Shit, why the hell isn't my gear working?

This is not good.

It was fine when I checked it earlier today, before we left.

Did I miss something?

She didn't have time to think for long, the smaller titan was already reaching down to grab her, the rest closing in fast.

Without thinking, acting on instinct, years of training and experience driving her, she dodged the hand as it came down to grab her, bolting in between its legs. Before the titan had time to react, she'd sliced her blades through its heel, racing to slice the next. The act was harder without the speed she would normally get with ODM, but adrenaline was giving her the added strength she needed.

Almost instantly, the titan toppled over, the ground shaking as it landed, throwing her off balance. Forcing her feet to steady, knowing she didn't have long before the titan regenerated, before the other titans caught up to her, she ran across the titan's back up to its nape, struggling to stay on her feet as it moved, desperately trying to reach its prey.

Before she even had the chance to tear her blades through the titan's nape, she felt a giant hand wrap around her body, and her heart raced, stomach knotting, the bile rising in her throat.

No, please, no, I'm not ready to die.

She struggled against the titan's fierce grasp as it drew her up in the air. Eyes wide and full of fear as she stared into its blank face, its teeth glinting in the moonlight had her skin crawling.

Its hand was wrapped tight around her arms, and she couldn't maneuver her blades out of it. She watched helplessly as the titan's mouth grew near, the smell of death and decay surrounding her, and she had to fight back the urge to vomit.

She didn't even feel the tears streaming down her face as her impending doom grew nearer, didn't hear her own panicked grunts as she struggled against the titan's grasp, her imminent death terrifying her, blocking out everything.

I'm not ready, there's so much I want to do.

I'm finally with Levi, I'm not ready to leave him yet.

I'm not ready to leave Hange, or any of my friends.

Dammit, I should have waited for him.

I'm sorry, Levi.

A voice broke through the fog of terror surrounding her, one she always recognized, and it sent a wave of hope through her, hope that she may survive this.

"Hang on, Isa!"

He could see her in the distance, alone, and could see the group of titans gaining on her. The number had him worried, too many for a single person to take on.

Where the hell is Luna?

Please don't tell me she sent away her horse with Hange. Dammit, Isa, you know better than that.

Why the hell isn't she fighting?

Fuck.

No.

Please don't tell me her gear is malfunctioning.

That hardly ever happens.

I know she checked it, like she always does, and she's thorough.

Why is it malfunctioning?

He watched in horror as she darted between the first titan's legs, slicing at its heels. He could feel the ground shake when the titan landed.

He was so close. His breath caught in his throat when one of the larger titans caught up to her, grabbing her before she could slice the nape of the titan on the ground.

He could see her struggling against that titan's grasp, too tight for her to use her blades.

For fuck's sake.

If you had just waited for me, dammit.

Another titan was reaching out to grab her legs, clearly ready to fight for a piece. The next titan was already right behind the one holding her, three more further back.

His teeth clenched, eyes narrowing in barely contained fury at the bastards trying to take her from him.

Not as long as I'm around.

I.

Am.

Not.

Losing.

Her.

He felt that same surge move through him, the one he'd never understood, fiercer than he'd ever felt, readying his body for action.

He barked out his orders to his squad who had been waiting for his command. "Gunther, Amelia, you take the three in the back! Eld, be ready to catch her when she falls!" His determined gaze took in the four surrounding her. "I've got the other four bastards!"

Another round of 'yes sirs'filled the air, and his body took over as it always did.

He rose to his feet on Spartan, the memory of Isa showing him how to do this filling his mind, remembering how amazed he'd felt at how natural she'd looked standing on Luna's back, as if she'd been made to ride horses. Something else he'd never told her.

He drew his blades, flipping one into that backwards grip that always felt more natural no matter what he was holding, a knife, these blades, anything. He prepared himself to move as he drew closer, placing his trust into his squad.

He remembered hating the way he'd felt impressed by her at the beginning when he'd see the way she moved in training, refusing to trust her, despite something inside him telling him she was trustworthy. All that time he'd wasted fighting his attraction to her, fighting everything he'd felt around her. He'd been too damned stubborn. That first time he'd locked eyes with her in the mess hall had sent a jolt through him, and it had been the most jarring thing he'd ever felt, putting him on edge, not trusting it.

What happened then doesn't matter, not now. What matters, is that I have her, she has me, and I'm not going to lose her.

Trusting Gunther and Amelia to take care of the other three, he latched a grappling hook onto the arm holding her as it slowly brought her struggling form closer and closer to its mouth, the blank expression on its face pissing him off even more. He was so close he could see the terror in her face, the tears streaming from her eyes. He called out to her, letting her know he was right there, years of experience and that surging energy guiding him as he sliced through the titan's arm at the wrist removing her from its grasp, placing all his trust in Eld to catch her.

You bastards are trying to take the one good thing I have in my life.

Without stopping, he spun up the arm of the second, taller titan, the one that had been reaching for her legs from behind the first, latching onto the titan's back when he'd passed its shoulder to yank him back as he spun down towards its nape, using the momentum to slice through it.

He kicked off the falling titan to push himself in the direction of the shorter one that had been holding her, its blank face having turned to face him, already reaching for him, its disgusting grin setting his teeth on edge, but it was too slow, no match for Levi. His hooks latched onto its back before it could turn around, reeling him down as he spun, slicing through the nape, effectively killing the second titan.

The one person who means more to me than anything.

Saving the titan still on the ground for last, its heels steaming as it struggled to get back on its feet, he stood on the falling titan's back and turned to face the third titan creeping up from behind. He took in the bastard, mouth twisting into a scowl, eyes a cold, metallic gray, full of icy fury, having lost their warmth the minute he'd seen the titans approaching her.

That's not going to happen.

He latched his hook up to the titan's head, landing directly on top of it, sneering down at the bastard as it looked around in what could have passed for confusion, not having realized its prey was currently resting on its head, eagerly turning into its predator.

Not as long as I'm alive fuckers.

Disdainful amusement filled him as he watched the titan's arms come up, clearly hoping to grab him, needing to fulfill the instinctual, incessant urge to consume any and all humans that crossed its path.

Not a chance in hell. Not while I have to keep her safe.

He jumped down, using a burst of speed to slice through the titan's nape, latching his hook onto its back, swinging down between its legs to slice through the nape of the titan in the ground just as it was starting to rise.

Almost simultaneously, all four titan bodies slammed onto the ground with a resounding thud echoing through the air, the impact sending vibrations across the land.

