The games people play

by fvdv123

Old Guy's brother did the stupid thing and jumped in the Black Hole instead of going to the light. He ends up in seven-year-old Harry with a crappy game system. Self-insert as always, Harry/Multi later on... as always. This is a crack-fic, keep that in mind.

13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer:

Mrs. J.K., Kiddy stuff is over! It is time for the Little Man to stand up and do the job. Go in deep and Cume up high. I do this for free. If anything I should be the one paying… if she is any good.

AN: It is a sad day for fans to know they know more of the story than the Author. It is a great day for an Author to know that there are readers that know the story better than him. I missed that the Skill Mage Sight was already on the list. I changed it into Telepathy. My excuse is that I wrote several versions of that chapter, and that Skill slipped through the net.

Previous:

Reward: one free Skill

Progress to Level 3 Y/N?

I already said my goodbyes to the girls, I selected Technomancy and pressed yes.

I woke up in an actual bed, with a woman sleeping next to me.

13 Locked.

Well… it beats a cupboard, with a landslide. I lie on my back to get my host's memories. They slammed into my brain. Eleven years of memories or thirty-five makes a big difference. The moment I knew who I am, I know I am fucked.

Level 3

Current world: Harry Potter year 2

Main Quest: Reach level 25, Reform the Wizarding world.

Restrictions: No Gringotts, DMLE, or department of Mysteries.

Quest reward: depends on the level of completion. Failure: Death.

I took a look at the woman next to me, she is decently looking, memories from last night were pleasant, what bothered me is that she is married. Not to me though, she is married to some old wizard, so old he could not even get his back straight, let alone his dingaling. I cast the contraception spell, just to make sure, you know.

Starting to get horny, spending months as a little kid, and waking up next to a female that is as starving for a good shag as I am, can do that. I started to caress her, letting my Telekinesis help a bit. Softly she began to moan, she adjusted her legs a bit for easy access. Don't mind if I do, I gave her a good body massage, followed by a shag that tested the strength of the bed and the silencing charms.

Thanks to the new Telepathy, I knew which button to push, what nipple to bite, and what buttsheek to slap. My Telekinesis is a big cheat, it served as an extra pair of hands, even as an extra dick. Oh, Merlin! I needed that!

We cleaned up, took a shower, an hour later I was ready to start the day. My elf said: "Lunch be ready Master." As usual, I removed the memory of my face, only that she had a wonderful shag with a stranger. It is good to be me… I think.

After lunch I started to get ready for my day, you can say I am a celebrity. I am an Author, I wrote several books, they even made it on the book list of Hogwarts. Imagine that! A thirty-five-year-old Author having his books used for DaDa. It paid a good amount of Galleons too.

To be honest, it was the idea of my publisher. He kind of forced me to accept that bloody job and put the books on the course list. Yesterday was my day of the book signing at the bookstore. So I have a week and a few days to prepare.

You guessed it right, I am Gilderoy fucking Lockhart! You know, the peacock that can't do shit. Although his techniques in the sack are good. I have to read the rules about teacher-student relationships, maybe also Teacher-Teacher relationships if I am lucky I can bag two. Babbling and Sinistra are prime specimens.

I studied myself in the mirror, I have to admit, I look damn good. The peacock did something right. He took good care of his body. Running and working out kept his body in good shape. I can't complain about his size, a bit bigger than the average. Men that want a supersized one are idiots, the only thing that will fit in is a pony or horse, ok a centaur too.

Hmm, I have to test my lines.

"I am the Great Gilderoy Lockhart! Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile, and your beloved Defense against the Dark Arts Professor!"

How did he ever think that something corny like this is going to work?

Xxxxx

I better start planning. First, I need Allies. Some names come to my mind, Greengrass, Bones, Rita. Then new course books, I can't use those ridiculous books… My ridiculous books. I have to fix that.

It is a good thing that I raided Hogwarts for all the skill books, and Cut all magic knowledge from Dumbledore.

I apparated to my publisher Mr. Blots and presented my idea: "Dear Ropert, I have a wonderful concept for course books. Each year has a number of spells that they need to know, and a number of optional spells that fit their age.

Now, I want a book that when you open it, on the left page is the description and history of the spell, on the right page are two pictures of me doing the spell. One frontal view and one side view with the spell pronunciation above my head.

I know that moving pictures need a constant magic feed to keep them moving, but I have a solution for that problem. Let me show you."

The concept is easy. A rune cluster to freeze the pictures when the book is closed, a rune cluster to only activate the page when the book is opened at that page. And a runecluster to absorb and store ambient magic. Hide the rune clusters inside the cover and Bob is your uncle.

