It was a nice day, all things considered. The sun shone majestically in the sky, its light filtering down through the leaves and branches of the forest that Cinder and Ruby found themselves hiking through during this particular stage of their journey. It made for a nice walk, the path that they were following was well shaded and comfortable, yet the plentiful light and relative sparseness of the undergrowth meant that the girls could be sure no grimm, or ill-inclined individuals, were lurking about nearby. So, instead of needing to be on guard, the pair could instead just relax, and maybe even enjoy themselves a little. Days like these were still something that Cinder was getting used to.
To be fair though, every day had seemed brighter than usual since that night when she'd finally opened up to Ruby about her past. Cinder suppressed a sudden shudder at the thought. It had been quite a… scary experience, loathe though she was to admit it. Even with everything she'd faced down over the course of her life, the monsters she'd killed, the risks she'd taken, it was something as simple as talking and reliving some old memories that managed to leave her shaking. Almost laughable, when she really thought about it.
It was just… she'd been so sure of how Ruby would react, how Ruby would judge her. Been so sure that whatever strange little bond had managed to develop between the two of them, she'd be destroying it right then and there. That she'd finally prove that no one could ever truly care about her. And that scared her more than almost anything.
But then, by some miracle, she'd been proven wrong. Ruby had taken her side, had accepted her for what she was, had comforted her. Now, instead of a shudder, she was having to suppress a tear. It wouldn't do to start crying here, especially with Ruby right beside her. Of course, if Ruby wanted to comfort her with another hug that might not be the most disagreeable thing in the world but… well, Cinder still hadn't quite managed to get over the embarrassment she felt the morning after, when she awoke to find she'd spent the night sleeping curled up in Ruby's arms.
She shook her head a little to clear those thoughts away. In any case, things had gone far better than she possibly could have hoped for. Neither of them had directly brought up everything that happened that night since, Ruby clearly not wanting to push Cinder into talking about something so painful again before she was ready and Cinder not quite feeling up to reliving it all again just yet, but things were definitely a little different between them now.
Ruby had been acting friendly, more or less, towards Cinder ever since they started travelling together, but Cinder had been making an effort to keep her walls up the whole time. She hadn't been able to help herself growing at least a little… fond of the huntress, but always did her best to clamp down on those feelings. Now though, after that night, she couldn't really help but start to let those walls down. Couldn't help but let Ruby in, more and more.
Case in point, on this particular day of their journey, Ruby had proposed a small game for them to pass the time with. It was simple really, just the two of them taking turns to ask little inconsequential questions of one another, and then getting an answer in return. The whole thing was very transparently just a way for them to get to know one another a little better, and barely even worthy of being called a game no matter how much Ruby tried to insist that it definitely was. All up, exactly the kind of thing that Cinder definitely would have either flat out refused, or just pointedly ignored, not that long ago. But… well she figured it couldn't hurt just this once. It would keep Ruby happy, and might make the walk a little more bearable, nothing more or less than that.
"Hmmm, lets see…" At present, it was Ruby's turn to ask something, and she seemed to be taking her decision very seriously. As Cinder watched, she tilted her head back and forth, hemming and hawing until eventually snapping her fingers with a delighted "Aha!" She looked over to Cinder, her eyes almost seeming to glow in the gentle shade. "Here's a good one. What's your favourite food?"
Cinder pursed her lips at that. Favourite food… to be honest, she didn't really think she had one. Typically she just tried to eat whatever happened to be put in front of her without complaint, there was little room to be picky back during her childhood and she'd never quite managed to shake that mindset. Still, she got the impression that an answer like that might make Ruby sad, and that was something she'd rather avoid. There had to be something she could say. Something she liked to eat. Hm. Ah, maybe there was one thing.
"Do you know those like, jam filled donuts?" Cinder began, "I mean, they're called donuts, but they don't have a hole. And they have jam in them instead. I guess if they did have a hole there wouldn't really be room for the jam, so, maybe that's why," she finished lamely, suddenly aware of the fact that she didn't really know all that much about donuts.
Ruby stifled a small giggle. "Yeah sure, are they your favourite? Not what I would've expected. Is there any particular reason why, or do you just like them?"
"A reason?"
"Yeah like, I like cookies a lot, partially just because they're delicious," she paused a moment to consider, then suppressed a small shudder, "Well, they should be delicious, some people do terrible things to them. Like adding raisins. Anyway, I also like them because they… well, they remind me of some happy times back when I was young. So y'know, eating them brings those good memories rushing back."
