I couldn't remember ever feeling cold like this. I was aware that I was noticeably injured, but the cold seemed to numb my whole body and dull all my other senses. I had woken up in what seemed to be some kind of ancient tunnel, into which I had fallen in the middle of the cave-in. My bow was shattered and my daggers were gone. I was alone, wounded, unprotected and on the verge of freezing. I knew that stopping was not an option.
I walked, not sure which way to go out of the tunnel. The storm made it impossible to find any tracks, or to see more than a couple of steps. But I knew that standing still was the equivalent of accepting death. Time became a blur. All I could think about was gathering the strength to take the next step.
Eventually, I found the remains of a campfire. I could see how they were still smouldering, I couldn't be far away. But at the same time, I couldn't take another step. I reached my hands to the ashes, trying to receive the small dose of warmth available.
If I couldn't find them, they would have to find me. My time was running out, and I knew they couldn't do it without help.
I sighed, and gathered my last energies for what might be my final gamble. I raised my hands to the sky and launched a ball of fire as big, bright and scorching as my power would allow. I fell to the snow, breathing heavily. I thought I heard a couple of screams in the distance.
When I awoke, much of the cold had subsided, so the physical pain became more present. I looked down at my hands, to make sure all my fingers were still in place. Mother Giselle was sitting next to me, apparently waiting for me to recover. Still slightly dizzy, I heard her tell me that my presence was a miracle and that all the lives saved were because of me.
I think I replied that what had happened had nothing to do with any divine force, but with a horrible half-spawn man who wanted to rip my arm off, but she apparently chose to ignore it. She asked me to rest, and I was about to go back to sleep, when I saw Leliana, Cassandra, Cullen and Josie talking in the distance.
Or rather arguing. It looked like they were about to hit each other.
Oh bloody shemlem. They can't do anything right. Leave them alone for a couple of hours and they're ready to jump down each other's throats. I got up from the stretcher and shuffled my feet until I reached them. My body was so sore that every step was a challenge, and my irritation only increased as I got closer to them and listened to their ridiculous argument. All around them, several of Heaven's survivors listened to the dispute with exhausted and worried faces. I still had a couple of metres to go and my patience reached a limit.
My four counsellors jumped back as a fireball crashed to the ground in the middle of their discussion. Josie even let out a shriek. My hand was still smoking when I was finally at their side.
"But what the fuck is wrong with all of you? These people are terrified!" I shouted at them. "They just saw an army of mutant templars commanded by a damn darkspawn. Does this really seem like a good time to start arguing?" I wanted to keep shouting, but with the effort, my legs gave out. Cassandra quickly came over to hold me up. The stunned look on her face would have made me laugh if I'd had the energy to do so.
"Herald, you... You casted a fireball." Cassandra said, regaining her ability to speak.
"Yes, Cassandra, thank you for noticing. I came very close to carbonise all of you for behaving like idiots." I said wryly. It wasn't very kind, but I had no kind bone left in my body.
"That's how you alerted the scouts who were looking for you. They said they saw a huge flare, and then they found you." Leliana commented, pulling the threads together, just as I hoped she would.
"But Herald, if you are a mage, why didn't you say so?" Josie asked in confusion.
"The Herald of Andraste was, in addition to being a Dalish elf, an apostate. I didn't want to make your job harder, Josie. I'm used to fight as a rogue, I didn't feel it necessary to mention it." I replied as I shrugged my shoulders. "But that's not important now. Now you'd better keep all your opinions and arguments to yourselves and go and see what these people need. Tonight they need quiet and sleep. They've lost too much already." I said as I released Cassandra's grip. "Comfort the people. We'll come up with a plan tomorrow. Right now I need to rest."
I started to walk slowly back to the stretcher I was resting on, when Mother Giselle interrupted. Apparently she and all the refugees nearby had watched my little intervention. She began to sing a song and everyone followed. I had heard it before, I knew it was a kind of Andrastian song of hope. I didn't want them to keep thinking there was something divine about me, but the song seemed to improve morale, so I let it happen. I could not care less about their faith at this point.
When I was close to the stretcher I heard other footsteps near me.
"Could we talk?" It was Solas. I was very tired and I didn't know if I could stay awake much longer, but his expression was so serious that I assumed it must be something very important.
We moved a bit away from where the rest of the people were, so I assumed it must be something secret. With a gesture he conjured some Veilfire. I moved closer to feel its energy. Maybe it could be my exhausted state, but I felt something special about Solas' magic and his fire. There was something curious, but comforting. Almost familiar.