I said: "I need a magic contract Ropert, for the use of my Runes; Or: I want to do the seven years as fast as possible, and need sixty books from each year. If you can deliver those books before the first of September, you get free use of those Runes. Do we have a deal?"

Ropert Blots saw the genius concept of the Runes and the possibilities. He called his staff and we began to work on the books. I promised a bonus when they could keep it a secret for me to reveal.

Xxxxx

I used a dicta quill to note the spells and their description down. While I was standing in a white room demonstrating the spells. Two photographers took pictures, one in front of me and one on the side. The spell name appeared above my head when I am casting it.

For each year I did the prescribed spells first, and the optional spells in the second half of the book. I had to play the peacock, so every year had different outfits and hairstyles.

I was enjoying it! I was done in two days. The staff was surprised by my knowledge of the spells and their history. Especially the Newt spells.

Now a flashy title: Dashing through DaDa with Lockhart? Safe with Gilderoy? Lockhart through the years?

I settled with: Seven Years DaDa with Lockhart. Book One: The First Steps. I let the designs of the covers to the staff but insisted on a picture of me on the backside.

Xxxxx

That covered the embarrassing books. Now I have to find allies. But first, I need to reply to my fan mail. Don't laugh! You can't believe what bored housewives can think of! The pictures are great too.

Say what you want, but Gilderoy had plenty of pussy to play with. Granted, not all were beauties, but a witch that knows a bit of magic always looks good. I invited two witches to dinner, both had sent me some daring pictures, so the evening was great. The night was even better, the next morning the best. Both witches left the house on unsteady legs but well shagged.

I made an appointment with Lord Greengrass for a private meeting. He is my first choice, I can easily remove the curse from the family, and I can have a supporter in the Wizengamot.

Xxxxx

Lord Greengrass received me in the entrance hall. His opinion of me showed by the lack of family members to greet me. He led me into his study, and came right to the point: "Why did you ask for a meeting Gilderoy?"

I responded: "Lord Greengrass, not one reason, but several. Let me start with the obvious one. Can you think of a reason to let me teach DaDa with the books I put on the list? I am certain you browsed through those books, didn't you?"

Lord Greengrass answered: "I did, and those are not course books at all. I wonder how you are going to use them for classes. To be honest, I would not hire you at all."

I smiled: "That was my thought too! You see, my publisher put my name on the recruitment list, with the books as course books. Now, why did Dumbledore hire me? Why did he not object to those books? A whole stack for each student! My publisher and I admit me too, made quite some Galleons because of it.

If Dumbledore is so great, why did he not intervene? I went along with that book list, expecting to not get hired. But Dumbledore approved it. Why? I wrote those books as entertainment. Don't get me wrong the stuff in it really happened, but not exactly as I wrote it down."

Lord Greengrass was puzzled: "I am curious too now, maybe he did that to expose you?" I choffed: "Really? A few words to the right people would do that faster. Is it worth sabotaging the education of students for a whole year? It is as if he doesn't want students to learn in his school. Last year's professor had a stutter so bad that nobody understood him."

He nodded: "That is what my daughter told me. He disappeared in May. Rumors said he was involved with the Potter boy. They got a lot of points at the end of the school year."

I said: "That brings me to my second reason for my visit. I met him at the bookstore when I was there signing my books. He was there with the Weasleys. There is something suspicious going on with that boy.

I pulled him closer for some pictures, but he cringed at my touch. He is skinny, short, I remember James and Lily from school, both their heights were above average. And he was clothed in rags. All his clothes were several sizes too big as if they are cast-offs from a bigger fat boy.

Dumbledore always said the boy was cared for, but I can recognize an abused kid when I see one. Harry Potter is an abused child, under Dumbledore's care. Add the fact of the kind of teachers he hires, he has a special agenda for the Potter boy."

Lord Greengrass said: "That brings us to my original question: What do you want from me Gilderoy?" I shrugged: "I want to help the Potter boy, I want to teach real DaDa, and I need support from the Gray faction of the Wizengamot."

Lord Greengrass asked: "Oh? And what can you offer me in exchange? I feel for the Potter boy, but Dumbledore is too powerful to cross."

I looked him in the eyes: "I can remove the family Curse. Today if you want." He roared: "Don't joke about something like that Gilderoy! Better wizards have tried and failed! What makes you think you can do it?" I smiled: "I developed a new kind of magic. Let me try, if I don't succeed I'll pay twenty thousand Galleons. If I can do it, I have your support. Do we have a deal?"

