Trouble (TV on the Radio)
Santana's POV
Sandra had convinced me to head back to her house for dessert so that we could talk in private, and even though I really didn't want to, I went anyway.
We sat on her sunporch, enjoying the sunniest day we'd had in months, both ready for spring more than anything...at first just catching up.
Evan was studying for his driver's test.
Xavier was losing teeth like it was his job.
Tito was the spitting image of Sandra but he was as cowardly as his father, and it annoyed my sister.
She wanted to toughen him up, and asked how we'd made sure that Isaac was still athletic and I just shrugged, we were all athletes, he'd gotten it honestly.
Then there were her twin girls, Anais and Nadia, who ruled the house at just three years old, they were the ones who didn't know Johnny like the rest did.
Sandra went on and on about Johnny not knowing what to do with daughters, which was why after the girls were born and Sandra got pregnant with their youngest, little Maribel he got snipped.
But that wasn't of course before he went off and got two other women pregnant.
I tried to listen and not respond, because it just seemed like my sister needed to vent to someone who didn't know about all the stuff that had happened since November and it worked for a good twenty minutes.
"What are you going to do about custody? He's living in Miami with that girl, right? What's her name, Megan, Marsha, Marsupial?"
"Marjorie, she's like 22, great tits and a perfect snapback after giving birth to a gigantic baby boy."
"She's 22 with a vieja name like that?"
"Named after her grandmother apparently, and their son has an old name too."
"What is it?"
"Ernest."
"There's plenty of Ernesto's though."
"No. Not like we would say it, she's this country bumpkin from Arkansas, and her father's name was Ernest."
"Was? That's sweet that she remembered him. I mean Isaac has Papi's name as his middle name."
"Right but Aden isn't a bad name, it's current."
"Don't be so harsh, Sandra."
"Fuck you, I'll be however I want. That little fucker was born two days before the girls were."
"Wait, I thought he was like a baby now? You said she's 22."
Sandra threw her arms out and nodded. "Exactly! He likes them fresh, apparently! She was 18, Santana!"
"Shit."
"That's what I've had to deal with, and then there's Siani."
"Is that the other daughter?"
"Yeah, that happened when our sister died. He was off fucking some junkie, no offense."
"Was she high when he did it?"
"No idea, all I know is she's being raised by her Abuela in the Bronx. The mom isn't around. Luckily, she and I get along well. Siani has been here, and the girls are all close."
"Wow, sis, I'm so sorry that all of this happened. Then you got cut off right before the holidays, my bad."
"I need a refill, you?"
"Oh no, one cup a day, I have a baby to feed."
"Still? Sis, she's going to be 1 in two weeks."
"I know, isn't it great? I have NEVER been able to breastfeed for a full year. I'm so proud of myself."
"That is amazing. Are you going to stop after that?"
"Definitely, she's got fangs, I swear she's a Chupacabra in disguise!" And finally, fucking finally my sister cackled.
It was music to my ears.
Sandra spent so long talking about her woes that by the time she was ready to interrogate me, my alarm was going off.
"What's that?" She asked as she came back into the room with her third cup of coffee.
"My alarm, I'm picking up Britt and the kids."
"I still don't understand why they are the only kids in our family that are in public school."
"Well, I'm glad they are, with my money being nonexistent, there's no way I would have been able to pay tuition this semester. That's why I had to pull Gia out of daycare at school, our building is free, so B has been taking her to the city everyday."
"That's nuts when I'm right here."
"Well you weren't talking to me."
"Our beef should never get in the way of you asking for help with the kids. I can multitask. I can be pissed at you and still want to help you. That is what family does. And if you couldn't do that, because I know your pride is so much like Papi's, the kids do have trust funds for a reason, Santana. There is more than enough in the family trust for all the kids to go to private school and college."
"I don't touch those, I didn't realize I could do that, and forgive me for not knowing that you would be willing to take Gia on top of your three kids under 5." That's when I realized it was the middle of the day and the house was quiet. "Where are they, by the way?"
"Johnny is in town, he has them. He's renting a place a few miles from here, so I actually don't have my four this weekend. Just the big boys, and they are busy with friends probably."
"Nice."
"You can still get them in a different school for next year, think about it."
My alarm went off again, because I knew I'd get distracted and ignore the first one. "Maybe, if we are still here but I gotta go, Sandra. Thank you for today. I'm happy that we are back on speaking terms again."
"Don't think I didn't hear that part about you still being here." She said, as she kissed my cheek. "Why wouldn't you be here?"
"Talk more later." I put on my coat, and twisted my hair into a top knot, before kissing her cheek once more. "Can't be late."
"Cousin sleepover tonight? Celia and Quinn will be here for the weekend...say yes." She pleaded, when I was walking across the porch. I turned back and could see that spark, she was going to get answers. I knew from experience, the sooner I spilled, the easier she was to deal with.
Big sisters must have some kind of guilt trip course because I buckled immediately.
"You hosting? I have no extra food for our huge family to do tonight and then host Sunday dinner." I admitted and she nodded, giving me a thumbs up.
"Ordering a little of everything, see you at 7! I already bought the food for Sunday, you don't need to worry about that either. It's done, you can't say no, byeeee!"
She didn't even give me a chance to negotiate, she just shut the door, leaving me no choice but to be prepared to accept her decrees.
And I just knew that there'd be a interrogation included.
Yay!
Despite being bullied into a sleepover with my sisters and Quinn, I was in great spirits as I drove through town towards the train station.
I got to the curb just as the train was pulling in, and didn't miss Britt's red face, immediately.
She'd been crying.
Gia slept against her chest, as Britt walked to the car.
I climbed out and ran around to meet her, once I was closer I could see she'd been crying for a while.
Britt's eyes were bloodshot, and she looked at me like...well not in a good way.
Had I done something?
