Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
A Zero-Sum Game
A zero-sum game is a part of game theory. It is a mathematical representation of when one person gains what their opponents lose. However, a zero-sum game is only impactful when all opponents equally value what is at stake.
I found out what Tsume had been talking about in the following days. I thought my classmates were annoying before, but now… they were absolutely insanity-inducing. "There's that bastard again", Ami sneered as Shino and I walked past her on our way back to the classroom at the end of lunch. "Thinking she's suddenly better than us now that she's part of a stupid ninja clan". Neither Shino nor I react. Shino wasn't a reactive person, after all. And me… Well, I had problems bigger than Ami. But that was the rhetoric I've been hearing from our clan-less classmates ever since my parentage became common knowledge. To be honest, I was unsure what was worse; being called a gutter rat or being called a bastard.
Either way, it was weird. It wasn't long ago that I was at the bottom of the social hierarchy. The type of individual people were happy to ignore and generally tried to never look directly at. Now, I was…. I don't know; somewhere in the middle. Apparently, from what I've observed, being the illegitimate daughter of a clan head made me lesser than the other clan kids but superior to those coming from civilian backgrounds. Why? That was the part I hadn't figured out yet.
"Careful Ami", Shikamaru commented behind Shino and me as he and Chouji followed us into the building. "You sound jealous". The tone of his voice held both annoyance and a warning. It was unclear to me if Ami responded to either. But she was always more aggressive towards the girls; choosing to avoid boys as her targets of bullying altogether.
I kept walking; keeping pace with Shino as if there weren't two people trying to be a group with us. Not even to offer the Nara heir a look of thanks for getting Ami to back off for a bit. Shino didn't seem inclined to acknowledge them either. There could be multiple reasons why, but at that moment, I chose to pretend that it was because he was being a loyal shadow.
At the lack of acknowledgment, Shikamaru sighed loudly. "Troublesome", he muttered as the four of us entered the building.
Ever since the day when Iruka-Sensei had dragged me to the Hokage's tower for Shibi's big reveal, I had been ignoring Shikamaru and Chouji. Even though Chouji still tried to share his mom's home cooking with me. Even though Shikamaru didn't seem to find me as 'troublesome' as our peers. Even though they were the first people I had ever come close to considering to be friends.
"Rion", Chouji tried in a nervous voice as we approached the classroom. In the beginning, the two boys had been giving me my space. Maybe they understood that I had the right to be mad. Maybe they thought about how big of a change it would be to go from my sister's household to a new one. However; when Iruka-Sensei started to get mad at me for my lack of participation, it was like they decided that my imaginary grace period was over. Now, Chouji and Shikamaru (mostly Chouji) were trying to get me to talk to them again.
When I didn't turn around or respond in any way, Chouji tried again. "Rion, please. What did we do?"
That question got under my skin in a way that I probably shouldn't have allowed. Shino and I were in front of the classroom door. Shino had his hand raised to slide the door open. From where we were standing, the sounds of the classmates who had made it back to class before us was audible. None of those facts stopped me from spinning around to face the two boys. "What did you do?" I snarled rhetorically; clenching my hands into fists. "What did you do?!" I repeated; my voice rising in volume.
Chouji took a half step back in response to my intensity. He clutched the chip bag he was holding tightly. Enough so that I'm sure quite a few chips were now crumbs. Shikamaru's left eyelid was twitching. But other than that, he stood still with his hands in his pockets; seemingly unaffected. Through my peripherals, I was vaguely aware of Shino lowering his outstretched hand and turning around to watch whatever was about to occur. But he was the least of my worries at the moment.
How did they not know? It should have been obvious; the reason why they were on my bad side. "If you had just kept your mouths shut none of this would have happened!" I yelled. Chouji flinched and I pushed away any guilt that sort of action could potentially provoke in me. "I told you it was fine. I told you it was an accident. I told you that I didn't need help. But you didn't listen!" Shikamaru's face took on a darker countenance; a signal to me that he had caught on to what they had done that I felt was so offensive. "I don't know who you told or what you said, but now because of you two I-"
Done listening to me, Shikamaru cut me off before I could finish my sentence. "We didn't tell anyone that some jerk hit you", he interjected. The surety in his tone had me pausing. Didn't tell anyone? That possibility did not compute. "Although, I probably would have if someone hadn't beaten me to it", Shikamaru grumbled that last part.
Ignoring the ending comments, even though it was just as irking as the first, I chose to focus on a specific part. "You sure about that?" I challenged; taking an aggressive step forward. Shikamaru remained unmoved, but Chouji took another step back to accommodate me. "Because from my viewpoint, you two were questioning me about that bruise, and the next day Iruka-Sensei was hauling me off to go play happy families with the Aburame".