"How are the wounded, is anyone in serious condition?" I asked when I was sure no one could hear us. I feared that daylight would come and not find any of the faces I had grown accustomed to during these months. My question seemed to surprise him.
"You just faced a god-to-be and survived an avalanche, and yet the first thing you ask is how the others are?" His eyebrows rose in disbelief.
I tried to shrug my shoulders, but they hurt so much that I just made an ugly grimace.
"I'm resilient. Besides, I don't look so bad, do I?" I tried to sketch a soft smile. I was rewarded with one of his half smiles.
"Considering the situation, you look lovely." He said in a way that warmed my insides more than the fire in front of me. However, he seemed to remember something, and all the soft joy on his face vanished.
The information he revealed to me took the heat out of my body again.
The orb that Corypheus was using was of elven origin. That little piece of information could mean a turn for the worse to every elf in Thedas. It mattered little that Corypheus had no sympathy for the elves, but if an artefact of that power could be remotely attributed to the my People, there would be consequences.
"Eventually, they will find a way to blame the elves," I commented bitterly.
"I suspect you are right. It is unfortunate, but we must be careful to position ourselves as valued allies. The faith they have placed in you is essential at this time." He paused his words for a moment and took his eyes from the fire to look at me. The cold again made me shiver. Or so I told myself.
"By attacking the Inquisition, Corypheus changed it, and with it, you. You must lead them north. Be their guide." He pointed a finger in my direction. "There is a place that was waiting to be inhabited. A space that in the Inquisition can be developed and grown."
I sighed. I didn't know these mountains, and I had no idea of the path Solas was proposing. But it was clear that my time in the Inquisition was far from over. I could not leave now. There was too much at stake. Solas left the mountains and turned his attention back to me.
"You have shown unexpected leadership. It has been centuries since anyone of the elven race has held a place of power. You have shown strength, wisdom and strategy. But you have not forsaken kindness. The people here will follow you to the end of the world. And that is where you must take them."
Solas stopped, when he saw that my legs were beginning to weaken again. "But we can start our journey tomorrow. Right now you need to rest." He said as he stretched out his arms to support me. I don't know if it was that gentle comforting energy emanating from his Veilfire or if my body had finally reached its limit, but after falling into his arms, I slept.
When Solas said there was a place for the Inquisition I imagined a meadow, maybe a forest. Some kind of caves, where it would be easy to get food and build a couple of simple shelters. Along the way I even fantasised about some half-destroyed ruin. But when I saw the castle on the top of the mountain I almost fainted. It seems that the Veil was giving better advice than I had imagined.
"Tarasyl'an Te'las" Solas said it was called. It seemed an accurate name.
I wasn't used to living in this kind of place. The wooden constructions of Skyhold already seemed strange enough to me, compared to my aravels and tents. I had slept in firm buildings many times, but I had never "lived" in one. They were always temporary situations, with definite dates. And nothing had clear deadlines in the Inquisition. I would have to get used to the cold stone and the feeling of confinement.
The first days in Skyhold were very busy. The place was huge, but it appeared uninhabited for centuries. There were entire halls to rebuild, to establish relationships with merchants, to study supply routes, to recover the wounded. As much as I wanted to study the place, the situation did not allow me to stay for long periods of time.
The chaos was not over after the Breach was closed. The travels through different parts of Thedas continued without pause, trying to piece together clues to Corypheus' next steps, calm the echoes of the conflict between mages and templars or the structural crisis of the Chantry. My decisions had consequences. I made friends and enemies. After a couple of weeks, new refugees clustered outside the walls of Skyhold, with hopes for the Herald and the Inquisition. The sight terrified me, but reminded me that disappearing was not an option for now.
In between all my duties, I made time to see Dorian. While at first the fact that he was a Tevinter mage had not been a confidence builder, these past couple of months had been enough for me to realise that I had judged him unfairly.
After the experiences at Redcliffe, whether in that fateful future or in the present with his father, I had decided that I could consider him a friend. Besides, with all the work, I appreciated having such a fun friendship. But I didn't expect to find Dorian arguing with Mother Giselle, who had apparently decided to "strongly advise" Dorian to stay away from me. I couldn't help but intervene.
"Excuse me Mother, but I don't understand what you are trying to say," I replied to Mother Giselle as I crossed my arms. She looked uncomfortable. I could assume she didn't think I would make her say it explicitly.