I was wracking my brain while strapping Gia into her seat. I kissed her sweet face, and she smiled in her sleep.
"Te quiero mucho, Nena." I whispered.
When I closed the door, I realized that Britt was in the driver seat...not good.
"B, you shouldn't drive when you're so upset. You just got your license back, do you really want to lose it again?" I tried to ask her gently but she looked at me, still with disgust and shook her head.
"It's fine, just get in. I'll drive slow." Her tone told me that she was not going to argue, and while she hadn't been violent with me in over a year, I still wasn't going to push.
History had taught me better than that.
I kept rubbing her thigh as she wiped her tears away, while trying to sing along to the music.
She was about to go straight towards the kids school but we had a half hour still.
"B, turn here, I think I forgot my wallet."
I thought she'd ignore me but she turned into our street, and pulled over at the curb instead of into our driveway.
"I'll wait here." She tried to smile but it was like watching a baby eat a lemon.
"No. Turn the car off, I think you should go inside and get yourself together. I'll go pick them up."
"But you forgot your wallet." She said, as she turned the car off. More tears covered her cheeks and it was breaking my fucking heart.
"Please, Britt Britt. I'm asking." I wasn't sure it would work, because usually it was her asking me to be honest, and to listen to her.
She glanced back at our sleeping baby, and then got out of the car.
Thank God.
I met her at the front of the car, and wrapped my arms around her as tight as I could.
She was stiff at first but then she softened, burying her face in my hair as she hugged me back.
"I'm not ready to talk about it."
"That's okay." I was praying that this wasn't the world being pulled from beneath us again. My mind kept going to the worst case scenarios.
"You know how to pick them up, right?" She whispered as she let me rock her in the middle of the street. It felt so good just being in her arms, even if she was falling apart.
"Not really, but I'll figure it out."
"I don't want to be alone, maybe you drive and I'll pretend to be asleep if I can't stop...stop crying by the time we get there."
"Are you sure?" I pulled back and rubbed her arms, trying to be the biggest comfort that I could be. "It's not rocket science, right?"
"There's a certain place to be for them, I'll go with you. I can get myself together, I promise."
"Okay, B. I love you." I leaned in and kissed her salty lips, and then wiped away her tears. "And I'll love you no matter what. We are a team, I've got your back and you've got mine. Right?"
She nodded and then pulled me into another hug, crushing me against her like she hadn't since we were teenagers.
I didn't know how much I missed these little moments with her until I had them again.
Brittany had always brought out my hero complex, hardcore but she'd had to be my hero for nearly eight years, and I never got used to that dynamic.
"Thank you for being an amazing unicorn, Ana Banana." She held my face and kissed me until I was breathless. This time when I pulled back, she was grinning through her tears. "You bring me back to Earth, Santana. I love you so much, I don't care what anyone says. You are my everything, you and our babies. No one can take that away, NOBODY."
Her eyes were so serious, and it made my stomach sink.
Was she trying to prepare me for something?
God, what the fuck was going on.
"I love you too, Britt Britt. I'll always love you the most."
She nodded, taking a deep breath. "Thank you, I needed to hear that." She jumped up and down, shaking out her hands like she did before a big performance.
Then she had her game face on, Mama B was back in action, smiling again.
True to her word, by the time the kids were climbing in the car, Britt was back to her bubbly self and she almost had them fooled but in the same way that Isaac was always in tune with me, Daniela was always able to see right through Britt.
"Mama, are you okay?" She asked after we dropped Isaac off at his therapy appointment. Gia was babbling to herself, being very much the bubbliest little thing, but Daniela only had eyes for B. "You've been crying. I know it."
Britt turned as much in her seat as she could and reached a hand back to Daniela.
"I just had a bad day. You've had those, right?"
"Yeah."
"Well, I had one, and it made me sad but I'm okay. Mami made me feel better."
"You did?" Daniela was asking me, and I nodded.
"I did my best, Beba, but we all know you do it better."
"Yeah, you do." Britt agreed. "So, tell me about your day. What was the best part?"
"Um...well...I started a new instrument today, and I'm really good at it."
"You did? Were the drums and guitar not enough for you?" I asked, feeling stunned that this kid was going for a third instrument at just six. "I mean, I only play two and half, are you trying to beat my record?" I called back to her and she giggled.
"How do you play half an instrument, Mami?"
"Well, I can play the violin, kind of. I didn't have a left handed violin to practice on, so I quit."
"You quit? But you're a Lopez, we don't quit!" Daniela was about to get on her soapbox when Britt cut her off.
"Hey, be nice to Mami, being left-handed is hard. She has always had to deal with things being made for righties like us."
"Oh. But Izzy doesn't have a problem, he's really good at being a leftie." She argued.
"Well that's because your Mami has made sure that he's comfortable with his left hand since he was a baby."
Daniela and Britt got into a conversation about all the things that are made for righties for the rest of the ride home.
I parked and, left them to their conversation while I got Gia out the car.
They followed behind me and then when I did something I had always done, Britt called it out.
"See, look, Mami was holding Gia with her left arm but watch how she shifts." She said whispering but I heard her as I shifted the baby to my right arm so I could pull open our right handed storm door, and unlock the main door.
"Is that why she does that? I see her all the time, moving things to the left, I didn't think about it."
"You know I can hear you two right?" I don't know why I was getting annoyed, but I was.
Ever since I was a kid, I'd done my best to try to blend in, because I got sensitive about being left-handed.
Mami hadn't done for me what I did for Isaac.
She'd just gone about her life like it wasn't a big deal, but I went to Catholic school where I was made to sit on my left hand during class.
I knew how to write with my right hand up until I didn't have to anymore. Once I was in public school, I wrote with my left again, and my grades soared after that.
