I Don't Own Pokemon
We're getting to the middle road, where things are introspected, and the routines for the next year are formed. From there we'll be skipping ahead a bit, cause, well, being honest here, having Iris write out all the boringness of last years classes was enough for me, so I figure it wouldn't hurt to move to the interesting things a bit more quickly this time around.
It was a simple thing, just talk to the lighthouse, and not freak the fuck out, simple, easy, just using my feet, I do that all the time, I didn't even have to pay attention. I could be zoned out to space and back, but... but the second I had made my decision over the weekend to begin to head in that direction, I froze.
It wasn't flashback freezing, if it was then I wouldn't be frozen, I'd notice really quickly with the whole feeling the rain that wasn't there and having problems with breathing thing. No, it was more like my body just didn't want to listen to me. It was half terrifying and half... No, it was just terrifying.
I don't get nerves like most people, I doubt second guess things or at least motions, I was trained out of it from a young age to be able to give and air of confidence. Sure it didn't always work, I gestured a lot and that was basically tried to be beaten out of me, it didn't stick, and all efforts basically vanished in the last few years when I wasn't trying my best to not fidget.
My main point is however that I have literally trained in body control for a while until it became second nature, my body doesn't just not do what I want, not am I ever not aware of my own body, which with my spatial awareness was probably better than it should naturally be. It's hardly perfect, but I have some damn good motor control, it's what helped me out so much when I picked up free running and climbing last year in the gym on the island.
Being able to know exactly the distances I can reach, what I can make my body do, and knowing exactly how much distance is involved in what I'm doing was a massive help. It's another reason why I hadn't the little flash back attacks, they betrayed literally all my senses at the same time, which was terrifying in it's own right, but that's not what I'm getting at here.
No, the sudden faint inability to move, the sudden hesitance in something so simple... Well, it fucked me up. Not in an oh god I'm about to hyperventilate way, nah, I only get those from my crippling PTSD. No, it fucked me up in the way that made me a terrible person to be around, cause I was fucking pissed.
Cause how dare my body do that! How fucking dare! If there was one thing I could count on, it was my mind, and my mind controlled my body, and it would never be any other way until the day I fucking die!
Here's a bit of advice whenever you get in a situation that's some how comparable to mine. Rage is one hell of a motivator and it's very handy in powering through a whole fuck ton of things, turns out trauma blocks is one of them, who would have guess?
It was in this blind rage that I held onto like it was a fucking safety blanket, that I suddenly found myself in front of the lighthouse, just staring at it from a good few meters away, but close enough that the impressive shadow it casted was covering me. And... I just stared at it...
Nothing happened, the world didn't blow up, I didn't have another moment, I just stood there staring at the lighthouse, cause that's all it was, just a lighthouse. I didn't panic after going back to the house I nearly got killed and then nearly killed someone, I didn't panic being back in Castilla even though I nearly got my head caved in there. And now, I didn't panic at the sight where I went through the most excruciating pain of my life.
I was walking again, more on autopilot than anything as I moved around to the side of the lighthouse, looking up at the side I had scaled by myself up to the small balcony a good few meters up. Moving close to the wall itself, I just looked up at it for a moment, looking at the slightly cracked up grey stones before reaching out and placing my hand right where I had put it months ago to start climbing, not doing anything, just laying it against the wall...
Then I looked up. My path was clear in the afternoon sun light on the grey stone, cause the blots of dried red blood were still on the wall up the side of the lighthouse, rain apparently doing nothing to get rid of it. I just stared at them, before pulling my hand away, and held up it's nonburned counter part up, staring at the tips of the fingers, where a number of small cut marks that had scarred over were resting on the skin.
They were pale and barely seeable against my light tanned skin, but they were still there. I had a matching set on the other hand, but those were covered, so I just looked back at the lighthouse and just stared at it.
I wasn't sure what I was suppose to be feeling, I didn't know if I was feeling something new, or I was just feeling numb to the world. I just stayed like that, staring at the lighthouse, just there, for a long while, not knowing what I was suppose to do next, or what I had been expecting to happen, so I just stood there by myself, waiting on something, some revelation that wouldn't be coming.
