Chapter Three

It wasn't until later that Matthew had a chance to look at the selfie that Gilbert sent. He'd obviously seen it earlier, but the sight of him had caught him off guard and caused him to close the message. He reopened the thread and selected the picture again. Gilbert's face filled the screen.

Matthew had been even more startled when Gilbert actually, like, walked up to him. In person. The weird thing was that he got the strong suspicion that Gilbert hadn't known who he was. Matthew hadn't sent a selfie, after all. Should he have felt bad about that? It probably would have been beneficial but…

How was he supposed to follow that picture up?

Matthew, as much as he hated to admit it, found Gilbert very attractive. His eyes had a sort of burning intensity and his smile was wolfish in the most inappropriate way.

And Matthew was…

Invisible.

Plain.

Alfred had always been the attractive one. He'd gotten their father's dashing looks and all American smile. Girls at school swooned when he came around. Any time he had ever been interested in a girl, they had been more concerned with Alfred than Matthew. It was discouraging to say the least.

Matthew wasn't sure if it was better or worse that he was also into men. It should have meant less competition, but he had a bad feeling that men would fall all over Alfred also.

The fact that he was going to be stuck with Gilbert for tutoring sessions had him feeling nervous in a way that was wholly unfamiliar to him. The way he'd looked at him at the mall had made his palms sweat. If it had been anyone else he might have thought that Gilbert was flirting. But that was just how Gilbert acted, it seemed. Matthew was sure that he was just apologizing for the incident earlier in the day. And if he'd been a little too close… Well maybe he just had an issue with boundaries.

Monday at 3:30 in the library. He at least had a couple of days to prepare for the mental torture. Hopefully Ms. Elizaveta was telling the truth and Gilbert was actually a whiz kid with math. At this rate he was beginning to think that he would need Einstein to explain what was going on. The only thing that comforted him was the knowledge that he was helping Gilbert as well. Teaching English was much easier than teaching math.

Matthew's stomach cramped mildly. The stew that Arthur had made for dinner sat in his stomach like a brick. It was either that or the anxiety rising in him. He looked down at the message once again and saved the picture before he could question whether it was a mistake. The calendar icon showed that the date was November 1st. Just a little over a month until finals.

As Matthew turned over and got ready to fall asleep, he looked at the picture again. He hoped all of this would be worth it in the long run.

The rest of the weekend was fairly uneventful. Francis came over on Sunday for dinner, which Arthur was mostly thrilled about. Arthur wasn't the biggest fan of Francis in general, but he was happy that the boys had a family member in the area and he was a fierce believer in the importance of family.

Francis, to his credit, didn't talk too much crap about Arthur's cooking. The last time he had visited he had made a sideways comment about the bread being "slightly stodgy." This comment had landed him on the other side of a withering silent treatment.

The four of them sat at the kitchen table that night and chatted mindlessly. "You know," Arthur said. "I'm quite glad you're getting a tutor, Matthew. There are a number of my students who I wish would ask for help. It's all about pride, and setting it aside." This came from nowhere and Alfred looked at Matthew in surprise.

"Why do you need a tutor?" he asked.

"Um, you know, just to get my math up to par for finals." He said quickly. Arthur gave him a strange look but didn't call him out on his lie. He sipped at a glass of wine.

Francis asked demurely, "Do you know who your tutor is yet?" He swished his glass of wine around and Arthur curled his lip slightly at him. Damn Frenchie.

Matthew said, "Um, yeah. You're friends with Gilbert right?"

Francis nodded slightly and raised his eyebrow. "I'm surprised they paired you with him. Did they say why?"

Matthew shrugged. "Ms. E said he needed help in English, so she thought it would be 'mutually beneficial' for us to help each other out."

Francis momentarily looked like he was considering murder before he composed himself. "Well, I hope that works out. I know it's been stressful." His cousin said enthusiastically. It was quiet for a moment.

Alfred, sensing the strange discomfort, spoke up. "Oh, Artie! I have a date on Tuesday. Do you think I can borrow the car?" Arthur's eyes bugged out.