To the observer, he had downed the titans in a matter of seconds, Gunther and Amelia still working on the third and final titan. To him, an eternity had passed, desperately needing to check on her, needing to see she was safe. He wouldn't hold her yet, knowing he wouldn't let her go if he did. He'd have to wait until they were back inside the walls, wait until he'd gotten his anger under control.

He would never hurt her, in any way, but he was likely to yell at her if he spoke to her too soon, and he knew how he could get, remembered the way Isabel and Furlan would get nervous when he yelled, when he was on edge. He didn't want her to be afraid of him. Ever. She was the one person who looked at him as if he were simply that, a person. Human. Treated him as that. Not as some savior for Humanity, not with fear, not with blind, misdirected adoration. He didn't want to ever do anything to change that.

He understood why she'd gone, he truly did. But that didn't change the frustration he felt at her for—once again—not thinking of herself first. He usually admired that trait in her, her ability to care about others and their needs, but in times like these, he needed, wanted her to put herself first for a change. All she'd needed to do, was to have waited a few minutes, and he would have been right there beside of her, the way he always was.

He didn't understand why she couldn't have just waited. Didn't know if he'd done something to make her doubt him, doubt his promise to her.

As he landed on the ground, heart racing as the adrenaline and surging energy faded, he looked around, relief flooding him when he saw Isa sitting with Eld in his horse, once again, years of practice keeping him on his feet when his knees threatened to buckle. He whistled for Spartan, leaping on so he could meet them, Amelia and Gunther close behind.

After she heard his voice call out for her, she felt the grip around her loosen as she began to fall to the ground. Before she could so much as scream at the feel, she felt someone grab her in mid-air, holding her close, arms wrapped around her. She looked up, surprised to see Eld carrying her as he landed back on his own horse, taking them both out of the way of the titans.

"It's okay, Isa. We've got you."

As she wiped the tears from her face with her cloaks as, she thought he sounded concerned, and she wasn't sure if it was because she'd left on her own, or if it was because Levi had come after her. She didn't know Eld very well, had never really spoken to him. She knew he was at least somewhat aware of the change in her and Levi's relationship. She knew he'd seen when Levi had kissed her forehead back on top of the wall in Karanes.

They watched as Levi took down all four titans in a matter of seconds and she could do nothing about the sheer awe filling her eyes, mouth agape at his speed, his strength.

I've seen him take down multiple titans before, I've seen his speed before, felt it, but it almost feels as if he's faster now.

She thought it seemed as if Eld wanted to ask her something, but didn't have the chance to as Levi approached them, Amelia and Gunther close behind, having taken care of the three other titans.

Before anyone could do anything, she couldn't hold back anymore, the adrenaline and fear churning inside her.

She stumbled off of Eld's horse as the contents of her stomach rose to her throat, collapsing onto the ground on all fours. Despite the embarrassment of this happening in front of others, she could do nothing to control the heaves.

When she'd finished, her arms were shaking as they struggled to hold her, skin clammy, eyes clenched tight as she fought to catch her breath. She felt a strong hand on her back, immediately recognizing it as Levi's.

She heard his calm voice coming from behind her. "Thanks Eld, I've got her."

She turned her head, met his worried gaze, and she could see the silent question. He pulled out his handkerchief, gently wiping off her face before tucking the cloth back into his pocket. She wanted nothing more than to throw herself at him, needing his arms around her, but she knew they needed to get back to base. She could tell he was still upset with her, could see the frustration in his eyes.

She gave him a reassuring smile. "I'm okay, Levi. Thank you."

Despite the frustration in his eyes, the fear, the anger, she saw the hints of affection in them, the relief, his hand coming up to tuck some stray hair behind her ear, his thumb stroking at her cheek, her breath hitching at the act, the smile on her face turning affectionate, eyes warm as they looked at him.

Ignoring the curious looks from his squad, she took the hand he held out for her as he gently pulled her to her feet, helping her onto his horse before climbing on himself, taking the reins in his hand. She wrapped her arms tight around him as he nudged Spartan into a gallop, his squad close behind.

She could feel the tension in his body, could practically feel his frustration and anger pouring from him in waves. His silence was far more deafening than the sound of the horses' hooves. It was rare for her to see him this way, rare for her to have angered and frustrated him, and she could feel the guilt pouring in.

Guilt for not trying harder with Hange, for not being there for her friend.

Have I been a shit friend lately? I had a sense that Hange was on edge, I was worried about this expedition for a reason?

Is this my fault?

Guilt for worrying Levi.

I know he's upset with me, and I don't blame him. I'd be upset with him too if he'd done something like this. I just…I don't know what I should have done.

Should I have waited?

She was torn, unsure of what to feel what to think. She didn't regret going, not after seeing Hange's state, at least not fully. She realized that she probably could have waited for Levi, but she'd been too caught up in the thought of something happening to Hange, too afraid to lose yet another friend.

She buried her face into his back, fighting back tears of frustration, of worry, of fear.

I'm sorry, Hange, for not being there when you needed me. I…I've failed you.

I'm sorry, Levi.

Irritation was filling her for Hange, for having risked her life for something like this.

Dammit, Hange, why the fuck would you do this? You know better than to go off alone. I'm hardly one to talk, and I'm probably a hypocrite for thinking this, but dammit, why would you do this?

Why didn't you talk to me?

We always tell each other when something is bothering us.

It's harder for me, but I've come so far. You've never had a problem talking to me.

So why now?

Do you feel...abandoned? Did I abandon you?

As quick as her irritation appeared, it was shoved aside by the overwhelming guilt filling her.

Have I been so caught up in my relationship with Levi, that I failed her? My best friend? My first friend?

Her mind swirled with her thoughts, body filling with warring emotions, all conflicting. She didn't know what to feel, what to think.

She knew it had been dangerous to go off on her own, that Levi had every right to be upset with her. She just hoped he could forgive her.

They arrived back to base, sun starting to peak over the horizon, and Isa leapt off Spartan, bolting for the medic tent, needing to see Hange, Levi close behind her.

Relief flooded her when she saw Hange lying on one of the cots, a bandage wrapped around her head.

She sat down on the side of the bed, hand coming up to stroke gently through her friend's hair.

Hange stirred at the soft touch, eyebrows knitting together, though her eyes remained closed. "Isa?"

She couldn't stop the small smile from filling her face. "I'm right here, Hange. You just focus on resting. We'll get you back safe."

Hange mumbled something as her body relaxed, drifting back off to sleep.

It was only then that Isa saw Moblit sitting in a chair next to the bed.

She took in his weary expression, one that was often present with Hange. "Did she get back okay?"

