Mass Effect 1 – Night and Day: From Akuze to Earth and Back Again
Chapter 2 – Feros
"And there I am, up to my armpits in Varran juice when Captain-Tech-Wizard here comes strolling back in from playing with her buttons, only to tell me she's found a group of Krogan to deal with." Kaidan leant back in his chair with an air of satisfaction, after a story well told.
"First of all," Shepard spluttered in mock outrage, "it's Commander-Tech-Wizard. And second, that is not even remotely the order of events. This is precisely why you can't be trusted to write mission reports without someone holding your hand."
Ashley watched as Kaidan's neck turned pink. The blush didn't make it to his face. Ashley suspected he was imagining holding Shepard's hand.
"All I know is," Garrus chimed in, "that the mission on Feros took far longer than necessary because Commander-Tech-Wizard-Paragon-Spectre decided that she had to help every single colonist that came to her with their boo-boos." It was Garrus' turn to look smug as he paused to take a drink from his class of Turian Brandy.
"Christ, I hope that nickname doesn't stick. A bit of a mouthful. Surely, we can do better than that?" Ashley said dryly, swirling her almost empty beer bottle.
The conversation descended into relaxed competition, each storyteller trying to outdo the last. Ashley loved these moments. She looked around at the gathered Normandy crew members, a mix of Navy and Marine personnel. Even Joker had left his beloved cockpit to sit with them in the Mess. The debrief wouldn't be until the following day. This was a chance to relax and unwind together, to glory in the fact that even after a mission as strange and dangerous as Feros had been, the squad had returned largely unscathed.
"What about Saren?" Tali asked. She was holding her own glass of triple distilled Turian Brandy which she was drinking carefully through a straw.
The room stilled as Garrus, Kaidan and Shep retold a bizarre story of a massive sentient plant with mind controlling abilities, plant zombies, and an Asari thrall that had agreed to share the Prothean cipher with Shepard.
"The upshot is that Saren has the cipher. It's in my brain, but I am not… it doesn't make sense," Shepard finished. The mood shifted; all levity lost as the commander frowned mournfully into her glass.
"I think I might be able to help with that, Commander," Liara offered in her strange, piping voice. "I could use a mind meld to help you make sense of data."
"I would speak with you both privately before either of you attempt any such thing," Karin Chakwas insisted firmly, immediately bringing an end to that line of conversation.
Shepard nodded in reply.
Ashley got the distinct impression that Doctor Chakwas was one of the few people from whom Shepard would willingly take orders.
The raucous party-like atmosphere had ended, those gathered turned to the people beside them and smaller more intimate conversations began.
"I tried to explain to him that it shouldn't need to be calibrated that often." Tali gestured towards Garrus. "If it does, it is symptomatic of a bigger problem, but he refused to listen. He told me to stick to worrying about the drive core. Bosh'tet." Liara clucked in sympathy. Ashley smirked and rolled her eyes supportively, knowing it wasn't really a conversation to which she could meaningfully contribute.
Her attention wandered towards Joker on her other side.
"Between rivers of lava! There isn't another pilot in the galaxy that could have pulled that drop off. I'm telling you; the ground crew may have fought off zombies, robots bristling with lasers, Asari commandos, wild varren, and Krogan (no offense Wrex), but the real work was done from the cockpit."
Wrex looked down at Joker from where he was leaning against a post, his red eyes inscrutable. "Heh," he grunted.
It had been an incredible mission. Ashley felt a prickle of jealousy that she hadn't been part of the ground team. Hadn't she proven herself since joining the Normandy? She felt that familiar feeling of self-doubt begin to creep over her. Time and time again, she had been pushed back by her commanding officers, told she wasn't ready, wasn't good enough, that a Williams couldn't be trusted to hold the line. If Shepard felt the same, maybe it was time to admit the truth: she'd never be the marine she wanted to be.
It had last happened on Eden Prime.
Ashley had been passed over for leadership of the mission, despite being the most experienced. It was given to Sergeant Donkey.
"Your friends might not see it, but I do. You can't escape your past, Williams."
She had bristled then, but maybe that bastard of an officer had been right all along.
Because things had promptly gone to hell. After finding Bravo Squad dead in a ditch and learning that Able and Charlie squads were under attack, Donkey had handed the leadership of Dog Squad over to her. He had said nice things, kind things.
She found herself wondering if they'd still be alive now if she hadn't agreed to it. Would Donk have followed orders to continue on, or would he have suggested they hole up and wait for reinforcements; pretend they hadn't received the updated order? When Ashley had led them to the dig site, it was overrun with geth. She had the squad flank them and took some of the machines down early in the piece. After that, things went from bad to... much worse. Pennyloafer was the first killed. Jenner, Rasputin, Donkey. Bates was just gone. They never heard Ashley's call to retreat.
The night before, Pennyloafer and Ashley had kissed. And now she was dead.
Ashley looked over to Shepard. She was talking to Addison Chase, one of the command deck technicians. Shepard was back to her confident, brash self. Nothing like the woman whose hands had shook inside the Mako a month ago. She was leaning back casually, arms folded across her chest and a smile on her face.
Shepard looked across to her XO. Pressley tapped his wrist twice as if to point to the time on an omni-tool.
Shepard nodded, and said something to Addison, before addressing the room at large, "Ok people, hit the racks. Briefing's at 0900 hours."
Military discipline kicked in, chairs were pushed back, and people finished their conversations with shoulder clapping and laughter. Bottles were returned to cabinets, glasses put into the washer, rubbish into the bin.
