Act III: Soulful Machine

The water was almost so hot it burned. Asuka stepped into the bathtub, feeling it's embracing spirit. Her legs stood higher than the water's loving warmth. She was much too tall for the average bath in Japan, yet here she was; always the fish out of water. Bathtubs held a special place in her heart, after all, she chose to live her final moments in one. She might very well of if not for the interference of NERV.

NERV… The organization that ruled her life for so long. It had been a part of her life for ten years, and had been absent ten more. Despite this, it might as well have been twenty years. At the precipice of her twenty-fifth birthday she had done so much, yet felt so little. Her two decades spent in emotional isolation had started to crumble. The impenetrable Walls of Jericho were falling after the shout.¹

She turned over, letting the water hint her chest and legs, leaving her exposed backside to feel the cold air that seemed to fill the room. The heat was on, yet it failed to stay in the tiled bathroom which instead held the cold air of Late November. The heat came off her body, causing her to sweat slightly. Then it was time to get out.

The tub drained slowly, engulfing her source of warmth. She stood up and made sure no to slip as she exited the now empty tub. The glass on the mirror had fogged up, leaving her resemblance in a cloud of mist. The reflection blurred and barely recognizable.

She took the towel and dried thoroughly, pinning it in her hair after she was finished. Plodding along to the couch, she wondered what she was going to watch. It so happened the TV was set to channel 5, a news program. This particular program had a person of interest on: Shinji Ikari.

"-fterwards?" The host finished. Asuka sat and wondered what was happening. Maybe she could tell from the answer.

"Well, we kinda just existed. Food and water were needed, but not at a large scale until other people started coming back. Most of what we ate were uncooked ramen and chips. Not very healthy, I know, but it's what was there." The young man who was now known as Shinji Ikari said to the audience of an equal mix of pained awkwardness and applause. Many people were not over what happened, and for a while Shinji was one of them.

Shinji Ikari changed his name to Shinji Yūrei on September 22, 2016. This was after the huge influx of returnees in March & April had reformed a basis of government. This was with special permission from the damaged world government trying to keep track of who had & hadn't returned. On September 22, 2023, Shinji Yūrei legally changed his name back to Shinji Ikari. This was after the last SEELE member in Japan had been caught. This was more of a publicity stunt more than anything, showing how if the person who was affected most could move on, everyone else could too.

Unfortunately for Shinji, not even the person he lived with could move on. Said roommate turned to face the flatscreen TV, a gift from Hikari on Asuka's 20th birthday. That was also the last time she saw Hikari. She had moved into the country with her boyfriend to help with the recovery. The only person she hung out with had left. Nowadays, Asuka spent the majority of time at home or working.

Speaking of work, she hadn't written for the book in a week and a half. She took a trip to Germany, then came back with all these thoughts in her head, only to fill them with more. None of this had been put on paper yet. The 78,978 word rough draft was bloated and had barely enough about her life as of now.

She got up and found her laptop. The thing was almost out of battery, so she had to find the charger too. The Tv was left on, leading to her having to listen to the commercials that played. All the bullshit about wanting to reconnect with the community and how companies were 'there for you' despite paying several times under living wage, something that had skyrocketed after Third Impact and had only come down slightly. Her Father would have found a way to blame the poor people.

Just a few hundred words to work off the rust.

Unit-02 and Other Ways to Traumatize Children Asuka Langley Sohryu Page 70

NERV was by far the most influencing part of my life. It's plain to anyone I've

met and to most people I haven't. I spent a decade in their system. Between six gua-

rdians and four head technicians, the revolving cast in my life didn't help. Hell, I had

the same guardian twice and I still managed to get up to six! Most of them came when

I was young. Three of them were between the ages of four and seven, with just two

after I turned ten. At least I never moved while I was in Germany, but the downside to

that was I spent almost every day until I went to college in the NERV issued apartment

in the German Branch's Geofront. The Germans had a smaller, fake Geofront that was

a third the size of the Japanese one. It was a godsend to be able to get out of there.

The way I had gotten out of my shitty NERV housing was to go to college, where

I got a Master's Degree in Chemistry with a Minor in Classical Studies. I have never us-

ed those degrees and they were basically given to me as a publicity stunt. Thankfully,

when I went back to school to get my Doctor's in Anthropology, I had a large number of

the credits I needed.