"Ah, right, yeah I guess there is something like that," Cinder briefly stopped to try and think of the best, and least embarrassing, way to tell this story, "It was when I was a kid, right after I got away from, well, you know. I'd managed to get down to Mantle, snuck aboard a cargo ship heading down to the mines, but I didn't really have anything other than a decent chunk of Lien that I snatched when I ran. I had no idea where anything was, or where I could go, but I knew that I was hungry, so I just wandered around the city until I eventually happened to stumble across a donut shop. Ordered the jam donut on a whim, and… it was the best thing I'd ever tasted. Almost overwhelmingly so," she let out a small laugh at the memory, "I finished it quickly, and then I figured hey, I've got all this money, I can finally eat as much as I want without anyone stopping me. So, I ordered more, and more, and well, back then I didn't really know how nutrition or any of that worked, so it was a pretty big surprise when I got a massive stomach ache afterwards." This time the laugh that drifted out of Cinder's throat was much bigger. It was such a genuinely happy memory, and it had been so long since she'd thought of it. A brief pang of regret hit her when she realised that she missed her chance to go looking for that store again back when she'd been in Atlas. Too many other things on her mind, she supposed.
"Awww Cinder," Ruby practically squealed, a delighted smile lighting up her face, "That's so cute!"
The corners of Cinder's mouth tilted up into a small smile of her own. "Probably doesn't match up too well with the image you have of me, huh?"
"Well, a little, but at the same time," Ruby giggled, "I think I can totally imagine you doing something like that."
"Really?" Cinder asked, more than a little curious. The whole thing felt like a lifetime ago to her, something from a much simpler time even considering the things she'd been through up to that point. But maybe she hadn't changed quite as much as she sometimes believed.
"Maybe it's a stretch but, you can be really determined sometimes. Single mindedly going after whatever it is you want. A younger version of you applying that to something like tasty food is definitely something I could see," Ruby winked playfully.
Cinder huffed a little in faux annoyance, but couldn't stop that smile from stubbornly clinging to her features. Ruby wasn't entirely wrong there, even if in the time they knew each other that determination of Cinder's had largely been pointed towards… well, killing Ruby, as well as taking the maiden powers. Kind of strange to think about how drastically things had changed for her recently. Right now, she didn't have much of a goal to work towards, nothing to drive her onward. It made her feel a little listless when she stopped to really think about it. That smile finally dropped away as she drifted further into her thoughts, until Ruby's voice snapped her back out of them.
"Hey, Cinder, your turn to ask something."
Ah, right, the game. Cinder started to wrack her brains, searching for a suitable question. So far, she'd been struggling a little to come up with anything good (favourite colour was definitely something she could've just guessed on her own), but Ruby had humoured her all the same. As she struggled to come up with something, her gaze gradually drifted around, at first scanning the treeline, and then inevitably coming to rest on Ruby. Something she could ask about… "Is there something special about your hood?" she said eventually, more unintentionally thinking out loud then actually meaning to say something.
Ruby tilted her head a touch, unconsciously drawing her cape closer around her as she answered, "Well, I guess it depends what you mean by special."
"Oh, uh, I can just remember you wearing it back at Beacon, then again at Haven, and still now. Plus you were pretty upset back when it got damaged. I guess I was just wondering if there was a reason," Cinder did her best to justify her not at all thought out question.
"Ah, yeah, it's sorta… a reminder," Ruby laughed airily, "My Mum used to wear one kinda like it, so," it was only for a split second, but Cinder quite clearly noticed Ruby's expression fall ever so briefly; the cheerful smile that she usually wore giving way to something more troubled. And then, it was back to normal. "Plus it's just kinda a comfort thing now, I've been wearing it for so long that it just feels strange not to have it."
"Right, I can understand that," Cinder replied, not entirely managing to hide the hint of curiosity that had sparked from Ruby's change in expression. Still, she didn't feel entirely comfortable prodding for more information right now. It was a little strange when she thought about it, but in a way she was almost more scared now of doing something to drive Ruby away than she had been before she'd opened up about her past.
Maybe… maybe it had something to do with how sure she'd been that Ruby would inevitably turn on her beforehand. The idea had still hurt, but it had seemed like such a certainty that she'd been able to come to terms with it, to an extent. Now though, she had this… this small spark of hope in her chest, hope that things really could be different for her, and the idea of that hope being snuffed out was just too terrible for her to bear.
