Gamer4 in. I... didn't do anything weird. I'm not conducting an extremely unethical scientific experiment. Why would you think that? Let's just get back to the story.
Episode XXXIX
Jaune Arc, Superstar
Preparations
"That's nice," Ruby sighed, smiling. "It's nice to just have a funny world every now and again!"
"I mean, I'm taking quite a beating, but I'm not actually dying from it," Jaune nodded his agreement.
"Let's go, and find out if Arc's other actually manages to beat mine," Weiss couldn't help smirking.
"I bet he does!" Nora quickly crowed.
"No bet, Weiss Cream's got this in the bag," Yang quickly countered.
They all smiled at the unspoken truth- regardless of who they were betting on, none of them actually thought for a second Weiss was actually going to die.
The next day, Pyrrha was playing on the sidewalk with Echo, playing tug-o-war with a small stuffed fox. Of course, Pyrrha had to hold back significantly to give the mini-aussie a chance, but she was quite content with this state of affairs.
She looked up when light reflected off of something nearby, glaring into her eyes. She raised a hand in an effort to block it out, managing to locate the source as being near Jaune's garage.
Jaune, meanwhile, quickly dropped his mirror and rushed into said garage.
"Smooth, Arc... smooth," Weiss rolled her eyes heavily.
"He knows what he wants, and he's willing to go out and get it! Way to go, Fearless Leader!" Nora stuck by her leader til the end.
"I'm so sorry, Pyrrha," Jaune pressed his face into his hands. Pyrrha didn't respond- she was busy seething with jealousy for this other in parcticular. Jaune was actually chasing her! She'd clearly been born into the wrong world.
Pyrrha rounded the corner to find Jaune curling a five-pound dumbell. "Nine million nine hundred ninety-nine thousand nine hundred ninety-nine... ten billion! Ah... love a good warm-up- oh, hey, Pyrrha, didn't see you there!"
Yang broke down laughing. "Now that's how you do it, VB!"
"Perfectly believable," Blake allowed herself a roll of the eyes. "Not pie-in-the-sky at all."
"You need to boost those numbers, man, those are rookie numbers," Nora shook her head.
A shiver ran up Jaune's spine. "I have a feeling something terrible's awakened..."
Pyrrha gave a light laugh. "Hello, again," she greeted. "So... I heard about your plan to save Weiss. That's wonderful, Jaune."
"Yeah," Jaune nodded, crossing his arms. "I mean, I'm mainly doing it so I can beat the shit outta her."
"Yes, I... heard that as well," Pyrrha nodded.
"And were incredibly relieved to hear, I'd wager," Ren whispered, causing Pyrrha to burn hotter than ever.
"Et tu, Ren?"
Jaune dropped the dumbell on a nearby drum, and picked up a chocolate milkshake right next to it. "Anyways, Pyrrha... I know why you came over here."
"You... do?" Pyrrha asked, somewhat skeptically.
"Absolutely," Jaune agreed, taking a sip. "You wanna join the coolest crew in town."
"Well, I mean..." Pyrrha seemed on the verge of laughing.
"I'll be honest, it's a pretty good idea," Jaune shrugged. "I know you've got some experience on ya."
"Sounds good, I'm in," Pyrrha finally decided.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Jaune raised his hands. "C'mon, Pyrrha, you can't just barge in here and demand to join the Crew!"
Yang was rolling. "Not quite how you play hard to get, Jauney!"
"You shouldn't play with her heart like that, Jaune!" Ruby chastised, pouting.
"Er... sorry?" In all honesty, Jaune couldn't begin to imagine what his other was up to.
"But- I thought-" Pyrrha clearly had no idea what was going on either.
"Yeah, I know what you thought," Jaune cut her off, "but the fact is, you can't join until you do your initiation."
Pyrrha blinked. "Alright... what do I have to do?"
Jaune smirked. "It's crazy... the craziest thing you could ever imagine..."
Weiss's eyes narrowed. "What are you going to make her do, you..."
"I'm ready," Pyrrha stood firm.
Jaune nodded. "Very well. Here we go."
He turned over his milkshake and dumped it on her shoes.
Pyrrha yelped, then laughed. "Jaune!"
Jaune grinned. "Welcome aboard!"
Blake smirked at Weiss. "And you thought he'd do something... unwholesome. Who's the real pervert again?"
"Well... I mean... that is to say..." Weiss spluttered.
The Crew's meeting that day was in Renora's front yard, where Yang and Nora were talking, Ren was meditating, and Ruby was practicing her roller-shoes. "Yeah, nobody better mess with me today," Yang was saying. "Didn't get much sleep last night- I kept having that dream where I'm in the middle of a forest surrounded by about a thousand ravens... I have to take 'em down by punching them as hard as I can in the face... then all their little raven husbands come out and wanted to make out with me..."
"I truly believe Sigmund Freud would have a field day with you, Yang," Ren commented without looking up from his copy of 12 Rules for Life.
Ruby glanced at Yang. "Yang, what's an... Elektra Complex?"
"A what?" Yang asked, blinking rapidly. "Where- where did you even hear those words?"
"They were in that book Ren's reading," Ruby explained. "What is it?"
"We are not talking about this right now," Blake groaned. "Just continue the world!"
"Thanks," Yang whispered quickly.
"You owe me one."
Nora perked up when she spied Jaune and Pyrrha approaching. "Oho, what's this?"