He nodded, eyes never leaving Hange. "I was watching out for her, in case she somehow came back on her own, and saw your horse riding up with just Hange on her back. It looks like she hit her head pretty hard."

The memory of Hange's unmoving body filled her mind, and her eyes filled. "I found her in a tree, lying on a branch, unconscious. I'm not sure what happened."

The two sat in silence, Isa still stroking lightly at Hange's hair as she slept, sheer relief filling her that her best friend was still alive.

She didn't know what she would do if she ever lost Hange. She and Levi were the two most important people in her life, both filling different voids that had been empty for so long. Voids that she'd feared would never be filled, that she'd always be alone, without people who cared about her.

Even though she'd had other friends, Sherri, Lucy, Nanaba, and Nifa—friends that she loved with everything she had—Hange would always be more special to her, the bond between them unbroken, one that had formed that first day in training, completely different than any of the other bonds she shared.

Moblit broke the silence, though she could sense he didn't want to interrupt, knowing how close the two were. "Commander Erwin wanted to see you if…when you got back."

She groaned inwardly, not looking forward to this meeting at all. "I'm not surprised. I'll go now, thanks Moblit, for watching out for her."

She sighed as she rose, giving Hange one last look, before turning to walk out of the medic tent. She saw Levi standing at the entrance, hands tucked in his pockets, waiting for her. She knew he had to leave soon, he would be going with the group taking supplies to the nearby village.

"I'll…I'll see you later?" She hadn't meant for it to come out as a question, but she wasn't sure how this was supposed to go.

His only response was to bring a hand up to ruffle her hair, drawing her close so he could brush a soft kiss across her forehead, and her breath hitched as she smiled up at him, relief filling her that she hadn't somehow made him stop wanting to be with her. She could feel the flush creeping up her face, the one that always showed up anytime he showed affection when she wasn't expecting it.

As he walked away, needing to regroup with his squad before they left again, she could feel Moblit's curious gaze on her back, which she chose to ignore, not in the mood for questions. She took a breath and made her way to Erwin's tent.

It should have been me watching out for her from the start. I noticed that something was bothering her, should I have pushed harder?

Is this my fault?

At Erwin's tent, she called out, letting him know she was there, entering when he called her in.

She walked inside and saw him standing by a small table in the center, looking over some plans for the supply base they'd be setting up that day in the nearby village, chin resting on his hand, elbow resting on his other hand as his arm crossed in front of him. She stopped on the other side of the table, her hands clasped nervously in front of her, took note in the way his brows were furrowed in concentration as he checked over every detail.

Her voice was soft, full of her respect for him as she spoke. "Sir, Moblit said you wanted to see me?"

His calm eyes darted up to her, and she thought she saw relief in his eyes, though she wasn't sure why, not realizing he was relieved that Levi hadn't lost another person who was so important to him. Erwin had long been aware in how important Isa was to Levi, perhaps even longer than Levi himself had been aware. Even when the two had been on his squad, he'd seen the looks Levi had given her.

He nodded. "Yes, I wanted to talk to you about what happened. Moblit tells me that Hange went off on her own with the goal of capturing a titan, and that you went after her alone when he told you she was missing."

She swallowed thickly, embarrassment filling her at the way it was phrased, dreading the reprimand she feared was coming. "Yes sir, that's what happened."

His mouth thinned at the confirmation, clearly displeased at what two of his most important Scouts had done. "I'm guessing I don't need to remind you how dangerous it is to go off on your own outside the walls."

The disappointment in his voice and eyes hurt more than if he'd yelled at her, and she couldn't stop the internal wince. She almost wished that he would yell at her. She'd never spoken to him much, other than in training and about her abilities, but she'd respected him as her Squad Leader, and she respected him as her Commander, and the thought of disappointing someone she respected had a fresh wave of guilt filling her.

She shook her head, voice apologetic as she struggled to form into words what had spurred her actions, fighting the urge to squirm under his perceptive gaze. "No, sir. I'm not sure what came over me. The thought of Hange, out there, alone, was too much for me to handle, and a part of me took over, refusing to listen to reason, to logic, which I know frustrated Levi."

His arms crossed in front of him. "Yes, I overheard bits of your argument. I wasn't aware of what exactly was happening. Moblit found me just as Levi was leaving."

She could still feel the giant hand wrapped around her, the smell of death overwhelming her. She looked down at her fidgeting hands, struggling to keep still. "Yes, if…if he hadn't shown up when he had, I wouldn't be here talking to you."

His eyes turned grim at the thought, knowing how Levi would have reacted to losing her, knowing the branch would have suffered without such a strong member. "I see. I know your horse got back here alone with her. We'd thought the worst."

"When a horde of titans followed us out of the forest, I had to make a decision." She'd hated having to send Luna away, knowing exactly how dangerous it was to be outside the walls without a horse, but she hadn't had a choice. "They were too fast, so I sent Hange on Luna and I was going to take on the titans on my own. As I did, my gear malfunctioned."

His brows shot up to his forehead, tone full of disbelief as he spoke. "Malfunctioned?"

The remnants of that helpless feeling filled her, the feeling of not being able to do anything when faced with potential death. "Yes sir, I'm not sure how. It was working fine when I was searching for her in the forest, but it happened all of a sudden, with no warning."

He hummed, brows furrowing once again, and she could practically see the gears in his mind whirring. "It's not uncommon for gear to malfunction, though it is rare. Are you certain no one tampered with it?"

Her eyes widened, surprise filling her at the question. "The only person I know who ever tampered with gear is locked away in Stohess. And I checked it yesterday morning, before we left, the way I always do. I didn't see anything wrong with it."

He had no doubt that she had checked, it was the one thing all Scouts were diligent about, knowing their gear was the number one thing they had that meant the difference between life, and death. "Nonetheless, I'm going to have your gear sent to the engineers in the Garrison to check it. Leave it here with me and get a spare from one of the wagons."

She didn't like the sound of that, nerves jangling in her stomach at the thought of someone trying to end her life. Again. "Do you suspect something, sir?"

A grim look passed over his face, so fast she thought she imagined it. "I know you have your fair share of people who want to see you suffer. This is just me just being cautious."

This was one of the reasons she respected him as her Commander. While he was known for taking risks, he still put the safety of the Scouts first, and if there was one thing he hated most, it was the thought of a Scout purposefully attempting to harm a comrade, when there were enough threats towards them to begin with.

"I appreciate that. I've never understood why some people seem to hate me."