Manipulation 33 Bullshitting 47 Acting 32

Xxxxx

It was an easy decision, a win-win for the Greengrasses. Astoria was in bed, she just has a relapse, and was recovering from it. I am Gilderoy Lockhart, so I must put a show up to satisfy the fans.

I said to lord Greengrass: "Stay here and observe. Miss Astoria, can I have your hands, please. Now, close your eyes and imagine you are in a meadow, flowers bloom, butterflies flying around you. Now open your eyes."

I made an illusion of the bed standing in the meadow, flowers, and butterflies all around us, I did some Major Dispels and Major Heals. A bit of static electricity set her hair in scary mode, and I released the illusion. A grooming spell had her looking like the little princess she was.

I said to Lord Greengrass: "This is the first phase. Next is your other daughter, then you and your wife. After that, any family from the Greengrass line."

Astoria had her energy back and was eager to get out of bed. While I went out of the room, Lord Greengrass let his elf fetch the family healer.

The healer examined Astoria: "Amazing! The curse is completely gone! Astoria is in prime condition! What magic is used here?"

I said: "Family magic. The curse is not completely gone, the rest of the family has to be dispelled too." Daphne got her show too. So did the family. Lord Greengrass said: "Mr. Lockhart, I confess I had my doubts about you. I pictured you as a harmless fraud. We are in your debt. You will have our support for as long as you want. That was easy.

Xxxxx

The week before school I hunted the Horcruxes I could reach. The shack of the Gaunts was no trouble at all, I flamed before the Black House at night and knocked on the door. Kreacher opened: "What does Peacock want from the Noble House of Black?" I answered: "I came to help you destroy the evil in the locket." Easy Peasy. Two down.

The last weekend before September, the first is on a Tuesday, I entered Hogwarts. Ahh! It is good to be back! I took a stroll to my quarters and started to unpack my stuff. The pictures fitted nicely on the walls, I redecorated my room, I definitively need a bigger bed. I expanded the room to a decent size, I let my ceiling look like the sky from a tropical island. Two walls got the view of the island. Should I put sand on the floor? Nah, that would be too much. The elves would remove it anyway. I scanned the rooms for listening charms and other nasty stuff. Naughty Headmaster is a listening perv. I warded the charm from the room, and plan to let it play: me humming a little melody, in a loop. But not right now.

I warded my office and hallway and took a look at the classroom. A lot of Fan-fictions had the Curse in different places. It was on a dragon skeleton, under the teachers' desk, it was a cursed word, the Horcrux was the curse, it was on the wardstone, on Riddle's trophy.

I took no chances, I started to use Dispel Curse the moment I reached the doorknob and did the complete room. With my Mage Sight, I could spot every curse. They were on everything! Some harmless, some gave a time-delayed curse. This is a little house of horrors! At Dinner, I was my flashy wonderful me. I was so helpful, I could give tips on how to do their jobs for hours. Man, those teachers can eat fast.

Xxxxx

That night I flashed into Slytherins Dorms. I activated Salazar's Wards and locked them with a parseltongue password. That will keep the girls safe. I went to every chamber and removed every harmful spell and listening charms.

I am almost set to start the term. On Monday, I received the course books. I must say, I look mighty dashing in the pictures, my eyes had that Dumbledore sparkle, I also showed my Trade Marked smile. The billowing cape was especially noticeable in the fourth-year book. I put it all in my library trunk, it is where I keep my autographed pictures you know. It is also the place I keep the pictures of my most loyal fans. It is good to be Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming Smile, and your beloved Defense against the Dark Arts Professor.

Xxxxx

That night I entertained dear Rita, I worked my new skills on her, she was a puddle in my hands. When morning came, after another round, I said to her: "Rita, how about some undercover work… no you did that already. I mean change into a lovely bug and hitch a ride in my collar. Today the students board the train. Let's find out how many endanger the statute of secrecy."

Worried she asked: "How did you know?" I hugged her: "Don't worry my dear, the way you can fuck, I will never reveal your secret. Now, the boarding starts at nine, but most come between ten and eleven. So how about it? There could be a great story in it for you."

She pouted: "Alright, just for you. You did learn a thing or two since last time, it was the best shag I had in years." What can I say? I aim to please, and I'm pleased my aim is good.

Xxxxx

We staked the platform 9 ¾, hidden with a notice-me not. And behold, true to the Weasley tradition: five minutes before the time they arrived. With a lot of hustle, they passed through. Harry and Ron were the last ones to go for it and crashed against the platform. We heard them talk until Ron mentioned taking the flying car. I whispered to Rita: "This can be interesting, we follow them."

