Thirty
When she woke next, it was due to a sound ringing in the back of her ears.
Emily let out a moan as she struggled to sit up. It sounded like a struggle near the entrance of the cave. Sensing that it was a creature in pain, older Spock grabbed a torch and headed off to the direction of said noise. Only a few seconds passed when she heard a loud screech, followed by the sound of a creature scurrying to get away.
There was no telling what sort of creatures inhabited this planet. Emily had no doubt they were adapted to life in the cruel, bitter cold. Though, she was more surprised to hear someone yelling in the background after the scuffle was over. Whoever played victim to the planet's creatures had been lucky to run into older Spock.
She tried taking a few deep breaths to steady her already spiraling emotions when older Spock returned moments later. Only, he wasn't alone. Emily's eyes narrowed when she noticed that someone familiar was standing behind older Spock, looking just as surprised to see her as she was to see him. She nearly rolled her eyes at the thought, realizing with a start that he wasn't likely expecting her to survive whatever Nero threw at her.
Kirk just stood there for a few seconds, mouth agape as he tried to formulate a proper sentence. She caught older Spock watching them warily from the corner of her eye. He already made his way across the cave to the tricorder, ready to run further tests on whatever damage Nero's men had done to her. Despite not being able to tend to most of her injuries, he gave his best efforts to ensure they didn't get any worse than they already were. It wasn't until getting a better look at her that Kirk realized something was off. His eyes widened in disbelief when he realized that she was covered in scars. Horrible looking scars that stretched from her shoulders and probably beyond that. He grimaced as realization struck him – she'd been hiding them long before this mess, and probably for a good reason.
"What the hell happened to you?" he finally cut through the tense, awkward silence.
She nearly rolled her eyes at the accusation in his voice. It was almost as if the asshole was expecting Nero's men to kill her off. Then again, she had a feeling that whatever punishment Nero's men dealt her was far better than facing him after this was over. She wasn't looking forward to what would happen if they managed to come back alive.
"I'm surprised you give a damn," she snapped without hesitation.
She knew she probably looked like a mess. Suddenly, she was thankful she didn't have a mirror with her. Her hair was tangled in various directions, telling her that it was a knotted mess. Since her uniform had been shredded by the knives Nero's men used, her suit was also out of the question. The suit itself had been tossed to the side, and now that she had a better look at it, she grimaced. She realized with a start that the suit had sustained serious damage, worse than when Loki had stabbed her in the stomach. Luckily, that scar had been easy to hide. The others were a bit more difficult since they were clearly visible.
Kirk flinched at her response. As much as he tried to put on a brave face around her, even he couldn't bring himself to stay angry. Most of what had happened was his fault. It was possible that none of this would have happened had he kept his big mouth shut. He ran a hand through his hair, looking slightly guilty and embarrassed for being such an asshole most of the time. He knew most of this mess had been his fault in the first place. She wouldn't have likely been dragged aboard the Narada if he hadn't told the Council about her role with the agency. More importantly, she would have been safer on the ship than on the planet.
"Look, I'm sorry that Pike took you with him," he started as he struggled to find the right thing to say. Emily just narrowed her eyes at him as she guessed what was really on his mind. She could tell from the tone in his voice that he wasn't sorry. "But that doesn't make the fact that you lied any better." He paused long enough for rage to burn within her. She hadn't missed the fact that he was looking at the suit sitting on the ground nearby. "So was everything about you a lie? Including whatever is going on between you and Bones?"
The scathing way he spoke was enough to send a shiver of fury through her. Fire danced within her eyes the moment she glared at him. Kirk knew he was already walking on thin ice with McCoy, but seeing the rage in her eyes was enough to send a thrill of fear through him. He was well aware of her ability to kill people. If allowed, she probably would have killed him. But the fire suddenly faded. Kirk's heart nearly skipped a beat when she let out a heavy sigh and stared at nothing in particular. Whatever she had been about to say was suddenly lost in that moment, and he suddenly found himself regretting his poor choice of words.
"I love him," she finally whispered. Kirk just stared at her blankly, unsure of how to respond. "I love that man more than anything else… He was the first to accept me for who I am, not for what I am. You're free to think whatever you want of me, but my feelings for Leonard haven't changed from the day we met."
For a moment, Kirk didn't know how to respond as he realized what she was implying. It was clear from the moment they met that she cared about McCoy. Probably more than anyone he'd ever known. And it was also clear that the feelings were mutual. He'd never seen McCoy happier than when he was with her, and that was saying something. He struggled to find the right words to respond with, knowing that he'd dug himself a grave he wouldn't likely be able to climb out of. She was in bad shape, and something told him McCoy wouldn't be so forgiving if he saw her in the state she was in now.