"Hey, everybody!" Jaune grinned. "Great news- say hi to Pyrrha Nikos, our new Crew member!"
"Hello again!"
"So, I thought it'd be neat to go around, say our names, a little something about ourselves..."
"Really?" Weiss lowered her lids. "Why not say your favorite colors while you're at it."
"Pink!" Nora crowed.
"...Green," Ren shrugged.
Weiss's eye twitched.
"I'll go ahead and start- I'm Jaune, and I like to party! Your turn, Nora."
"Hi!" Nora hopped up, delivering an over-the-top salute. "I'm Nora, and I like to party!"
Ren cleared his throat. "Nora, I believe Jaune's idea was that we'd say something different."
"Oh- right," Nora smiled sheepishly. "Er, I'm Nora... and I like stunts!"
"Good enough," Jaune sighed. "Yang?"
"Hi, I'm Yang, and I like to party!" Yang grinned.
Weiss facepalmed. "You oaf..."
"Just tellin' it like it is!" Yang defended herself.
Jaune groaned. "Yang, what did we just say to Nora?"
"Who?"
"Nora," Jaune repeated.
"I like to party, I'm Jaune!" Ruby squeaked.
"No, Ruby, you're Ruby!" Jaune pointed out, exasperated.
"Oh, right, right, I'm Ruby," Ruby quickly agreed. "And... I party."
"No, no you don't," Jaune rubbed at his temples. "Look, nobody parties but me!"
"Right- and us!" Nora agreed.
"NO!"
"Yeah, no, just Jaune," Yang nodded.
"Thank you!"
"-and me," Yang winked.
"No!" Jaune looked on the verge of having an aneurysm. "I'm the only one who parties!"
"I'm pretty sure Ren's a partier!" Ruby objected.
Ren sighed, refusing to contribute.
"No, no, I know for a fact Ren doesn't party!" Jaune put his foot down. "He does not party!"
"Yeah, I guess that's true," Ruby agreed. "Yang's the partier."
"Sweet," Yang grinned.
"Okay, okay, everyone just shut up," Jaune sighed. "I'll just do it for you. Pyrrha, this is the Crew- Nora's our mechanic, Ren's her assistant, Yang makes ramps, Ruby's the team manager and videographer. None of them party. Okay? Get it? Good.
"...Let's party."
Weiss was unconscious from one too many self-inflicted slaps to the face. Yang was struggling to breathe- Ruby was at her side with a paper bag. "This... world... is the... best one... so far..."
"I'm proud to have not contributed to that in any way," Ren muttered.
"I just kind of... stood there and watched," Pyrrha observed. "Perhaps that is for the best..."
They moved to the backyard, where Yang, Ren, and Nora began filling a pool. Nora grinned. "Pools are perfect for holding water!"
Yang took over the hose and leaned in to the other two. "I don't know about this new Crew member, guys. I mean, what do we really know about her?"
"I'm sure everything will be fine," Ren said calmly. "There's an ancient maxim that roughly says, 'He who is resistant to change is destined to perish.' Let's try to be open-minded here, shall we? Take Ruby, for instance- she-"
Yang raised the hose and thumbed the nozzle, creating a spray that she directed right into Ren's face.
"Hey! Don't interrupt Renny when he's talking! It barely ever happens!" Nora objected.
"It's just water, Nora, I'm sure I'll be fine," Ren sighed.
Indeed, while he spluttered a bit, Ren only had to wipe the water away, and he maintained his usual expression as he said, "Thank you, Yang, very mature..."
Yang was glaring at him through red eyes. "Don't you ever tell me how to live my life again."
Jaune came outfrom the house dressed in swimtrunks and a swimshirt, with a small silver dolphin around his neck. "Alright, everyone! If I'm gonna make it over all fifteen buses, I'm gonna need to be in peak physical form! First exercise- lung strengthening! I want you guys to hold me underwater for forty seconds- twenty less than a minute! I'll resist, of course- just basic biology- but do not let me up."
Weiss had finally pulled herself back onto the couch- it turns out Echo kisses were quite effective at reviving her. "Jaune... I'm starting to think your other is actually trying to kill himself."
"I'm starting to think the same thing," Jaune nodded, wide-eyed.
Jaune picked up a small bell and hung it near the pool. A small rope was tied to it, trailing into the water. "If it's a real emergency, I'll ring this." He took the rope and gave the bell an experimental chime. It gave out a high C#. After a second, he mimicked the note with his own voice. "Ahhh!"
Ruby tilted her head, and matched the note herself. "Uhhh!"
Nora grinned and forced Ren to join her in chanting. "Ahhh!"
Jaune gave the bell another chime, and they all joined in the chant. "Aaahhhh!"
Pyrrha was just considering whether she ought to join in when a tall red-headed boy with a rough goatee peeked his head out of the door. "Hey, Nora. Mom wants to know if you and your friends want some punch."
"Don't even ask, Virgil, just bring it!" Nora fired back.
Virgil rolled his eyes. "Alright... this is why I hang out with the Hand..."
"Wait, I don't have a brother!" Nora blinked.
"Huh... Virgil's a friend of mine, never considered he was your brother in another world..." Crazy pondered.
"I'm starting to believe this entire Crew is suffering from some form of group psychosis," Weiss muttered.