Shikamaru had the gall to roll his eyes. "People aren't as stupid as you think they are", he called out my ego. "Anyone who took the time to actually look could tell that you got that bruise on your face was because someone smacked you. Iruka-Sensei has eyes. He didn't need anyone telling him to know what happened".
Even under the full force of my anger, I could comprehend and respect the logic in Shikamaru's words. Not that that means I'm ready to just let this go. "What? So, me getting pulled out of my home was just a coincidence?" I pressed; acting like I didn't believe the Nara heir. From behind Shikamaru and Chouji, Ami and a few of her friends approached. Probably trying to rejoin the others in the classroom. But having wandering across this spectacular, Ami and company seemed content to watch it play out.
"Rion", Shino interjected in his normal monotone voice. Or rather, he tried to interject.
"Well?" I asked. My eyes were solely focused on Shikamaru at this point as he was the one who had chosen to engage me throughout this entire confrontation. "Was it a coincidence or not?"
"Rion", Shino tried again. This time, he placed a hand on my shoulder to guarantee that he would get my attention.
"What?" I snapped; turning my head in his direction faster than I would under normal circumstances.
There was a moment of silence as I and everyone watching waited for Shino to respond. To anyone not familiar with Shino, they may have read it as a dramatic pause. But as someone who had spent a fair amount of time with him, even before I knew he was my biological brother, I knew his pause was for the purpose of gathering his thoughts. "Nara is correct", Shino spoke slowly. "He and Akamichi were not the ones who expressed concerns about your situation".
In the background, Ami and the rest of the peanut gallery started tittering. Evidently, my 'situation' was amusing. "And you know this, how?" I demanded to know; eyes narrowing.
"I know because I was the one who told", Shino answered.
At first, it didn't make a lot of sense to me. "You told Iruka-Sensei?" I needed the clarification. My need was so great that I tuned out everyone watching the exchange.
"No". There was no pause this time as Shino answered; his response already prepared. "I told Father that it was now necessary for him to intervene".
Clenching my fists to the point that my fingernails were digging into my flesh, I tremored. "You…" I started to say. But a wave of many feelings and thoughts had me hesitating. Closing my eyes, I searched for what I wanted to say and for the resolve to actually say it. "You're the reason…" Exhaling loudly through my flared nostrils, I bit my lip. "You're the reason my sister is all alone!"
The anger I had directed at Chouji and Shikamaru was easy to redirect when given a new source to focus on. I knocked Shino's hand over my shoulder at the same time as I spun around to face the person who called himself my brother. My hands had already formed fists, and Shino didn't move. Making it easy to slam my right fist into the right side of Shino's face. The sound of flesh beating flesh was loud; echoing down the hall. I wouldn't be surprised if it was heard in the classroom. Although, I had probably been talking loud enough that the people inside probably knew what was happening anyway.
Shino staggered backward into the door. But that was all he did. He made no move to block, dodge, or retaliate. Interesting when it should have been easy for him to shield himself with his bugs. Instead, all he did was correct his balance and adjust his sunglasses.
Seething, I ignored Shino as he collected himself. I ignored Ami and her friends as they gossiped with their hands blocking their mouths. The only people I was able to acknowledge at this moment were Chouji and Shikamaru. Allowing my hands to uncurl, I forced myself to take a deep breath. At first, I locked eyes with Chouji. But he still seemed to be affected by the highly negative atmosphere. So, I shifted my line of sight to Shikamaru. "I'm not mad at you anymore", I told the two boys. My voice came out rough and since I was still in the heat of the moment, it sounded disingenuous as well.
With nothing left to say, I was moved forward; slipping between Chouji and Shikamaru, and making sure that I knocked shoulders with Ami and one of her annoying friends.
"Wait! Rion!", Chouji called after me as I jammed my hands in my pockets and made my way out of the building. "We have class!" Heh, as if I cared about that.
Shibi found me in a random training field kicking the crap out of a wooden post. I'm not sure how he was notified. Plenty of students had ditched class before without the teachers making any mention of tattling to their guardians. But I didn't wonder how he was able to track me down. The Aburame were known for being skill trackers after all. Besides, Shibi was a jonin. One with a lot of resources. Finding a random academy student probably didn't even warrant a thought from him.
He didn't lecture me. Nor did he demand my attention. Instead, Shibi waited. Standing and watching with a type of patience I'll never have, he waited for me to be ready. I think… this might be the first time someone has ever given me such a consideration.