The club on Monday was fine, I talked with Malia and Scott some more now that groups were basically solidified within the club, with us four being one of the bigger ones out of the fourteen students that in the club so far. Vale seemed to have fun as well, so I called it a success all things considered. We even all decided, read I was roped into, meeting up sometime on Wednesday so we all to get to know each other a bit more outside of the club time where it would quickly became more research based than talking.
I didn't actually mind, it gave me something to do with all my extra free time, and when I wasn't going through the annoying and awkwardness that was trying to figure out who I could tolerant, the kids around in the club weren't the worst. It'll be a while until I actually warm up properly to them, cause I'm very judgey as a person, if we don't click near instantly and stay that way then usually I don't bother. Unless I'm worn down, like with Jan for example.
So yeah, that was Monday, the classes moved on and were about what I expected as the fays moved onward without hassle. I paid attention on Tuesday during the battle classes, though I did spend a portion of both classes messing with my hands a whole lot, not enough to not pay attention but enough that it was clear I was a bit distracted, but Nicon, the new teacher, never called me out on it.
I had a reason for it though, I was learning new tricks that were designed to have high levels of hand control to be able to do them. Like rolling a coin over your knuckles or twirling a penciling throughout your fingers. I use to be able to do both, out of boredom really, but now I had to relearn with my right hand and it helped as much as it was frustrating.
But I was stubborn so I just kept at it, it was good exercise for my hand even though the breaks I had to take were constant, the pain was beginning to lessen just a bit by the middle of the end of the second week now that I was actually exercising and using the hand actively more than I had before. It had something to do with strained muscles and tension stress that was finally being able to heal with constant use that I kind of have been neglecting.
I didn't really know much about it, I wasn't really an expert on things like this, but it worked, so I was content for the second week, even though it was infinitely more busy, considering it seemed that second year and it's more advanced classes took a more project and paper based way of doing assignments which sucked a lot, sure they had plenty of them last year as well, but I already had one for each class to do and while I could do them in my sleep if I tried hard enough... Papers were the bane of my existence for a solid day until I came up with a method to get around writing them by hand or having to type them out.
It was slower than how fast I used to be able to put words on paper, but Iris was smart, and so I just started tell him what I wanted to have written, and he's put it on a document and even did the minor things like headings and formatting, which was very handy cause I some times forgot those little things somehow. I think it's technically cheating cause his doing portions of the work for me, but if anyone says shit I'm going to smack them, cause it'd be a fuckin painful nightmare otherwise.
It's worked out so far, and it let me hold a conversation with Iris more which was nice, even though it was mostly about work, he actually asked questions about what I was writing and I generally like to think I answered well enough. We just didn't talk much really, Iris was the silent observing type when he wasn't reminding me of things or timers that I've set.
So yeah, that was the second week. Nothing at all to say on the matter personally, nope, none at all, everything is fine...
Ok, I'm lying, something happened, apparently I only get a week of silence before the teachers on the island decide the twelve year old has had enough of a break to pester with questions about the night everyone almost died. Honestly, you'd think with how much they pretend to know and ask about, they'd realize I fucking helped save their ass! And it was fucking rude to annoy the savior of the day or whatever.
To be fair, it was only one teacher, and it wasn't even Cottel. But on the other hand, it was Smiten, so... Yeah, that actually might have been worse.
It went something like the following;
"Allister, stay after class" Well, shit, can't really run without getting in trouble, and while I have no idea what my parents are thinking about me right now with everything, I don't really want to test the bitch that is my mother on getting to trouble when I can help it. Normally, I'd love to just walk away after class and pretend to have forgotten, and I'd even get away with it probably in other classes, it turns out having incredibly low attention control does that.
But I couldn't really just say that as an excuse without still getting in trouble, considering how she rode my ass last year about how I had attention issues. So I just nodded and did my best to come up with a mental list of everything that I could think of that would be talked about while still doing the assignment, so I could have some points to make depending on what it is. The class that day was about being able to recognize when certain types of hunter inclined Pokemon have spotted you when you're trying to hide. It was honestly very interesting, so I might have not been paying as much focus to the list as I should have, but I still made one.