Jaune stepped into the pool, raising the effigy around his neck to his lips. "Give me the soul... of a bottlenose dolphin," he whispered. His pupils and irises were taken over by the image of a dolphin leaping from the waves, screeching before diving back in.
"He is all over those soul animals, isn't he?" Blake commented. "I do know some fish faunus who could pull this off, but as he is..."
Jaune took a few last breaths of precious oxygen, grabbing the rope tied to the bell as he prepared to lower himself into the water. Ruby had her scroll up and recording. Finally, he took the dive- Yang and Nora quickly moved to hold him under, while Ren kept time and Pyrrha watched with above-average concern.
Within seconds, he was struggling, but true to their word, Yang and Nora didn't allow him to surface. They would only let him come up if they heard the bell ring.
...Unfortunately, the rope had snapped off the bell as he'd taken the plunge.
"That... is exactly what I expected," Jaune sighed.
Virgil circled back out of the house with several glasses on a tray. "Ran out of punch, so I threw some grape in. Play some Russial Roulette."
"Yeah, sure, just put it on the table," Nora nodded.
"Which table?"
"Pick one!"
"I can't handle grape!" Yang called. "Upsets my stomach!"
"Like I said... Russian Roulette," Virgil shrugged as he headed back in.
Ren counted off the seconds- "Thirty-eight, thirty-nine... forty. Let him up."
Jaune had been still for a full five seconds at this point- when they took their hands off, he made no move to climb out.
"Ohhhhhh... shit!" Yang yelped.
"Get him out, get him out!" Ruby screeched.
"No! They killed him!" Ruby wailed.
"I don't think-" Pyrrha started to reassure her.
"Jaune's dead, and my sister killed him!"
Yang and Nora leapt in to the pool and pulled Jaune out onto the grass. Ren knelt at his side. "Jaune, if you can hear me, stay away from the light!"
"I know CPR!" Pyrrha pushed through, kneeling down and pinching his nose, locking lips to push some air into his lungs.
"Do you really?" Yang smirked. "Or did you just want an excuse to get some liplocking-"
"Yang, shut up!" Ruby screeched, throwing the nearest cat- a large orange one- into her face to silence her. "Jaune's gonna die, and it's your fault!"
"Come on, Jaune!" Pyrrha muttered as she compressed his chest. "Come on, stay with me..."
She gave him another kiss of life, and was about to start compressing again when his head suddenly jerked up and emptied the water from his lungs directly into her face.
"Ugh, nice," Yang looked disgusted, but was still smirking.
Jaune's head flopped back onto the ground, but he maintained consciousness. "Urrr... what happened?"
"You almost drowned," Ren explained bluntly. "Pyrrha saved you with some mouth-to-mouth."
After the initial shock, Pyrrha was smiling as she dried herself off with a towel. Jaune smiled, then beckoned Renora closer. "Did it... did it look like we were making out?"
Ren blinked, glancing at Nora, who rocked her hand in the air a little. He glanced back at Jaune. "...Kinda?" he shrugged.
"...Sweet."
"Leave it to this dolt to be concerned about that after a near-death experience," Weiss groaned.
"Gotta have priorities!" Yang nodded.
The sun had just started its descent as the Crew found the tallest, steepest hill in town, and set up a roller sled. "Speed management!" Jaune declared. "G-forces! Let's run this simulation!"
Blake took a deep breath. "How is any of this training him to jump fifteen buses?"
"Uh, he's spelling it out for you!" Nora pointed out in her best 'duh' voice.
"Yes, but his explanations make no sense," Blake countered. "How does riding a roller sled down a hill prepare you to... to... she's not even listening to me."
"Found some more pancakes!" Nora was calling from the kitchen.
Jaune ensured the wheels were blocked with wood and sat down, holding himself up with his feet. "Alright... my safe word will be w-hiskey."
The audience blinked. "What?"
Ruby seemed just as confused. "Sorry, Jaune, what was that?"
"W-hiskey."
"You... you dunce... the H is silent..." Weiss seemed like she wanted to correct him, but her hope for this world was so far gone she could barely muster the strength.
"You mean... you mean whiskey?" Ruby suggested.
"W-hat?" Jaune asked.
"I... maybe he's suffering brain damage... from the pool?" Jaune offered his best guess.
"You're saying it weird," Ruby pointed out.
"Saying w-hat w-heird?"
"The... the whole thing..."
Jaune took a deep breath. "W-here do you get off-"
"I just don't get why you're saying it that way!" Ruby flapped her arms, looking concerned for his sanity.
"W-hy I'm saying w-hat w-hat w-hay?"
"Let's just forget it," Ren suggested.
"I w-hill!" Jaune nodded. "I w-hill forget it!"
"You know what, just let me die," Weiss groaned. "I don't want to force my other to live in this world."
Jaune donned his helmet and laid back, propping his feet up on the sled. "Alright, Pyrrha, would you kindly remove the blocks?"
He leaned back, Yang and Nora holding him in place as Pyrrha grabbed the wooden blocks and pulled them away from the wheels.
"Alright, here we go! On three! One... two-"
Yang and Nora accidentally let go on two.
"Whoa- w-hiskey, w-hiskey, w-hiskeeeeeeyyyyyy!"
His speed increased as he tore down the hill, listing slightly to the left until he collided with a trailer. The sled flipped, causing him to faceplant into the trailer's side before collapsing to the ground.
"Oh, shit!" Yang yelped as she led the charge down the hill.