When I finally ran out of steam and my shins were starting to hurt, I hunched my shoulders and rested my hands on my knees. "I punched Shino in the face and I'm not sorry", I declared as I panted. Trying to catch my breath and provoke Shibi.
I was making steady progress on my first goal, but none on the second. "I'm aware", Shibi answered.
He didn't go on to explain how he knew. And I knew he wouldn't unless I asked. But there were other things on my mind that I wanted to express. The want was greater than any amount of curiosity I could muster. "Shino said he was the one that told you to get involved. That because he's a nosy jerk my life got turned upside down". I said all of this as I glared at a blade of grass. As if that piece of grass was Shino.
Shibi liked his pauses just as much as his son. He did not reply until he was ready. "You have only known your relation to us for a short time. Shino has known you were his sister since early childhood".
"You told him?" I asked as a probe for more information. Though I didn't mean to. Not at the risk of giving Shibi the impression that I cared about what he had to say. It was more of a reflex than anything else. Something I developed after two years of only working with Shino during group projects; the skill of being able to communicate with an Aburame.
"Yes", came Shibi's simple answer.
I could feel anger bubbling up in my gut once again. I mean, good lord! How hard is it to explain yourself fully? All he needed to do was give me facts. It's not like Shibi was being asked to give me a detailed analysis of his personality.
He must have read my mood because before I could explode for the second time today (or was it the third time?), he explained, "As a host of a nest, like all Aburame hosts, Shino's insects have been able to sense the chakra specific to our clan. Once he was able to understand and work with his nest, Shino became aware of a clan member existing outside of our clan. He realized this person was a child during his first year at the academy. When he confronted me about the matter, I told him the truth".
It was enough information to make me push feelings aside for now. Mostly because I was distracted by new data. Standing straight, I faced Shibi. "You're telling me that everyone in your stupid clan knew you had a bastard child?" If I was being honest with myself, I only called the Aburame clan stupid out as payback for Shibi referring to it as our clan.
Completely unaffected by the hostility in my tone or my words, Shibi continued. "They were aware of the existence of an unclaimed Aburame child, yes. There was much speculation in the clan for years about who had fathered the child. However, it was not revealed that you were my child until I made it so".
My heart rate slowed to a resting pace as my mind tried to fit all the different pieces of information together. But there were still some gaps. Glancing at a nearby tree so I wouldn't have to look at Shibi, I said. "So, Shino knew this whole time and kept your secret". If I let it, that fact could hurt. But why should it? It's not like I wanted Shino and Shibi as family. So, it made the most sense to not let something like that bother me.
Shibi began to move; turning in the direction that led back to the center of the village. "Come", he ordered. But when I made no move to follow, Shibi at least had the sense to offer an incentive. "Join me and I will explain the events leading up to your conception and my decision to hide your origin until now".
The data nerd in me couldn't resist this offer of information. Even if it was narrative data and not something more useful for analysis; like quantitative data. So, I found myself following Shibi; dragging my feet as he led us through the village.
I expected Shibi to take us back to the Aburame compound as has been his habit whenever he has to pick me up somewhere. Be it Anzu's apartment or some random training field. But my expectation was wrong. Shibi led us to a tea house. One I knew was popular amongst shinobi and one I had never been in before. Not that I have ever visited a tea house. That wasn't something that was allowed in Anzu's and my budget. Besides, it's not like my type was welcome in a respectable establishment.
Walking into the tea house, I stayed behind Shibi and waited for the hostess to turn me away or ask to see that I had money before seating me. As had been my experience with sit-down joints since living this life. But the lady manning the front didn't even pay me a second glance. She was all smiles and good manners as she led Shibi and me to a small table in the back of the room. It was an unsettling reminder that I no longer looked the part of unsuitable. My clothes were new and clean. Shibi had seen to that. It probably also helped that Shibi was here with me.
Once we were seated, I looked at Shibi with expectation; waiting for him to just start talking. Though, I should have known better. My expectation had been reflective of my preference and not of Shibi's behavior. Instead, we sat in silence as we waited for service. Annoyed about the delay in my promised information, I glanced around the room in an attempt to pass the time more quickly. It was an okay place…. I guess. The tables were clean. The one Shibi and I were sitting at didn't even feel sticky. The walls were painted a light green and the artwork hanging in measured intervals was pleasant to look at. If not a little bland in taste.
