Author's Note: All behold the LA! Harry's gonna accidentally turn into the best Prefect ever. Assuming you don't care that much about rules or order or silly things like that. Hope you enjoy!

Harry was happy when his owl Sammie came swooping in with a package tied to her leg a few days later.

"Hey, whatcha got for me, girl?"

She gave him a loud squawk as she stuck out her leg and he started untying the shrunken box.

"Is this from the Thicc Daddy?" he asked.

Sammie bobbed up and down, telling him he was right before he looked inside. The cargo showed that Thanos had come through, and there was even a piece of paper printed off with various instructions for beginners, which Harry was very grateful for. It had been several years since he'd started out and he found it hard to remember being so unripped as his little dudes.

"What is that?" Parvati asked.

"Do we really want to know?" Padma rolled her eyes.

"It's a surprise for later."

Across the table, Hermione Granger groaned. "Whatever it is, please leave me out of it."

"Okay dude," Harry shrugged. "It's for the little dudes anyway."

"Are you going to corrupt the first years?" she glared at him.

"Nah, I've got instructions and everything. It'll be great," he grinned and turned back to Padma. "Hey, could you check with your little dudes and see if any of them want in?"

"I suppose you'll keep on bothering me if I don't," she sighed. "But I will also have to properly warn them about you crazy Gryffindors first."

"Don't be jealous because we're the fun house," Parvati giggled. "You know you love joining our parties, sis."

"That's true."

"Yeah, no one shushes you in Gryffindor," Harry added.

"Except for Hermione," Parvati said as she glanced across at her dorm mate.

"I don't think she shushes me," he frowned and scratched his head. "At least, I don't remember that. Hey, Hermione dude- do you shush me when you're reading and stuff?"

"Why bother?" Granger replied with a scowl. "Nothing ever gets through that thick head of yours anyway. I've learned my lesson by now. If I don't want a migraine, I try to stay out of your way."

After dinner that night, Harry led his minions to the first empty classroom they could find. Padma had come through too as three of her little dudes had decided to come along.

The honeys stood beside him as Harry enlarged the package while the boys waited hopefully. "Alright now, we're going to work on a few starter exercises tonight. But first, I've got a present for each of you." Harry looked down and counted.

Oops. More minions tonight meant he didn't have enough.

"Hey, babe," he turned to Padma. "Can you do me a solid with that duplication charm thingy?"

"Weren't you paying attention in Charms?" she laughed.

"My mind might have been on other things," he replied with a dazed little smile- the three of them had a free period before lunch that day and Harry had convinced his honeys that they should all work up an appetite together. They really were the best. Fleur had even taught Parvati this neat trick with her tongue that was out of this world amazing.

"Fine, fine," she pulled out her wand as Harry started setting a row of dumbbells on the table. The six that Thanos had sent were soon turned into nine, one for each little dude.

"Thanks, babe." Harry began handing them out to his minions. "Now, these are only five pounds for now but that's because you're just starting. You gotta know your limits as you start working out, alright? Because you know what sucks?"

"What?" Mikey asked. Harry was still proud of himself for learning his minions' names.

"If you push too hard, you can end up in a world of pain," he replied. "And even worse, then you'll end up needing to take some time off between work outs, and that means that you'll actually end up behind. But, I've got good news too. My mentor, the Thicc Daddy, sent along plenty of advice."

"Why are they so small?" Scottie frowned. "I can lift more than that."

Admittedly, Scottie did have an inch or two on the other little dudes. "We'll start low for now. Once I'm sure you're ready to move up a size, I can just enlarge the weights," Harry explained. Harry pointed his wand at one of the dumbbells. "Engorgio!"

He held the spell for a moment, letting the magic take the five pound weight all the way up to fifty pounds. Then, Harry did a couple of curls before setting it back down and shrinking it back to its original size. The little dudes looked impressed.

"Cool," Hugh whispered.

