other man for fear of what he would find if he did.

"She's important to me, too," he repeated quietly, his voice sounding small to his own ears. There was something aching deep in his chest that he had been trying to ignore since he'd found out Lexi was missing. It swelled more and more with every passing minute that she was gone, threatening to spill over and pull him under its force. Sirius couldn't look at Remus, knowing, somehow, that he would see the same thing reflected back at him from his friend's eyes.

"All right, then," said Remus finally, his voice tight, causing Sirius to wince. "Let's go."

"I, um…" mumbled Sirius, still not meeting Remus' eyes, "I'm going to check on Ella first, make sure she's all right. Try to contact Snape. I'll meet you at Hogwarts."

Sirius felt Remus' gaze shift over him again. Sirius held his breath, waiting, but Remus simply nodded and departed through the gate. Sirius exhaled sharply when he heard the crack signaling Remus' disappearance, his body slumping under an exponential weight.

He stepped through the gate himself after a few solitary moments, Disapparating to Ella's new flat. He knocked on the door and waited for the woman inside to answer. When she opened the door, Ella was frazzled, still looking as pale and tormented as when Sirius had left her earlier in the day. Yet, as she stared across the threshold at him, her face softened, her arms coming up and wrapping around his neck, pulling him into a tight, caring embrace.

"Oh, Sirius," she murmured knowingly, Sirius' body collapsing into her without his permission. "I'm so sorry, luv. I know you're so very frightened. I know, I know." Her voice was soothing in his ear, her hand stroking gently over his back as he shuddered. He held her because he didn't know what else to do in that moment, his arms still feeling empty and too heavy and useless without Lexi's warmth inside them.

Remus debated for all of five minutes before deciding that his best option was to send an owl. He traversed to the Owlery, scrawling a quick, shaking note with minimal information before choosing a bird that looked the least like it belonged to Hogwarts. He tied the letter to the owl's leg with trembling fingers and sent the animal out the window, making his exhausted way back to his quarters to wait for a reply.

He stood in the center of the room for a long time when he returned, staring around at the sparse and suddenly depressing space. Everywhere his eyes rested, he saw something missing, a barren patch of shelf or table where a piece of Lexi used to reside.

"You've never deserved her, you stupid, miserable fool," muttered Remus to himself. "You've never deserved anything this life has given you."

"That's a bit harsh, don't you think?" said a voice from behind him. Remus rounded in surprise to see Sirius standing on the hearth. He hadn't heard the Floo flaring to life, too lost in his own thoughts.

Remus studied the other man in the light of the fire. He looked awkward and uncomfortable, two things that were incredibly out of place on his face. His long, dark hair hung oddly over his eyes, trying to hide the faint red rings circling them that Remus could still see. Sirius still wouldn't look at him, and Remus pretended that he didn't know why.

"How's Ella?" he asked thickly. Sirius glanced at him briefly before shifting his gaze away again.

"Terrified," replied Sirius, his eyes pinching in the corners. "Harry's with her now."

Remus nodded, stepping over to the window to gaze through the glass at the lake below. The air in the room felt stilted and thick, like trying to breathe through plastic. Remus squeezed his eyes closed and bowed his head. When he reopened them, he was staring at the window ledge. His hand reached out, fingers brushing lightly over the dark wood, his mind filling in Lexi's vacant form. His breath hitched in his chest and Remus swallowed.

"I'm going," he said suddenly, turning on his heel and walking to grab his cloak. Sirius startled on the other side of the room.

"What?" he asked dumbly. "Did you get a response from Snape?"

"No," responded Remus, throwing the cloak over his shoulders and flicking the clasp closed. "I sent him an owl. Maybe he can't reply to it."

"An owl?" demanded Sirius, gaping at Remus. "Are you mad?"

"What else was I meant to do, Sirius?" snapped Remus, glaring at his friend. "It's not as though I can Floo the man, and sending a Patronus would surely get him killed. Only Order members send messages that way, and Voldemort's followers know that."

"Moony, you don't even know that he'll be there," reasoned Sirius.

"I don't care," said Remus. "I'm going regardless and hoping he shows up."

Sirius studied him, his face falling to something dark and brooding, his jaw clenching as he clearly bit back words. "Where are you going?" he finally asked. Remus frowned at him, remaining silent. Sirius huffed and rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to follow you, Lupin. I just think someone should know where you'll be."