As Ashley walked to her bunk, it was with a heavy heart. She realised that once again, a Williams had been weighed in the balances, and found wanting.
"Thanks for seeing me, Commander."
"No problem, Chief. How can I help?" Shepard sat at her desk leaning back. She looked relaxed, despite the mountain of datapads beside her.
Ashley felt tired. It hadn't been a restful night's sleep. She took a deep breath and steeled herself for the difficult conversation that she knew would follow.
"Commander, I am more than my name suggests. I should have been with the team on Feros. I have been held back by my superiors before, so I know what it means, and I understand why you are doing it, but I would like you to reconsider. My technical scores are sound." She sucked in another breath, before finishing with a hasty, "Ma'am."
Shepard's eyes narrowed slightly. "You are talking about your grandfather?"
Ashley could only nod. She felt her throat tighten and her eyes began to burn. Shepard's expression softened but Ashley couldn't let her own resolve to slip.
Her Grandad had held out as long as he could against the taurians. They had wrecked the orbitals in the first wave and occupied all the major cities. They sat in orbit dropping bombs. Civilians were dying. His troops were starving. He had no way to contact Alliance High Command. So, he surrendered the garrison. General Williams went down in history as the only human commander to surrender to an alien force. After the liberation of Shanxi, he had been led away in handcuffs for all the Milky Way's news media to see. He was never formally charged with anything, but the Williams family had been punished ever since. Her dad had never been promoted above Serviceman 3rd Class, due to the supposed crimes of his dad.
If she didn't stand up for herself now, she could see herself never being promoted above Gunnery Chief.
"It takes a special kind of thickhead to march into a job where your family's blacklisted. I did it anyway," Ashley said defiantly.
"I'm pleased you did, Williams. Look, I know the history. I read the reports on Shanxi years ago. The General was right to do what he did. He didn't have any other options and his act saved a lot of lives. He's a hero. You have to know that."
Ashley stood in silence for a long moment waiting for the catch, replaying the commander's wordsin her mind, looking for the sarcastic edge, or the ring of dishonesty. Looking at Shepard's eyes she saw only sincerity. Finally, she let out a breath.
"Not to get all cheesy, but you're the first C.O who's ever said that to me." She allowed herself a smile. "Thanks, Skipper."
"You've actually answered a question for me. I was wondering why someone with your exemplary technical scores had been stuck on crappy groundside garrison posts. The report from Gunnery Chief Ellison was glowing, and I remember him as being particularly… shouty." Shepard smiled, reminiscing.
"Why have you been leaving me on the boat? I've proven that I am capable," Ash asked quietly.
The two women appraised each other warily. Finally, Shepard gestured for Ashley to sit. Shepard leaned forwards, with her elbows propped on her thighs, her right hand stroking her chin in a way that was reminiscent of the statue of 'The Thinker'. It was quite intimidating having that thoughtful pose directed at you. Ashley shifted uncomfortably as she waited for her answer.
"I was keeping you off any missions where I suspected that geth would be our main combatants."
What? Ashley's mind froze. "What?"
Shepard allowed even more vocal fry than normal to enter her voice when she answered, "I was trying to protect you." She looked into Ashley's startled eyes. "After Akuze… I was a mess."
Ashley had always been prone to a bit of foot in mouth. This was too important to mess up. For once, she stayed quiet, willing Shepard to continue.
Shepard did. Slowly, haltingly; fidgeting nervously as she spoke. "I didn't want anything to do with the programs. Didn't want to take leave. No one wanted to upset Hannah Shepard's daughter, so they let me back into the field much… much too soon. Presumably against all sorts of regulations." Shepard idly scratched the back of her head. "Actually, I was fine at first. But every little mistake I made… I would really notice. I would dwell on it. You know how you sometimes get into a thought spiral and it's like you can't get your head to shut up?" Ashley nodded. "It was like that. I started to… Well. Eventually it got so bad they kicked me out; sent me home for six months. But where is home for a spacer kid? I went to stay with my nan in New Zealand. Got the support I needed." The commander let out a long puff of air. "When you lose all your people like that, it is easy to get triggered when you find yourself in a similar situation. I didn't want that for you."
Ashley stretched out her arm and touched Shepard on the knee, she knew she shouldn't, but she did it anyway. Shepard looked at the hand but didn't pull away.
"Skipper, I'm seeing an Alliance Psychologist: Captain Channing. I'm doing good." Ashley leaned back in her chair. Unsure of where to put her hands, she crossed her arms and waited.
Shepard was making no attempt at eye-contact, so Ashley took the opportunity to look around the cabin. It was sparse. Large but empty. There were almost no personal items on display, nothing to give insight into the person herself. A symptom of only being allowed a single seabag on board, Ashley decided. She hasn't had the time to add more things, yet.
"Ok."
"Ok?"
"Ok. You're right. I should have told you what I was doing and why I was doing it. I'll bring you on more ground missions, but you have to tell me if things start to feel bad. I'll understand."
"Aye, aye, Commander."
"Dismissed, Chief."
"Hey, Skipper?"
"Mmmhmm."
"Thanks."
Author's Notes:
Thanks for reading.
This is my first ever story so I'd love some feedback on how you think it is going. I have the whole narrative worked out in my head (a benefit of building on an existing one), but I'm not tied to it, so if there is something you'd like to see, I might be able to work it in.
Cheers!
PS.
If anyone out there is a kiwi, you are probably a bit nervous about where this is going. I've have put explainers, just for you, in the "About" section.