Of course the more negative voices in her head still insisted that this hope was as foolhardy as it had been every other time in her life. That Ruby was just playing her. Or that even if Ruby believed what she said, that she was wrong and that Cinder really was a monster that could never change in the slightest.
She did her best not to listen to those voices, but, well… it was hard when they'd been her closest companions for so long. She shook her head a little in an effort to clear her thoughts, suddenly aware of how lost she'd been getting in them. "So uh, is it your turn now?" she said, hoping that she hadn't totally missed Ruby saying something already.
Thankfully, Ruby seemed to still be thinking. "Yeah, what about," Ruby's voice trailed off slowly, until a light dusting of pink appeared on her cheeks. "What's your uh," she seemed surprisingly bashful all of a sudden, "Preference. Like, men, or women, or both, or neither."
It took Cinder a few moments to realise exactly what Ruby was asking. "Oh. Oh! You mean like, for relationships?" Ruby gave a small nod in response, and Cinder felt her cheeks warm just a touch. To be honest, it was never something she'd thought about all that much. She'd spent so long believing that no one could ever really care about her, the idea of actually pursuing someone seemed laughable at best. Even now, when she felt at least a little better about herself… well, it still seemed like it was something she didn't deserve. If she simplified it down to just what she thought was attractive, though, that was a lot easier to answer. She'd never admit it out loud, but she'd thought Raven was pretty hot back when they first met. Neo too. "Girls, I guess. It's not something I've thought about too much, but I think that feels right."
Ruby's smile grew slightly at Cinder's answer, any trace of that earlier sadness now well and truly gone. "I'm the same way. Took me a long time to figure it out though, lots of confusion along the way. Even just figuring out that I was a girl took a while, and obviously that made sexuality even more difficult to navigate."
Cinder hummed in response, "I can imagine." The fact that Ruby was into women made her feel… happy. She couldn't quite put her finger on why though. Maybe she was just glad they had something in common. That was probably it.
"I was lucky though," Ruby continued, "My family was really supportive the whole way through, made things way easier on me."
"Well," that curiosity Cinder felt at Ruby's reaction earlier when talking about her Mother reared its head once again, and she figured maybe this would be a way to dig a little deeper without directly asking about it, "It's my question now, right? Why don't you tell me a little about them?"
"My family? Hm," if the question phased Ruby, she didn't show it, instead just tilting her head back and forth as she considered how to answer. "Well, there's my sister, Yang, who I guess you already know a little."
That gave Cinder pause. Yang… Yang was the girl with the golden hair and gauntlets from Ruby's team. Cinder remembered her pretty well from Beacon, where she'd been a key component in their whole plan, and also from the fight at Haven, although they hadn't directly interacted on either occasion. The fact that she and Ruby were family though, that was news to Cinder. In her defence they didn't exactly look alike, and their names were different. This was the kind of information that was probably listed in their student documentation which… well, Cinder had been meaning to read over it while preparing for things back at Beacon, but the documents were just so long, and with so many words, that she ended up not bothering. Also in her defence, things still went pretty alright for her back then even without properly studying up so it's not like it was a big deal.
Ruby giggled, "Did you not realise we were related?"
Cinder pouted. Ruby was unfairly good at figuring out what she was thinking.
This time Ruby's laugh was a lot louder, the pout clearly confirming her suspicions. "Y'know, you're a lot," she took a moment to search for the right word, then gave Cinder a playful nudge with her elbow, "A lot dorkier than I ever thought you'd be, before we got to know each other. I can understand though, me and Yang don't look too similar." Her gaze shifted away from Cinder, settling off into the middle distance as she spoke. "She's really cool, always looked out for me while we were growing up. Whether it was sticking up for me in front of other people, or reading stories to me as I fell asleep, she was always there. I don't know what I would've done without her."
"I'm… glad you had someone like that," Cinder murmured. There was an odd kind of churning deep in her stomach as she listened to Ruby. Jealousy, perhaps. Jealousy over the fact that she never got to have anyone who looked after her in that same way. It was an unfair way to feel, Ruby was… was such a good person, far better than Cinder, of course she deserved to have someone like that. And of course Cinder didn't. She frowned to herself. There were those negative voices again, always present.
"And next, another one you already kinda know, is my Uncle Qrow," Ruby continued on, still staring ahead, "He… wasn't really a constant presence, when I was growing up. Always away on missions for Ozpin. I didn't know about any of that back then, of course, but I still always thought he was so cool. I actually decided to use a scythe entirely because it was what he fought with, and," a small laugh escaped Ruby's lips, "I've mentioned it before, but he had to give me a whole lot of tutoring before I could actually use the thing. Our training sessions were almost always a competition to see how long I could go without accidentally hitting myself with it," her smile turned to be just a little melancholic, "He was never really the best at teaching, but he always tried his hardest for me."