Matthew was the only one of the brothers with a driver's license. It wasn't due to lack of trying however. To date, Alfred had taken and failed his driver's test three times.

"Absolutely not! Either your brother, myself, or your date can take you where you need to go." Alfred crossed his arms and pouted.

"It's not fair! It's a date, not a carpool! That would be lame, dude."

Arthur fingered his wine glass. "Please refrain from calling me dude, Alfred. I'm not budging."

Matthew put his hand on Alfred's arm. "Al, why don't you have her meet you wherever you're going? Then I can drop you off and pick you up."

Alfred sighed and said, "I guess." With this, dinner ended and the small family began to go their separate ways for the night. Alfred went upstairs to call his date and plan their outing. Arthur said he had some papers to grade for his honors group. Matthew was just planning on going upstairs to watch the hockey match between Montreal and Toronto when Francis stopped him.

"I'm headed home, Mattie. Walk me out?" The look in his eyes said he didn't have a choice. The two walked out and stopped beside Francis' '97 Mustang. Francis leaned on his car.

"So," he said.

Matthew was now nervous. "So…?"

"Gilbert," Francis said. "Your tutor."

"What about him…?"

Francis sighed and pushed his blonde hair back behind one ear. Francis easily looked like he could be twenty-five with his mature face and the goatee he had been able to grow. He and Matthew looked similar in some ways, but Francis was undeniably more attractive. "Gilbert is my friend," he began. "He's a good friend, he's reliable, but he doesn't always make the best choices. Just don't take him too seriously."

Matthew laughed nervously. "Francis, it's not like we're friends. We're just tutoring each other so we can graduate on time." Francis relaxed.

"I know. I just wanted to let you know in advance."

He unlocked his car and slid into the driver's seat. "And as always, I am always available to text my lovely cousin if you should need anything."

He reversed out of the driveway and drove away, leaving Matthew alone with his thoughts.

Two hours later, the Montreal Canadiens had won the game, Matthew finished his outline for a paper, and he was no closer to feeling confident about tomorrow's tutoring session.

Monday morning was as stressful as he had thought it would be. His head was swimming with what-ifs. What if Gilbert was an asshole? Francis' words from the night before had only caused him to worry more about the German. He hadn't been able to focus on his sheet music in band, and the director kept stopping to point out his mistakes. He winced each time he blew a sour note into his oboe. Normally the music would calm him, but the mistakes he was making only served to make him more anxious.

His second class was algebra, which was bad on a normal day. The teacher, Mr. Laurinaitis, handed back their tests from Friday. Matthew got a sinking feeling in his stomach as the Mr. Laurinaitis handed him the paper grade side down. That couldn't be good. He peeked discreetly to see how bad it was.

A fifty-two. Matthew suddenly wanted to vomit. "Mr. Williams, please stay after class." Mr. Laurinaitis told him. He nodded weakly. It was review day, so at least he didn't have to worry about being asked any questions. Mr. Laurinaitis went over the contents of the test and Matthew tried to listen.

After class, Mr. Laurinaitis explained that he had spoken with Ms. Elizaveta and that he supported Matthew's extra efforts. He also told Matthew that he would like to give him some supplemental homework to work on during his tutoring sessions. This, he said, would give him extra practice on other subjects he would need to know for the final exam.

By the time lunch rolled around, Matthew was close to hyperventilating. It was all too much. He sank down into his seat next to Alfred at their normal table, where they sat with a group of casual friends. Ludwig sat next to his girlfriend Feliciana, while Alfred's friend Andersen tried to get Natalya Braginsky's phone number from the next table.

Alfred sat with jocks, and because Matthew didn't really have any friends, he also sat with jocks. "Heya, Mattie," Alfred clapped his brother on the shoulder. "Ludwig was just telling me about this new movie that's out. It's um-" He looked at Ludwig to fill in the blanks.

"They made a live action version of Lady and the Tramp," Ludwig said meekly. "Feli and I are going to watch it tonight." Feliciana beamed at him.