"So I take it that's why you enlisted in Starfleet? Because Bones convinced you?" he asked skeptically.
Emily just rolled her eyes at the tone of his voice. Despite her best interest in keeping a low profile, he was having none of it. He was just as invested in this conversation as he was in getting off the planet. She wrapped her arms around her legs and tried to block out the stinging pain from the nero-toxin. Something told her that the effects were only just beginning to kick in.
"Do you have any inkling as to why I joined SHIELD in the first place?" she suddenly demanded as her face grew hot with frustration. Kirk didn't dare take a step closer when he saw just how furious she was. Objects had begun stirring in the room, and it wasn't until feeling a hand on her shoulder that she had to remind herself to keep her emotions in check. "I joined because it was the only place I ever felt accepted. All I ever wanted to do was help people. SHIELD not only gave me the opportunity to make a difference in the world, but they also gave me a second chance at life. Starfleet only took that away from me!"
Her voice barely held a trace of resentment within it. Kirk's mouth gaped open in disbelief when he realized what she was implying. Starfleet had taken what little innocence of her childhood she had left. Even when Coulson adopted her, she still had bitter memories of what her parents did to her. To make matters worse, those memories went on to remind her why she didn't want to enlist in Starfleet. Kirk had only proven that it wasn't worth going through the same pain her parents put her through all those years ago. Guilt stabbed him in the chest as he realized his father had been far kinder to her than he ever was.
"I… I don't know what to say," he stuttered as realization dawned on him. For the first time since he found out she worked for SHIELD, she saw guilt flash across his eyes. Along with the realization that he was the reason behind all of the hell she recently endured. "Look, I know I can be an asshole at times, but…"
"Don't bother apologizing if it doesn't have a meaning to it," she snapped without missing a beat. "I've worked with too many people in the past to know that you're just going to keep whatever feelings you have to yourself."
Once again, Kirk winced and looked down at the ground guiltily.
It wasn't until feeling older Spock gently push her that she noticed she was struggling to stand. The toxin had begun taking a toll on her body. She ignored the fact that Kirk's eyes swept her up and down when she reached the small fire that older Spock built earlier. Her legs were weak from the effects of the toxin, but she refused to let it show. The last thing she wanted or needed was his sympathy.
"Nero's men injected a toxin into her system that requires medical treatment I cannot provide," older Spock explained when he caught Kirk staring.
"Bones is gonna kill me," Kirk groaned as he began to realize just what sort of hell she had been through.
Yeah, well he's gonna have to get in line, she added silently.
Emily wasn't on the verge of killing Kirk. Death was never the answer for anything. But, she wasn't going to make life easy for him when this was over. If she managed to survive at all. She managed to wrap her arms around her legs. When she did that, she grimaced at the pain that followed. She finally settled for burying her face into her arms while Kirk sat as far away as possible with older Spock keeping an eye on them.
She doubted the Vulcan intended to use this cave as a babysitting service. He seemed perplexed with how much distance they put between each other. Not that Emily couldn't blame him for his confusion. If what he said about his world was true, then they were living completely different lives.
The very idea of living in an alternate universe was daunting in itself. She couldn't imagine what that must be like for him. He'd seen what changes were made by Nero when he interfered with the lives of those he considered his friends. And she suspected so much more had also been changed as a result.
"Do you know anything about Nero and why he attacked everyone?" Kirk suddenly cut through the icy silence that followed.
"He is a particularly troubled Romulan," older Spock replied while looking between Kirk and Emily.
"That's putting it mildly," Emily muttered under her breath.
Kirk flinched once again when he noticed the tension in her voice. Worse still was seeing how rigged her form was as she sat alone, refusing to accept help from anyone. He dreaded the day when they would return to the Enterprise and when they would have to talk about how this all transpired in the first place. Most of all, he was dreading the moment when he would face McCoy's wrath when they returned.
Older Spock suddenly shifted closer towards Kirk, causing him to look at the Vulcan in alarm. Emily nearly rolled her eyes when she caught Kirk's look of confusion. He apparently had no idea what a Vulcan mind-meld was, let alone experienced one.
Then again, Emily was thankful that older Spock hadn't done that with her. The emotional transference wouldn't have ended well on his part. After enduring whatever the cruel world threw at her, she doubted anyone would want to experience what she had on an emotional level.