"Thanks," Harry said with a smile. "Someday, you little bros can get there too. But don't rush it, alright? So, we'll start out with a few things tonight."

His minions took the weights, spread out around the room, and thus began the first meeting of Harry's Lifting Army.

The noisy return of Harry and the little dudes later that evening into the Gryffindor common room was only slightly louder than the usual cacophony of the place, but it still turned a few heads. And later that night, after showering and getting ready for bed, he found that all of his roommates were waiting to talk to him.

"Hey dudes. What's up?"

"Hey, Harry, there's a rumor going around," Dean began.

"Yeah, are you teaching the firsties how to exercise?" Seamus added.

"You know it, bro!" Harry enthused. "Got to help my little dudes learn the really important stuff. Plus, there's really no phys ed around here. And quidditch is cool and all, but what about anything else for sports? You know, something badass like rugby? So, anyway, I gotta teach my little dudes since there's no one else who can do it."

"Right, well, that's nice and all, but we were wondering if you could do something like that for us," Dean interjected.

Harry was a little distracted as he pondered the idea of what sort of team sport he could have his little dudes start up. "Huh?"

"We want you to help us get buff," Seamus explained. "The girls around here are always staring at you, so if any of us want to have a chance, we figured that we should try to follow your lead."

"Oh." Harry scratched his head for a moment. He could probably do that, but where would they meet? Especially if he was going to have to watch over his little dudes at the same time?

"Will you help us, Harry?" Longbottom prodded.

"Yeah, be a mate," Ron added with a hopeful grin.

"Sure, I guess," he shrugged. "Let me talk to McG about finding a big enough space for a bunch of us to get together."

Dean and Seamus high fived each other while Ron shook Harry's hand. "Thanks, Potter."

"No problem, dude."

The next day after lunch, he followed his favorite teacher back to her office, knocked at the door, and stuck his head in. "Hey, McG, do you have a minute?"

"Come in, Harry," she said with a smile.

He was so proud of himself that he temporarily forgot what he had meant to ask. No longer did she even try to fake a stern expression.

"What brings you to my office today?"

Harry shook his head and stopped grinning. "I was needing your help to find a nice big room or something for my new club."

"A new club?" McG frowned. "Do you have a sponsor?"

"Sure, Thicc Daddy gave me lots of good advice," he replied. "And I can always contact him if I need anything else. He's a cool dude about stuff like that; I think he even knew something like this was bound to happen this year. He can be sorta tricky like that sometimes."

"I meant a staff sponsor, Harry," McG sighed. "As in one of the professors. Do I need to come and supervise whatever it is you're doing now?"

"Um, no offense, but I don't think it's exactly in your wheelhouse," he grimaced. "Maybe I could ask Hagrid though, but he's usually pretty busy with all his monsters and stuff."

"Explain to me what this club is, please." It was practically an order.

"I'm calling it the Lifting Army," he said with a huge grin. "Not only am I gonna teach my little dudes, but the guys asked me to help them get ripped too. That's why I need a big room- like enough for at least fifteen guys, maybe even more."

"An exercise club?" As his nod clarified things, McG had to frown. "I'm not certain where the best place might be for such a thing, I'm sorry to say."

A pop heralded the arrival of the tiniest of all Harry's dudes.

"Dobby knows where the Great Harry Potter sir's Lifting Army can meet!"

"Hey, bro!" Harry smiled at the house-elf. "You got an idea for me?"

"Dobby has never been so honored!" the little guy sobbed. "To be called the Great Harry Potter sir's bro! Dobby is the happiest house-elf in the world!"

Harry patted him on the shoulder as Dobby took a minute to get himself under control.

"Dobby, would you please show us what you mean?" McG asked.

"Dobby would be happy to show the Great Harry Potter sir and sir's favorite professor ma'am," he replied and tugged on Harry's hand as he led them towards the door. The trio spent a few minutes climbing stairs until they were on the seventh floor, where Dobby came to a stop across from a very strange old tapestry.