Understanding filled his eyes, having seen exactly how people had been towards her, which is part of what was spurring his decision to have her gear checked. "Some people don't need a reason. They latch on to someone for whatever reason suits them, and then everything that someone does fuels the hate."

"That makes sense." The memory of what had filled her after reading Uma's final note to her still shamed her, still surprised her that she'd felt something so strong and negative. "I've felt that before, that hate, and I would have spiraled downward if…someone hadn't helped pull me back."

Without asking, he knew exactly who it had been who'd helped her. "He cares about you a great deal, I can tell."

She shifted in place, avoiding his gaze once again, arms crossing in front of her. "I know, it…it took me a while to realize, longer than I'm proud of, but I know now."

"I'm happy for you both."

Her wide eyes shot to his, brows lifted in surprise, the sincerity in his voice and eyes clear as day. She hadn't even been aware that he'd known of the change in their relationship. "You are? I…I wasn't sure if this sort of thing would be frowned upon, given the difference in our positions."

Amusement filled his eyes, shoulders shrugging, never having felt the need to dictate what the Scouts do in their free time, who they spend their free time with. "Who am I to tell people who they can and can't be with? I ask them to risk their lives, each and every time we leave the walls. I think that's more than enough from me. Besides, you two were friends long before there was ever a change in position. I wouldn't expect that to suddenly just stop."

She swallowed thickly, relief she hadn't realized she needed filled her at the confirmation that she wasn't breaking any rules by being in a relationship with Levi. Not that she would have cared if she had been, not fully at least. "That's…that's good to know. I'd never thought of it that way."

"You're good for him, Isa, I can see that. I'm not going to deny him something that makes him happy, that makes you both happy." He paused, as if unsure if he should say his next words. "Just promise me something."

"Anything, sir."

"Don't hurt him."

She could see the concern on his face, and she could tell this was something that had been on his mind for a while. "I promise you, I will never hurt him. Before anything else, he's my best friend."

If Erwin sensed the two were in love with each other, there was no indication of this knowledge, no sign of his intuition. He simply gave Isa a small smile, telling her that all was forgiven, silently dismissing her.

She also knew that if something like this happened again, she wouldn't get off as easily. She hoped this never happened again, the emotions warring inside her were tearing her apart, but she needed to keep it together, refusing to fall apart outside the walls.

She removed her gear, leaving it with Erwin, before making her way to the wagons and taking a spare, adjusting the straps so that they fit on her.

Needing to check on Luna, she found her settled in her pen, grazing on some hay and she had a hunch that Moblit had made sure that Luna was comfortable.

The possibility that her gear had been tampered with had left her shaken. There were only two other people in the Scouts who had ever given her any issues, but surely they would never do something that extreme. At most, she'd only ever gotten hate filled glares from them, cruel words, but they'd never done anything to physically hurt her.

Don't worry, Erwin is going to send off your gear to get checked, and they'll find it was some random malfunction from something I missed yesterday.

The remainder of the expedition passed without issue. The Scouts were successful in setting up their secondary base, filling it with supplies before returning back. She was relieved when Hange's horse made its way back to their base. She knew Hange's horse meant as much to Hange, as Luna did to Isa.

Everyone made quick work in gathering their supplies in preparation of the return journey, all eager to be back behind the walls, hopeful that no one else would be lost.

The ride back to Trost was silent as she rode next to the wagon Hange was settled in, her horse's reins tied to Luna's saddle. Levi still rode beside her as he always did, even more inclined to do so after seeing her in that titan's grasp, but he didn't talk to her, barely looked at her, and she could tell he was still angry.

She hated whenever she did something to make someone angry. She always worried that one day she'd go too far, and she'd be alone again. She was still torn, unsure of what she should have done. She could see both choices as being right. Listen to Levi and wait or go after Hange on her own.

As they rode, she shot glances at him, unsure of what she was supposed to do, unsure of what she needed to do. This was the first time she'd angered him to this extent since they'd become friends. Even still, she didn't think she'd upset him this much back in the beginning.

She vaguely remembered her parents' fights, their arguments, the way they would sometimes yell at each other, yet they'd always managed to work it out, to resolve whatever had caused the fight. She wasn't sure how to do that, but she was willing to try, willing to work this out with him.

Back on base, she settled Luna into her stall as she always did, always making sure her mare was comfortable and fed before taking care of her own needs. She was thrown back to that day when Levi lost those three members of his squad, in the way he left alone, not waiting for her like he always did.

Except this time, she'd been the one to upset him, but that didn't change her resolve. She was determined to move past this with him, and if that meant yelling at each other, then so be it. She refused to leave him alone. It was like she always told him, first, he was her best friend, and she would always be there for him. If he needed to yell at her, to get this out of his system, then she would make him do just that.

Before going to him, giving him some time alone, she made her way to her room to grab her things and clean up, eager to be rid of the remnants of the expedition, feeling slightly better once she'd showered and changed.

She stopped to check in on Hange in the infirmary. It was a small room, that had been added onto after Erwin became Commander, finally having succeeded in acquiring needed funding to add more beds, more supplies, a couple of extra nurses, though, lack of funding prevented the branch from having a larger facility such as what was found in the Military Police or the Garrison. Something else that always set her teeth on edge.

The Garrison I can see needing a decent infirmary, but why the fuck does the Military Police need the best infirmary. Why do they need one at all? They don't do shit.

She made her way to Hange's bedside, sitting down in the chair next to her bed, relieved that she was awake.

A soft smile filled her face as she met her friend's eyes. "How are you feeling?"

Hange's hand came to rest on top of her head, wincing when she did. "My head is throbbing, but that's about it."

Isa's arms crossed in front of her as she leaned back in her chair, the faintest hint of disapproval filling her eyes, though it was overridden by the guilt and remnants of fear still present inside her. "You're lucky that's all that's hurting."

She thought she saw the slightest hint of shame and regret fill her friend's eyes. "I know."

"I hope you know I'm going to yell at you when you're feeling better."

A sheepish look passed over Hange's face. "Yeah, I know."

"Good. Are you sure you're okay?"

She wanted to talk more with her friend, needed to know why she'd gone off on her own, needed to know if she'd felt abandoned, but she knew that what Hange needed right now was rest, not questions.

"I'm fine, go check on Levi. He left just before you came in, and I could tell he was upset."

The news warmed her, knowing he had a soft spot for her best friend, even if he never showed it, even if he denied it, even if he was always frustrated with her. "Yea, I…I did something kind of stupid. I'll tell you about it later when you're feeling better."

"It can't be much worse than what I did."

"It's practically on the same level."

Hange's eyebrows shot up to her forehead. "I look forward to hearing it then. Now go, he needs you right now."