"Please, allow me," he insisted after catching Kirk's look of confusion and annoyance.
"Whoa, whoa, what are you doing?" he demanded before older Spock could perform the proper mind-meld.
"It's a Vulcan mind-meld," Emily explained with a roll of her eyes. Kirk looked at her in surprise, though she only glared back. "He isn't going to hurt you – Vulcans are touch telepaths."
For a moment, Kirk wasn't sure how to answer. Older Spock was hardly surprised that she knew all of this. Being the well-educated woman she was, he would have expected nothing less from her. Kirk finally gave a reluctant nod after realizing that older Spock didn't plan on hurting him. Emily took the chance to unravel her arms, wincing once again at the pain, and joined older Spock on his other side.
"One hundred and twenty nine years from now, a star will explode and threaten to destroy the entire galaxy." Emily watched curiously as older Spock went into full detail during the emotional transference. It was never something she had endured herself, but from what she gathered, it wasn't the most pleasant experience. It was only a few moments later when Kirk was gasping for air that older Spock apologized, "Forgive me. Emotional transference is an effect of the mind-meld."
She watched as Kirk stood up and stumbled towards her, and the fire. He was breathing heavily, obviously trying to control the emotions that older Spock just passed down to him. Once again, Emily was thankful that older Spock had not performed one on her. He seemed to understand that emotions were what controlled her powers. If she lost control here, the results would be disastrous.
"So, you do feel," Kirk confirmed.
"Of course he does," Emily rolled her eyes, earning a look of amusement from Spock as Kirk looked at her, "He's half-human."
"Going back in time, you changed all our lives," he said.
"That wasn't his doing… Nero's the asshole responsible for changing everything," she suddenly argued.
Once again, older Spock nodded in agreement. He hadn't planned on interfering with their lives even when he was intercepted by Nero. He wasn't given a say in the matter when she and Kirk were stranded on Delta Vega.
"Jim, Emily, we must go," older Spock said after they reached that conclusion.
"Go where, exactly?" Kirk asked warily.
He flinched when Emily refused to accept any help he had to offer. For the first time since giving away her position to the Council, he was finally beginning to regret doing so. It was obvious that she didn't allow anyone to see if she was vulnerable or needed help. He also realized with a start that that was why she'd always worn the suit. The last thing she wanted was people like him questioning where the scars came from.
"There should be a Starbase not far from here," she explained after struggling back to her feet. "SHIELD's been keeping tabs on nearby Starbases for better resources."
"Is there anything the agency hasn't done against Starfleet?" Kirk questioned with a raised eyebrow.
One withering look from Emily was all it took for Kirk to clamp his mouth shut. He had to keep reminding himself that it was his fault they were in this predicament. He knew better now than to interfere, especially after the way he treated her just minutes ago.
"You are correct, Liaison," older Spock replied.
Older Spock went to grab whatever gear was needed to survive out in the elements. Relief swept through Emily when he reached for an extra coat to give her. Since half of her uniform had been torn, she would be more exposed to the cold winds that often wreaked havoc throughout Delta Vega.
He barely stopped when Kirk finally asked a question that had clearly been on his mind, "Wait… where I came from… did I know my father?"
Not for the first time, Emily found herself remembering that Kirk never had the chance to meet his father. She often considered herself lucky to have known George Kirk. He was one of the few crew members aboard the Kelvin who actually looked after her. Plus, he was always willing to go out of his way just to make sure she had what she needed.
Guilt stabbed her in the chest as she wondered how things would have played out differently if she hadn't been on the bridge at the time. She had a feeling that she would have gone with the ship if Kirk hadn't seen her standing there.
"Yes. You often spoke of him as being the inspiration for joining Starfleet," older Spock replied, furrowing his eyebrows as he looked between Kirk and Emily, "He proudly lived to see you become Captain of the Enterprise."
"Captain?" Kirk asked in disbelief, looking pleased and shocked.
"Yes, to a ship where you both must return," older Spock nodded before looking at Emily, "Your injuries must also be tended to."
It was with those words in mind that the three of them trekked out into the cold. Emily pushed herself to keep up with the other two as the storm around them grew worse. She knew she wouldn't last much longer if the wind got any worse. Unfortunately, the snow only seemed to intensify into a blizzard.
Kirk tried offering what little help he could, only for her to brush him off. She wasn't in any hurry to accept help, especially from him.
"I don't need your help!" she shouted above the howling wind.