"Hey, are you okay, you look mad?" B asked as I changed Gia's diaper on the couch. I looked up at her, and shrugged. "Dani, go change out of your school clothes, and grab a bib for Gia."
"Okay!" Daniela kissed my cheek, then Britt's before running towards the stairs.
"Walk!" I said a little too harsh and she slowed down, walking softly up the steps.
Brittany's POV
I didn't mean for my mood to rub off on her but I could see that it had.
"Why are you mad? Is it because you don't like to be talked about like that? Baby, she's curious."
She huffed, and lifted her shirt, moving her bra aside so that Gia could latch on.
I watched the usual play of emotions, first she hissed, then she'd wrinkle her nose, and then finally she would sit back, looking uncomfortable and in awe at the same time.
As she looked down at Gia, her face softened, "I need to start weening her soon. It's almost time...you hear me kid, you're time with my tits is almost up...after that they'll only belong to Mama."
"Hey, don't tell her that."
Ana was back to smiling. "Why not, B, isn't it the truth?"
"Well yeah, but like, our kids don't want to hear that. Do you want to think about your parents doing sexy things?"
"Gross."
"See, me either."
"Touché. By the way, we are all spending the night at Sandra's tonight."
Wait, what? I was NOT expecting that, "You're talking again?"
"Yes."
"Wait, you had good news, was that it?"
"That's a part of it. Quinn and Ceily are coming down, so it will be a good time...for the most part, I'm sure I'll get interrogated about the money stuff." She seemed way calmer about money conversations than she had been since this whole thing started.
Maybe things were finally looking up.
"Is there something to talk about?" I asked.
She nodded, and was about explain but then Daniela came running down the steps, and stumbled off the last one and fell right on her ass.
"Fuck!" She said, and I sat there stunned speechless, "Crap, I mean, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Dani began to cry and then Ana, hissed.
"Make her stop crying or this baby is going to bite off my nipple."
I went over to Dani, and lifted her off the floor. She buried her face against my neck, and kept apologizing. "I'm sorry...I was just excited."
"Does your butt hurt?"
"Yes."
"Do you need to go to the hospital?" I asked her and she pulled back, glaring at me.
"No."
"Good, then you need to go talk to Mami."
"Okay." She mumbled.
I put her on her feet in front of Ana, who was switching the baby to the other boob, looking like she was in pain.
Once Gia was moved over, she was putting pressure on her other nipple. "B, can you grab me nipple butter, she almost succeeded this time. I don't care how hard it is, she's cut off after this. Bottles only."
Dani looked terrified for me to leave her alone with Ana, but I knew that Ana was doing it on purpose. I was lenient on Dani, always giving her extra attention and letting her get away with stuff because Izzy always required so much more attention.
I never wanted her to feel resentful of him, but in the process I had spoiled her a bit. In this case, Ana didn't mind being bad cop. She said that one of us had to be Dani's friend, so she'd feel comfortable talking to us when she got older. Both Ana's parents were the bad cop, and both mine were the good cop. There was no balance.
My wife wanted us to be different, and I agreed. My anger and my lack of brain waves was because my parents were so laid back that they didn't stop to question why I was acting like a 15 year old toddler. Had they paid attention, they would have had my meds reevaluated.
I was smart, but for decades no one noticed because the drugs kept me stupid.
So, I agreed with Ana, only one of us could be easy, and one of us could be strict.
We both went with what we knew, she tried to be a better less crazy version of her parents, and I tried to be as light as mine were but as attentive as they should have been.
It didn't always work like we wanted it to, but so far we were doing alright.
Ana's voice was low but from the look on Dani's face when I got back to the living room, you'd think Ana was yelling at her.
"Do you understand me?" Ana asked and Dani nodded. "Use your words, I know you know how since you have no problem screaming profanities."
"Yes, Mami."
"Go get your tablet."
Dani bit her lip, and walked back upstairs, slowly.
"You're taking her tablet away? For how long?"
"A week, also no tv."
"That's harsh."
Ana shook her head, "My father would have beat me, Mami and Abuela would have made me swish my mouth with soap. I am not being harsh. What would your parents do?" She raised her eyebrows and I could feel the heat in my cheeks.
"They would have told us not to yell, to watch our language, and then would have let it go."
"And that's exactly why I handle the discipline. These kids are growing up in a racist country, they can't go around cursing and acting like people expect them to act."
"I know."
"She'll be fine, I haven't seen her touch her drums since she got that app on her tablet. If she's going to be a prodigy, like she seems to be want to be, then she needs to actually play her drums."
"You're right."
"I know. Hey, go be the good cop, tell her we are having a sleepover at Sandra's. Help her pack her sleeping bag. I need to finish feeding Gia, so I can get ready to go."
"Can I hug her?" I asked, not wanting to step on her toes.
"Always. You let her know though that you're not happy about what she did, but you can do your spoiling still...go before I change my mind." I kissed Ana, sucking her lip into my mouth and she moaned, then slapped my shoulder. "Go."
"Let's sneak away tonight, like we used to, I need to thank you for making me feel better."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Say less." She winked at me, and everything felt right in our world.
Dani was sitting in the middle of her room with Snix Jr in her lap, weeping.
"Hey." I knocked on her door frame and she looked up in a panic until she realized it was me.
"Hi."
"You okay?"
"Yeah."
"Wanna talk about it?"
"Mami hates me, and I don't like her either." She huffed, crossing her arms and glaring at the cat.
And I knew that I was at a crossroads, either I just convinced her that what she said wasn't true or I could call her out.
I didn't care if I was her best friend.
"Whoa, don't talk about my lady like that. She LOVES you so much."
Dani shrugged, "Whatever." She grumbled while rubbing the cat's fur as he laid there purring so loud that it sounded like he was vibrating.
"And she curses, yes, but she's an adult and she knows when not to. You don't, apparently."
"So I CAN curse?" She looked happy, and I dropped down next to her.