She rose from her seat, leaning down to gently wrap her arms around Hange, pressing her lips to her best friend's temple, her own need to be certain her friend was alive and with her overriding the awkwardness she still sometimes felt with being affectionate with her friend.

Even though she was used to showing affection with Levi, she still struggled with being affectionate around her friends, with showing she cared. For some reason, it was easier for her around Levi, had always been easier.

She stroked her hand a final time through Hange's hair, and left, making her way to Levi's office. As always, she never knocked, never felt the need to knock, even less so now that she stayed with him every night.

She entered the door, letting it close behind her with a soft click. Her heart clenched when she saw him staring into the fireplace, arms crossed tight in front of his chest. She could practically feel the tension, his frustration, radiating off him in waves.

She walked up to him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Levi, it's me, I'm here."

He tensed even more as he spoke through a thinly controlled voice. "Isa you…you don't want to be around me right now."

"You don't have to hide from me. I can't help you if you hide from me."

He could feel his hold on the reins of his anger, his frustration, his fear slipping, the image of her wrapped up in that titan's grasp locked tight in his mind, all he could see. "I'm just…I'm not in control right now—"

She cut him off before he could continue. "Levi, I'm not leaving you alone. I know you're angry, and you have every right to be."

She gave his shoulder a squeeze, reassuring him that she was right beside him, always, the way he was always beside her. "If you need to yell at me, then do it. I'll probably yell back. But it's okay. First and foremost, you're my best friend, always, and I'm not going to leave you when you're upset. That's not going to happen. So go ahead, yell. Scream. Do whatever you need to do, because letting this fester isn't going to help. I'm not afraid of you, Levi. I will never be afraid of you."

His shoulders shuddered as he took in a shaky breath, as if he were trying to maintain control, and she could see it snap when he spun to face her, eyes narrowed in frustration and fear. "Dammit Isa, what the hell where you thinking?! Going off like that on your own? Alone!"

She winced internally, knowing it had been dangerous to do what she'd done. "I know."

His eyes flashed as he spoke through clenched teeth. "Do you? Because cadets fresh out of training know better than to pull some stupid shit like that!"

Her chin lifted in defiance, his words putting her on the defensive, her own irritation, her own anger rising. "Dammit Levi, she's my best friend! You know that!" She emphasized this with a jab of her finger towards him. "She was the first friend I EVER made in my entire life. I never had friends, NEVER! Not even in the Underground. Nobody ever wanted to be my friend."

She had to fight back tears at the reminder of how lonely she'd been as a child, not understanding why no one wanted to be her friend. She was surprised at how quick she was able to lose her own temper. Sometimes she forgot she even had one.

He shook his head in disbelief. "So your idea of friendship is risking your own damn life, running off in the middle of the night outside the damn walls!"

Her hands came to rest on her hips, taking a step closer so she could glare up at him. "Friends are there for each other, always! What kind of friend would I have been to just leave Hange out there alone!"

His face twisted into a scowl, irritation growing at her lack of concern for her own safety. "The kind that puts herself first for a change! You're always putting others before you, even at the risk of your own safety!"

Her eyes widened at that, before narrowing further, her frown deepening, hands clenching into tight fists against her hips. "I was putting myself first! I can't lose Hange! I wouldn't be where I am today if it hadn't been for Hange!"

He glared down at her, the mention of Hange currently setting his teeth on edge. "What do you think she'd say if she knew what you'd done!"

"I don't think she would have said anything, because she would have done the same for me!"

"Of course she wouldn't say anything since she's the idiot who went off on her own to begin with! That must be where you got that lack of sense from!"

She threw her hands up in the air in frustration. "What the hell was I supposed to do?!" She jabbed her finger into his shoulder, ignoring the way his eyes flashed when she did. "You saw Hange's state!"

"You could have waited, five fucking minutes!" His voice had dropped to a growl, his frustration ever present, not having figured out why she couldn't have just waited.

Her arms crossed in front of her chest. "You saw Hange when we got back to base! I didn't know if I had 'five fucking minutes'to wait!"

"What good would you have been for her if you had…" His eyes widened as he trailed off. He swallowed thickly, his anger dissipating at the thought, not able to bring himself to even say the word, terrified that one day exactly that would happen, and he'd be alone again, after finally finding something he hadn't known he'd been looking for.

He walked over to look out the window, running a weary hand down his face. Even though he was looking outside, nothing registered, all he saw were the images of what had happened, of what could have happened as they kept playing in his mind, refusing to cease, refusing to leave him be.

He'd never been the type to dwell on things, rarely wondering 'what if,' but here was this woman—this woman who meant so much to him, one who made him feel something he'd never thought he would be capable of—making him wonder 'what if.'

What if I hadn't been fast enough?

What if I'd been too late?

What if one day, I am too late?

What if I have to watch her leave me, the way everyone else has?

What if…what if she grows tired of me?

Somehow he knew, that if something ever happened to her, he'd be left with an emptiness inside that would never be filled again. He'd be able to continue, just as he had in the past, but he knew that the loss of her would hit harder than any other loss, and he knew he would never fully recover.

He'd be left an empty shell of himself, broken, worse than he'd been after his mother had died, continuing on because he'd know it's what she would have wanted for him. But nothing would be the same without her.

He'd had a taste of it when he'd seen the titan holding her in its clutches, and he'd practically seen life without her, after having her. Sleepless nights where he would turn over in bed expecting her to be there, except she no longer would be. Her lingering scent haunting him, reminding him of what he'd once had. Her face following him everywhere, everything around him reminding him how the smallest things would make her smile, laugh, her whole being lighting up when she did.

He knew there was no one who would ever make him feel this way, the way she did, this emotion that he finally understood, but was struggling to adjust to it, not understanding what it meant, never having felt anything like it before, not knowing what to do with it. He didn't even know when it had happened. He felt idiotic for having taken so long to realize.

When did I even start feeling this?

How am I supposed to tell her when I can't even think it?

He blew out a breath as he ran his hand through his hair.

Walls she deserves so much better than me.

He knew no one would ever bring this chaotic jumble of emotions inside him that he never wanted to lose. No one would ever make him want the way she made him want.

I'm not going to let myself think that way. She's safe, she's here with me, she still wants me as much as I want her, and that's all that matters.

She watched as he looked out the window, her own anger fading, hating that she'd made him feel this fear, knowing she was the one in the wrong. As much as she hated to admit it, he had every right to be upset with her. She'd thrown caution out the window, put her own safety at risk, without stopping to consider what could happen if she left alone.