He just stared at her with a dumbfounded expression as realization swept through him. Not only was she too proud to accept his help, but she was stubborn as well. He tried brushing off the hurt and the guilt that followed, yet it didn't stop him from looking ahead warily. He found himself wondering how McCoy had been able to put up with her. It was clear she didn't enjoy letting people see whether or not she was vulnerable. Considering the agency she worked for, he realized with a start that he couldn't blame her for that notion.
Her shivering had only gotten worse a couple of kilometers ahead when older Spock finally intervened. He wasn't about to let her freeze to death just because she was too stubborn. Despite her protests, older Spock held her close and continued trudging through the snow with Kirk beside him.
When they finally reached the outpost, the toxin had taken its toll on her. She was on the verge of collapsing into older Spock's arms when he gingerly held her up. It was difficult to maneuver, but he somehow managed to make it work. Fortunately, Kirk was the one who pushed the door open so that they could escape the storm that was steadily worsening.
The corridor they found themselves in had smooth cement walls with dimly lit lights. Even Emily felt miserable just standing there. It reminded her all-too-soon of being stuck in the warehouse she was held captive in for so long. She felt Spock squeeze her reassuringly, as if he was aware of the painful memories that were beginning to resurface.
Kirk took another step forward, only stopping when they heard a shout echoing through the hall.
"Hello!" he called out.
Emily froze at the sound of metal clanging, as if something was thrown to the floor. Moments later, a shadow appeared in front of them.
It started running down the hall towards them. Emily blinked in surprise when she noticed the creature itself looked more like a small alien child. With bulgy white skin and beady black eyes, it looked more like a child than anything else. Though, Emily had no doubt this creature was an adult. Starfleet wouldn't be so cruel as to dumping a child onto a planet like this... would they?
He didn't speak. Instead, he turned and led them down the corridor through flashing lights. One of them turned off and didn't turn back on again. Emily felt her heart tug at the thought of being stuck in a place like this. She could only pity the poor soul that was forced to work here. After spending so much time in that warehouse, she knew what it was like to be stuck in a place like this.
The creature eventually led them into a large room where instruments of all sorts were scattered. Even in this room, the chill from outside could be felt. It made Emily wonder how Starfleet could allow anyone to work under such harsh conditions. Emily, Kirk and Spock were led to a large desk covered in all sorts of objects. Sitting at the desk, fast asleep, was a man dressed in a warm looking coat, hat and scarf. The creature hit the man in the leg.
"Wha?" the man grumbled without even opening his eyes.
When he received no answer, the man finally lifted the cloth covering his eyes and looked up. It was only than that Emily recognized who he was. Montgomery Scott. The very man who challenged Admiral Archer with his warp theory. She recalled how angry Archer had been when his prized Beagle was sent away by Mr. Scott during a preliminary test to prove his theory. According to the news she heard, Mr. Scott had been sent to a Starbase as punishment. Her eyes widened in disbelief when she realized that this man had been sent to a planet that might as well have felt like a living hell.
"You do realize how unacceptable this is?" the man asked in a heavy Scottish accent.
"Fascinating," Spock said, eyeing Scott curiously.
"What?" Kirk looked at Spock warily.
Emily was still leaning into Spock, using him for support to keep herself from collapsing. She was amazed her legs hadn't given out at that point. She was grateful that older Spock hadn't left her side since taking charge of her weakness. He seemed to realize that she didn't want Kirk or anyone else to notice how vulnerable she really was. Or that she was on the verge of collapsing from exhaustion and pain.
"Okay, I'm sure you're just doing your job, but could you not have come by a wee bit sooner?" the man ranted on as he was completely oblivious to the fact that the three of them were not who he thought they were, "Six months, I've been up here, living off Starfleet protein nibs and the promise of a good meal! And I know exactly what's going on here, okay? Punishment, isn't it? Ongoing. For something that was clearly an accident."
"You are Montgomery Scott," Spock said.
"You know him?" Kirk looked at Spock in confusion.
"Aye, that's me. You're in the right place. Unless there's another equally hard-working Starfleet Officer around," Scott replied, sarcasm dripping from his voice.
His attention was drawn from Kirk and Spock to Emily. She hadn't said a thing, but then again, she didn't need to. Her eyes lit up with recognition when she recalled hearing numerous reports on an Officer who had been sent to a planet to observe machinery in the harshest climates.
"You're the man responsible for testing your transwarp theory on Admiral Archer's Beagle," she supplied.
"You've heard of me, lassie?" Scott looked at her in surprise as he noticed she looked paler than Kirk and Spock, if that were possible.
