Previously in the Darklyverse: Peter's ex-girlfriend, Siobhan Flynn, got back in touch with him. Peter felt unsure about the nature of his relationship with Emmeline. The Gryffindors started drifting apart, and Peter particularly felt left out on the other Marauders' double dates with Lily.

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October 16th, 1978: Peter Pettigrew

Honestly, Peter wasn't totally sure what to make of it when Siobhan first owled him. She's in her last year at Hogwarts, and Peter would have thought that she'd be too busy studying for N.E.W.T.s and cherishing her last moments in school with her housemates to want to rekindle some kind of relationship with the guy who publicly kissed another girl while they were dating. He feels weird asking her outright what her end game is here, so here he is, writing Siobhan his second letter in a week, dropping her name on the back of the parchment and handing it to the Hogwarts barn owl to carry back to her.

"Flynn again?" says Emmeline when Peter reemerges into the living room.

He sits down next to her on the couch, scooting down and twisting so that he can leave his head in her lap, his knees folded and his feet tucked up against the armrest. "I thought she hated me," Peter admits. "I don't know what she's getting at, getting back in touch with me now."

"Don't people usually look back on their memories as being happier than they were?" Em reasons. "She's probably just feeling nostalgic, now that you're not at Hogwarts with her anymore and she can… you know… get some perspective without running into you all the time."

"Girls," Peter says with a sigh. "I'm glad you're not like the others."

"I don't know whether to be flattered or insulted," says Em, looking like—Peter doesn't know what. He's usually able to read her, but Peter couldn't tell you the first thing about what Emmeline is feeling in this moment with him.

"I just mean—you're honest. You don't try to hide stuff."

"Peter, have you met me?"

He laughs a little. "Okay, yeah, you've hidden stuff, but—not from me. Not since sixth year."

She's scratching his head, and the drag of her fingernails feels good against his scalp. "You're not going to start dating Flynn again or anything, are you? Because it might get weird with you living with me but going out with her."

"What, should I not be going out with other people?" says Peter.

Her hand stops moving, and he wishes he could retract his words and put them safely back into his brain where they can't destroy this beautiful, fragile relationship they've constructed. "I just meant—since you did kind of cheat on her with me—that it might not go over so well for her, us living together."

"Oh. Of course."

Her eyes meet his, then, and she looks—a little scared, almost, or something like it. "For what it's worth, I think—I think I would have a very hard time dating anyone because of your role in my life," she says softly. "You're my most important person, and you're not going anywhere, and I think men would find that threatening."

"But we're not…" Peter starts. "…Are we?"

"I—"

WHOOSH.

Peter rips his eyes away from Emmeline's and sits up so quickly he nearly smacks his face into his knees. It's a Patronus, James's stag, stopping still in front of Peter and opening its mouth. It speaks with James's voice. "You're late. Moony has already transformed. Meet at Padfoot's."

"Shit, shit, shit, I forgot. I have to go," says Peter apologetically, standing up and searching the room for his wand.

"Go where? What's Moony? Who is—?"

"It's a full moon. We always spend them with Remus, and I forgot. I'll be back in a few hours when he goes to sleep, okay?"

Lighting on his wand (it's on the kitchen counter), he seizes it and then runs back into the living room and impulsively kisses Em on the forehead. "I'll talk to you tomorrow," he says. "I promise."

He's so distracted that he almost Splinches himself Disapparating, but he manages to hang onto all of his limbs somehow when he rematerializes at Sirius's flat. Lily is in the living room and waves at him.

"Sorry! Sorry, sorry, sorry," he says by way of greeting. "Are they back in the bedroom?"

"Yep. Have fun," she says with a smile. "I'm leaving for Marlene's in a minute, so I might not see you again tonight."

"Say hi to Lene for me," says Peter.

Back in the bedroom, Moony the wolf is curled up on Sirius's bed, while Sirius sits next to him and strokes a hand lazily through his fur. James is sitting on Lily's bed and kicking his feet so his legs straighten in the air and then fall again. "I'm so sorry," says Peter. "Just—girl stuff."

"Do tell," says Sirius, grinning.

"Well—Siobhan sent me another owl, and it took me forever to figure out what to write back to her. I don't really know what she wants from me? She's still at Hogwarts, so I can't see her very easily, and I don't know if she wants to get back together or… what. And then I was talking to Em about it, and things… got weird."

"Weird how?" asks James. "I won't lie, I don't really know what you two are doing together, but I thought you knew, at least."

"I thought I knew, too, but I don't anymore. I don't think Em does, either. This would all be a lot simpler if we did."