Remus stared at him for a long moment, contemplating. Eventually, he sighed and said, "Severus changes the location every time, to try to keep anyone from tracking either of us. He uses codes to tell me where to go, places I would only know from inside knowledge, described in roundabout ways. I tried to do the same." Remus' hands were shaking, and he busied them with the edges of his cloak. "I told him to meet me in Godric's Hollow." Sirius' eyes widened, his mouth pulling into a tight line. "It was the only place I could think of at the time."

"The only place," breathed Sirius, shaking his head. "Blimey, Remus. When I said you had a flair for the dramatics, I didn't mean to this extent."

Remus said nothing, a violent churning in his stomach preventing him from speaking. Sirius huffed, running a hand roughly through his hair, his eyes dark with foreboding.

"I'll wait here," he assured. "Send a message every half hour or I'll come looking for you."

Remus nodded in answer before pulling the door open and disappearing into the corridor.

When Remus arrived in Godric's Hollow, his feet carried him to the cottage through an old sense of muscle memory. He caught a small glimpse of the ruined structure before he purposefully turned his back on it, having no desire to look at it ever again.

He pulled his wand, standing silent, listening and observing his surroundings with straining senses. He waited for a long time, his heart pounding in his chest harder and harder as the minutes dragged on. When the half hour mark arrived, Remus called forth his Patronus, sending it to Sirius with a message that he was still waiting with no sign of anyone.

Remus was just lowering his wand when the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. He'd heard nothing; smelled nothing, but he could feel eyes fixed on him from behind. His fingers tightened around his wand as he shifted to turn, but a spell crashed into his side, sending him teetering backwards, barely keeping his footing as the wand flew from his hand.

Remus grunted faintly, his brows knitting together as he quickly tried to search for a means of escape. Before an option presented itself, ropes soared toward his body, slithering around his arms like snakes and binding them to his sides. Remus glared into the darkness, searching for the culprit of the spellwork, seething with rage.

"Remus," hissed a small, meek voice from the shadows, "I knew it was you who sent that owl."

Remus' eyes narrowed as the voice settled over him, pulling on strings of memory from long ago. There was the sound of shuffling footsteps over dry, dead leaves as a figure stepped into the faint light in front of the decimated cottage.

"Peter," spat Remus fiercely.

"Hullo, Moony," said Peter quietly, advancing closer to Remus, the corners of his dry, chapped lips quirking up faintly. "Been a long time."

"We should have killed you when we had the chance, you despicable rat," snarled Remus.

"Probably," agreed Peter, watching Remus almost gleefully, "but that's where you and I have always been the same. You couldn't harm me or allow Sirius to do it anymore than I was willing to let the Dark Lord murder you."

Something must have flashed over Remus' expression, because Peter suddenly smiled wickedly. "Oh yes, Remus," he mumbled, "I'm the only reason you aren't dead in the dirt right now."

Remus was struggling with small, minuscule movements against his bindings. Peter twitched his wand, causing the ropes to tighten almost painfully. Remus grimaced.

"When we intercepted your owl, my Lord wanted to send someone to kill you," explained Peter, his head tilted slightly to the side as he studied Remus, "but I recognized the handwriting. I spent years staring at it. I knew it was yours. I convinced him to let me come and collect you. I knew you could be useful in a myriad of ways." Peter's head tilted further to the side, causing him to look like a puppet with a broken string. "Who were you attempting to contact? That's the one thing none of us could figure out."

Remus glowered at his old friend, the wolf still close beneath the surface from the previous night's full moon, making his lip snarl up like hackles raising. Peter huffed faintly when he didn't receive an answer, shrugging his shoulders as though unaffected.

"Oh well," he said simply, "it's no bother. We'll find out soon enough, I suppose. You still have other uses. You see, we've recently acquired a new…toy." Peter's mouth stretched into a nasty smile when Remus' entire body stilled at his words. "Yes, I thought she was important to you. Shame, really. She's been incredibly unyielding. The Dark Lord is displeased, and you'll probably be unhappy to know that he's making her aware of his feelings. I thought you would make her a little more pliant."

Remus' heart dropped somewhere around the vicinity of his feet. "Where is she?" he roared, lurching forward toward the small, red-faced man. Peter's wand tweaked again, and Remus was pushed back, toppling over and landing with hard force on the ground, the impact knocking the air from his lungs.

Peter crouched over him as Remus coughed and choked, his eyes gleaming with sinister light. "Don't worry, Moony," he whispered, digging in his pocket and pulling some kind of dark material from within, "I'm sure you'll see her very soon." Peter leaned forward and shoved Remus' head within the fabric, cinching it closed around his neck, blocking out all light and sound.