"Tony's practically my unofficial brother," she nearly rolled her eyes, though her voice held a trace of affection as she spoke of him, "We've worked on a few projects together, and one of them happened to follow your transwarp theory."
She could still remember how invested Tony was when it came to said research. The genius tried proving Scott's theory was true himself many times, though it usually ended in miserable failure. It wasn't until finally hearing a complaint from Pepper that Tony put his experiments to an end.
Scott's mouth fell open with awe over the fact that someone like Stark had been willing to look into his work. Yet, he was also flustered that someone might have figured it out before him. He had been working on the transwarp theory for years, hoping to find some way of proving to everyone that it was a possibility.
"How'd tha work out for him?"
"It didn't end well for him," she replied with a sheepish smirk.
Despite the pain she was in earlier, she couldn't help but smile when she noticed how friendly Scott was.
Scotty grinned in response as he tried to ask another question when Spock intervened, "You are in fact, the Mr. Scott who postulated the theory of transwarp beaming."
"I know that dog," Kirk commented when Scotty explained how he ended up in this hellhole in the first place, "What happened to it?"
"I'll tell you when it reappears. I don't know," Scotty admitted guiltily, "I do feel guilty about that."
"What if I told you that your transwarp theory was correct, that it is indeed possible to beam onto a ship that is traveling at warp speed?" Spock asked.
Emily glanced at Spock in surprise. From what she gathered, he was doing his best not to interfere with the timeline. The only reason he'd told her about her past with his timeline was because she had already endured so much here.
"I think if that equation had been discovered, I would have heard about it already," Scotty replied, looking slightly confused at the fact that someone might have discovered his theory before him.
"The reason you haven't heard of it, Mr. Scott, is because you haven't discovered it, yet," Spock informed him.
She nearly laughed at Scotty's expression when he began to piece two and two together. It didn't take long for him to jump to the conclusion that anyone else would have guessed.
"Are you from the future?" he asked.
"Yeah, he is," Kirk replied for Spock, "We aren't."
"Well, that's brilliant. Do they still have sandwiches there?"
Once again, Emily found herself offering a ghost of a smile at the question. Scotty had a good sense of humor, and she appreciated him for that reason. Maybe they would get along well. If he didn't react the way everyone else seemed to when it came to working for SHIELD.
By the time Spock was able to formulate a plan for Scotty, everyone was already getting ready to leave. She never realized until that moment how ready she was to get off this planet. As much as she would be happier to end the misery that was slowly eating away at her, she knew getting away from it all was more important.
"You're coming with us, right?" Kirk asked when they reached the transport pad that Scotty had shown them.
"No, Jim," Spock shook his head, "That is not my destiny."
"Your dest…" Kirk glanced at Emily as she leaned against a wall for support, eyeing Spock warily, "He…" He looked back at Spock, "The other Spock is not going to believe us. Only you can explain what's going to happen."
"Under no circumstances, can he be made aware of my existence. You must promise me this," Spock informed them.
"How the hell does that make any sense?" Emily asked warily.
"Please, this is one rule you cannot break," Spock pleaded, before looking back at Kirk, "Jim, to stop Nero, you must take command of the ship. If she were at full strength, Emily would prove more than a capable ally as well."
"How?" Jim asked in a scathing tone, "Over your dead body?"
"Preferably no," he replied, "However, I believe Emily is aware of a Starfleet regulation that might help?"
"619… It states that any command officer who's emotionally compromised by a mission has to resign their command," she explained.
"So… So you're saying we have to emotionally compromise… you guys?" Kirk asked.
"Jim, I just lost my planet," Spock reminded him, "I can tell you, I'm emotionally compromised. What you must do is get me to show it. And it isn't the two of you who need to do so."
As if to prove his point, older Spock looked between Kirk and Emily. She rose an eyebrow when Kirk's gaze swept in her direction. He refused to make eye contact with her – after everything that happened, he wasn't in any hurry to face her wrath again.
"Aye, then, you two," Scotty joined them, getting onto the transporter pad with them, "Live or die, let's get this over with." He rolled his eyes as Keenser tried joining them, pushing the poor guy back, "You cannae go with me," he glanced at Spock, "Go on."
"You're going back in time, changing history," Kirk began, "It's cheating."
Spock smiled at the two of them, "A trick I learned from two very good friends." He held up his two fingers at them. Emily rose an eyebrow as she realized it was a Vulcan salute. "Live long and prosper."