"Well, he did a good job, you're a real terror to fight now." This time, Cinder focused very hard on not thinking of her own mentor figure.
Ruby snorted, waving a hand dismissively. "Nowhere near as good as you. I'll take the compliment, though." She fell silent for a few moments after that, getting lost in her thoughts a little as the pair continued strolling along, before speaking again, "And then finally there's my Dad. He's a bit of a character, always telling just the absolute worst jokes. Super supportive though, you should've seen how excited he got for me when I came out," she chuckled lightly, "I think he partly just liked the idea of having two daughters." She paused again, then perked up all of a sudden, "Oh! I just realised, when we catch the boat over to Vale, we can probably stop over in Patch for a little while. You'll be able to meet him then, ah, I bet you two will get along great," Ruby's eyes seemed to sparkle with excitement as she spoke.
Cinder hummed in response, Ruby certainly seemed pleased at the idea, and Cinder herself didn't really have any preference one way or the other. One particular thing did grab her attention though. "Hey," she began, "You… mentioned a mother earlier, when we were talking about your hood. What about her?"
It was at that moment that Ruby stumbled, and would have fallen over completely if Cinder hadn't immediately reacted, grabbing onto and steadying her. "Phew, thanks," she stammered, clearly shaken, "Must've been a root sticking up or something."
A quick glance behind them confirmed that there was no such root, or really any kind of trip hazard, but Cinder didn't think it was worth bringing that up. Clearly this was a… touchy subject. "Sorry, I didn't mean to pry, forget it," she spoke quickly, already worrying that she'd done something very wrong.
"No, it's fine, don't worry." Ruby flashed a smile that even Cinder could tell was forced, then continued walking along as if nothing was wrong. "My Mum, she uh," Her voice was quiet now, almost to the point where Cinder couldn't hear it, "She… was a huntress, just like Dad and Uncle Qrow. But… one day, when I was still really young, about 2 and a half, she left on a mission and then just… never came back."
Cinder fell back into step beside Ruby, then suddenly felt supremely lost. Part of her wanted to provide comfort to Ruby, but at the same time she just wasn't sure how. Didn't know what to do. Eventually, she just settled for saying, "I'm sorry."
"It's fine, really, it was a long time ago. It was hard back then though, Dad… kinda just shut down. Depression, I think. Yang was hurting bad too, and she had to step up a lot to take care of me while Dad was struggling. But y'know, she was still young herself, and there was only so much she could really do. And Qrow, well, I was too young back then to really know for sure, but if I had to guess that was when his drinking problems started." A long, shaky, sigh drifted from Ruby's lips. "I didn't even really understand what was happening back then, I didn't exactly know what death was, so I was sure that Mum was just gonna turn back up one day. And then she never did, and eventually I realised that she really was gone, that I would never see her again. Now, though…" her voice trailed off into a gradual silence.
For the next few moments, the only sound was the steady crunch of their boots along the trail, and the distant chirping of birds. "Now?" Cinder prompted, when it became clear that Ruby wouldn't continue on her own.
"Don't worry about it," Ruby said eventually, waving Cinder off as she spoke, "I don't wanna make you have to deal with my problems."
"Ah, okay." Cinder's gaze fell to the ground as the pair continued to walk. A strange feeling seemed to settle deep in the pit of her stomach. It was like… helplessness, almost. She so desperately wanted to reach out to Ruby, to help her with this thing that was so clearly causing her pain. But she just couldn't, didn't know what to say, what to do. Didn't know how to support someone else, hell, she barely knew how to support herself. She wasn't strong like Ruby.
As if sensing Cinder's little mental spiral, Ruby looked back at her with soft, gentle eyes. "It's okay, Cinder, really." She brought her hand up, resting it carefully on Cinder's shoulder. "All fine, see? Now, just give me a minute and I'll think up a great next question."
When Ruby's hand drifted away, Cinder's skin was left feeling strangely cold. Maybe it was okay, but… it didn't really feel like it. Her feelings were all a jumbled mess, but what she knew for sure was that Ruby… she cared about Ruby. It was maybe a strange realisation to have at that moment, but it was true. She didn't just feel fond of her, or enjoy being around her, she really, truly, cared about her. Maybe that was why it hurt so bad.