"At this rate, you may not have any say in the matter," Blake commented dryly.
"Jaune! Jaune!" Pyrrha called as they approached him, laying on the pavement next to the sled.
"...The safety word didn't help..."
The door opened and a darker-skinned woman with lighter hair came out, face twisted in fury. "Alright, which of you shits crashed into my trailer? I'm gonna-"
She was intercepted by a punch to the face from a red-eyed Yang. "You wanna go? You wanna go? I'm pumped! I'm freaking pumped- I've been drinking PowerAde all goddamn day!"
"Oh, boy," Ruby rolled her eyes.
"Oh, dear," Pyrrha agreed.
"Yang..." Ren sighed as Yang picked up a nearby safety cone and started beating the woman down with it.
"Yeah, yeah, use the cone!" Nora cheered, jumping up and down.
"Yang- Yang, stop!" Ruby implored, cringing as she filmed it all on her scroll anyways.
"You wanna act all high and mighty?" Yang roared. "I go to church, synagogue, and mosque every goddamn Sunday! You're gonna bring the demons out of me!"
"Yang, Yang, that's enough, you got her," Jaune interjected weakly- he was still struggling to even hold his head up.
"Yang, I think she's had enough," Pyrrha concurred.
"Okay, the trash is going a little far," Nora finally conceded as Yang picked up a nearby garbage bin and began emptying it all over the woman.
"No, not the garbage," Jaune groaned.
Yang finished emptying the garbage, lifted the bin in the air with a Tarzan-like howl before throwing it to the ground.
"Nora... Nora, get her off already," Jaune grumbled as Pyrrha helped pull him to his feet.
"Yeah, yeah, you made your point, Yang," Nora agreed, struggling to pull her away as she continued picked up stray pieces of litter and throwing them at the woman.
Yang allowed herself to be pulled away, but not before forcefully pulling the woman's jacket off and putting it on herself. "This is my jacket now! Totally my jacket!"
"Yang... we need to have a talk..." Blake sighed heavily.
"Hey, that's not on me! That's another world!"
"And we'd very much like to keep it that way."
The Crew evacuated the area and found their next haunt in the parking lot of a nearby convenience store, where they pulled over in Yang's van and engaged in a dance party. Or rather, Yang, Ruby, and Nora were dancing to the music coming from Yang's boombox, while Ren continued flipping through his book and Jaune debriefed Pyrrha over some milkshakes. "Thanks," Pyrrha smiled as he offered her her favorite chocolate.
Yang, meanwhile, was shoving Ruby against the van.
Ruby sighed. "I tell ya, I get no respect, no respect at all."
Crazy blinked. "How do you even know that reference?"
"Huh? What reference?"
A brief awkward silence fell. Finally, they just continued the world.
"So, how do you like being in the Crew so far?" Jaune asked.
"It's... certainly not boring," Pyrrha laughed as Yang hipchecked Ruby into the van again.
Jaune looked at Pyrrha, before taking a long drink from his shake. It was now or never. "Pyrrha... there's something I wanted to ask you."
"Yes?" Pyrrha turned her full attention onto him.
Pyrrha perked up. Could it finally be...?
"Well... I couldn't help but notice that... we've both matured a lot..."
"Well, one of you has-" Weiss started, but Pyrrha slapped some duct tape over her mouth.
"Shush!"
"...Physically... and... I was wondering if, just maybe-"
"Hey, Jaune?" Ruby asked, running over to him. "What's that one song, about everything being red like roses?"
"...Red Like Roses?" Jaune suggested.
"I... I don't think that's it..."
Ruby quailed under the death glare being directed her way. "Heheh... oops?"
Before Jaune could get Ruby to go away, much less complete his question, a large black-and-red sportscar pulled up next to the lot, and a tall man in a black coat got out, with heavily-gelled red hair and a pair of bull horns protruding from his forehead. Pyrrha blinked in surprise. "Adam?"
"Adam?" Blake gasped.
"In a comedy world?" Yang's smile suddenly disappeared.
"It's more likely than you think!" Nora grinned.
He wasn't wearing a mask, but a large pair of sunglasses as he climbed out and circled around. Pyrrha stood and hurried to greet him. "What are you doing here? I thought you were at work!"
"Thought I'd swing by and surprise my girl," Adam smiled, pulling her into a kiss, which she reciprocated.
The world seemed to shatter around Jaune.
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!" the entire audience screeched.
"I GOT A DIFFERENT BOYFRIEND?!" Pyrrha wailed.
"And it's Adam?!" Blake stared in disbelief.
"There... there must be some mistake..." Yang stammered out. "This just doesn't make any sense... even in another world..."
Pyrrha circled back to the others, a wide smile on her face. "Hey, guys- meet Adam Taurus! He's visiting from the city! Just a second... let me grab my jacket."
She hurried to the van, leaving Ruby and Jaune to eye up the man taller even than Jaune himself.
Adam removed his sunglasses, revealing a pair of cold blue eyes. There was a tattoo over his left eye consisting of three letters, though only two were actually legible- an F and an M. He took in Jaune's odd outfit, a shabby boiler suit with its yellow cape, emblazoned with his family name. "So, this... little man... is Jaune Arc, hm? What are you supposed to be?"
"A stuntmant," Jaune choked out.
"Hmm... and you, little lady?"
"T-t-t-t-t-t-t-team manager!" Ruhy squeaked out.