Shibi ordered for both of us; choosing some sort of blend I had never heard of before. Again, he refrained from taking; continuing to wait. It wasn't until we both had a cup of steaming tea in front of us that he said, "The life of an Aburame clan member can be a lonely one. For many, our clan techniques are considered to be unnerving and it can cause people to go out of their way to avoid us".
"I thought you were going to tell me things I didn't already know", I complained; having taken a sip of tea. It caused my nose to scrunch up as I learned that I didn't like tea.
Shibi ignored me. "As such, your grandfather arranged my marriage to ensure the continuation of leadership for the Aburame clan. My young bride, Shino's mother, was unhappy with the arrangement. She did what she could to keep herself distant from the clan and myself; only doing the bare minimum to fulfill her part of our arrangement". Shibi paused to take a sip of tea. He seemed to enjoy it a lot more than I did. Though, I wasn't sure if it was because he truly liked the taste or if this was just a hard story for him to tell. Or maybe it was because a server had walked by our table and he didn't want to be overheard. With Shibi, his reasoning could be anything. "I was young and did not realize the full consequences of my actions, but feeling rejected by my wife I sought company with another".
"My mom", I filled in the blank; twisting my hands together under the table.
Shibi neither confirmed nor denied my input. But knowing how this story ends, I didn't need him to. "A few months after, my wife informed me she was with child. Nine months later, Shino was born. And three months after you were born".
So, Shino was older. It was something I had never wondered about before. Now that I knew, it was information I filed away for later. Shino probably knew he was older. Even if it was just by three months, maybe that explained why Shino insisted on following me most places.
Distracted by my thoughts, I almost didn't hear what Shibi said next. "Throughout your infancy, I would frequently check on your well-being".
I frowned. That was news to me. "Neither Mom or Anzu ever said anything about a man visiting me when I was a baby".
Shibi at least had the decency to shift uncomfortably in his seat as he answered. "Your mother and sister were both unaware of my presence. I remained undetectable. Why? Because my purpose was to be certain of your welfare. Not to establish a relationship".
Stupidly mysterious and absentee shinobi, I grumbled in my thoughts as I tried not to think too hard about some ninja lurking outside the apartment window. It was something that was very possible and very likely in a shinobi village. But still… to think it happened to your loved ones with them being unaware… That was some skin-crawling stuff. "Why?" I asked before realizing that I was dangerously close to sounding like Shibi and Shino. To fix that mistake, I elaborated. "Why would you bother checking on me if you didn't want me?"
Shibi shifted again as he held his teacup in one of his hands. It was the only indication that my words were sharp enough to pierce his skin. "With the birth of Shino, my wife began to make an effort. For our son's sake. After your birth, I decided that I must do the same. The decision was a difficult one", Shibi said. I think it was his attempt to assure me that I wasn't something he simply tossed aside. Unfortunately for him, I wasn't desperate enough for a family to believe him. "I knew leaving my daughter unclaimed was best for the clan's reputation, my wife's honor, and for any relationship Shino may have with his mother. And even though I was aware that being uninvolved in your life would deny you the benefits of being a part of a clan, I convinced myself that it was in your best interest as well as you would not have to become a host to a nest".
What did Shibi mean by the benefits of being part of a clan? Access to three meals a day? Clothes that fit? Not being treated like a second-class citizen? There was a bitter taste in my mouth and it wasn't from the tea. At that moment, I found myself unable to look at Shibi. Even if it was to glare at the man. So, I found myself staring at the tabletop as a server came by to ask if we needed anything.
Shibi sent the server away with a polite "no thank you", before he continued to try to explain himself to me. "With your brother being only three months your senior, the… ordeal Shino's infestation was still fresh in my memory. I decided if I could spare one of my children from such pain I would do so".
While nothing would ever convince me that that was a good reason to abandon your kid, there was a very big part of me that was grateful that I didn't have to a bunch of bugs living inside of me and feeding off my chakra. "I get it. You didn't want me when I was a baby. What changed?" I asked forcefully; hopefully masking things I was feeling but weren't ready to see the light of day.
Maybe because it was easier for him or maybe because he had rehearsed what he was going to say, Shibi kept going as if I hadn't asked a question. "I kept my distance for many years. When Shino confronted me about the mysterious Aburame he was sensing and learned about having a sister, he became invested in learning about you. He started telling me about all your exploits at the academy". That was news to me. Especially since I didn't meet Shino or have any interactions with him until my third year. "Shino respected my secret, but it was Shino's wish that I give you the Aburame name and bring you home as soon as he learned of your relation to us. While I was unwilling to go back on my decision, I did resume with visiting to look in on your welfare". That was a fact that had me paling and my eyes widening. There was someone who spied on Anzu and me after Mom had died? What a creep. "It was from those visits that I learned your mother had passed away, and that your sister was struggling to provide for both of you".