Matthew suspected that it was really Ludwig who wanted to watch the movie and that Feliciana was covering for him. It was cute. "Matthew, I brought something to show you!" Feliciana suddenly said, pulling her purse into her lap and digging into it. "I know you were looking for a copy of this, and I found one while I was thrifting this weekend!" She pulled out a slightly used copy of The Hobbit and handed it over to him.

He felt a rush of affection for the girl. "Oh, Feli, you didn't have to do that." Out of everyone in the group he honestly liked Feliciana the best. She always tried to make him feel included and was excited by just about anything he said. Ludwig was lucky for sure. He hadn't been interested in having a girlfriend in a long time, but if he were he would want someone like Feliciana.

As this went through his mind he felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up. Was someone behind him…? He turned in his seat. There was no one behind him, but he continued to feel as though someone was watching him. He was ready to turn back around when he saw him. Gilbert. He'd been looking at him intensely but when Matthew caught his eyes he immediately turned his gaze back to Antonio next to him.

That's a little… Well, that's a little creepy.

Matthew couldn't think of any reason that Gilbert would be looking at him. He still couldn't believe that he was going to be the one tutoring him. Maybe just to convince himself, he pulled his phone from his pocket.

Matthew: Still on for 3:30?

He watched Gilbert to see if he looked at his phone.

He did. He tapped something out on his screen.

Gilbert: Yeah, I'll see you then.

Gilbert: Should I bring snacks? I get hungry when I'm confused.

Matthew smiled down at his phone, laughing inwardly.

Matthew: Snacks would be good.

His cheeks felt warm. Maybe it wouldn't be quite as bad as he thought. When he looked back towards Gilbert's table, he saw Francis watching him curiously. He turned away.

"Mattie…," Feliciana cooed. "What's got you flustered? You're pink!"

He turned red from the embarrassment of being pink. She giggled.

"N-nothing," he stuttered. "I just got a bad grade and I'm kind of embarrassed."

"Oh," she looked apologetic. "I'm sorry to bring it up."

Alfred waved it off for him. "Oh, he's fine. He's starting tutoring." He used his fork to scoop a large pile of mash potatoes up and stuff them into his mouth. Matthew winced. He hadn't wanted everyone to know, but he guessed it would be okay for Feli and Ludwig to know. He liked them enough.

Ludwig suddenly looked interested. "Really? I didn't know there were any students tutoring. Can I ask who?"

Alfred answered again, and Matthew resisted the urge to shove him into the floor. "It's that one guy. Gilbert." He used his fork to point towards Gilbert. Feliciana looked unreasonably excited. She nearly bounced up and down.

"Oh! Oh! I love Gilbert. He's Luddy's brother you know!" Matthew looked at the slightly constipated expression on Ludwig's face and tried to find any resemblance. They had similar face structures, except where Ludwig's face had a square look to it, Gilbert's was more slim. He supposed they would be almost identical otherwise were it not for the albinism that Gilbert had.

"Oh, I didn't know." Matthew said uncomfortably. "He didn't mention anything about the tutoring to you?" Ludwig shook his head.

"Gilbert mainly keeps to himself aside from the times he feels he has to come annoy me. He's a year older than me so he thinks he's entitled to pissing me off."

Did he say anything about me?

Matthew shook himself mentally. What the hell was that? If he hadn't mentioned the tutoring to Ludwig then he almost certainly hadn't mentioned some random blonde kid he'd run over in the hallway and later saw at the mall.

No. Of course not.

It was then that Matthew knew he would be in trouble. He had a crush on Gilbert Beilschmidt. And Gilbert Beilschmidt was his tutor. Gilbert Beilschmidt was out of his league and later this afternoon would see just how lame and how much of an idiot Matthew Williams really was.

His breathing got shallow all of a sudden. Alfred heard his breathing catch and looked over in concern. "Matt- Oh shit!" Matthew felt like his insides were being constricted and his eyes felt as though they might pop out of his head. "Mattie, it's okay. Um, let's go outside." He managed to pull Matthew up and lead him out of the cafeteria.

This panic attack might have been the worst that Matthew had had in a long time. He'd mostly gotten them under control in the past couple of years. Ludwig and Feliciana looked on in concern as Alfred took him into the hallway.