His eyes rose to Yang and Nora, who were hopping in circles on one foot. "Hmmm..."
"You wanna make something of it?!" Yang's eyes flashed.
"Got it!" Pyrrha returned, pulling her jacket on.
"Have a... nice day," Adam said slowly as he turned and headed back to the car.
Pyrrha was on the verge of following when she paused. "Oh, right- Jaune, you wanted to ask me something?"
"YOU FOOOOOOOOOL!" Pyrrha wailed. "WHAT HAVE YOU DOOOOOOONE?!"
Jaune fumbled for a moment. "Oh, right, I wanted to ask you... what do you think would win in a fight? A plate of curry or a can of tuna?"
A full five seconds of silence later, Pyrrha slowly asked, "Is that... really what you wanted to ask me, Jaune?"
"Yes!" Jaune nodded quickly.
"Well... in that case..." Pyrrha turned red. "In a straight fight... the curry. If it's prison rules... the tuna."
Jaune pursed his lips and nodded. "I... don't think Blake would like it, but... correct."
"Wait, why would I object to... to..." Blake pondered. Finally, something clicked. "Oh, you motherf-"
"Well, I'll see you later!" Pyrrha smiled brightly as she turned and climbed into Adam's car. Jaune listlessly raised and lowered his hand in farewell as Adam sped off.
Suddenly, it was later that night- Blake was setting out dinner as Jaune did push-ups and Ruby struggled to solve a Rubik's Cube.
"Hey... you know what car's... super over-rated?" Jaune panted.
"What?" Ruby asked.
"Renault Alpine?" Weiss guessed.
"Renault Alpines," Jaune grunted.
"Oh, like the one Adam was driving?" Ruby asked.
Jaune paused. "Is that what he was driving? Huh."
"How did you know what he was gonna say?" Ruby asked, eyeing her partner suspiciously.
"Lucky guess," Weiss rolled her eyes.
"I mean, I thought it was kinda cool," Ruby shrugged- but froze when Jaune directed a death glare at her.
"Oh, Rubes, you were supposed to agree with him," Yang shook her head. "More social practice for you it is!"
"Aww..."
"Jaune, Ruby!" Blake called. "This is the first time Weiss is feeling well enough to eat dinner with us, so I'm gonna need a promise with you that you won't fight."
Jaune looked around, taking notice of Blake's rather pointed stare. "Why're you looking at me? Ruby could start a fight."
"Could she, though?" Ren wondered.
"I promise not to start a fight!" Ruby said quickly.
Jaune sighed. "Fine, I promise."
A minute later, Weiss entered, relying heavily on a cane to ensure she didn't overexert herself. "Hello, Ruby," she smiled.
"Hi, Weiss!" Ruby waved cheerily.
Weiss sat down at one end of the table- by sheer chance, next to Jaune, who forced a smile of his own. "Hi, Weiss!"
Weiss's smile disappeared- she rolled her eyes as she drank some water.
"This should go splendidly..." Pyrrha muttered.
"P-MONEY'S LEARNING SARCASM! BREAKING NEWS, P-MONEY'S LEARNING SARCASM!" Yang roared.
Jaune's smile faltered, but he looked across the table at Blake's rather pointed stare. He took a deep breath and said, "So, Weiss, I'm sure you were glad to hear that the plan to get you a new heart is going great!"
"I've heard nothing of the sort," Weiss denied as she picked up a fork and knife.
"Well... it is," Jaune pressed. "Feel free to thank me!"
"No, I don't think I will."
"You know, Weiss, he is trying to save your life, you could at least acknowledge it," Blake commented.
"We've been over this," Weiss rolled her eyes. "This is my other, I don't have any influence over her."
Jaune put on a large smile as he leaned a little closer. "I know what you're doing, Weiss. Trying to make me lose my temper. But it's not gonna happen- I am cool as a-"
Weiss smacked him in the face with the head of her cane.
Jaune leapt to his feet. "YOU ARE THE DEVIL!"
He grabbed her cane, and she rose to her feet to maintain hold, backing Jaune into the wall.
"ENOUGH!" Blake barked, rising to her own feet. "Weiss, bed! Jaune, take a walk!"
"Already at the door!" Jaune roared. "Have fun bunking with SATAN!"
"Yeah, I'm surprised Blake's not drinking heavier than Uncle Qrow by now," Yang
shook her head.
Before they could take that in, they were looking at Jaune sneaking through what seemed like a public park, between large trees spaced far apart from each other. He was dressed in some sort of ridiculous protective suit, with a helmet, rolls and rolls of enormous bubble wrap, and some couch pillows for good measure.
"What is this dolt doing?" Weiss pinched the bridge of her nose.
He peered around one tree and made a break for the next, only to be hit by Yang's van, cruising around the park with a large mattress attached to the front. He flew a full foot backwards onto the ground, where he lay groaning. Nevertheless, he was grinning as he rolled over. "Nice one, Yang!"
"I don't get it," Blake shook her head. "I really don't get it."
The Crew then headed to the usual food court, where Jaune and Pyrrha got their own separate table. Pyrrha paused in her meal when she noticed Jaune staring fixedly at her as he slurped away on his soda. "Er... Jaune, are you-"
"So, Pyrrha," Jaune interrupted. "Tell me about Adam."
"You have truly mastered the art of subtlety, Jaune," Ren praised sarcastically.
"...Thanks, Ren."