Before long, the class was over, and while I did stay behind, even though I'd probably have to rush to Pokemon Customs to get there on time, and waited as Smiten moved over to look at me. We just sort of stood there, looking at each other, and frankly I was confused and a bit uncomfortable. Prolonged eye contact and all that, but I did my best to not fidget around... To much.
"So, I've noticed you've been avoiding me" She raised me an unimpressed eyebrow at that, and while I knew there was plenty of ways I could handle this, a large number of them were locked out by what I had said last time we had a talk, in which I all but argued with her over everything possible, be it my lack attitude over classes, how I didn't work hard enough, and how I had clear attention issues, and unfortunate as it was, she wasn't stupid. She would call me out as a liar if I started acting different and I had no way to predict how that would go, so I went with my more natural reaction to things, and by that, I was a bit rude, slightly condescending, and over all me.
"That tends to happen after a traumatic event" She raised an eyebrow at me the silence continued to lay in the air before-
"I was told a frankly disturbingly little amount of what happened last Spring, but I do know you were there, and that you are the one who sent to get me to help that security agent. I also know it was you who stopped the frankly worrying events that were happening outside the lighthouse. But I don't know everything. So, tell me, what was so traumatic that cause you to run away from me?" I just blinked to myself before my mind was suddenly somewhere else.
She didn't know, why didn't she know? Obvious answer? It involved an insanely powerful Pokemon and all information was probably considered classified considered it was the international police who was involved, meaning questions were asked, but no answers were given to those involved. I know sure as hell none where given to me, but I just figured at the time it was because I was the only one with all the information. Or at least a very large portion of it, cause I still don't know what was up with Tomson and Cottel.
This changed things... Like a lot of things, holy shit, wait a moment, why... But Nicon...? Ugh, this was going to be a headache wasn't it? It took me probably a bit to long to remember that I was talking to someone, as Smiten was giving me a look as I coughed a bit uncomfortably and said as Khione, on my shoulders of course, tugged on my hair a bit to bring me back to the present as I said without to much thinking.
"Oh, you know, getting crippled, nearly dying, feeling like I was dying, having at least three mental breakdowns in the same hour, etc" Smiten was still staring at me, but her eyes had widened considerably, as I wondered for a moment if maybe I shouldn't have been so blunt about it, but I was a blunt person, and I was way to lost in thought to bother with coming up with a better way of saying it.
"You... Crippled?" I raised an eyebrow and just held up my covered hand and said.
"Apparently third degree burns aren't good for the nerves, nor do they work for fashion statements" Smiten's eyes when somehow even more wide and her face, normally a hint tan with the fact we lived in the middle of the ocean, paling out surprisingly quick. That was interesting, I'm sure at least most of the teacher's new about the accident, I managed to get my mind around to the idea that Nicon might know more than he should easily enough, I'll look into later after all.
But the others? The pity was there... or maybe I just assumed the worst as I happen to do, and chose to not think about the fact that I was on the island, walking around opening for half a week before leaving last spring, with my hands heavily bandaged up, and then returned with one hand constantly covered. As much as I usually put down other people's intelligence, not everything is actually an oblivious idiot or a child... Yeah that misunderstanding for the rest of the staff might be on me.
Doubly cause now that I'm thinking about it, Smiten never saw me after what happened... Whatever did happen with her now that I'm thinking about it? Whatever.
"You..." I sighed, and with a roll of my eyes reached down to my black glove and easily pulled it off, and held it up, watching as her face went even more pale, as I just looked back at my hand without much care. I wasn't really sure why, I remember a few months back I hated the idea of even taking the thing off for any reason, even showering was dreadful, but now? Eh, I didn't like it, but I wasn't as... hateful I guess, to my own hand. Maybe I was adjusting? That'd be nice.
"I know right? That was about my reaction to, anyway, did you actually want to talk about something or just my not-so-recent disfigurement and traumatic experiences? Cause if it's the second one, I don't have enough time before I'm late to class" Smiten just stared at me, I might have over done it, and it was probably not the best idea to just blurt all this out, but I was trying to also not think to hard about it at the same time, cause I wasn't kidding when I said I'd rather not talk about the trauma and shit.