"This is the come and go room," he explained. "The Great Harry Potter sir needs only to walk back and forth three times while thinking of what room sir must need and it will appear!"

"Really?" McG frowned in disbelief. She usually got along well with house-elves, but this one seemed like it might have a screw loose. Then again, it was also incredibly fond of Harry, so maybe he'd rubbed off on the poor little fellow.

And she wondered in terror if the same thing was going to happen to her.

"Sounds awesome," Harry nodded. "Let's do this."

He strutted back and forth until a door appeared. Throwing it open to look inside, he gasped. "No way!"

Minerva peeked in and saw a very large room filled with what appeared to be muggle exercise machines. It was quite an enchantment- not only to somehow create all of this, which she tested by touching one of the devices- but that the room was much larger than the hallway outside should have been able to fit.

"This is just like Thicc Daddy's!" Harry smiled as he hurried around the place checking everything over. "This is perfect."

He walked over to Dobby, knelt down and held up his hand. "High five, bro!"

Dobby slapped Harry's hand and gave him a wide smile. "Dobby is most happy to have been of service to the Great Harry Potter sir!"

"Awesome work, little dude," Harry said.

He decided to give himself a day to make sure he had everything set up and ready for the first official meeting of the full Lifting Army. Harry was so serious about this that he didn't even stop by any broom closets with his honeys for once. Considering he was fifteen and pretty much permanently horny, it was quite the sacrifice.

But it was necessary- for the greater good of gains.

He wouldn't leave his bros hanging.

The next day, after the last period was over, Harry led his dorm mates over to the Charms classroom where he picked up his little dudes and then it was off to the seventh floor.

"Alright everybody," he said as he walked back and forth to open the gym, "I'm going to show you something totally sweet and then we're gonna get to work."

The door appeared and he led them inside.

"Welcome to the Lifting Army!"

Everyone came inside and started talking excitedly about the various workout equipment set up around the room.

"Damn Harry, this is nice," Dean said. "How'd you come up with this set up?"

"It's basically the same as Thicc Daddy's place," he shrugged.

"Cool."

"Little dudes, it's time for the tutorial about how to use all these machines."

"I don't know all of these, but a cousin took me to a gym a couple of times last summer," Dean said. "Why don't the guys and I start on the bench press? That's simple enough for beginners, right?"

"Yeah, just make sure someone's a spotter."

"Ya mind if I go first, mate?" Seamus asked.

"Come on, we'll have to see how much you can handle," Dean replied with a grin as Neville and Ron followed them.

Meanwhile, Harry took his minions to a leg press machine. He figured they'd need to seriously work to get their upper body strength anywhere near what he was used to, but their legs should be an easier place to start. He showed them how it worked and then asked for a volunteer.

It was a tired and sweaty group of guys that showed up that evening for dinner. The little dudes were smiling.

Some of the girls who sat too close wrinkled their noses though, and Harry knew that he'd have to remember a locker room where they could rinse off afterwards. But the LA was off to a good start.

A few days later, he and his honeys were running late to lunch (due to broom closet inspection time) when they heard a cry of glee coming from down the hall.

Unfortunately for them, the headmaster appeared from around the corner and he was laughing maniacally to himself as he ran towards them.

Completely nude.

"Ah! My eyes!" Harry grimaced.

"Do something!" Parvati shrieked.

"I am the Flash!" Dumbledore yelled.

"What the..." Padma looked like she couldn't believe this was happening.

The first thing Harry thought of was to use a stunner to knock out the streaker.

The three of them all turned around so as to not have to stare at the old man ass that was on display.

"Do you think you'll get in trouble for hexing the headmaster?" Parvati asked.

"Hey, I saved my minions from having to see that," Harry pointed over his shoulder. "I should get an award."

"What's going on here?"

McG had arrived. Harry was never happier to see his favorite teacher.

"Thank god you're here," he smiled. "Dumbledore's off his rocker."