We followed them to the car, they loaded their trunks and wanted to enter the car. I showed myself and asked: "Gentlemen, what in Merlin's name are you planning?" Harry mumbled: "We missed the train and wanted to take the car to fly to Hogwarts."

I heard enough: "Come with me, take your trunks out of the car and follow me." I took them to a small alley, shrunk the trunks, and added a featherweight charm on it. "Put them in your pocket."

I grabbed them and apparated to the Leaky cauldron. I rented a room for four hours, and send a Patronus to Lord Greengrass to meet me here. He arrived with his wife and Astoria.

After the greetings, I said: "Now Mr. Weasley, explain to me your idea to fly to Hogwarts with your dad's flying car." Blushing he answered: "The gate was blocked and we missed the train. We need to get there. So I thought of taking the car."

I looked at Astoria and asked: "Miss Astoria, you go to Hogwarts next year, What do you do if you miss the train? Give all the options you can think of"

Astoria thought for a bit: "Well, I wait for my parents to show up, I could take the knight bus, The Leaky cauldron is ten minutes away, I could floo to Hogsmeade, I could send an owl. Or wait ten minutes for an Auror to show up to close the gate."

I asked Ron: "So your best idea was to steal your parents' car? Tell me, do they abandon their car after dropping you off? I would think they would use it to drive back home. Was it too difficult to wait ten minutes? Or are you craving attention? Arriving with a flying car would be awesome, no?

And you Mr. Potter, do you want attention? At the book signing, it did not appear so. Now Lord Greengrass, can you check both boys for health problems?"

Lord Greengrass did an analysis spell on Ron first: "A loyalty spell, a few memories are removed, and a compulsion spell focused on… food?" After that, he analyzed Harry. He whispered: "Sweet Merlin! Several tracking spells, Loyalty potions, memory charms, many badly healed bones, malnourished, his core is bound, he has a Mail Block. A block, to ward elves I guess, and a blood tracker. The worst thing is that scar. It has some very dark magic in it."

Harry paled with that description: "How is that possible? I only was at my relatives and Hogwarts."

Lord Greengrass said: "I call our family healer for an official statement, after that we will remove all of it, Heir Potter. You are an important member of our society, and this is not acceptable."

The Healer arrived and did a thorough examination. He confirmed the same problems: "This is a major crime Cyrus, I am friends with Moody, I'll ask him to come here.

Moody came with Nymphadora on his heel. Nimph noted the defects and illegal spells down.

I said: "Alright, it is time to remove all of it from Heir Potter. He is an important future Lord, and someone is attempting line theft. He is probably already stealing from his vaults and mansions. They were very rich, so he is a prime target. An orphan, the last Heir of a fortune, can be easily be manipulated. My suspect is his magical guardian. It is his job to guaranty the safety of heir Potter, which is obviously not the case."

Manipulation 34 Bullshitting 48

The healer started to remove all he could, Moody removed the blocks and blood trackers. Both failed at the curse scar. I made sure my hair was perfect, my smile was according to the trademark and did my show with the illusion included. The shade of Voldemort came out and disappeared with a scream.

I commented: "Who in his right mind would let a Horcrux fester in a baby? Was the boy not examined after the facts? Didn't St Mungo's examine him? They do that with all orphans, and child services? Aurors? Mr. Moody? Why did the DMLE abandon Heir Potter? He is clearly abused by his relatives! Look at his clothes! Is this the way we reward the boy that disposed of that mad man?"

Manipulation 35 Bullshitting 49

Moody was embarrassed: "Albus said the boy was well-taken care of with loving relatives." I asked Harry: "Heir Potter, did your relatives love you? Did they feed you plenty? Gave new clothes? Encouraged you to do well in school? Did you receive presents on birthdays and Christmas? Was your bedroom big enough for all your stuff?"

Harry froze at my questions. I said: "This is the moment to come clean Heir Potter. There is no reason to be ashamed. You should be raging mad at the persons that want to destroy you. You are the last Heir of a very rich family, but I doubt you had a good time. They probably spend the money they got for you on themselves."

That last comment did it. Harry fumed: "I spend ten years in a cupboard under the stairs! I had to cook for them from five years old, but only got the leftovers to eat. I never had a birthday gift or a Christmas one. When I did better than Dudley at school I got beaten, I had to wear his cast-off clothes and shoes. I got beaten for accidental magic, Dudley had this game Harry hunting, when they caught me they beat me up! This summer they locked me in my room and fed me through a cat flap. One bowl of soup a day for me and my owl! And you tell me they got paid to take care of me?"