"No. You will not use that language until you are old enough to understand what it means, when to use it, and have a house of your own."
"Why are you on her side? You're 'posed to be on mine."
"I am on your side, but I am on hers to. She's my person, and I will never not be on her side."
"She loves Izzy and Gigi more than me."
"Nope, not even a little true. Isn't she the one that made sure you got a guitar?"
"Well, yeah."
"And didn't she make sure that as soon as you moved here that you had a cat?"
"Yes."
"And didn't she move into my room, to put up with my snoring just to give you your own big girl room?"
"Yes but she's 'posed to be in the room with you, she's your lady. Tío Saul stays in the room with Titi Mari, that's how it goes with grown ups who love each other. Right?"
"Usually, yes. Mami didn't want to keep me up at night with Gia, I told you that but once the baby was sleeping through the night, she moved in with me again."
"I just want her to like me. Why can't she do that?"
"How do you mean?" I needed to know what qualified as Ana being better to our six year old.
"Time. She does sports with Izzy, and she always has Gigi, but what about me?"
And she had a point, Ana hadn't really done anything specifically with Dani since music classes back at the penthouse.
Since Ana hadn't been playing her piano, there were no chances for Dani to sit with her and play, like old times.
"I think if I take Gia from her more, she'll have more time to do stuff with you. I'll make you a deal, if you can work on being better about listening and not using bad words that you KNOW not to use, then I will make sure that Mami has time to hang out with just you. I'll take Izzy and Gia, and you can go have time form just you two."
"Promise?" She held out her pinky and I linked mine with hers.
"I promise."
"Okay, Mama."
"And you'll also make sure you do whatever Mami asked with zero attitude because if you have beef with my lady, then you have beef with me." I said, giving her my fake serious face, which made her smirk and roll her eyes.
"Fine." She huffed. "I'll be nice."
"Good."
Santana's POV
I stood outside of Daniela's room while Britt talked to her, and hearing my child think that I hated her made me regret not being better.
Mom guilt was real, I felt like total shit but then Britt called her out, and called me her lady, which I'd never heard her say before.
Gia was in my arms, half asleep while she caressed my face.
I remembered when Daniela used to do that, before she didn't like me anymore.
There needed to be intentional things that I did with my little girl, especially since we both loved music.
In the spirit of self-preservation, I walked to my room, not wanting to hear anything else Daniela might think about me.
Sure, I was tough, but I still had feelings damnit.
Is this what I made Mami feel?
Then I could hear her clear as day in my head.
"One day you will have children, mi'ja, I wish you on yourself with a dash of self-awareness. You want to act malcriada, like some mala mañosa, then I wish the same right back on you." She'd said it every single time I snapped at her, or was disrespectful, and I here I was.
Self-aware.
Fuck.
I gave Gia a quick bath, and changed her into pajamas, and then got changed into my sweats before taking her over to Daniela's room.
When I pushed the door open, Britt was packing bags while Daniela sat at her desk on her motherfucking tablet, and I had to swallow my rage.
"Hey, B, I'm heading out. We have practice until 6:30, then we'll be straight home. Okay?"
Britt looked over at Daniela, and snapped her fingers. "Yo, I told you to shut it down, what did you just promise me?"
"Sorry, Mama." She said, and then looked back at the screen. "I'm finishing this game, then I'll do it."
"I think not, hand it over, NOW." I snapped, and Daniela jumped out of her chair, rushing over to me. "Tonight the family is doing the sleepover, and we'll watch movies, you better enjoy it because you just added on another week."
"What?! You're crazy! That's not fair!" She stomped her foot and tried to snatch the tablet back, "Let me finish my game then!" This time it was me that was stunned speechless.
"Okay, you know what, I tried to be nice but you're not going to disrespect my lady, I just told you that. I'm so disappointed in you, Daniela." Britt said, and full names obviously had the same effect on our kids as it did to me. That's why Britt must do it, to let us know when shit is serious.
"But Mama, she-"
"She has a name!"
I was swooning.
"Mami won't let me finish!"
"And neither will I. Guess what, since you don't know how to act, no fun tonight. You'll bring your homework, and do it at the table. No games, no movies, and no sleepover. After dinner, you are coming right back here."
"But, Mama, that's not fair."
"What's not fair is you not keeping your word. Apologize."
"I'm sorry, Mami." She muttered, rolling her eyes. I understood the full force of Mami's words then, I wished Daniela on herself then, with a look that came straight from the pits of hell, I'd seen it on Marco's face when he did the worst of the worst.
So I knew that if she could, she'd be trying to whoop my ass.
"Yeah, I don't accept. Just wait until your Titi's and Dama hear about this. Let's see how sorry you are then." I watched her look at me in shock, because normally we kept what happened in our house, in our house but not today. Quinn doted on her, and Daniela knew it, a la her guitar but not after tonight. She wanted to treat me like shit and everyone else amazing, no ma'am. I kissed my amazing wife and then dropped a kiss on Daniela's forehead. "The littlest monster is watching Dora in her kid jail, see you at 6:30. Sandra is getting dinner, so no need to cook. I love you!"
When I went inside to pick up Isaac, his therapist pulled me to the side.
"Just a word of caution, your son is feeling a bit agitated with his report card, I've counseled him to ask for help when he needs it. I was wondering if I could get a copy of his IEP?"
I was drawing a blank, school stuff always fell on B. So much, so that I had NO idea that the kids had gotten their report cards.
"I'll email you."
"Great. Have a great weekend."
"Thanks, you too."
Isaac was thumping his foot against a chair as he stood waiting for me, his shoulders slumped and his head bowed.
When I put my hand on his back, he looked up at me with big, fat tears.
Seriously, the first good day I had in a while and my heartbeats were all upset, only Gia had been in good spirits right until Daniela had yelled.