He stayed in the nurse's office for the last two hours of the school day. Alfred had brought him upstairs and sat with him until Matthew could breathe again. "Shit, dude, that scared me. I mean, we've done this before, but it had been a while so I thought maybe…" He shrugged.

"I thought maybe you had gotten over it."

Matthew sat on the floor with his head between his knees. He didn't respond to his brother. Alfred, who wasn't good at accepting silence, felt the need to fill it. "But that's fine! I'm always here for you, dude, that's what bros are for. I can be the hero who saves you-"

"AL." Matthew said loudly. "Please. Just stop. I'm okay."

Alfred looked taken aback but nodded slowly. "You sure, Mattie?"

Matthew sighed and said, "Yes, Alfred. I'm sorry I snapped, I just kind of want to lay down and take a nap."

Alfred nodded again and left him, checking over his shoulder one more time before departing the nurse's office. Matthew hadn't been lying. He felt the need to sleep away the next two hours so he wouldn't have to deal with it. As much as he hated to admit it, sleeping and naps had always been a form of defense mechanism for him. If he needed a break from thinking, sleep was the best thing to do the trick.

He closed his eyes and let his mental exhaustion take over.

It didn't feel as though he had been asleep for very long, but he was awoken by the school nurse leaning over him. "Mr. Williams, the bell just rang. School's dismissed for the day," she said. For a moment, Matthew wasn't sure where he was or why he was there. "Are you feeling better?" He blinked.

It all came back in a rush.

The panic attack. Alfred. The tutoring.

Gilbert.

If the bell had just rang… That would have to mean it was past three o'clock. Just a little less than half an hour to get to the library. He felt like throwing up again.

He didn't want to inconvenience the nurse and make her stay any longer, so he assured her that he was fine and vacated her office. Out in the hallway students were still milling through the halls as they waited for their rides. He saw Alfred a little distance away and headed over.

"Oh, hey." Alfred said in surprise. "I thought you'd gone home early. Frances said you weren't in your last class. You feeling better?"

Matthew nodded, although he felt more than a little pale. "I'm meeting Gilbert for the tutoring session in a few minutes. It's pretty tempting just to go home though," Matthew laughed. He tried to play off that he wasn't nervous at all, but Alfred was his brother and could see through that façade easily enough.

"Hey, come on," he slapped Matthew on the shoulder. "It'll be good. If Ms. E said that he was good in math, then I'm sure it'll be a life saver."

Or a life ender…

He knew he was being a little melodramatic about the whole thing, but he couldn't help it. Even if he hadn't had some weird attraction to his tutor, he would have been nervous on the basis that he didn't like people in general.

He managed to pull his mouth into a tight smile.

It seemed as though his feet steered him towards the library. It was like he was on autopilot. His vision tunneled a little as he approached the large double doors.

You'll be fine… It'll just be like an hour, we'll go over the test, I'll read his paper, and we can go home. You'll be fine..

He'd managed to tell himself this until he'd been confident enough to push open the doors and go inside.

It didn't take him long to spot Gilbert. He had taken a seat at one of the tables in the far back of the library and he had a book propped open in front of him. He was slumped back in what looked like a very uncomfortable position, but he looked enthralled in whatever he was reading. Matthew's eyes flitted to the book and his eyebrow quirked. The Shining. Somehow, this was enough to make him walk over to the table.

He tried not to think about what he was doing as he slung his backpack onto the table. Gilbert looked up, startled by the sudden appearance. He locked eyes with Matthew and his jaw went slack. "Matthew?" he said slowly, as though he was trying to digest the information.

"Y-yeah, sorry I'm late. There was an incident and I had to go to the nurse. Should we, um, should we get started?"

He had never felt more like an idiot in his life. First tutoring session and he was late. Hopefully Gilbert hadn't heard about the embarrassing incident in the lunch room. Matthew wasn't exactly popular, so there was a good chance that he was completely unaware of the whole thing.

But Matthew wasn't lucky.