Pyrrha shrugged. "Well, we've been going out for about a year now..."
"Mm-hmm, mm-hmm... and it's... going well?"
"Pretty well, pretty well. I mean, of course every relationship has its ups and downs, but..."
"Yeah, that's what I've heard. He's nice?"
"Nice, and pretty smart- he's in line to become a junior partner at his company."
"Sounds good, sounds good," Jaune nodded. Just before he took another drink from his soda, he added, "Youtwoshouldbreakup."
"Huh?" Pyrrha asked.
"Nothing- hey, Nora's back!"
"Hey, guys!" Nora greeted, plopping down right next to 'em. "You wouldn't believe what I I found in the bathroom this time!"
"I am... the ultimate wingman," Nora grinned.
"So you are, Nora... so you are," Ren sighed.
Jaune rose to his feet and headed to the counter to pay. "What do I owe you?" he asked the lady running it- it was Emerald again.
"Seven hundred twenty-five lien," she said dully.
Jaune fumbled in his pocket for a second before producing a handful of wadded up bills that Emerald wrinkled her nose at before depositing in the register, leaving Jaune time to glance back at Pyrrha, laughing heartily at whatever story Nora was telling her. As he looked at her, a halo seemed to form around her, and music played in his head:
"Oh!
I just died in your arms tonight!
Must have been something you said-
I just died in your arms tonight!"
Pyrrha's teeth were grinding. Why couldn't she live in that world?!
Jaune noticed Emerald's return with his change out of the corner of his eye. "So..." He turned around and flashed his most charming smile. "Hi."
"Hi," she said back monotonously, adjusting her 'I-really-wish-I-weren't-here-right-now' badge. "239 in change. Move along."
Jaune kept his smile as he accepted the change. "You know, we don't talk much, do we... Emerald, isn't it?"
Emerald rolled her eyes. "Yeah."
"Name's Jaune. I do awesome stunts. Every day. With my Crew. You probably didn't know that, and there's probably lots of cool stuff about you that I don't know. It just occcured to me that... if you never talk to someone and get to know them, you never get to find this stuff out. So, whaddya say? Wanna make this thing... official?"
Emerald blinked. Very slowly. "Are you... asking me out?"
Quite unexpectedly, Jaune broke down in laughter. Very... forced laughter. "Oh, oh, Emerald! Hahahaha! Ha! Haaaaaaaa-"
The camera abruptly cut to Ruby. "Wow, Jaune, I can't believe she said yes!"
"SHE SAID YES?!" Pyrrha and Weiss both exclaimed, albeit for largely different reasons.
"After that travesty of a proposal, she said yes?!" Weiss cried, which was a far more coherent response than Pyrrha's
"Wha- bu- how- this was- wha- huh?"
Jaune was striking a pose with one foot on a bench and his hand on his hip as he filled them in. "Well, you have only to believe if you wish to achieve Rubes! That rhymed... unintentionally."
"I am so green with jealous rage right now..." Nora muttered. "Why can't I work up the courage to ask out that special someone?!"
"You have crumbs all down your front again, Nora," Ren sighed as he cleaned her up with a wet napkin.
"Oh- thanks, Ren!"
Everyone turned to stare at Renora.
"...What?" they asked, practically in unison.
"..She is pretty," Pyrrha admitted in a stilted, somewhat forced tone.
"Yeah," Jaune agreed, "but it's more than that. Deeper. More emotional. She... really gets me, you know?"
"Okay, VB, I get what you're doin', but you might wanna lay it on a litte thinner," Yang commented. "I think P-Money's about to commit a murder."
"So, what say you grab Adam and we make it a double date?"
"Really?" Pyrrha seemed to brighten imperceptibly.
"Yeah, sure!"
"Sounds like fun," Pyrrha smiled.
"Great. Because... I also think... it sounds like fun! A lot!"
"You could at least try to sound like you're not reading off a script," Blake commented.
"This stupid game of emotions we play," Weiss shook her head.
Night had fallen on the Belladonna residence. Jaune tiptoead through the dark hallways to Weiss's door, opening it just a crack. "Weiss," he whispered. "I know you're sleeping, but... I wanted you to know that the training is going great. My reflexes are sharper than ever, I'm crazy agile... and I have a date! Yeah... that's the update. Sleep tight."
He closed the door, turned around-
"What are you doing, you dolt?"
-and jumped a full foot in the air when he bumped into Weiss with a toothbrush hanging out of her mouth.
"AAAH! Haaaaaaa!"
"Why did I see that coming a mile away?" Ren shook his head.
Nora, however, had jumped as well, letting out a scream that lasted for nearly thirty seconds before she calmed and noticed everyone else staring at her.
"...Are you okay, Nora?" Ruby asked.
"...That was scary."
Jaune quickly got dressed in jeans and a basic button-up and headed out on his moped, singing tunelessly to himself. "Oh, when you're going on a date, you put on a shirt, and you drive your bike to the date!"
In another cut, he, Pyrrha, and Adam were sitting at a table in what seemed like a Red Robin- Emerald was nowhere to be seen. After a long moment, Adam smirked. "Looks like you got stood up, kid."
Pyrrha threw an exasperated look at her own date, but Jaune stood firm. "No, she's coming!"
Adam snickered a little. "Yeah, sure."
"...What a chode," Yang rolled her eyes.