There was an uncanniness that hung in the air. Ten years ago she returned, only to see the crucified bodies of the creatures that killed her; creatures known as the Mass Production Evangelions. Her Unit-02 was the first 'Production Model' having two Evangelions based off the design. Unit-05 through Unit-14 were all of the Mass Production models.

Today, there was no sign of these white behemoths, nor the disgusting sliced head of the First Child. There was only a beach, a sacred beach. Military units were stationed around the area to help anyone in the unlikely possibility they came out. The Oceans had returned to their blue coloring, all except a twenty kilometer buffer around Japan. It didn't mix mind you, it was a cutoff, a straight line down to the sea floor.

In some way, this place was the birth of Asuka Langley Sohryu. In some other ways, it was the death of Asuka Langley Sohryu. Returning was something that not even she describe.

She walked along the pathway laid out along the beach's perimeter. A pair of officers dressed in military uniforms stopped their conversation as the red-head approached the segment where they were stationed.

"Excuse me miss, you wouldn't happen to be Asuka Langley Sohryu would you?" Asked the blonde haired woman.

"Yes? Why are you asking?" She said trying not to come across as mean.

Asuka stood a few inches taller than the blonde, but that was common considering how tall she was. The brunette man next to them just rolled his eyes and looked out to the sea.

"I read your paper when I was in high school. They inspired me to become an Anthropologist too."

Oh, she had never met anyone who… looked up to her? What was this emotion? Was it the reinvigoration of her pride? No, it was something different; it was thankfulness. It was the feeling of being valued for her mind, not her to link to a bio-weapon.

"If you want to be an Anthropologist do much, why did you join the military? Doesn't it risk your future?"

"Well, it'll put me through college and get me priority hiring. Most of the time you're posted in the middle of nowhere where nothing happens. Especially now, when the world seems to have entered a 'Second Cold War'."

"Oh… I guess it's a lot different for me. I went as a kid at NERV, then when I went back as a teenager, I was given a full ride. I don't know if it was for my academic prowess or it was the schools trying to get an 'in' with the organization."

An uncomfortable silence filled the air. Finally, the older looking brunette officer spoke. "Looks abou' time we check in with the Lieutenan'." The blonde reluctantly turned around and followed the old man into a tent nearby, leaving Asuka with just a single wave.

She walked past said tent on her way to where she was going to stop. Asuka didn't know how to process the conversation. On one hand, she had been respected in her field for years, it was bound to happen. On the other, nobody outside of her field of work had ever shown an interest in her research before. Not even Shinji.

Had she ever felt this way before? Not once did she remember being looked up to Post-Third Impact. Even worse was the question of whether she was a good role model or not. She had killed people, people who had never come back. People with families and friends and pets and mortgages and parents and a life and a…

Fuck

Fuck Fuck Fuckity Fuck Fuck

Fuck

She refocused on the outside world and realized she was where she needed to be. Around 5 meters in front of her, there was a marker placed. A marker that in her mind was both the end and the start of her life.

Why did she even try back then? Nothing she did helped people. She caused more property damage in one battle than damage she did to all the angels combined. She couldn't defeat a single one without being bailed out by her teammates. Every battle would end the same anyway, why did she even need to exist.

She should have wandered further into the ruins and saved everyone some time. She should have fallen into the Center of the Earth. She should have never disconnected the EVA seconds before her head was going to be chopped off. These were her mistakes. But these mistakes were only the beginning.

SH\he thought of her life's low points. 'I ruined my chance with someone in college, I burned bridges with anyone who ever so much as looked at NERV for years, I shrunk into my work to avoid the pain of life! Who was responsible? Evangelions, NERV, Mama, Misato, Wondergirl, Dr. Akagi, The Commander, even Shinji!'

Everything before that marker should be destroyed! It should be locked away and never touched again! It was a mistake to come here, it was a mistake to move in with Shinji after college, it was a mistake to come back!'

Asuka ran into the crowded streets surrounding the business section of the city. In there she could disappear from the world, another face in the crowd. This was the real world. There were no shadowy organizations, no giant monsters, no kids who had to keep the world from ending. There was no coming apocalypse, no 'machines' that kept armageddon from happening, no separating souls from the bodies they inhabit.

Here was here.