"Inquisitor, what I meant to say was..." She fell silent. I knew it was too late to take it back, there was no chance at all that I would let her go.
"No, Mother, please don't hesitate to say it. I'm certain Dorian and I can understand." I insisted. Mother let out a sigh.
"Inquisitor, the inquisition would not benefit at all if rumours of its closeness to certain individuals were to spread." She replied, as if that were an explanation in itself.
"Oh, do you mean individuals such as certain Tevinter mages? No matter the significant assistance they have given to the Inquisition? It may surprise you, Mother Giselle, but certain people hold that some actions are more important than prayers or prejudice." I replied sarcastically.
"Inquisitor, I do not mean to deny the contributions young Maestre Pavus has made to the Inquisition. Quite the contrary, I appreciate them greatly. I merely wished to suggest keeping up appearances in order to prevent any comments on the Inquisitor's decorum." I almost laughed in his face. We're being attacked by a giant dragon and a half-dragon, half-darkspawn, and of course the Chantry's biggest concern was my sex life.
"Oh by the Creators, do you think I'm sleeping with Dorian? Alas, dear mother, you are far more lost than you realise. But let me make one thing clear." I held up the hand in which I carried the Mark. "I have all of Thedas watching my actions regarding Corypheus. I assure you I don't need them checking who I'm taking to bed as well." I clasped my hands together in a prayer position. "You people have decided to name me the Herald of Andraste. Mother, I am blessed. And I can assure you, I do not need anyone looking out for me. Now, I would deeply appreciate it if you would not bother Dorian again." Finally, Mother Giselle accepted her defeat and retreated to the courtyard to bestow comfort on the refugees. Or at least that was her excuse.
Dorian wanted to pretend that it wasn't a big deal, but I was certain my intervention assured me a big place in his vain heart. And contrary to what I would have thought a couple of months ago, I didn't want anyone to make my favourite Tevinter suffer.
After catching up with Dorian, I went downstairs from the library to enter the Rotunda that had become Solas's study. There he stood, staring at the wall with great attention until I approached.
"It seems the Inquisitor is now fully recovered. It looked like we'd be declaring war on the Chantry up there any minute now." He said with a smile. Whoops.
"I'd say sorry, but not really." I said shamelessly. "Josie will hate me for a couple of days, but I couldn't let it go. I appreciated Mother Giselle's help, but I had to set boundaries. I'm no one's pawn and I won't serve the Chapel's rules or games."
"I couldn't agree more." He said, his eyes leaving the wall. "But I suppose you haven't come to communicate your latest indiscretion to me." He added wryly.
"Latest indiscretion? Oh, habren, you wound me. You say it as if it happens often." I feigned a hurt expression.
"I think Commander Cullen still jumps a little when he hears you coming..." He said as he held his chin in a thoughtful gesture. "I wonder if it has something to do with a certain fireball..."
"Do you think it was because of that small ember? I make him nervous, I have that effect on people." I deflected his comment as I shook my hair. "But as you were saying, I didn't come here for this. I'd like you to tell me a little more about what we talked about the other night at the camp. Before we got to Skyhold." That seemed to get his attention. His expressionless face lit up with a soft smile. I took courage and asked him what I'd been thinking about since Heaven.
"Also, I'd like to know a little more about your studies. Now there's no need to hide my magic anymore, so maybe you could teach me a thing or two. I'd like to learn more." I said genuinely.
"You never cease to amaze me." He said, raising his eyebrows. "Alright, let's talk. But first let's go somewhere a little more interesting. There you can tell me what you'd like to learn." He started walking quickly and I followed him.
We walked through Heaven while Solas told me about the first moments of the Breach's appearance. He detailed the time he took care of me because of the Mark. Thinking of the days when he watched me silently as I lay sleeping made me slightly nervous.
"How long could it take to look at a mark on my hand?" I joked, trying to shake off that ridiculous tension.
"A magical mark of unknown origin attached to a breach in the sky between our world and the Fade? Longer than one might consider." My joke earned me a small smile on the side, but it quickly disappeared. "I ran every test I could think of, investigated the Veil, but I couldn't find any clues. Cassandra suspected duplicity, and threatened to execute me as an apostate if I didn't deliver results."
"Cassandra is like that with everyone, don't take it personally. She told me pretty much the same thing. And that she had no idea I was an apostate." I said as I shrugged. Now I had earned a legitimate laugh, and I enjoyed hearing it. While sarcasm and irony were common in Solas, an open laughter was harder to come by.