Sirius was pacing. He couldn't stop himself. He'd received Remus' message, but forty-five minutes had passed since then and Sirius had heard nothing else. He kept telling himself that things were fine, Remus was just not paying attention to the time, running late with his check-ins.

Remus is never late, a nagging voice in the back of his mind insisted. Sirius brushed it away.

Snape had shown, Sirius assured himself. Remus was speaking with him now, gaining vital information. That was all it was. Remus would contact him soon, Sirius was certain. His heart was pounding ferociously in his chest, his stress and worry rising to dire heights. Sirius was trying to ignore it.

When another ten minutes had passed and Sirius still had not heard anything, he released a low growl, saying under his breath, "Bugger this." He flew out the door and through the eerily silent school, his legs leading him down the lane to Hogsmeade in a hurried sprint. As he reached the village, he twisted on the spot and Disapparated, reappearing in the center of Godric's Hollow. He raced to the cottage, only slowing as he approached it, on edge and peering around the darkness for any threats or signs of Remus.

He saw nothing; heard nothing, not even a breeze blowing to rustle the dry leaves still clinging to the overhanging trees. Sirius stepped up to the bent and rusting iron fence surrounding the property, his eyes ghosting over the hollowed shell of the cottage. Something hot and painful twisted sharply in his stomach and Sirius squeezed his eyes closed, his hands dropping down to clench around the cold fence. He inhaled a steadying breath through his nose, refocusing his mind on the task laid out before him.

Snapping his eyelids back open, Sirius began searching around him for any signs of Remus' presence, his gaze landing on a disturbed patch of dirt a few paces away. Sirius walked over, crouching above it, his eyes tracing the pattern and the marks. It looked as though someone Remus' size had been thrown back upon the earth with great force, sending them sliding a few meters before coming to a stop.

Sirius noticed footprints next to the scuffed marks in the dirt, his head twisting and tracking their backwards path. They'd come from the shadows of the trees next to the cottage, and Sirius straightened to follow them. He paused at the broken gate of the fence, knowing, somehow, that Remus would not have passed through, probably because Sirius himself had no desire to cross that invisible line either.

His eyes searched around him, looking for anything that stood out, his gaze finally landing on something lying in the frost-coated grass, abandoned and forgotten. Sirius stooped to examine it, ice freezing his stomach when he realized it was a wand. He reached out, pulling the wand from the ground and standing as he studied it with a growing sense of dread. It was Remus'.

Sirius' fingers tightened around the thin, knobbed wood, his jaw clenching as fire seared inside him, melting the ice and spreading outwards, setting his veins aflame. Sparing one last, fleeting glance at the dark, ruined cottage, Sirius turned on his heel, disappearing with a sharp crack of sound.

"Remus is gone," announced Sirius darkly, barreling through the door of the Burrow without knocking.

Heads rose to look at him from around the kitchen table, a few wands training on him before their owners relaxed and allowed them to drop out of sight. Some of the Order members had lingered in the house with the elder Weasleys, Kingsley amongst them. His stony face pulled into sharp, hard lines at Sirius' words.

"Voldemort?" asked Kingsley, his voice low and already accepting, as though he knew the answer. "How do you know?"

"Remus was meant to see Snape," said Sirius, his anger still seething beneath the surface of his skin. "I told him to check in with me. He did, once, and then I heard nothing. I went to where they were supposed to meet." Sirius leaned forward and placed Remus' wand in the center of the table. "I found this," he whispered gravely.

Everyone in the kitchen stared at the slender piece of wood, recognizing it instantly as belonging to Remus. Kingsley suddenly pounded his fist on the tabletop in a fit of outrage, startling several of the others.

He glared menacingly up at Sirius as he said, "I told him not to go alone. I told you not to let him."

"What the fuck did you expect us to do?" snarled Sirius, pulling himself up to his full height in rage, fighting back the helplessness that was threatening to drown him. Kingsley rose in response, towering over Sirius' enraged form. Sirius did not back down. "Lexi is gone; they took her right out from under us. We've no idea what they're doing to her or if she's even still alive. Remus loves her, regardless of what he's done or said, he loves her more than anything. Of course he was going to do everything he could to find her, and so was I!"