"We were struggling when Mom was alive too", I said. My contribution to the conversation was honest. Even as an academy student, I had learned that many shinobi overlooked the power of honesty. Living lives that required deception and working in the shadows, many failed to realize that honesty can hit hard.
As such, the only sense I got that Shibi was experiencing guilt was through how tightly he was gripping his teacup. "Shino continued his observations of you. Although he did not work up the courage to approach you until the two of you were in the same class. Then he started telling me facts about your eating habits, your tendency to avoid others, and how you appeared to be holding yourself back in class". That information also didn't help my color. But for a different reason. I guess Shino had been watching me closely for many years. Just like I had been watching everyone else. The fact that I hadn't noticed was humbling. Shibi finished his story by saying, "When Shino came to me and said someone had hurt you outside of school I decided it was time to intervene and address my errors in judgment".
It… was a lot. And probably the most Shibi had ever said in one sitting. Slumping back in my seat, I tried to sort through everything I had just been told; feeling like a boulder was weighing me down. I had so many questions. Questions I wanted to know the answers to, and questions I didn't want to know. What happened to Shino's mom? If every Aburame knew there was a random Aburame bastard out there, why did none of them track me down? Why couldn't Shibi find a way to be involved? Even if it just was slipping my mom or Anzu some money once in a while. Needless to say, while Shibi's story gave me a lot to think about, it was unsatisfying and… infuriating.
As I was preoccupied with my swirling thoughts, Shibi finished his tea; sipping slowly and allowing me time. When I was ready, I spoke slowly and without any of my usual heat; too tired to react as I normally would. "I'm not an error of judgment. Just because you made a mistake doesn't mean I'm a mistake". I said all of that as if I were talking to the table.
"No", Shibi agreed. His voice was smooth. But that did nothing for me. "You, daughter, are not a mistake. The mistakes were my choices following your birth".
Remember what I said about honesty? Honesty can hurt. Even when someone's honesty is about how they harmed you. My current level of functioning was unable to express everything that was building up inside of me; accusations, insults, and even a couple of death threats. So, I settled for, "I don't like you". Again, I said all of this to the table; unable to look at the man sitting across from me.
Shibi let out a resigned sigh. "That is fine". His quick acceptance of my statement was painful. Almost as much as listening to his story had been. I didn't allow myself to explore why that was. Tired. So tired. I heard Shibi set down his teacup before he changed the subject. It wasn't a smooth transition. Though I imagine that there wasn't a nice way to change the topic when the first thing we had discussed was why he had ignored me for most of my life. "Now, we need to discuss your future". Intriguing, but it still wasn't enough to give me the will to look up. "Since coming into my custody there has been no improvement in your schoolwork. Reports from your teacher have expressed that you have continued to refuse to participate in any form of instruction. Iruka-Sensei and I agree that you are squandering your potential".
I raised one hand to rub at my eyes. "I never wanted to be a ninja", I explained. It didn't need to be mentioned that without Anzu, I also was not motivated to be one.
There was a rustling sound and it wasn't long before Shibi was sliding a glossy pamphlet under my nose. He made sure that it would be impossible for me not to see it. "As an illegitimate child of the Aburame clan and my second born, you are not obligated to walk the path of the shinobi". On the cover of the pamphlet was a bunch of kids my age and a few years older. All of there were wearing uniforms and were either reading a book or laughing with friends. Students of the civilian variety. The ones who could afford tuition fees. "You may attend a civilian institution or you may continue at the academy. The Aburame clan will support you in whatever you decide. My only requirement is that you commit to whatever you choose".
Floundered. Astonished. I didn't know what to think, or do, or say. This was… this was the opportunity I needed to become who I was in a previous life. But…. Now that it was in front of me; unexpectantly obtainable, I was unsure.
Shibi stood up and placed some Ryo on the tabletop to pay for the gross tasting tea. "Rion, you may have the rest of the day off to think about it everything I've said. And you may take as much time as you need to decide which path you would like to pursue. However, be aware that you will remain under my guardianship until you have reached majority age. Whether that is as a shinobi or a civilian".
What a weird way to phrase that, I thought as I finally found what I needed to look at Shibi. He was staring at me through his sunglasses as he stood next to the table. When he saw me looking at him, he had one last thing to say before giving me space. "I expect you to be home for dinner. And you will be washing the dishes tonight. Why? Because you punched your brother in an unsanctioned fight". And with that, Shibi left me alone with my thoughts.