She walked up to him, hands coming up to cup his face, eyes apologetic as they looked up at him, more guilt filling her when she still saw the lingering fear in his eyes. "You're right, Levi, and for that, I'm sorry. I…I don't regret what I did, not fully, not after seeing Hange's state, but I do regret it somewhat, because it was ridiculously dangerous."

She thought she saw the faintest glint of tears in his eyes, which fueled the guilt inside of her, had tears pricking in her own eyes.

His hands came up to frame her face, and she had to swallow at the gentle way his hands held her, as if she were something precious to him, as if he were afraid she'd break.

His forehead dropped to rest on hers, eyes intent on hers, full of questions. "Just…I don't understand." His voice was soft, and her heart clenched at the pain in his eyes. "I need you to explain why you couldn't wait. You know I would have gone with you, that I would have been right there with you. All I needed, was for you to wait—not even five minutes—for me to get my squad so that we wouldn't be alone."

A stray tear trickled down her face at his words, knowing he would have done just that. She thought of all the times he'd been there beside of her, helping her. He'd never failed her, never given her a reason to think he'd leave her alone.

Teaching her to fight, spending his own free time making sure she knew how to defend herself, how to hold her own.

Helping her through the attacks that hit her when she least expected it, despite his own struggle with comforting others.

Derek's trial, holding her after he attacked her, holding her after Martha's words, holding her hand in support, just being there for her.

Going to the damn Underground, the place he'd spent all his life trying to escape, yet he'd gone with her, no hesitation.

Shame filled her, another tear falling to join the other. "I…I know, Levi. I just, I lost control. The thought of losing Hange, of her out there alone, I couldn't see past that. And I probably could have waited, I just…I don't know what came over me."

His thumbs brushed away the tears from her cheeks as he struggled to put what he felt into words. "When I saw you, with that titan, I…I thought I was going to lose you. I'm…I'm not ready for that. I don't think I'll ever be ready."

More tears filled her eyes, torn between regret for not waiting, and fear for what could have happened to Hange. She threw her arms around his neck, doing the only thing she knew to do to comfort, full of guilt at having put him through this, knowing she would have felt the same had their roles been reversed.

"I'm sorry, Levi, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Her whispered voice cracked as she fought back tears. "I didn't stop to think. I should have, and I'm so sorry. I don't know what to think, what to feel. I'm torn. I don't know what would have happened to Hange if I'd waited, I don't know what I should have done."

His own arms had come up to wrap around her waist, holding her close, the way he'd wanted, the way he'd needed, his own face burying against her neck, needing her comforting smell, hoping it would wash away the lingering fear. "I know. I don't know which one would have been right either. I wanted to go with you, but I knew the two of us alone wouldn't have been wise."

She sniffled and couldn't help herself. "Always the old, wise man." Her voice was affectionate, soft as she spoke, hand stroking through his hair.

She felt his lips curl into a smile against her neck. "Always the short, stubborn, pain in the ass."

Her lip was caught in her teeth as she smiled, a giggle escaping her. "Better than being an old, grouchy ass."

She shivered at the feel of his breath huffing out against her neck as he chuckled.

As she held him, as he held her, she realized something, just as she had the night Uma had kidnapped her.

He's…he's trembling, I can feel him shaking.

Just as he had that night, he was holding her as if his life depended on it, as if he needed to hold her more than he needed to breathe. He had her drawn in tight against him, bodies flush against each other, his hand coming up to gently cradle her head.

The way he held her always made her feel as if she mattered, as if she were important. She'd spent so long without affection until she met Hange, but the affection Levi gave her felt different than the comforting hugs Hange gave her.

She stroked lightly at his hair. "Just tell me what you need, Levi. Whatever you need."

He paused, trying to figure out how to phrase what it was he wanted, what he needed, his voice muffled against her as he spoke. "I just…I need to hold you."

The words he couldn't say echoed in his mind.

I need to feel that you're still alive, that you're still here with me, that none of this is a dream.

Tears pricked in her eyes at the confirmation that he enjoyed the simple act of holding her the way she did with him. "Then that's what we'll do." Her voice was thick as she fought to speak through the lump in her throat.

She sniffled, a thought coming to mind, something she'd been wanting to do for a while. "I have an idea. I'll be right back, I'm going to grab something from my room, and while you wait, you're going to go run some hot water in the tub."

He pulled back, and she could see the confusion in his eyes.

She brushed her lips across his cheek, needing to comfort. "No questions, just do it."

A smirk crossed his face at her tone, the firm one that left no room for arguments.

"So bossy." His own tone was affectionate, full of the warmth he only ever used around her.

Ignoring that, even if it made her laugh, she raced to her room, grabbing what she needed out of the bathroom, hurrying back, not wanting to leave him alone for too long.

She found him in his bathroom, and saw that he'd done as she'd asked, the tub filling with water, steam wafting through the air.

His back was to her, watching the water fill, so she snuck over, throwing what she had in her hand into the water, watching the tub fill with bubbles.

He shot her an amused look. "Do we really need bubbles?"

She giggled. "Yes. Trust me, you'll like the bubbles."

She took a breath, before reaching out to pull his shirt gently over his head, her heart squeezing when she met his eyes.

She shivered at the feel of him doing the same, fingers trailing against her skin, swallowing thickly when he gently removed the bindings from around her chest.

The newness of this experience had her nerves jangling in her stomach.

Okay…this is different. Undressing each other for something other than…that.

Avoiding his amused gaze, as if he could sense her nerves, her hands shook slightly as she removed his belt, sliding his pants and boxers down his legs, doing her best not to flush at the sight of him, still not used to seeing him this way. His fingers left heated trails along her legs when he did the same for her.

He stepped into the tub, sitting back against the wall, waiting for her to do the same.

Despite this being something she wanted to do, she couldn't stop the flutters in her stomach, though they eased when she took in the never-ending patience in his eyes, even with the hint of humor in them.

She took another breath, before stepping into the tub, taking the hand he offered as she did, settling in between his legs, letting her back lean against his chest. She felt the tension leave her when his arms wrapped around her waist, holding her close, the hot water pushing away the chill she hadn't realized was there. Her own arms settled over his.

She couldn't stop the affectionate smile that crossed her face when she felt his chin rest against her shoulder, a content sigh leaving him, the sound of it warming her as it filled her ears. She let her head drop back against him, eyes closing, letting her senses heighten with the act, enjoying the feel of the hot water surrounding them, the soft soothing smell of fresh linens filling the air from the bubbles, the heat of his chest against her back somehow hotter than the water.