"Ja, that must have sucked. You looked like you were about to yarf," Gilbert responded. Matthew knew not to be offended, but it didn't stop him from wanting to snap back. He was sure that Gilbert hadn't meant to sound like a jackass, but it had come out that way nonetheless.

"Yeah." Matthew said flatly. To give Gilbert credit, he flushed guiltily.

"Shit, sorry. I'm not great with people and this whole thing is kind of fucked, to be honest."

Matthew agreed wholeheartedly. This whole thing was a joke, if he wanted to be frank. As much as he needed to pass his class, it was just unfair that the universe had tossed him Gilbert Beilschmidt as his tutor.

"It's fine," Matthew sighed. He pulled the chair across from Gilbert out and sat, fidgeting slightly. "I really… I really appreciate this, as weird as it is." He felt his cheeks warm at the admission. "My grades are so bad that if I don't at least scrap can kiss my diploma goodbye."

Gilbert considered him for a moment. He cocked his head to the side as if he were deep in thought. His eyes narrowed slightly. "Aren't you, like, one of the smart kids in our grade? You look like you pass tests in your sleep."

Matthew laughed harshly, but he was so soft spoken that it came out as more of an angry exhale. "Trust me, if I could pass algebra tests in my sleep neither of us would be here right now."

Gilbert grimaced. "I get your point."

As soon as Matthew thought that this whole thing might not be as awkward as he originally planned for, it became as awkward as he had dreaded. He and Gilbert stared at each other for no less than five minutes before Gilbert obviously began to get restless. He drummed his fingers on the table and Matthew couldn't help but watch the long thin fingers alternate rhythmically. It was the albino who broke the silence.

"So… How are we going to do this? I've never been tutored." He said the last part matter-of-factly, as though it might be some surprise. Matthew glanced down at his textbook that he had pulled out, where he had stuffed his test into the pages where he wouldn't have to see it. Matthew thought for a moment and then said slowly, "I'm not sure what all needs to be covered for your class. Are there any problem areas that you think we need to start with?"

Gilbert shrugged. "Honestly, I don't think there are any problem areas. I just don't like the class. Writing papers isn't exactly my thing, ya know." His mouth quirked up into an embarrassed smile. "What about you? I don't know if Ms. E told you, but my skills with numbers are nothing less than awesome."

Matthew rolled his eyes and resisted the urge to smile.

Then he had to resist the urge to cry as he hesitantly pulled the test from his textbook. For a moment he just looked at it before he shoved it at Gilbert. He pushed it away like it was offensive.

In Matthew's opinion, it was the most offensive thing he'd been handed in a long time. Worse than the carton of milk someone had tossed into his locker freshman year. Worse than the time his underwear had been hidden from him after gym class. He had to admit that the test wasn't quite as bad as his being pantsed after his underwear were stolen, however.

Matthew watched as Gilbert took the paper and unfolded it. Gilbert inwardly cringed at the grade circled at the top of the page, but it was obvious to Matthew's eyes. Gilbert tried to cover the reaction up quickly with a cough. He cursed lowly in German. "There's definitely some work to be done."

In order to keep the stress levels low, they didn't do any actual tutoring that day. They planned out when they would meet and how the overall sessions would go. They decided that they would meet on Mondays and Thursdays at 3:30 and planned to be home by 7 in the evening. Gilbert told Matthew that they shouldn't have any issue getting his math grades up to par so long as Matthew paid attention.

"It shouldn't be very hard," Gilbert had joked. "I'm pretty awesome so it should be easy to pay attention to me."

Had it been anyone else Matthew would have said that it was pig-headed. But Gilbert had a way of saying things where he made it clear that he was joking even if the words sounded a little too serious sometimes. Not to mention, Matthew had no doubt in his mind that the German was right, even if for reasons he didn't know.

The whole time Gilbert was talking, Matthew watched his hands. And occasionally his eyes would flit up to look at the way Gilbert's white eyelashes fell over his cheekbones.

It felt illegal.

He told himself that this was why he was filled with relief when they wrapped up and went their separate ways.

He just wished he had an explanation for the hard knot in his stomach that somehow ached as they parted.