Unit-02 and Other Ways to Traumatize Children Asuka Langley Sohryu Page 342

I almost gave up on this book. I had written just under 80,000 words too. That's

when I visited where I first came back, then tried to seal away my memories and exp-

eriences at NERV and with EVAs. I thought I could escape to the 'real world' then there

would be nothing to remind me of my own personal hell. Somehow I convinced myself

if I would just work harder, I could force myself to forget the world that had technologi-

cal marvels battle fifty story tall aliens on a bi-weekly basis.

Obviously I didn't fall into that ploy. Evangelions were a large part of my life, even if

it was a painful and unfulfilling this book has brought out the best and worst

in me. I reconnected with people I had once despised, I sorted out my own thoughts

and wrote what it felt like to die, and most importantly I solved the Curse of Evangelion.

Amongst the crowd she stood. They were looking upon the body of a dead child, having jumped from the roof of the building next to her. The kid couldn't have been older than 16. This was the real world, a collective group of problems that occasionally stopped having these problems in exchange for a fleeting moment of happiness.

She should have seen it in her studies; death was all around her there. People had barely recovered from the apocalypse just a year earlier. By the end of her third and final year, a quarter of her classmates had killed themselves. The decision to leave instrumentality took a great toll on most. They were the ones who took the greatest risk, only to fail. There was a reason people stayed in the red sea. The feeling of belonging and lack of sadness was the only thing some had been looking forward to in their lives.

Asuka decided she wasn't that type of person once and for all. There was no way she would do this to herself, especially after she realized she was an idol to at least someone. She didn't need to end her world, but escape it instead. Only in the crowded downtown section of New Tokyo could Asuka disappear from the world. She would be like the thousands of other disappearances in the wake of Third Impact. A face in the crowd, hoping to fall in line with the city's populace and hide from the past of her life.

But what would that really do?

It would allow her to run, but to where? In the end it would result in the same as before: something would come along and drudge up these unwanted thoughts. Maybe there was some merit in staying in the life that she didn't want to. Eventually she would have to figure it out, and why not here? Why not the field where she was respected, where she had admirers. Why not stay where she could alway count on someone being there for her?

"Do not forget the past, it is the thing that shaped you, but that is okay. The past defines the us of now, but not the us of the future."

Once upon a time, Asuka lambasted Shinji for running from his problems like a coward. She was no better, mind you, running from her memories and hiding herself away in a shell. Even now, she runs from her life, but running around the world just brings you back to where you began.

Now more than ever, Rei's words from just a few days earlier stuck into her mind like a thumbtack into a corkboard. In many ways she was right; there was no place she could go that would make the past non-existent. But in a way, there was no place the past wouldn't define the future. Asuka was a pivotal part in the construction of the modern landscape.

This venture into escapism reminded her of the past once again, but in a very different light. It was a rainy day in the city of Tokyo-3 when from the heavens appeared a demon in the guise of an Angel. The Fifteenth Angel, Arael, took form in the orbit of Earth and launched an attack into the very soul of Asuka. Her core being was prodded by a foreign invader, inciting a riot in her soul. Then, as like now, she had been saved by Rei. They had that kind of relationship she surmised.

Her life was rocked, like the life of the girl on the pavement in front of her. Hell, she almost did what the young girl had. She was infinitely glad she hadn't. In a few hours, when the girl would be identified, her parents would hear about the act she committed and wonder where they messed up. They will sit there and reminisce on the signs she exhibited,and on the fact there was so much life that she could have lived. The child would never experience the joys of life now.

Empty spaces filled the mind of Asuka. She turned her head to a nearby barber, desperate to escape the world for a moment. Walking in she decided it was time for a change. Asking for a number 4, she sat in the chair next to the barber on duty, and proceeded to have it shaved all off.

A/N: This was written before the newest chapter of I Owe Myself a Better World By HologramTheater. I did not try and copy him

Again this chapter is based on my personal experience of hating yourself after someone tells you they look up to you and from seeing someone commit suicide in front of your own eyes. I wanted this chapter to be longer, but there were a lot of unnecessary paragraphs and interactions, particularly with the people of the city Asuka was going to interact with, but was cut because it added quite literally nothing. The entirety of the last section is about half of what I originally wrote and I still think it's subpar.

Thanks to all the readers that read the first two chapters, especially the ones in non-english speaking countries that chose my story to be the one they put their time into.

Up next, ACT IV: Shinji