"Can we skip practice today, Mami?"
"You know the rules, mi'jo, you miss practice today, you don't get to play on Sunday."
He shrugged, "So?"
"Ah, it's a bad day?"
"Yes. I got a C in music. I hate it, why do I have to take it?"
Ouch.
"Well, it's almost the end of the school year, so you won't have to take it much longer, right?"
He nodded and slipped his hand in mine, "So can we skip?"
"If we don't go, what will you be doing?"
"Playing with my hoop."
I crouched down, and looked him in the eyes, trying to get him to focus.
He stared hard at me, his eyes getting comically large behind his glasses.
"So, if you skip you're still going to end up practicing?"
"Oh, well yes, Mami."
"Don't you think it would be more fun if you played with your friends?"
"No. They aren't as good as me."
"Well that's more reason for you to be there, you have to give them something to look up to."
"Oh, okay. Can we not get froyo after, I don't deserve it."
"Whoa, excuse me Mister, I am the Mami and I get to decide what rewards you deserve."
"I got a C!" He reminded me. "Aren't you mad? I've never got one."
"Nope, not mad. I'm sure you tried your hardest."
"Well you should be mad."
I gave Isaac the option to sit on the bench during practice but once he saw the other kids, he went to his locker to change his clothes.
"Don't think we'll have a productive practice today, all the kids are buzzing about their report cards." Coach said.
"Isaac is right along with them, he got his first C, the kid is devastated. If only he knew how many of those his Mama had until I came along." He chuckled.
"Same, I was a C average all through high school. Everyone was shocked when I got into college."
"I was an honor student every year, my parents never cared, it was just expected that I'd do well."
"Harsh."
"Doctor and a Lawyer who both attended Columbia, I had no choice but to be great."
"Yeah, you definitely didn't have a choice."
"How about we do a few drills, and then a shoot-off, say a half hour?"
"Sounds good to me. Wanna blow the whistle?"
"Wanky." I shook my head and headed over to Isaac who had wet his face a few times. "Hey, Papa, all better?"
"I still don't want to be here, Mami."
"Yeah, I don't think the other kids do either. We are going to cut it short today, just drills and a shoot-off. If you want to just sit on the bench, you can."
"No thanks, if I sit on the bench, they'll think it's okay. I need to be the best."
"Atta boy, go show 'em how we do." I ruffled his damp curls and he grinned.
My phone buzzed about six times while I ran the kids through the drills, and as much as I wanted to answer, I couldn't.
The world could wait.
Isaac was laughing with another kid, as they raced through drills together...for a kid that had been dealing so hard with social stuff for longer than most kids, it was good to see him be a kid with other kids.
When it was time for the shoot-off, my phone went off again.
I pulled it out, saw it was B and answered.
"Baby?" She was crying.
"Hold on a sec." I went over to coach, "Hey, I need to take this call, I'll be just outside the door, can you push Isaac to the back, I don't want to miss him"
"Sure, go ahead, he's got five kids in front of him, should be enough time."
I pushed past the double doors, and watched the shoot-out through the glass windows, Isaac was looking for me and clicking his fingers.
Hopefully, he would be fine. "B, what's wrong?"
"Can you come home? Like now?"
"What's wrong?"
"I did something stupid earlier, and things are about to get bad. I need you here, please?"
"Isaac's about-" I started to say when I saw our son grab a kid's arm and yank him until he stumbled to the floor. "Fuck, B I'll be home as soon as I can. Gotta go!" I ended the call and rushed into the gym.
But the damage had already been done.
Fuck, I shouldn't have left.
Brittany's POV
Our Broadway production was stalled, indefinitely. Which meant my contract was on hold, with the exception of a monthly retainer that my agent had negotiated. It wasn't making a lot of money but it was enough to keep me from quitting.
To fill in my days, and our bank account, I'd been teaching classes at the new studio that Frankie had bought in NoHo, which was closer to Broadway and just a few miles from our building in TriBeCa.
At the beginning of the week, the director had sent me a few songs, asking me to put together a few dances that could inspire the casting director to look for a certain type of lead actress, since the person they picked had fallen through.
For five days, I had been hard at work, and then boom first thing in the morning on Friday, I got a call asking for a favor.
Apparently, they'd originally cast Rachel Berry, it would have been her FIRST lead role on Broadway, and she dropped out because she was PREGNANT! I was so glad that the woman couldn't see my face because I was trying so hard not to freak out.
I couldn't wait to tell Ana. We hadn't been in the glee club gossip in so long, but this was scandal because Puck was halfway through a yearlong tour of duty overseas. He hadn't even met the kid she just had. There was no way this was his baby, I wanted to ask how far along she was, but this was my boss.
Instead, I was professional. I asked how I could help and she mentioned one name.
"Ariana Soto. Word is that she's ending her run on our old show. Everyone wants her but she's being coy. She's just what we need, and the fact that you've worked together means that you can skip the getting to know you phase. I'm hoping that your connection will land her in our production. We are even willing to offer you a recruitment bonus, and up your retainer by double."
As of that morning, our bank account had $924, and I didn't get another check for two more weeks.
We didn't have insurance, so I'd been paying out of pocket for Izzy's therapy, and Dani's music tutor. My parents were still cut off from dad's pension, so I was helping them too. Then there was food, gas, and train fare to think about. We were bleeding expenses, and had no way to slow them down.
So obviously, I promised that I'd talk to Ari and close the deal. Suddenly, the entire production was on my shoulders, and I had to deliver.
My family needed me, and I wasn't going to let them down.
"Sure, I can talk to her. When do you need an answer?"
Getting Ari to agree to the show should have been a piece of cake...right?
But no, instead Ari took my expectations and threw them out the window.
"Do you have a show lined up?" I'd asked her about 2 seconds into our phone call, and she sounded so bitter when she laughed.