"That bitch..." Pyrrha muttered under her breath. If Emerald was going to steal Jaune from her, she could at least have the decency to show up for the date!
"Honestly, I think this is about what I expected," Jaune sighed.
The waitress, Velvet Scarlatina appeared. "Hello, can I take your order?"
"Actually," Pyrrha started, "we're waiting for-"
Adam interrupted her. "Three Flaming Red Bulls, on the rocks."
"O- okay," Velvet nodded uncertainly, turning and heading into the back.
"So, Yang," Adam said, turning to Jaune.
"Er- Jaune," he corrected.
"Whatever. Pyrrha tells me you're working on this... big project."
"Yeah... I've been doing stunts since I was a kid." As ever, when he talked about stunts, Jaune's eyes lit up, causing Pyrrha's to as well. "I guess it's not really a big deal."
"Agreed, I was just being polite," Adam shrugged. "Thanks for letting me off the hook."
"Adam," Pyrrha groaned.
Blake sighed. "I... almost prefer our world's."
"Three flaming red bulls!" Velvet announced, bringing in six glasses- three regular, three shots.
"Ah, speak of Diablo," Adam grinned, taking one of each, dropping the entire shotglass into the main drink. Pyrrha and Jaune stared as he downed the whole thing in one long gulp, before slamming the glass on the table. "BOOM! Now there's the flavor!"
"...I almost think I do, too," Yang agreed.
Pyrrha gave a forced smile. "So, Jaune, how's everyone holding up?"
"We're doing... pretty well, I guess," Jaune shrugged. "I can tell Blake and Rubes are taking it really hard-"
"Holy shit," Adam interrupted, "is that McCormick?"
On the other side of the restaraunt, a bald man stood up upon hearing his name. "Bro, no way!"
"No way, McCormick! Babe, I gotta say 'what up' to McCormick!"
"Oh- okay," Pyrrha stammered out as Adam leapt from their booth.
"Sweet. Don't you two go falling in love while I'm gone!" He chuckled as if the thought were ridiculous. "Like that'll happen!"
"Idunno," Nora pondered. "I mean, obviously, he's a total douchehorse, but it's almost coming full circle to the point it's actually funny, you know?"
"McCormick, you chode, I owe you a nutshot!"
Pyrrha and Jaune stared at each other a little awkwardly in his absence.
"How... did you start a relationship... with that?" Weiss asked, wrinkling her nose.
"I wish I could tell you," Pyrrha sighed heavily. "...and slap my other while I'm at it."
Finally, Pyrrha suggested, "Maybe you ought to call home, Jaune? Make sure everything's okay?"
"Nah, Blake knows how to handle everything."
He glanced across the restaurant, where Adam and McCormick seemed to be attempting to pick up some other girls.
"Oh, yoooooouuuuuu..." Yang snarled.
"Hey, Pyrrha?" he said quickly. "You ever seen a picture of my dead dad?"
The question was so strange Pyrrha lost focus on Adam and turned to him. "Er- no, I don't believe I have."
"Oh, you gotta see it, he's super dead."
"That's... an interesting way of putting it, Jaune," Ren commented. "Not sure I could have been so calm about the situation."
Jaune reached into his pocket to pull out the image, circling around to sit next to Pyrrha. Within a second, she'd taken it all in- Mr. Arc, standing arm-in-arm with a tall man with dark hair and a goatee. She only knew which was which due to Mr. Arc being circled with an arrow pointing to him that read DAD. Across the bottom was scrawled The impossible is possible- all you have to do is make it so!- Kaito Momota.
But, just to be on the safe side, she pointed to the circled man. "That's him?"
"Yup," Jaune nodded.
"He seems nice," Pyrrha smiled. "He was a stuntman, too?"
"Mm-hmm," Jaune agreed. "He worked for Kaito Momota, the Ultimate Stuntman. He'd test everything out before big jumps. He did everything first to make sure it was safe- then Kaito would come in and take all the glory. Finally, he said, 'Forget this, I want the credit I deserve.' He started with a basic jump- ten milk trucks. He nailed the takeoff, but when he landed, something terrible happened. The front tire exploded like a cannonball, and the handlebars went straight through his head. There was blood everywhere... his teeth ground down to a powder and the front of his face exploded out the back of his skull. He died instantly... the next day."
"..."
It seemed most of the audience was uncertain whether to laugh, scream, or sob.
"That's horrible," Pyrrha said sympathetically.
"Yeah," Jaune agreed. "Mom's remarried since then, but I kept the Arc name in his memory. Every time I do a stunt, I... I know he's watching."
Pyrrha gently placed an arm over his shoulder with a smile.
As the scene ended, the audience blinked. "Huh- I thought something stupid was going to happen to ruin the moment," Yang commented.
"Glad it didn't," Blake rolled her eyes.
The next morning, Jaune made an announcement to his crew, dramtically brandishing a five-gallon water jug that had been emptied- the words WEISS FUND had been written across it in marker. "Alright, people, this is the big one," he announced. "Training's going great, but since we're running short on time, I'm officially moving this operation into phase 2- Fiscal Jackhammer! We're gonna fill this jug with five hundred thousand lien, starting now! Let's rock, baby!"
He punctuated this by kicking the jug off the table he'd set it on, intiating a montage. Pyrrha cheered, while the others smiled and threw thumbs-up.
"Oh, here we go," Weiss groaned.