I could stay like this forever. It doesn't matter where or how he's holding me, I feel happiest when his arms are around me.

His thumb was stroking absently against her waist, and if she'd turned her head, she would have seen that his eyes had also closed, enjoying the simple comfort that came from holding her, relief filling him that she was still with him, still alive, that he'd been able to protect her, keep her safe.

Every so often he would brush his lips across her neck, and it sent warmth washing across her skin, always grateful that she got to see the sweet, affectionate side of him, that somehow, she'd been able to pull that part of him out of hiding.

She could still feel the remnants of the guilt, still unsure which decision would have been right. The only thing she was certain of, was that she hated that she'd made him afraid, that she'd worried him.

"I'm sorry, Levi. I really am."

She felt him press his lips to her shoulder, her hair, his arms tightening around her.

His nose brushed up against her neck as he pressed his face into it, her soft scent helping him relax further.

His voice was muffled against her as he spoke, hiding the way it wavered ever so slightly. "It's okay, just…just if something like that happens again, wait for me, please."

Her eyes widened at his words. She could count on one hand the number of times he'd said 'please' to her. She realized just how badly she must have shaken him.

She covered his hand on her waist with her own, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "I promise, Levi. I'll wait for you."

She felt the tension leave him, his arm coming up to rest between her breasts so his hand could settle on her shoulder.

She lost track of how long they sat there, simply enjoying each other's company, the feel of holding each other, enjoying that they were both still alive.

She could feel herself practically dozing, not remembering the last time she'd felt this relaxed, the water, the bubbles, the feel of him holding her all doing wonders in easing the tension, the guilt. She wondered why she hadn't thought of doing this sooner, not just for her, but for him. She could feel him relaxing, and she imagined his face looked the same as it had that day at the meadow.

I hope we can go back to that meadow one day. It was so beautiful, I've never seen something so beautiful, and now that we're together, I can enjoy it even more, not riddled with my fear of whether or not he wants me.

His birthday would be coming up in a couple of months, and she was already wondering what she could get him. Last year, the drawing of his mother had been the perfect gift, and she wanted this one to be even better. This birthday would be special, it would be the first one where they were together, a couple.

She wanted to make him feel loved, even if she still hadn't mustered up the courage to say the words. She hadn't even tried yet, not sure how.

What do I get a man, who never asks for anything, who always seems content with the simple things, with what he has?

Her hand came up to hold the necklace around her neck, an affectionate smile filling her face at how thoughtful his gift had been.

His gift to me was beautiful, better than anything I could have ever gotten, and I want my gifts for him to always hold meaning.

Walls, I wish my parents were still alive, I wish Ethel was still alive, maybe they'd be able to help me, even the slightest bit.

His soft voice pulled her from her thoughts. "Can I ask you something?"

Her head turned in the direction of his voice though her eyes remained closed, a content smile on her face. "Of course."

"Earlier, you said that you wouldn't be where you are now if it hadn't been for Hange. What did you mean by that?"

Her eyes fluttered open, swallowing thickly as she met his looking down at her. "Before I do, can you…can you promise me something?"

"Anything." He could easily promise her anything, knowing he'd never be able to deny her, knowing she'd never ask for anything he couldn't give her.

"Promise…promise me, you won't judge me with what I'm about to say."

That took him by surprise. "That will never happen. Nothing you say could ever make me judge you. Look who you're talking to, I don't exactly have an ideal past."

Her frown deepened. "I know, it's just…I'm not proud of this, of what I did."

She took a breath, turning back to face forward, head still leaned back against his shoulder, voice soft as she spoke. "Do you…do you remember how I told you they'd come to get me while I was in training?"

"I do."

"I didn't tell you everything…" She trailed off, unsure of what to say, or how to explain what had happened, embarrassed at how weak she'd been in that moment.

He pressed his lips to her temple. "It's okay, take your time." She felt his lips curve against her skin as he spoke. "You have until this water gets cold."

She couldn't stop the giggle, his humor helping to ease her nerves.

She took in a breath, and let the words fall out of her. "I…I almost went with them."

"Why?"

She heard no judgment in his voice, only curiosity, clearly wanting to know why when he knew that they'd been horrible to her, had witnessed it himself. "If I'm being honest, I don't really know. It wouldn't have been the first time. I…I haven't told you much of what happened in Mitras. I only told Isabel a little bit, to make her comfortable in sharing something that was bothering her, I don't know if she ever said anything to you."

The back of his hand came up to brush against her face. "She didn't. She wouldn't have. As much as she liked to talk, she was good at knowing when something needed to be kept a secret."

Affection for her small, red-headed friend filled her. "I figured as much. Well, you know there were times where they'd throw me inside that small room, punishment for failing to meet their standards, for talking back, basically for any reason they could think of. Sometimes it would be a week, sometimes more."

He was grateful she wasn't looking at him, or she would have seen the way his face darkened at how cruel those people had been to her, once again wishing he could go back to when she was little and taking her away from them. The slightest hint of guilt was filling him at the reminder of how he'd judged her at the beginning, when he hadn't known her, hadn't known her past, making assumptions that just because she'd lived in Mitras, she'd lived a sheltered life, an easy one.

Not realizing the direction his thoughts had gone, she continued, her own face filling with shame at what she'd done, even if it had been to survive. "And I would cave to what they wanted when it meant getting out of that dark room. I would cave when it meant getting to eat food. Sometimes, they'd withhold decent meals from me, refusing to feed me until I gave them what they wanted. And I almost caved that day, I almost went with them."

Her brow furrowed, lips pouting as she took his hand in hers, soothed when he linked their fingers together. "I don't know why. But if it hadn't been for Hange, I wouldn't be here right now, wouldn't be here with you, hell, we probably wouldn't have ever met. She…you're going to think this is stupid."

"I won't, I promise."

She brought their hands up to rest above her heart, further comforted by the heat of his hand, giving her the strength she needed to keep going. "She called me her best friend, and just those simple words were enough to call down to some hidden part of me that was strong enough to fight back against them. I'd…I'd never had friends before, not even in the Underground. I don't know why. I tried…but no one wanted to be my friend."

'Look it's the little mouse.'

'Awww is the little ugly mouse going to cry?'

'Why would we want to play with you mouse?'

'We can't understand you, we don't speak mouse.'

She was always surprised at the memory of those kids throwing stolen pieces of rotten cheese at her, not understanding why they were calling her 'mouse,' not understanding why they didn't want to be her friend.