It's a little strange, spending a full moon talking to James and Sirius about girl problems while Remus listens as the wolf from where he's curled up, docile and totally in control. He's so used to the push-and-pull of trying to get Moony to scent him and calm down enough to run together in the woods, where all four of them are transformed and something primal sneaks into the bond that joins them together. "I'm going to transform, I think," he says, and Moony barks out his assent.

As Wormtail, everything in his head slows down pleasantly, and he thinks he could spend forever like this and still be happy, if he had to. He nestles into Moony's fur and allows himself to drift off to sleep.

Sirius wakes him up what must be a couple of hours later by scratching the fur on his back until Wormtail jostles. "Moony's asleep, if you want to take off. Prongs just left."

Wormtail scurries onto the ground and, with a pop, becomes Peter again. "Sure," he says. "Is Lily still at Marlene's?"

"Yeah, she decided to stay the night, I think."

"Well… I'll see you later, then," says Peter awkwardly. He doesn't have orb duty coming up with any of the Marauders this week, and failing that, he doesn't know when he's going to have the opportunity to see any of them next. He wishes he were more assertive, that he knew how to tell them how much he misses them and wants back into the circle, but Peter's just not that person.

"Have a good rest of your night, Wormy," says Sirius. "I'll see you soon."

But will Sirius see him soon? The way things have been going, Peter doubts it.

Emmeline has gone to sleep by the time Peter Apparates home, which is just as well: he doesn't know if he has the clarity to have with her the conversation they almost had earlier tonight. He'll see her in the morning at breakfast, he tells himself.

But Em isn't there when Peter emerges from his room for breakfast in the morning. Early shift at Scrivenshaft's—see you tonight, she's scrawled on a note in the center of the kitchen table.

He hopes it's not that he's scared her off and now she's avoiding him, and he sort of wishes he could take back everything they said last night if it'll mean that he wouldn't have messed things up and made them weird. All day at the Ministry, he allows himself to fixate on this, because worrying about things with Emmeline means he doesn't have to worry about the other big problem in his life, and that's his role as—he may as well be honest with himself about it—a double agent for the Death Eaters.

He's so totally worked up by the time he gets home that Emmeline frowns at him almost immediately after he Apparates into the living room. "What's wrong? Did something happen at work?" she asks anxiously.

"No, no, everything's fine, I'm just… stressed, I guess. I've been thinking about the Death Eaters a lot," he says, and he supposes it's not exactly a lie, even though what precisely he's been thinking about them is different from what Emmeline will assume.

"I know. I wish I had good advice for how to cope with it, but I don't," says Em. "But we're doing everything we can to make a difference, and that has to be enough. It just has to."

"I guess," says Peter, even though that really doesn't help him at all.

"Budge up," she says, and he scoots down the couch to make room for her on it.

They sit there on the couch, Peter fishing out today's Daily Prophet, him holding one side of the paper and Em holding the other, and his free hand—the one that's right next to her—sits in his lap where it can't do any more damage. But—their shoulders are brushing, and so are their thighs, and every time Emmeline fidgets or flips the page, shockwaves go up from the point of contact through Peter's entire body.

He feels like he's second guessing every interaction he's had with Em over the last two years. He thought they were platonic and that that was enough for both of them—but how could there truly be no romantic undertones when a kiss began the close relationship they developed? Does Em want something? Does Peter want something? Do they owe it to themselves to try and find out?

When Emmeline folds up the paper and sets it carefully on the end table, Peter is in a bit of a state. She turns to face him and smiles a little. "Either you're really anxious about the state of Wizarding Britain, or it's something else."

"It… might be something else," Peter confesses.

She looks at him for a moment in an almost appraising sort of way, and then she says, "You know, we don't have to do anything—you and me. If all that ever happens is what we already have, I'll be happy."

"I want… I don't know what I want."

"I don't, either," says Emmeline. "I just know that I love you."

There's that word again, the one they've been bouncing off each other recently. Peter's pulse picks up, but he genuinely cannot figure out whether that's because he wants more to happen or because he's horrified by how far they've already gone. Are relationships always this complicated? He doesn't remember feeling this way about Siobhan when they were dating, but then, he and Siobhan never did very much in the way of physical affection, and she was never officially his girlfriend, either.

Oh, god, Peter doesn't know if he's ready for Em to be his girlfriend. All he knows is he likes the sweet musk of her sweat, wants to hold her close and keep at bay anyone who could ever try to harm her, doesn't want her to stop when she lifts a shaking hand and puts it on Peter's cheek.

"I haven't done very much of this, and not in a long time," he says carefully.

"Yeah, I know. I haven't, either. Want to see what happens?"

"Very much so," says Peter helplessly, and then Emmeline leans in and covers his mouth with hers.