Rock music blared in the background as the Crew went around town, posting advertisements for Jaune's services. The first event they witnessed was Jaune falling through a HAPPY BIRTHDAY banner... while on fire. Kids screamed and ran for cover as he stumbled around the backyard, Ruby chasing after him with her scroll recording as much as it could.
Out of desperation, Jaune grabbed the punch bowl and emptied it over himself, while Pyrrha and Ren grabbed fire extinguishers, Yang yelled "OH, SHIT!", and Nora helped herself to cake.
The fire extinguishers did their job, smothering the fire and allowing Jaune, moustache and all, to roll around on the grond and flash dual peace signs at Ruby's camera. "WOOHOO!"
"Well, that's one community of kids scarred for life," Blake commented, starting a tally in her notebook.
Jaune returned home that night with a baggie full of bills and coins he emptied into the jug.
The next day, they returned to the pool for an escape act- padlocking Jaune into an oil drum and dropping him in the water. After a while, they realized he wasn't coming out, earning an "OH, SHIT!" from Yang as she and Pyrrha worked together to heave him out. Even after that, Nora apparently lost the key, leading to a frantic minute or so, causing the children to become increasingly nervous- turning into a screaming panic as Yang pulled out a gun and simply shot the lock off. Just in time, of course, for Nora to announce she'd found the key.
"...You're going to need a bigger notebook," Ren whispered to Blake.
The birthday boy's mother met Jaune in the front yard for the payment. "They grow up so fast," Jaune said sheepishly, holding an icepack to his head.
The mother- one Terra Cotta- directed a death glare at him as she filled out the check. She thrust it into his hand and said, "Get the fuck off my porch."
"Geez, tell us how you really feel," Yang winced.
"I mean... I can't exactly blame her," Jaune mumbled.
One of their most successful stunts involved rigging up a crane with a washing machne, lifting it up and setting it to careen into a heavily-padded Jaune. Yang performed the duties with an axe, cutting the rope holding it up- it swung down and smacked into him. He didn't withstand it as intended, but the kids weren't particularly traumatized, Yang didn't shout "OH, SHIT!", and the worst that happened was that Jaune was a little sore when he deposited the day's profits.
He then took the liberty of descending into the basement, where Weiss's workout routine had been replaced with some artistic endeavors- she was wearing a beret and mixing colors on a pallete when Jaune arrived, whooping and showing off the money he'd already raised. Weiss maintained eye contact as she turned the canvas around to show what she'd been working on- a lovingly-crafted image of Jaune being mounted from behind by a donkey. To drive the point home, a speech bubble was emerging from his mouth, reading I'M AN IDIOT.
"Geez, Weiss, tell us how you really feel," Yang snorted.
"I... am sorry," Weiss finally sighed.
Back on the outside, Jaune began teaching Pyrrha how to ride a motorcycle- she took to it like a fish to water. Within an hour or so, she was doing some of Jaune's more basic stunts, like the dust cloud and riding with one foot on the seat. Jaune clapped and cheered her on the whole time.
After that, though, their most basic stunt of the summer came as he was strung up to be used as a pinata, simply dropping candy on the ground. A pretty easy job- one he couldn't possibly have messed up, though Nora caused a bit of commotion by attempting to steal some of the candy for herself. It was a struggle for Jaune to drag himself home- still being hit by kids with sticks for at least a mile- to finally deposit the lien he earned that day. The worst part was when Ruby joined in.
"Even Ruby?" Jaune gaped.
"Sorry! Sorry! I'm so, so sorry!" Ruby quickly apologized with much flapping of her arms.
Their last stunt of that week was at a retreat for some company none of them had ever heard of- Jaune stood atop a tower singing 'For He's a Jolly Good Fellow,' ready for it to explode when the song reached its end. Ren, Nora, and Pyrrha were handing out goggles and ear protection, while Ruby and Yang stood on standby, waiting to set the explosives off.
"Everything's ready, right, Yang?" Ruby asked.
"Now?" Yang asked.
"No!" Ruby quickly shook her head. "No, no, not now!"
"Blowing it now!" Yang called before slamming her full weight behind the lever.
The employees screamed as the top of the tower was consumed in flame- Jaune went flying, covered in ash and soot. Yang seemed to realize she'd messed up- she took advantage of everyone else running away to climb in the van and take off herself while Ruby was still staring, slack-jawed at the debris.
"Goddammit, Yang," Blake groaned.
"Heheh..." Yang momentarily adopted her sister's penance action of tapping her index fingers together. "...Oops?"
The man who'd organized the event was an eight-foot beast, built like a house, with a nametag reading Hazel Rainart. He was glaring at Jaune as he opened his wallet. "You're a terrible stuntman."
"What?" Jaune asked, snapping his fingers next to his ear.
"You're a terrible stuntman."
"What?"
"YOU'RE A TERRIBLE STUNTMAN!"
"Just kidding, I could hear you," Jaune chuckled as he took the lien- though he spoke loudly enough to indicate he was still having trouble hearing properly. "It was just really mean."
He turned and hurried off- he had some more training to do, this time one-on-one with Pyrrha."
"Well, can't wait to see that!" Nora beamed.
XXXX
And I hope you can't wait either- shouldn't be too long. Just gonna rip through this story, not doing anything weird in the meantime, no experimentation or anything, and then back to brass tacks. Still not quite ready to call the poll- anything can change, after all. Until next time, don't you dare go hollow, Gamer4 out.