It made me worry because she was NOT a pessimist.
"I know that I have my pick of shows but I'm not sure I even want to do another one. It has been hell just trying to get out of this show."
"August doesn't want to let you go?"
"That and I've just had a shitty year, so I could use a break. Goli has been begging me to take one before I get sick again."
"I agree with her. Taking care of yourself is the most important thing."
"Now you care about me?"
"What's that supposed to mean? I don't know what you're talking about."
"Of course, you don't. Look, I'll add your show to my list of considerations, but I don't think I can work with you again. When I see you, I see Anita, and that just makes everything come back up."
"Ari, I don't get it. Can I meet you somewhere to talk? Maybe you can come here?"
"No thanks." She sighed, and then cleared her throat. "How soon do they need an answer?"
"As soon as I can get one. It's a good show, Ari, it's like the next generation West Side Story...but better, it's about the Nuyorican experience. If you say yes to at least auditioning, I'll agree to let you lead the pacing on every dance you do. I miss working with you, even if you don't want to work with me again."
"I miss you too, it's...her...I can't see her...or talk about her...it's taken me months to be able to not cry at every moment. Now she's got music on the radio, it's been so hard."
I was tearing through my mind to figure out what the fuck she was talking about.
What had Ana done?
"When is the last time you talked to her?" I asked, and she laughed, but it sounded so bitter.
"Ask her." Another deep breath, and then another bitter chuckle, "Send me a script, I'll get you an answer by tomorrow."
"Thank you, Ari."
"Sure thing."
"And Ari?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm going to fix this...however I can, and if I can't, I'll keep her far away from you."
"Good luck with that." She said, then the line went dead.
I wish that had been the end of my stress but, then Ana was so upbeat when she texted to tell me she was picking me up from the train.
And her happiness was hard to come by since Lima, I took what I could while I could get it.
Instead, I decided to leave early, and go home. I was on my way to pick up Gia when I remembered that Marco was just three blocks away.
Going there was worst thing I could have done.
My heart was racing as I rode the elevator up to Marco's penthouse, all I could think about was that my wife had ridden the same elevator when she'd been with HIM here. She had told me, about how she'd spat on the floor, how he punched her so hard that she fell to her knees. How he'd made her clean up her spit with her shirt, then dragged her by the hair to bed.
I had also never been up Marco's until that moment, but I knew how to get in. He had a special code to enter his place that he'd given us in case of emergencies, since we were all he had other than Ari.
When I stepped out onto the marble, I could imagine my wife on her knees cleaning the floor with her shirt while a bruise bloomed bright on her beautiful face.
I never regretted hurting her more than in that moment, because she'd endured so much shit, only for me to put her in a coma.
Marco's voice startled me, as I stared down at the floor.
"Brittany, this is unexpected."
I could barely recognize him. It seemed that he'd finally began to age. He looked way older than his mid-thirties, now that he'd shaved his head, and allowed his beard to grow.
"You look like an old man."
"I feel like one."
"I'm surprised you stayed here after being robbed and shot in this place."
"Well, there's really nowhere else for me to go. Have a seat, tell me what brings you here on this lovely Friday afternoon."
I followed him into his living room, making sure to stay behind him since Ana had told me to NEVER put my back to him, and I was going to listen to her because as much as I thought I was an expert on her, she was an expert on him.
He gestured for me to sit on his couch but I couldn't...especially not if it was the same couch where she had to give all those guys blow jobs.
"So she told you about the brunches, I can tell from the way you're looking at the couch that she told you in detail."
"She told me everything." I growled at him and he laughed at me.
Asshole.
"Sure she did."
"Look, obviously you're in the mood to be a jerk, maybe it's being cooped up here obsessing about my wife, or the fact that you can't walk but if you just tell me what I need to know, I'll go."
"What is it?"
"Ari."
"What about her?"
"She's mad at Santana, and me by default. I need to know why."
Santana's POV
While I tried to focus on Isaac, who was sitting on the bench next to my purse counting, the other moms were all huddled around Coach, bitching about what Isaac had done. He had no right to put his hand on another kid, but it wasn't really his fault, it was mine.
"Two and two is four, two and three is five, two and four is six, two and five is seven...seven...seven...seven." He was nearing a meltdown, but I got down in front of him and stilled his clenching fists.
"Papa?" I called to him and he just kept counting.
Some of the boys were glaring at my son, and he kept his eyes focused on the court, counting more and more.
"Isaac, look at me. Please?"
"Seven and one is e-eight, seven and two is nine, seven and three is ten."
"Coach you have to do something!" One of the moms said, and Isaac paused before going back to counting, his eyes watering.
"I'll handle it, for now practice is over, game is at 8am on Sunday. Clear the gym!" Coach yelled.
I glanced over, watching the moms shoot glares at me as they ushered the kids out.
Coach was headed our way while my son continued counting. I kissed his head, "Stay here, Papa, don't move."
He finally looked at me, tears in his eyes, "My turn, he stole it. I was six in line, not ten. Not ten."
"I know, just, start at one."
He looked back the court and started his counting over.
"Santana?" Coach called, and I knew then that the moms didn't want an apology, they wanted me and Isaac gone. I turned to him, and he didn't even have to say anything. "I'm sorry about this, we'll miss you guys."
"He didn't know why you were holding him back, please don't kick him off the team."
"My hands are tied, it's zero tolerance for violence. Every kid and parent signed the agreement. You're free to stay on but he's out."
"If he's out, then so am I."
"Are you sure?"
I rolled my eyes and walked over to my son, ignoring the coach.
"Come on, Papa, we need to go."
Isaac grabbed his duffle bag and my purse, holding it out for me as I headed his way.
"I did a bad thing. I'm sorry, Mami." He leaned his head against me while we walked, I made sure to keep my voice light.