"Yeah, I guess you're right." He said as he kept walking. Our little walk took us to the exit of the chapel. In the distance, it was the great Breach, splitting the sky in flashing green.
"You were never going to wake up. How could you? A mortal sent physically into the Veil..."
The truth is, I didn't remember that actually happening, but I didn't interrupt him. I had a hard time thinking that I had actually been to The Beyond and I wasn't even able to remember it.
"I was frustrated and confused. The spirits who could have provided me with assistance were driven away by the disruptions produced by the Breach. As much as I wanted to help, I had no faith in Cassandra, and she had no faith in me. I was ready to flee." He confessed.
"But the Breach was a threat to all of Thedas, perhaps the entire world. Where were you planning to go?" I asked curiously. In truth, if there was somewhere to flee to was an alternative, I was interested to know. I had managed to communicate with my clan over the past few weeks, but I would do anything to keep them safe.
"Somewhere far away, where I could meditate and figure out an effective way to close the rift before its effects could reach me. I never said it was a good plan." He said as he looked directly at the Breach. He took a couple of steps away from me and stretched out his arm as if to cast a spell.
"I said to myself, one more try. I did it and failed. Ordinary magic would have no effect. I watched the breaches reproduce and expand. I resigned myself to escape when..." He stopped speaking and turned to look at me. "You closed a breach with a single gesture. And right there, I felt the whole world change." Her voice changed as he said the last words. They were lower and felt more intimate. I took a step, closing the distance between us.
"Felt the whole world change?" I repeat his words in the same low tone. I took one more step.
"A figurative's speech." He answered quickly.
"I'm aware of the metaphor, but I'm more interested in 'felt'" I took another step, a little closer to his body. I knew I was slowly approaching a point of no return, but I didn't want to stop. I remembered the feel of his fingers on my skin in Heaven. When he put the bracelet on me, when he combed a lock of my hair, just a few brushes that managed to give me shivers. The elusive glances, the private jokes, the innocent flirtations, and the not-so-innocent ones.
Solas was a grown man, and I was not a child. I knew I was attracted to him, and despite his aloof nature, I believed he was attracted to me too. While Solas had a cordial relationship with the other members of the Inquisition, I knew he was different with me. Or at least that's how he made me feel.
"You changed everything." He said again, or rather, it seemed to escape his lips. He stayed in place, not moving away nor closer to me. I thought I saw desire in his eyes, but they were hidden behind indecision. But apparently I had enough resolve for both of us.
"Sweet talker" I said as I moved closer to his lips. I took his chin and kissed it. I could feel him stiffen immediately and he turned his face away shaking his head.
Oh fenedhis. I felt like an idiot. I couldn't remember anyone in the past rejecting my affections, but his expression was enough of a humiliation to make me want to run and get lost in the woods. How could I have been so impulsive? This could ruin everything…
But I barely managed to take a step away before Solas took me in his arms and kissed me. And that was enough to erase any other thoughts that might inhabit my head. I could only concentrate on the feeling of his lips on mine and his hands roaming my back, my waist, my hips.
In his eyes I had seen hesitation, but in his hands there was only firmness. I felt his hands rough against my body, warming everything in their path. His touch and kiss was enough to make me feel wet.
I blushed a little as I felt them grab my ass. While I had made the first move, he now dominated the kiss. His tongue parted my lips and took my mouth completely. My hands roamed his neck, his jaw and his chest. Everything felt firm to my touch. I wished we were somewhere else, sometime where I could explore what was hidden beneath those layers of clothing. Exhilarated, I bit down on his lower lip and heard a soft growl from the back of his throat. I moaned in response.
He pulled away for a moment, which I took the opportunity to catch my breath before returning once more to his lips. I thought I saw him shake his head, but I ignored that reaction, concentrating only on his mouth. I could get used to this…
But it was over as quickly as it began. Solas turned away from me.
"No. We shouldn't. This isn't right, not even here." He said taking a step to increase the distance between us.
"What do you mean 'here'?" I asked confused, noticeably failing to hide my disappointment in my voice.
"Where did you think we were?" he replied with another of his sideways smirks. I looked around and suddenly understood. Heaven had been destroyed and I had closed the Breach, that meant that...
"This isn't real..." I whispered. Shame and anger replaced the confusion. The bastard had taken me to the Veil and he hadn't even told me.
"That's a matter of debate. We can discuss it further after you wake up." And with those words, I was already sitting back on the bed in the room I had taken as my own.