A stray tear trickled down her face as she sniffled at the memory. "I considered Hange my best friend, I felt even closer to her than I did Sherri or Lucy. But to hear her call me that, to hear her say she felt the same, it gave me the drive I needed. It didn't last long, but it was enough. If…if you think I'm insecure now, you should have seen me then. I…I doubt you would have been interested in me if you'd known me then."

"Look at me."

She turned her head to meet his eyes, swallowing thickly at the seriousness in them.

"You don't know that. I probably still would have. The confidence, the strength you have now, is as much a part of you as the side of you that's shy." His eyes filled with affection for her, his free hand coming up to tuck some hair behind her ear before resting on her shoulder. "I think that was always there, and was just shoved down by years of abuse, and it just needed the right people to bring it back out. Don't worry about what might have been or what could have been. Focus on what we have, right now. That's what I do, and I'm not letting this go."

She'd always considered what they'd done to her abuse, but to hear someone else confirm it, to hear him call it that, had a heaviness lifting from her she hadn't known existed. Almost as if a small part of her had wondered if she'd deserved what they'd done to her, for not being what they wanted. She wondered if a small part of her had wanted their approval. They'd been the only other people in her life for the longest time.

His soft words had affection filling her, a warmth flowing through her. Her free hand came up to stroke lightly at his cheek. "I'm not either, Levi. I don't want to lose this."

"Then you won't. You'll have me, for as long as you want me."

"I…I don't think I'll ever stop, Levi." A small smile filled her face, the slightest hint of that teasing light coming to her eyes, pushing out the guilt. "You're stuck with me."

He pressed a firm kiss to her forehead. "Just like you're stuck with me, sweetheart."

Her breath hitched at the pet name, at the way his voice and eyes were full of warmth and affection, and her lip was caught in her teeth as her smile widened, love for him filling her.

She settled back against his chest and could feel the fatigue from the day finally begin to set in as her eyes started to droop, limbs growing heavy.

His lips brushed across her ear as he spoke. "You're not falling asleep in here."

"I'm not sleepy." That pouty defiance was setting in again as she struggled to keep her eyes open, not wanting the night to end, wanting to stay with him like this forever.

He maneuvered her into his arms as he rose, cradling her against him. "Come on, let's get you to bed. You need to rest."

Her arms crossed against her chest as she sent a sleepy glare his way. "So do you."

Amusement filled him as he set her down gently, grabbing a towel so he could dry her off. "I'll sleep when you sleep, you know how it goes with me."

She huffed out a breath. "Doesn't mean I have to like it."

He dried himself off, before taking her back into his arms, carrying her into the bedroom. "If it makes you feel better, I sleep better with you than I have in years."

She failed at holding back a yawn, her voice sleepy as she spoke. "Good, maybe some sleep is what your grouchy ass needs."

He chuckled at the insult, grabbing a shirt from his trunk, pulling it over her head before getting dressed himself. "If it hasn't helped your stubborn, pain in the ass, I doubt there's much hope for me."

She settled herself onto his bed, drawing the covers over her, snuggling close when he laid down next to her, his arms coming around her. "You're probably right."

"Do I need to say it?"

"Being modest for once? I'm shocked."

Instead of responding, he took her chin in his hand, tilting her head up, so he could kiss her, lazily, slowly, letting himself enjoy this simple pleasure, enjoy the way she responded to him, sighing softly as her arms wrapped around his neck, drawing him closer as her fingers threaded into his hair.

When he pulled back, she couldn't stop the shy, sleepy giggle as she met his amused eyes.

"Now sleep."

She rolled her eyes but relented. "Fine, at least that means the sooner I fall asleep, the sooner I get to go see Armin."

She flipped over, letting herself enjoy the way his arms came around her, drawing her close, her own hands settling over his on her stomach and in front of her face, joy filling her when his fingers linked with hers once again.

As she lay wrapped up tight in Levi's arms, slowly drifting off to sleep, that's when it hit her, completely unexpected. Most of the guilt had faded, only the slightest vestiges remaining, the ones that wouldn't leave until she talked to Hange, meaning only the fear was left, becoming the prominent emotion coursing through her, and her mind cruelly reminded her of what could have happened.

She could feel the titan's firm grasp around her, could still smell that scent of death and decay, and the image morphed, showing her what would have happened had Levi been too late.

Her body shoved into the titan's mouth, sliding down its throat, the way she'd seen countless others die outside the walls.

Her body torn apart as the titans fought for a piece.

Her own mangled corpse and her own severed head, the way Furlan and Isabel had looked when they had died.

Her hand slapped over her mouth, but it couldn't contain the fearful sob as her body shook.

She felt him lift up onto his arm behind her, his hand coming up to move the hair out of her face, stroking down her cheek.

"Isa?" His voice was laced with concern as he looked down at her.

She flipped back over, burying her face into his neck, needing his comforting scent to override the putrid smell filling her mind. She broke, shuddering with sobs, tears streaming down her face, soaking his shirt.

She struggled to speak in between gasps for air. "Levi, I…I almost…almost…that titan—"

His own eyes clenched tight, drawing her close, burying his face into her hair as he fought to keep his own resurging fear tamped down. "Shh, I know, it's okay. It didn't, and that's all that matters. You're here with me, and you're safe."

She wasn't sure how long she cried, having held back this whole time without even realizing, and the floodgates had finally slammed opened, shoving the fear and horror through. She'd wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him close, needing him.

His own were wrapped around her shoulders and waist, holding her close against him, as he fought back his own fear that threatened to break him, remembering just how close it had been. His hand came up to stroke at her hair, brushing soft kisses across her temple, the top of her head, doing his best to comfort despite his own terror racing underneath his skin.

They both knew what would had happened if he'd been even seconds later.

He fought to keep his hand steady as his heart raced, not wanting to overwhelm her with his own agony as the images reminded him how he'd almost lost her.

Her cries finally steadied, fatigue taking over, sleep pulling her in as her body relaxed against his.

"I'm so sorry, Levi." Her words slurred together as she fought to stay awake, needing him to understand that she'd never meant to hurt him, to worry him.

He pressed his lips on top of her head, his eyes still clenched tight as he fought back the images in his mind, trying not to dwell on 'what if,' years of experience keeping his voice steady, not wanting to worry her when he could feel her finally relaxing again. "Stop apologizing. Once was more than enough, and you already promised me you wouldn't do something like this again. You don't need to keep apologizing. I understand."

"I do promise you…Levi…I won't…" She trailed off as she drifted into sleep, his heartbeat soothing her as it always did, not noticing the way it raced, the last thing she remembered was the feel of his lips brushing across her forehead.