"You didn't understand, and I should have explained. I needed to take a call, so I asked coach to keep you back so I could see. I'm sorry I didn't tell you."
"Next time you'll tell me?" He asked.
And it broke my heart.
"You won't have a next time, not with this team. I'm sorry. You broke the biggest rule, no violence."
He got quiet, his face scrunching up as he absorbed what that meant.
I opened the car door for him, and he climbed in, still stoic. He buckled himself into his booster seat, and then looked at me with the saddest eyes.
God, I felt so bad.
It was totally my fault, I shouldn't have had the coach hold him back.
He opened his arms to me, and I hugged him tight, then when his chin was resting on my shoulder and he didn't have to see my face, he finally spoke.
"I'm sorry, Mami, I bet you're mad at me now. Huh?" If Daniela had said that, I would have felt like she was being a smart ass, but with Isaac I knew he meant it without malice. I tried to pull back, so I could look in his eyes but he was holding me just as tight, he needed to not see my face, and I owed him that.
"I'm not mad at you, Papa."
"I wish I could be not mad at me like you are."
"Me too, Papa. That's okay though, I'm the Mami, it's my job to give you what you can't give yourself." He finally let me go, and I pulled back, ruffling his curls before kissing his face until he giggled. "I love you, Isaac, nothing is going to change that. Nothing will make me love you less."
"Are you sure?" He was actually serious, which was even more heartbreaking.
The car began to ring, it was B but right then, I couldn't let our son have any doubts.
"I am 100% sure that I will always love you, no matter what. I will always love you, no matter where I am or what I'm doing, there is NOTHING, that can take that away."
"Even when you die?"
"You can't get rid of me that easy, Papa, even if I die, I will love you still. Okay?"
"I feel like that about you too, Mami. I love you to infinity."
Having that moment with Isaac was almost enough to make me forget that Britt was having a crisis of her own.
Almost.
The last person that I expected to see standing on my front porch when I got home was Ari, but there she was glaring up at B.
Gloria was standing a few feet away and when she saw me, she nudged Ari.
"Papa, I need you to go straight inside, put your sweaty clothes in the hamper and take a shower. Okay?"
"Can I watch basketball after?"
"Of course, but only for a little while, we are going to Titi Sandra's for dinner."
"Yay!" He was grinning when I opened up his door, "You're talking again?"
"Yep."
"Good! Siblings shouldn't go without talking, right?"
"Right again, now, get moving please. I need to see what this party on our porch is about."
"Okay, Mami."
I followed Isaac up to the porch, "Bendicion!" He said loudly, before heading straight inside like the good boy he was.
From the car, it looked like a stare down but I could see that they were actually talking, well Ari was talking.
Gloria waited until the door was closed before pulling at Ari's arm. "Baby, relax. Please?"
"No, she needs to understand that regardless of what Moncho says, I'm going to make sure she fucking pays."
"Mi vida, what will that prove?" Gloria was pleading with her.
"I don't fucking care! They've ruined my life enough."
"They?" I asked, reaching for her but Gloria stopped me from touching Ari. "The fuck?"
"Santana, you're not helping. You should go inside, I'll get Ari to calm down."
"But why is she upset?" I asked, Gloria.
Ari scoffed, and finally turned to look at me, her anger quickly turned to pain.
"Even with everything Britt's done today, it's still YOU that makes me feel like losing my mind."
"Ari, she doesn't know." B said, but Ari held up a hand, to silence B while she stepped closer to me.
Our bodies were touching, and then Ari took my chin in her hand and tilted it down so that the only thing I could see was her eyes. Her touch was light but her look was fierce, I knew better than to pull away, she needed me to understand how bad this was, and I was listening.
"Because of your stupidity, and selfishness my brother is dead." Cold seeped into my bones. "Lima Heights is a shell of itself, and my brother was crushed right in the middle of it. Not ONCE have you checked in on me, or my mother. Not ONCE, have you checked to see if she made it home okay after saving your life, or if she even had a home left to return to. When I found out that those bombs went off because of YOU, not Moncho, I was so hurt that you hadn't called. Moncho made excuses about you being underground for months, but that was last summer. Time has passed and not ONCE have you done anything to make amends."
"I...I...I didn't know." I finally settled with. "Who was it?"
Ari's eyes were going back and forth, her fingers still cupped my chin. "Carlos. Left the military, started a bar, that night the roof collapsed on him as he was evacuating the place."
"She gave back money to the town." Britt tried to help but there was no fixing this.
There was a little face staring out of our front window, "B, go check on the kids, I'm ok." Britt hesitated, but I waved her away. "I'm asking." So she left, and I waited until that little face wasn't staring before I focused on Ari again, "Ari, honey, I am so fucking sorry."
"Is that why all the money you gave went to the people in Lima proper? What happened to giving back to the place that raised you? Why is Lima looking like gentrified Brooklyn, and the heights looks like a fucking warzone? Hundreds are homeless, living in a shelter, while their kids get bussed two towns over to attend school. Not one fucking cent went to Lima Heights, at least not from you."
"I wish I could help." And I meant it.
"Then help! What's stopping you?" She shrieked, letting me go and throwing her hands up, "Aren't you like a fucking baby billionaire?"
"Not right now, I don't have anything but Britt's paycheck."
Ari grinned, and shook her head. "Well isn't karma a bitch, the great and powerful Santana Lopez put so much shit into the world, and now she's going to see what it's like to starve."
"Ariana! I don't like this, please stop." Gloria begged, her arms wrapped around Ari's waist as she kissed her shoulder. "Santana didn't know. This proves why she didn't help."
"When did you lose your money?" Ari asked, and I felt hot.
"November." I tilted my chin up and tried to seem strong.
Ari ticked off her fingers, "Six months? When did you make your first donation to Lima?"
"August."
"How much?"