It seemed my question made the teacher stop thinking to hard on the matter as she stared at me for a long moment before nodding.
"Yes, you should hurry" I rolled my eyes, I knew this wasn't the last we'd be having this conversation, but that was fine with me now that I had managed to avoid this conversation for a while longer which was pretty good in my opinion. So with that I was walking away, quickly sliding my hand back into the glove as I walked away. I was totally going to be late for Customs, I had like three minutes to get half away across the island.
Fuck, I should have asked for a note or something. Ugh, my life sucked some times, and it sucked that more than half those times don't even involve my life on the line!
...It probably sucked even more cause the rest of that less that half parentage actually was my life on the line.
"Hey Cole" I blinked and looked over at Richard, he was in the kitchen trying to fiddle with something.
"Yeah, what's up?" Moving over to his side, I looked down at where he was sitting, and looked at the mess of items in front of him.
"Do you... Do you think you could help?" I blinked, before giving him a small look before nodding. From the looks of things, this was obviously something to do with his item making class, and while I barely passed that class at an acceptable level for me, I still knew enough to recognize the tools used to make the molds for a pokeball... I wasn't exactly on his level, never had been, and I wasn't even on his class level anymore either, but he was asking for help, even if we both knew he didn't need it, so I nodded.
"Sure, what we working on?" If he wanted to work on it by himself then he would, but if he was asking for help, that just meant he didn't know how to ask for company while he worked, and I knew how good sound boards could be while doing something, so I just gave him a grin as he noticeably loosened up before beginning to explain the general ideas to me.
The general idea was this was to assess what everyone remembered from their first year in basic item making, and so they were tasked to make a standard pokeball, and then try to make a more complex one, you know, like a greatball or luxury ball. Well, that second option wasn't going to happen cause I think I'm one of the few people on the island who could afford the supplies to make one for no reason. But the standard reasoning is the same.
Make a normal pokeball, then try to make a complex one, and then, try for a custom one, which is something that's a whole lot more difficult, cause it was basically making your own pokeball with it's own effects, without any overlaps with already designed pokeballs. Richard sort of mentioned and I took from there that Smet didn't actually think anyone would manage it right now, and instead that would be an extra credit project throughout the year.
Needless to say, Richard had already made the first two options and was currently in the process of trying to figure out what he wanted for a custom pokeball, hence all the excess tools. So I did the only thing I really could on something that was pretty much outside my skill level, I just gave random suggestions and let him work through the problem while asking questions on occasion to try and get his mind to come up with something.
I think it worked, because not to long later he was quickly trying to sketch out some blueprints for something and was lost to his own world, which I completely understood, so I left him to it, feeling well enough that I could help him out, and curious about what he would be working on.
"Pan! Pa- Pan pour!" I tilted my head to the side, before glancing up at Pinton, who was currently having her Pokemon show off how tone mattered when determined what the Pokemon was trying to tell a human... It was interesting in a detached way, but it didn't really work when I sort of knew what the Pokemon was saying, even as he acted mad, he was actually talking about something that happened at a pond, I think the one of the island, but I didn't know exactly. Details were a bit fuzzy, I just knew it was about a small pool of water honestly.
"We can clearly tell from how it's body is positioned, it's ready to attack, now how about this?" I watched as the Pokemon straightened up and then bounced up and down for a moment before exclaiming loudly with a happy tone.
"Panpour!"
"Now, who can tell me what Panpour is currently feeling" Hungry, cause that's what he said... Sure, I knew logically that it was important to know this, cause Pokemon weren't the type of creatures to explain everything they were doing in vivid detail, knowing how to predict what they were doing or what the growls meant was very important. And I really did want to learn about it all, it was super interesting... But practice like this just didn't really work cause it was hard to separate what I was seeing to what I was hearing.
"No one? How about you Allister? Got my guesses?" I blinked back into focus after a moment as I shared a glance with Khione who was sitting on the desk to my left, she just shrugged, not knowing what I was being called on either, so I just looked back and said.
"He's acting happy, and he's also hungry, you should give him one of the oran berries you have behind your desk for him" I looked away back down to Khione as she gave me a look and a small whine, I just put my hand on her head. She was hungry to, but while I managed to get permission to let her stay out with me, I was then given a list of things I couldn't do with her, feeding her in the classroom was one of them, apparently it made a mess even though Khione and I both knew she was better than that.