"And look what those reckless actions have wrought!" barked Kingsley, his voice rattling inside Sirius' ears. "Another one of ours vanished into thin air, no idea how to track him, what they're doing to him, or if he's still alive! I know you both care about Lexi deeply, we all do, but blazing ahead with barely a thought won't help anyone but our enemies. We are a team, Sirius. We do what we can for one another, even when it's difficult and planning is involved. You have to accept that."

"I can't just do nothing," whispered Sirius, suddenly wilting, stumbling slightly as his knees shook beneath his weight. "I don't know how. They're my family."

Arthur stood from the opposite end of the table, approaching Sirius and resting a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Sit down, Sirius," he said quietly, easing Sirius down into a chair and sitting beside him. "Let us help. This isn't all on you."

Tonks, sitting on the opposite side of the table, reached across the wood and placed her hand on top of Sirius'. "They're important to us, too," she said gravely. "We won't let them be lost if there's anything we can do about it."

Kingsley's hand came down on Sirius' other shoulder, pulling Sirius' attention to him. "We will find them, Sirius'," he assured, his face hard and certain. "I just need you to have a little faith in us, and a small bit of patience. We will find them and bring them home."

Sirius glanced around the table at the others, their faces all mirroring the worry and strain he could feel throughout his entire body. He inhaled a deep breath before saying, "What do we do?"

Sirius was seated on the sofa in the Weasley's sitting room, head bowed forward into his hands and a full plate of food abandoned on the low table in front of him. Molly had ushered him out of the kitchen as light had finally began to filter through the windows, ignoring his protests and insisting that he needed food and rest. But Sirius couldn't rest, and he couldn't eat. He felt like something was shriveling inside him, slowly killing him cell by cell until there was nothing left but an empty husk of what was once him.

The low rumble of voices filtered into the room from the kitchen, Kingsley having called the other members back in the early hours of the morning. They'd been discussing the situation for hours, going round and round in circles, getting nowhere as ideas and possible locations were presented before immediately being shot down. None of it mattered, Sirius knew. Even if they knew where Voldemort was, they had no way of locating it if it were under the protection of the Fidelius Charm. Everything felt so remarkably hopeless to Sirius that it was crippling.

Sirius looked up from his hands when he heard faint footsteps approaching, his eyes training on Harry and Hermione as they made their way into the room. Harry sat in the armchair across from Sirius, Hermione choosing to settle next to Sirius on the sofa. Her hand came up and patted his back comfortingly.

"How are you?" she asked softly, her eyes concerned as they studied his face.

"Honestly?" said Sirius, releasing a bitter laugh before he could stop himself. "Pretty fucking miserable, but that's nothing new, is it? That's all things have been recently, just one horrendous thing stacked high with misery after another."

Something dark flickered through Harry's eyes as his gaze met Hermione's. He leaned forward slightly, levelling Sirius with an intense stare. "We're going to find something, Sirius," he said, trying to be reassuring. "It'll come along and smack us in the face like it always does."

"Will we?" snapped Sirius harshly. Harry pulled back suddenly at the venom in Sirius' tone, as though he'd been kicked. Sirius deflated immediately. "Sorry," he mumbled, resting his head in his hands again. "I'm sorry, Harry. They're your friends, too. Both of yours. I'm pathetic."

Hermione gripped his wrist in firm fingers, forcing him to lift his head. "You're not pathetic," she said soothingly. "You're scared. There's a very big difference. No one is holding your actions against you, Sirius, not right now."

Sirius opened his mouth to say something to Hermione, or to Harry, or to both of them, though he wasn't sure what. His vocal cords felt frayed and raw, matching everything else inside him. Before he could speak, a flash of bright, silvery light speared through the wall behind the sofa, startling the three of them. Hermione shrieked in surprise, pulling her wand along with Harry and Sirius. They stared in astonishment as a large raven materialized, perching on the table in front of them, looking directly at Sirius. The raven's beak opened and a voice that sent chills down Sirius' spine emerged.

"Meet me where you almost had my life taken away," spoke Snape's drawling, nasal tones, "tonight, at ten o'clock. Bring others if it provides you with any sense of infantile comfort."

The raven vanished in fading wisps of silver light, leaving the three in the sitting room staring with wide eyes at the table. Sirius heard a faint noise and slowly shifted his gaze in the direction of the kitchen, where the other members were gathered tightly at the door, having come, Sirius presumed, when they heard Hermione's cry of alarm. Sirius met Kingsley's eyes, a full conversation passing between them without speaking a word.