Ron was gaping at that outburst. Astoria had tears in her eyes from hearing Harry's sufferings.

I said: "We have to visit Gringotts to secure his funds. Mr. Moody, I am a teacher of Hogwarts, and the term starts at the departure of the train. I'll act as the in loco parentis, and act as his temporary guardian.

Heir Potter, Lord Greengrass is a powerful Lord and is a member of the Wizengamot. I want to install him as your legal and magical Guardian because both have abused you. You will spend your summers at his mansion and never return to your relatives!"

It is almost spoon-feeding, Rita will have a field day. Now, there is a little rat listening. I saw it peeking out of Ron's pocket and said: "Hey! There is a rat animagus listening in!" I grabbed the rat and forced changing him into Peter.

I said: "I recognize this man, He is Peter Pettigrew! He was always following Potter and Black. I thought he was dead?" I took his wands and portkeys. "Well, this is a strange wand. Priory encantem! Two killing curses are among them." Hah, take that! All in a good day's work.

I put parseltongue trackers on the rat and the wand, just in case.

I said to Ron: "Be glad you did not bring him into Gringotts, they have ways to detect them and will punish the ones that smuggle them." That was a message to Rita. I don't want to shovel dragon dung.

Manipulation 36

Xxxxx

We stunned the rat and put him in Moody's trunk. We got to Gringotts to change guardianship. I nudged Greengrass: "Let's read the will. I bet Peter is mentioned as the secret keeper."

Yes! I feel great! It all came out, Sirius the decoy, Peter the secret keeper, and Dumbledore knowing it all. Moody was steaming mad, the man he trusted so much acted as a Dark Lord. Astoria was holding Harry's hand all the way from the Cauldron. Tonks was impressed by me, Dispelling Curses even Moody could not Dispel, and me flashing smiles at her whenever I had the chance. I bet her panty is moist right now.

Lord Greengrass said to Harry: Heir Potter here is your ring, it will tell you if your food or drinks are potioned, and it protects against mind attacks. My advice to you is to be more assertive. If they bully you, you have the power to get them punished, even teachers. If you have questions owl me, if you think your mail is checked, give the letter to my daughter. She has the responsibility of a sister to you. She will guide you with your duties."

Astoria whispered: "And she has a big crush on you." Ron protested: "She is a Slytherin! They are evil!" Astoria shrugged: "Dumbledore was a Gryffindor and look what he has done to Harry. And so that you know, Merlin was a Slytherin too." That shut Ron up, told off by a girl stung.

Xxxxx

We left Moody and Tonks, the poor thing could not stand my flirting, her hair kept on changing to pink. We apparated to Greengrass manor where Harry could select his room. At lunch, I gave Harry a restorative potion, that restored all defects and corrected his growth. I shrugged: "Family secret."

Lady Greengrass let an elf take measurements and buy a few sets of clothes. Ron had a hard time, his friend landed in heaven while he still was dressed in rags.

I gave him a pep talk: "You know Mr. Weasley, I know your family, not closely, but enough. I deeply respect them for the sacrifices they make to put you through Hogwarts. They must have several loans out, to pay for your education. Your older brothers are probably helping out too. I bet that you do your very best at Hogwarts to thank them for their sacrifices. You may wear second-hand clothes right now, but when you study real hard, you get a good job, enchanting is a high paying job, warding too. A lot of kids slack off and pay dearly when they get crappy jobs. But, have no fear, because I am the Great Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming Smile, and your beloved Defense against the Dark Arts Professor, and will be teaching you all."

Manipulation 37

Meh, he will probably still slack off. I warned him, that is enough.

Xxxxx

Fawkes appeared, he wanted to fetch Harry, but I held him off with Telekinesis. I removed the Curse Binding on the pest, without killing it! I said: "Well Fawkes, you are free now, can you keep Astoria company for a few weeks? Spending so much time with that old fart, a young girl will be a nice change don't you think?" Astoria had stars in her eyes at the sight of the phoenix.

I remarked at Harry: "See? That bird is stealing the show. While I am the Great Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming Smile, and your beloved Defense against the Dark Arts Professor have done all the work.

Self pithy 20

Crap game. It was time to get the kids to the station, the train was bound to arrive. I apparated them to the station, and let them blend in with the other students. I flamed into my quarters to fix my hair and my outfit. Because you know that I am the Great Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming Smile, and your beloved Defense against the Dark Arts Professor. I am particularly proud of the Most-Charming Smile. It got me plenty of pussy.

I took my seat just before the students entered the hall.