... It was quiet, glancing back up to the room, I blinked as I noticed Pinton was giving me an interested look while the students just looked confused. She apparently noticed the fact I had noticed her sudden interest as she smiled and asked.
"How'd you know?" I briefly thought about saying it was a leftover piece of the massive amount of psychic tampering that had happened to my head, but then I decided that wouldn't go over that well, so I shrugged and said.
"The first one is obvious, the happy cry and action showed he was in a good mood. But for the second, he keeps stealing looks over at your desk, I've seen you feed him a berry, looked like an oran berry, before class started, so I figure you have more, and he wants another for having to put up with the acting" The other students were staring at me, I just stared ahead, not really caring, I was right after all, I didn't need to be told to still notice things, honestly, noticing things is like half of my main skill set.
"I see, good job mister Allister, but I was more referring to how you knew panpour was a boy" Oh... Uh... Huh, I have no idea... I just... Fuck, that's new, how the hell did I know? Has that happened before? I don't think so, but... Shaking my head a bit harshly I said before I could think twice.
"That's... a guess to be honest" That got a few laughs out of the classroom and Pinton gave me a warm smile as suddenly the topic moved back on how to recognize small ques and I went back to my confused thoughts, while Khione reached out and poked my side, checking in on me, noticing probably that I was lost in thought.
I just shot her a smile before moving back to my mind, cause this was fucking weird. Like, beginning to worry me weird. Cause... what the fuck! How the hell can I just do this?!
It literally makes no sense! I can deal with the weird sort of knowing what Pokemon were talking about, I was actually really happy with the fact I had near prefect understanding of what my Pokemon talked about, that was kind of cool actually, and comforting in it's own way. But they were just sounds! Literally just sounds, how the hell did I get a gender out of that? I have no idea if I could do that before either, so for all I know it's getting worse... better? Which way does it go?
Ugh, I have a headache now. Heh, I bet I can blame that also on that damn Pokemon!
... Fuck, ok, whatever. It's a thing now, I just have to deal with it, pretend that it's completely normal...
Oh hell, last year I thought I was fucked up in the head cause I had problems focusing my attention, and now I'm dealing with this shit! What the hell is my life? Freaking ridiculous.
"Are you sure you're ready for this?" I didn't growl in annoyance at Madison's question, but it was a near thing, I had energy to burn and we were basically finished August already, I got hurt back in early May, it's literally been close to four months now. Sure my hand technically could use a lot more work, but the skin wasn't going to break or tear any unless I did something crazy, if anything this would toughen it up a bit more to make new callouses.
"I'd be even more ready if you'd stop asking" It was rude, but I was a wound up spring at the moment, to much energy in my body, to much I was thinking about, to much new shit being introduced to me. It had been two and some change weeks since the school year started, and while it was easy at first, that was quickly beginning to change.
Actually taking courses that were on my level meant a lot more self study then I first thought, because I actually did need to study, and while I was use to that, high school level stuff wasn't the easiest thing for a twelve year old to teach themselves, it took a bit, and while I was still ahead of the curb, and even enjoying it all still, with everything else consuming my thoughts, I just needed a way to let out all the excess energy my body had that I couldn't get out form just walking or reading.
Not being able to do anything high energy was killing me slowly for a while now, and if wasn't for the fact that Vale would skin me alive, or at least attempt to, with the help of my team, then I would have started using the climbing wall last week, but I had held off for this so I was going to do this damn it!
Madison didn't seem overly impressed with my current state of being, but I was stressed out and I've had a constant headache since my last Customs class, that was Friday, today was Sunday. I had even gone and took some headache medicine, but that still doesn't do anything for them. So yeah, I was a bit snappy, sue me.
He seemed to figure that out soon enough as he just stood a bit straighter before starting.
"Fine. First what do you know about self defense" That... was a loaded question, cause the answer was a fuck ton, I obsessed over the stuff for a while after the nearly being beaten to death in an alley thing back in November. So theoretically, I knew a ton of stuff, but practically? Beyond the few lessons I got when I was younger, about what to do when I'm being threatened or during attempted kidnappings, which mostly revolved around being as nice as possible and not pissing the other person off- which I was predictably bad at- I had nothing.