Stupid apostate obsessed with the Veil…
I brought my hand to my lips. They were still warm, even though nothing had really happened. I went downstairs while fixing my hair. Apparently I'd tossed and turned in my sleep, because my brown waves were escaping from my half-braided braid. How had he managed to get me to my room and put me to sleep without me even noticing? I got to the rotunda as fast as I could. There he was looking at some parchments on his desk, as if nothing had happened. As soon as he saw me, he smiled.
"How was your nap? Sleep well?" he asked innocently. Playing dumb? Two could play that game.
"I had a rather strange dream. Very strange indeed. I liked the ending, yes. I wouldn't mind a repeat." I said as I crossed my arms. Solas let out something resembling a nervous laugh, but quickly returned to his serious countenance.
"I'm sorry. The kiss was impulsive and ill-considered, and I shouldn't have encouraged it." He said seriously. Oh, you won't get out of this so easily.
"You may say that now, but it was you who started with the tongue." I said with a mischievous grin.
"I did no such thing." He replied very quickly, flustered. I laughed in his face. I knew I must have been angry, but seeing him so nervous was the funniest thing. It was a nice change from Solas's usual confidence.
"Oh, doesn't the tongue count if it's only "fade tongue"? I'm so sorry, Habren, you know I'm no expert in such matters. But I am willing to learn the differences and similarities like a good student." I replied now with false innocence. His smirk made my tummy tingle. My lower tummy more exactly.
"Oh, it's that so?" He said, raising an eyebrow. Now it was my time to giggly laugh. I could feel my cheeks getting all flustered. What was this man doing to me?
Unfortunately, he lost his smirk one more time.
"What I mean is..." He paused for a moment, sorting out his thoughts. "It's been a long time, and things have always been easier for me in the Fade." He said, somewhat explaining himself. "And I'm not sure this is the best course of action. It could lead to trouble." He added.
Uh, but I've always loved troubles. "This" as he had put it was something I caught myself wishing would happen. While I had begun flirting with him with little intention other than to amuse myself, I had learned to appreciate his ideas, his knowledge, and his company. I felt a desire to share with him, and even more than on a physical level. I couldn't remember feeling this way about anyone else. And I wanted to find out where those feelings were taking me.
"I'm willing to give it a try, if you are too." I said before I had time to regret it. I was worried about sounding too direct. I didn't want to pressure him.
"I, maybe... Yeah." He didn't sound too convinced. "If I could have some time to think. There are certain considerations."
"Take all the time you need." I said sincerely. I thought some time to think it over might do us both some good. After all, I was the Inquisitor now. It wasn't a great time to start seeing someone.
"Thank you. Things that happen in the Veil don't usually throw me off so much." Having cleared up the above, he seemed to be a little more relaxed.
"I told you, I have that effect on people." I interrupted as I went back to shaking my hair. Solas let out a soft laugh. Oh Creators, that laugh. Why does it feel so good to hear it?
"But now I'm reasonably sure we're both awake, so if you'd still like to talk about what you told me, I'd enjoy a chat." He didn't say "with you" but I figured that's what his eyes meant. I still had some time and a lot of questions for him to answer.
We talked for hours about his travels through the Veil and things I was interested in learning. He shared some of his theories about Corypheus, about his origin and his power. We agreed that, in my limited free time, he would help me learn some useful spells, as I lacked more concrete and formal training in my magic. However, I would prefer to continue fighting as a rogue. While that seemed to get her attention, he saved his curiosity for later. We talked until darkness began to creep in and the castle needed fire to light it. We said goodbye and I left the rotunda. I felt a ridiculous happiness in my chest that made me laugh. I was behaving like a little girl in love. But that joy would not last long.
As I walked down the main hall to my room, Varric stopped me. He looked nervous and kept scratching the back of his head.
"Riddle, if you have time, it would be nice if you could talk to a friend. I think she might have a couple of interesting things to tell us." Varric said looking sideways, making sure no one overheard him.
"Any friend of yours can be a friend of mine. Where can I see her?" I looked sideways, expecting a dwarf to pop up around.
"Hey, my friend doesn't really like crowded places. Perhaps it would be better to meet at dawn, near the east tower." Varric commented. This wasn't giving me a good feeling.
"Varric, what's wrong?" I asked confused.
"It just so happens that you have very bad luck, and apparently there's a problem with the Grey Wardens. And it also just so happens that Cassandra is going to kill me when she finds out how I found out." Varric said, letting out a big sigh.
Oh, fenehdis. I can never catch a rest.