"Right, well," said George suddenly, stepping forward into the sitting room, away from the group, "I'm going."

Fred followed him, throwing his arm over his brother's shoulder and fixing Sirius with a challenging glare. "Try to stop us," he proclaimed.

Tonks appeared beside them a moment later, leaning her shoulder against the wall. "What they said," she murmured, throwing her thumb in the twins' direction.

Sirius glanced around the room, taking in everyone's serious expressions before his eyes landed on Harry. "We're getting them back," he told the other man resolutely. Harry nodded, his green eyes mirroring back the determination Sirius could feel gleaming from his own.

Late that night, Sirius popped into existence outside the Shrieking Shack, Fred, George, Tonks, and Harry appearing by his side a few seconds later. They each had a predetermined detection spell, and they worked them quickly. When everything came back normally, Sirius went about removing the locking charms on the door, so many layered on top of others, all for the purpose of keeping a werewolf contained within the building's swaying walls.

Sirius winced at the thought of Remus, pushing it aside as the last spell fell away from the door and it slowly swung open. As they entered the dusty, barren shack, Tonks cast another detection spell before glancing at Sirius.

"He's here," she whispered. "Upstairs. He's alone."

Sirius nodded, looking at the other four. "Stay here," he said quietly, squaring his shoulders. "Keep watch."

The others muttered their agreements and Sirius advanced up the creaking stairs quickly and cautiously. As he rounded the corner into the destroyed bedroom, he spied Snape's dark figure on the opposite side, his back to the door as he gazed out the window, the moon's light silhouetting him and turning him to nothing but shadow.

"Snape," said Sirius through clenched teeth.

Snape turned to face him slowly, his black eyes settling on Sirius with undisguised disgust. He sniffed in a breath of air. "The Dark Lord has Lupin and Baines," he stated without preamble. "I assume you are aware of this fact?"

"Where are they?" said Sirius, hoping the desperation in his voice wasn't easily heard.

Snape ignored him, his nose twisting in a sneer. "Lupin was a fool to send that owl," he remarked cruelly, "and to come willingly to a meeting without receiving a reply."

"Where are they, Snape?" growled Sirius menacingly.

Snape's mouth pulled into a thin line, his eyes narrowing as he regarded Sirius for a long, silent moment. He suddenly took a step forward, his hand dipping into the pocket of his cloak. Sirius trained his wand on the other man, and Snape froze, arching a dark eyebrow that disappeared under his greasy hair.

"If my intentions in this were to harm any of you," he drawled, "it would have happened before you'd set foot inside the building." Sirius lowered his wand slightly, his shoulders still tensed and ready as Snape pulled something small from within his pocket. He held it out in the large space between them, waiting for Sirius to advance forward and take it. "You'll find them here." Snape opened his hand to show Sirius a small piece of folded parchment lying in his palm. "It's a large Muggle manor that the Dark Lord has claimed for such purposes."

Sirius stepped up to Snape slowly, his every movement measured and careful. He took the parchment from Snape's hand, opening it to read, keeping one eye trained on the man in front of him. He glanced back up at Snape.

"You're sure they're there?"

"Positive," confirmed Snape, nodding his head once, curtly. "I saw them both only an hour ago, Lupin still as stubborn as ever, and Baines matching his every move."

Sirius felt like heavy chains were finally stripping away from his lungs, his breath gasping out in a great burst. He stumbled back slightly, his legs suddenly feeling weak beneath him. "They're alive?" he choked out.

Snape looked away, something dark falling over his expression. "For now," he muttered. Sirius felt his stomach churn sickeningly at the other man's words. "Get them out quickly," said Snape astutely, his eyes levelling with Sirius' again. "Do not expect any help from me. After Lupin's foolhardy attempt, I cannot chance it."

Sirius wanted to scowl, say something unkind and baiting, but he resisted, nodding instead and turning to the open door. Snape stopped him before he could leave.

"Black," he said, something pressing in his tone that made Sirius look back at him. "Do not go unprepared. They know there is a spy now. They'll be waiting for you."

Sirius' eyes flittered over the man, his once enemy, now something in between. With great effort, Sirius opened his mouth and mumbled, "Thank you."

He fled the room and trampled back down the tottering stairs without waiting for a response.

A/N: I'm aware that Snape's Patronus in a doe, but in this story, I'm ignoring most of the existence of Deathly Hallows. With that in mind, the Snape/Lily connection never happened in my universe, so his Patronus is different.