"I know a lot of theory on how to fight, how to hold yourself, a list of reasons and ways to breath, a bunch of ways to fuck with someone, things like that, but I have exactly zero practical ability" Madison nodded before looking at me, in that way he did a while back, like he was taking stock of my body. It was about as comfortable as it was then.
"A lot of simple things like disarming, dodging, and being able to throw a proper punch or kick come from how you hold yourself, and most of all that is catered to using your right hand" I nodded.
"Cause like, ninety percent of people are right handed, so most of everything is centered around using your right hand" He nodded, before continuing.
"You're also right handed, but you can't use it without pain, meaning it's unreliable in a life or death situation. You're going to learn how to fight with your left instead" I nodded, I already knew this of course, but I guess it bore repeating. Honestly it probably helped I was basically ambidextrous now, not perfectly yet, but give me another month and I should be good to go for the most part, it's just taking a while to relearn how to write is all.
"It's good you don't have any prior experience here because it means you don't have to relearn anything, but it will make things more difficult for you cause it's not just about your dominate hand, it also has to do with your dominate eye. Though I doubt it will be an issue, it is something you need to remember when judging distance" I had no issue with distance even if I wasn't even using my eyes, so yeah, that would be a problem, plus he was right. Glad I didn't teach myself anything before I got crippled, otherwise this might be difficult.
I think the weirdest things sometimes...
"So what do we do to start? Want to show me how to throw a punch?" He didn't roll his eyes per say, but I think he got close.
"This isn't a movie, just look at what I'm doing then copy. I'm going to just show you a few basic things and then you'll repeat them until you an do them like second nature while I correct your form. Afterwards we'll run practices where you'll try to disarm me, try to escape certain common holds, and how to dodge and predict movement. It's more about learning how to react and knowing what to expect than throwing punches or dodging bullets" I rolled my eyes, it was good advice, I read something similar to it on a self defense form eight months ago. So I just snarked.
"So I won't be able to dodge bullets in slow motion with seven cuts in four seconds? Lame" He didn't smile, I still was half sure he couldn't but he did looked vaguely amused at the movie joke, before he just said.
"Just copy what I do then" I thought about giving a mock salute, but moved off the idea at the last second as he moved for half a second in one way, before doing the opposite, clearly he was taught how to fight the other way around, with his first side forwards, but I trusted him not to screw me over in the long term as I mimicked his movements, as my left side shoulder was aimed with my head looking over the shoulder.
Ugh, it was fun for a while, but now I'm actually looking at it like... Hmm, I sort of just tossed a superpower onto Cole so he just can understand Pokemon, didn't I? Sure, it's with a reason, from metaphors about how he understands and likes Pokemon more than humans, to wanting to give him something good out of the lighthouse event that crippled one of his limbs and gave him constant chronic headaches and pains, and even more, but also... I don't really want Cole to have any powers, really, like at all. Not to say there's anything wrong with it, I do overpowered characters all the time for my stories, but Cole's more a strategist, he comes up with plans, but beyond what he can naturally do as a human, he can't really do much himself beyond being the guy with a plan, and I'm fine with keeping him to that, it's hardly like I gave him Psychic powers or Aura or whatever. At a literal best, he's a slightly worse version of N, being able to hear Pokemon, not perfectly or anything, but some what.
And out of everything, I guess that's better than nothing, but I also feel like it was sort of a copout in it's own way just to make things easier on me to write, so I didn't have to explain a guessing game every time Cole talks to one of his Pokemon, while still giving him a hard time with Pokemon he's unfamiliar with beyond vague ideas, which I'm fine with, it's easier on me and keeps pace better, but damn did I underestimate how meh it would be to write out for a character like Cole who deals with his issues by ignoring them until they just refuse to go away. He's getting better, but that hardly means he's perfect, and that can be frustrating in it's own way to write sometimes, but after this chapter I'm going to toss it into the backseat so we can move onto other things, like getting the next plot up and going. So that's all, so, See ya.