Fear's Got A Hold On Me

Armin POV

Armin felt like he put on a good show during trick or treat. He acted fun and bubbly and excited. He really channeled Sasha for his performance. He didn't want to upset her, or ruin the night for her. But now that he was back home in his own room, he let the numbness take over. Dad thought he was going to die. That was the only explanation Armin could think of. He wasn't sure why the thought bothered him. It made sense. Better to mentally prepare himself for the end now, rather than delude himself with false hope and be crushed later. But it still bothered him.

There was a knock on the door and Armin looked up. "Armin? Can I come in?"

"Yeah."

Mom opened the door and stepped inside, closing it behind her. "How are you doing?"

"Fine."

She walked over and sat down next to him on the bed. "You can talk to me, Armin."

"I said I'm fine." He snapped.

"I don't think you are." She let out a soft sigh. "You're allowed to be upset, Armin."

"I know that." He huffed. Why couldn't she just leave him alone?

"You can say that what Dad said upset you."

"It didn't."

"Then why did you leave for so long?" Damn. Mom was good.

"I don't know. I don't know why I left or why it bothered me. It shouldn't bother me. I'm going to die."

"No one said that."

"Dad said that. YOU said that, that night at the Jaegers'." Mom looked upset. "There's no point denying it. I'm going to die. Everyone dies, Mom."

Mom sniffled. "I know. But you're not going to die from this. I won't allow it. I'm going to die first. Because that's what moms do."

Armin looked down at his lap. "I don't think you get a choice in the matter."

"Of course, I do. I'm your mother. I gave life to that body and I forbid it to leave before me."

Armin wasn't sure what came over him. He just blurted out the thought as it came to his head. "What do you think happens to us…when we die?" Mom raised an eyebrow. Armin wasn't normally one to get philosophical. "I mean, obviously our bodies rot and feed the earth but…" His voice trailed off as he tried to think of a non-stupid way to phrase it.

"What happens to the spark that makes us, US?" Mom finished for him.

"Yeah."

"I don't know. I would hope we'd stick around and check on our loved ones. Or maybe we come back as someone else."
"Those would be nice." Armin said softly.

Mom reached over and took his hand. "Sweetheart, are you scared about dying?"

"NO." Armin said instinctually.

"It's natural if you are."

"I'm not scared of dying. It's just…what if this is it? What if this is all we get and when the light goes out, we're just…gone?"
"That's a scary thought. And the truth is, none of us know what happens until it happens. But this is why we want you to talk to someone. So, you're not so scared."

Armin just shook his head. "If it will make you feel better."

"I want YOU to feel better, Armin. Because clearly you have anxieties you don't want to talk about." She pulled him into a hug. "Sweetheart, your dad and I love you more than anything in this world."

"I know that."

"I want to make sure you know that."

"Well, I do, so don't worry."

She let go of him. "Okay. I'm going to let you sleep now. You have school tomorrow."

Armin glanced at his clock. "It's only 8:30."

"And it's a school night."

"I'm not in second grade, Mom. I think I can stay up past 8pm and still get up for school."

Mom just looked at him. "Goodnight, Armin." She stood up and planted a kiss on his forehead.

"Goodnight, Mom." He said as she walked out of the room. "I love you, too."