"As soon as I get my money back, I'll fix this." I insisted.
"How fucking much?" She tried to pull away from Gloria but she was being held tighter than she thought. "Let me go." She growled.
"No. I won't let you throw away another relationship. You've already alienated yourself from your brothers, and your mom. Moncho cannot be the only one you rely on. He's the worst of them."
"Wait, you're not talking to the same people that you're yelling at me about?" I stepped closer to Ari, not caring if she tried to swing, I deserved it.
Britt was still inside with the kids, so if there was a fight, Gloria wasn't going to be able to stop it.
Not that I wanted to scrap with Ari, I loved her way too much for that.
"I'm calm, Goli...please, I just need to talk to her. I need know how much."
"Promise me that you two won't use anything but your words, and I'll let go." Gloria said, and I nodded.
"I don't want to fight her." I said more to Ari than Gloria.
"Fine. I promise."
"You better not break a promise, mi vida. I'm going to see if I can get through to Brittany." Gloria kissed Ari once more before leaving us standing on the porch.
"What did she mean by that?"
"Oh that?" Ari chuckled, "Since your wife decided to go psycho Barbie again, and put Moncho in the fucking hospital, I came to make her a deal." I didn't want it to seem like I knew nothing, so I raised my eyebrow and let her go on. Even though, I was stunned. What the fuck did Marco do to make Britt snap? Whatever happened, I knew it was on him, not her.
I trusted Britt.
I didn't trust Marco.
Simple as that.
"What kind of deal?"
"First, tell me how much."
I sighed, and spoke my truth whether she liked it or not, "4.5 million."
"The Heights better get double that."
"I'll fix it. I swear to you on my life."
"Good."
"Tell me about the deal."
"Moncho doesn't want to press charges, he says he's done worse to you, that he deserved it but I can't just let her get away with this."
"He's gotten away with literal murder, Ari, unless B killed him, I don't think it would be the worst thing if she walked away from this."
"Brittany wants me to do the show, and between us, I want to do the show but I won't work with her, not after what I saw today. If she steps down from the show, I won't make Moncho press charges for assault and battery. She can step down from the show, or go to jail. I think the choice is simple."
"If she 'assaulted' him, he earned it, why should she lose her job over it?"
"Because, if she's back to being abusive, then I'd rather she be in jail."
"I see. You are making this about Moncho, but I know it's really about me. I know that you are still sore that I picked her over you, and I know that you think she's beneath me. Maybe at some point you were right, but things happened the way they were supposed to, you have Gloria...you're marrying her from the looks of it. Don't think I didn't notice that rock on her finger." Ari blushed, but then recovered back to her angry face. "It's been a long time since Britt has snapped. Years, and she has done the work. She is in therapy, and she takes her meds every night. She does what she needs to do, and maybe she doesn't always get it right but she's good to me, Ari."
"For now. You haven't even seen how brutal she was...it...it scares me. I hate that you haven't called, but I'd hate it more if she turned that anger on you or the kids. I can't lose you too, especially not before you make amends. Which you will do, right?"
"I will." I sat down on the couch, feeling like I couldn't handle anymore of the heavy, but I needed to know. Ari sat down next to me and took my hand in hers, her anger deflated. "I'm sorry that we lost Carlos. He was the best, and I know he was your favorite."
"Yeah, he was. He died a hero, I mean, he was always mine but now everyone else knows it too."
"He's the first person in your family that I came out to, just in passing, and he hugged me so tight. Told me not to let Marco ruin my life...and I've been holding myself to that promise. Every time he saw me, he reminded me that I was better than my abusers," Ari nodded, and I knew she wanted to include Britt in that number, but I didn't let the words leave her mouth. "Britt and I are both better than who we were. Losing the money, has forced me to rely on her in a way that I have never done before. We talk more, and give each other space."
"That sounds good, but you didn't see her."
"How did you?"
She pulled out her phone, and scrolled through her messages, pulling up a video.
"Watch."
And I did, the look on Britt's face was feral.
Worse than almost anything I'd seen, with the exception of when she pinned me to that wall while I was pregnant with Daniela.
They had words, and then she swung a cane right at his head, twice.
And if that wasn't bad enough she spit at him before leaving him there bloody.
The last thing I saw was Marco look up at the camera before it went black.
Ari was right, Britt's actions were brutal, but I stood by her. If she'd done this, then he'd finally said something that made her lose all reason.
And, if she was refusing to step down, it was more about leaving me with three kids and no money.
Sure, my sisters and Quinn would make sure that I was okay, but nothing compared to us parenting together.
There was no way that she'd go down without a fight, but it's not like she could deny this.
Her face was visible, and unmistakable.
And unless you knew how Marco was, how he could provoke you to commit murder with a gentle smile on his face, then the video made it look like she just randomly attacked a man in a wheelchair without a shred of remorse.
In the same way that she was protecting me and the kids, I was going to protect her, even if it was against my oldest friend in the world.
"Ari, please don't do this. You know she won't step down, even if you don't tell people, it will get around. These things always do...if she steps down, and people find out then she won't be able to get another job."
"She'll recover, there's always a place in this world for pretty white girls who can shake their ass."
"Why are you being like this? All because I didn't call? She saved your life, Ari." I hated to do it, but what other choice did I have.
Even though it was probably the biggest mistake I could have made.
Quinn had always said it, don't throw things you do for people back in their faces.
If you're going to be charitable, zero out your ledger.
It sounded like one of those -isms that was contrived and bullshit but the look on Ari's face said it all.
Any goodwill I'd gained in just being me, was gone.
In the words of that little face that had been in the window, FUCK!
A/N: Actual time jump up next. Sorry for the cliff hanger. Thank you for your support...even though no one has held you hostage (you can leave at any time), you still read. You peeps are the best. Be kind to each other. Everything is gonna be okay.-NR