.

.

.

Chapter Twenty-Five

.

.

.

Peter must have stood there in stunned silence for about three minutes straight. All the while, his mind was going through a range of emotions that repeated itself in a vicious loop.

The first that he felt was elation, and it was obvious to guess at why. Mary Jane Watson, the girl of his dreams, was confessing her feelings for him. What wasn't there to love about that? Especially in the way that she spoke it, so bold and beautiful. So sure in her feelings for him.

But then, she had continued to speak and told him the truth as to why she ran away to Denver in the first place… Which brought him to his next emotion - jealousy.

So his suspicions were proven to be true. She just confirmed it right before his eyes. Mary Jane had feelings for Harry too. His practical side really couldn't blame her. Harry was a good guy. He was also rich, good looking, and funny. He was the perfect catch.

The only thing that Peter had that Harry didn't was his spider powers, which seemed to be the one thing that drew Mary Jane to him - or rather to Spider-Man.

As this thought struck him, a deep melancholy took root in his chest. Peter never really did have a chance with her, did he? It was always about Spider-Man. But if Mary Jane ever found out that it was Peter Parker behind the mask, she would surely grow to resent him.

The last emotion that he felt was pain from the loss that he felt. There was an empty, hollow feeling that started somewhere in his gut and was currently spreading to infect the rest of his body.

It would've been so much easier if she had liked him for him, and not because of the mask.

But as per usual, Peter rarely ever got what he wanted. He was cursed with bad luck for all eternity.

Spider-Man was starting to feel like both a gift and a curse now.

His eyes freely surveyed her beautiful face freely. She was so stunning it almost hurt to look at her right now. Even with her face bare of makeup, she was gorgeous. It gave her the look of pure innocence. It was fitting because he thought of her as an angel. What would he do when that hopeful gleam in her eyes crumbled away to disappointment? Would that be the equivalent of cutting off her angel wings?

He jumped out of his reverie when he felt her touch on his pectoral, right over his heart. "I'm sorry that I shocked you," She said, her eyes focused on where she could no doubt feel his racing heartbeat underneath her hand. "Just breathe and take your time. I'll be right here."

Instead of nodding like she obviously expected, he hung his head and shook it. "I can't do this, Mary Jane."

The hand on his heart froze and it was symbolic to how he was currently feeling.

Before she could pull away, he caught her hand in his and rubbed circles over the back of her delicate fingers. "Don't misunderstand me. I'm not rejecting you. I just- I need to think."

He finally found the courage to look up at her and the expression on her face was heartbreaking. She closed her eyes and took a long moment to compose herself. Then, she was nodding. She slowly opened her eyes and he noticed that they were now a misty red. He truly hated himself in that moment. He never wanted to be the one that caused her to cry.

She inhaled a shaky breath and gave him a weak smile. "You need time. I get it. It's like I said before- Just breathe and take your time. I'll be here when you decide."

He desperately wanted to hug her right then but somehow felt that it would be inappropriate now. Like he would be the greediest person in the world right now if he stepped over that line while simultaneously hurting her.

Mary Jane let out a deep sigh and shook her head to herself a bit, as though she were trying to shake away cobwebs in her mind. Then he looked up and smiled at him once again. It looked a bit forced. "Good night, Spider."

Then, she stepped forward and kissed him on his masked cheek, lingering there for a second but it felt like a lifetime.

And then she was gone. Having turned away and opened the door to go inside, tucking herself away from the world for her own safety in the process.

He stood there for a long time, watching the place where he had last seen her - her back turned to him so that he wasn't able to see her face. She had moved like a ghost in a distant dream.

What had he just done? He was confused, he knew that much to be true. But did that justify hurting her?

"I want honesty from you too," She had said to him.

He looked inward and searched for the truth in the recesses of his mind. He knew that he liked her. Almost a bit too much. Those were easy truths to admit to himself. It got more difficult when he delved much deeper but he forced himself to be honest and open to himself, even if it left him raw and broken.

He realized that he wanted the best of both worlds. He wanted a girl to grow to love him as Peter Parker and then when she found out he was Spider-Man, she would just naturally accept that as a part of his life. Had he been naive to think that this could be a possibility? But… there was a part of him that still held onto that hope. That, perhaps, he maybe even deserved to have someone love him as Peter first - because when cut to the root of it all, Peter Parker was who he truly was at his core. Without Peter Parker, there would be no Spider-Man. And Mary Jane had made it perfectly clear that she didn't see Peter as anything more than a friend.

In a way, he could say that he would be doing her a favor by rejecting her as Spider-Man. It would save them both a lot of time and heartbreak in the end if she ever found out his identity.

His own eyes got misty now as well. Every thought - every truth that he had just admitted - was just so painful to think about. He wanted more than anything to be with Mary Jane but at the same time, he couldn't have her. She would always be just beyond his reach.

He forced his mind to shut down, unable to think on it any further at the moment. Instead, he would continue to focus on what he could do for her. He would find her father and stop him from hurting her. Then, he would re-evaluate all of this with a clearer mind.

He let out a shaky breath before he pulled out his phone to check the time. What he saw there was a text from Mary Jane from hours ago.

Mary Jane: Hey Tiger. We just landed. Are we still on for off-campus lunch tomorrow?

He was equally tempted to reply one of both ways. But he didn't have the heart to hurt her as Peter Parker as well. No, as Peter, he would do his best just to be a friend to her. It didn't seem like she had very many, especially since she would be starting at her new school tomorrow. He couldn't abandon her now just because his own heart was broken. He sighed and started to type.

Peter: Definitely.

Then, he hit send and jumped down from the balcony and swung out into the night - all the while, unsure of what to tell Aunt May about what happened tonight, knowing that she was currently waiting up for him to hear all of the details.

.

.

.

A/N: I was tempted to just type "The End" at the bottom there to mess with you guys but that would have been very cruel. I feel so bad just throwing a wrench in there because all of your comments were so hopeful that this conversation was going to turn out great… while in my mind, I was like... yikes.

So. Much. ANGST. Oh my goodness! Peter! What are you thinking?

Please leave me a comment/review.

.

.

.