She walked around them and sighed. Conjuring up a robe first, she awoke the headmaster but kept her wand pointing at him, just in case. "Albus, what in the name of Merlin are you doing naked right outside the Great Hall?"

"The muggles call it streaking," Dumbledore explained, frowning as he was forced to put the robe on. "Xenophilius was telling me about it and it sounded fun. Beyond that, the peyote I had with my morning tea suggested that it would be a lovely way to brighten the day of our students. After all, we don't want them to become over burdened with stress, now do we? No, I think a little reminder of the joy of life and laughter would be-"

"You will not streak at Hogwarts," McG hissed at him.

"But Minerva-"

"I will not stand for it, and neither would the parents," she added. "Just think of all the angry floo calls and howlers you would receive, Albus."

"I suppose that would really harsh my buzz," the headmaster sighed. "Very well. But perhaps one of the students could do so. To bring up morale, so to speak?"

"Don't you dare go giving the Weasley twins any ideas or I will turn you into a newt," McG glared at him.

"Fine, fine," Dumbledore pouted. Now clothed, he went to the Great Hall for lunch. He muttered, "Meanie" under his breath as he left.

"I heard that!" McG called after him. She turned to Harry and smiled at him. "Fifty points to Gryffindor for quick thinking and service to the school."

"Thanks," he grinned.

McG left to return to her meal, hopefully without any more shenanigans.

"Unbelievable," Padma rolled her eyes.

"I think he deserves it," Parvati giggled. "I just wish I hadn't seen that first."

"You and me both, babe," Harry agreed with a wince.

"Let's all promise to never get old," Parvati said. "Seeing you all wrinkly like that would just be tragic, Harry."

"Deal."

A day later, Padma was chatting with Daphne as they grabbed their things and prepared to leave Defense when Professor Weasley asked her to stay behind.

"Miss Patil, I have a proposition for you."

If not for the very strict posture and formal way he spoke, she may have considered he was going to ask her something inappropriate. Or maybe that was just Harry and her sister's bad influence rubbing off on her.

"I have graded all the introductory quizzes and watched you all for the practical displays of spellcasting, and I must say that you are quite talented."

"Thank you, sir."

"Yes, you are in fact second overall in your year at Defense, based upon not only my own observations but also the exams from the last two years, only Mister Potter has scored higher," he said.

"Really?" She knew Harry was good at Defense, but she was surprised that he actually did that well on the tests.

"Yes, you and your suitor are both doing very well in this course," Percy stated. "It is for that reason why I have decided to ask you to become a teacher's assistant. Other than teaching, I also have other duties and responsibilities for which I was sent here, and I simply don't have enough time to get everything done."

Padma clamped her mouth shut as she thought of Harry's time turner. She knew he was already going to be using it a lot for his 'Lifting Army' silliness.

"I have checked the schedules and I see that you have a free second period on Tuesday mornings," he said. "My proposal is for you to teach a few easy lessons for the first years so that I may get some of my other work done."

"I... are you sure that's a good idea, professor?" she asked. "I mean, I haven't even finished my OWLs yet, surely there are others more qualified..."

"Nonsense, I'm sure you'll excel on the exam once you get there," he waved off her concern. "Besides, it is only for the first years. At this early stage, a lot of it is reading and at most some very low level jinxes."

"I guess I could do that then."

"You will get credit for this, and dare I say, potentially even ministerial preference should you choose to join us someday," Percy puffed out his chest and grinned. "It would look very good on your record. Do we have an accord, Miss Patil?"

"I believe we do."

"Excellent," he shook her hand. "Now, I just need to get Mister Potter's agreement."

"Wait, what?"

Harry had a free period first thing on Wednesday mornings. He would be taking on the responsibility of teaching the first year Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs. Padma seemed worried for some reason, but he knew this was going to be awesome.

One more way for him to help his little dudes to become some seriously bad ass little minions.

Fifth year just kept getting better and better.