Jasper's PoV

I could smell blood, not a lot but I could smell droplets, I could hear droplets splashing on the white porcelain floor as I drew closer. I also could feel her rage, her anger, her pain the closer I got, thankfully I could still breathe. I didn't want to scare her but maybe it was time to change my strategy. Me being the distant stalker wasn't doing any favors to her, maybe it was time she knew I was there if she wanted me to be. Although why she would want me to be when I was the reason she was in so much pain, I did not know. I took a deep breath, told myself to man up and made my way to the bathroom door. I knocked on the door softly and took a step back in case she wanted to throw something at me. I was the cause of all her anguish and I knew I deserved to go to hell for bothering this poor girl after I was the reason she lost her love.
"Dad?" Bella called out trying her best to hide the whimpers in her voice.
"Bella, it's Jasper Whitlock, are you okay? Can I help?"

That was when I knew she had to be suicidal, she unlocked the door and opened it from where she was sitting so I could have a full view of her recent art work to her wrists. She obviously assumed by opening the door so I could have a full whiff, that would finalize her death. I knew she had done quite a few cuts at school at lunch time but I was unable to intervene then. By the time she would come home she had already cleaned the wounds, bandaged them up and had returned to her rocking chair.
"Bella" I whispered as I sank to my knees in front of her to cradle her hands. Her razor fresh out of the packet, forgotten on the floor.
"You're really here?" she whispered.
"Yeah I'm really here, I couldn't leave you for long knowing my entire family abandoned you so I've been watching you hoping things would get better for you" I said softly.
"Oh" replied Bella.

That was all I got out of her and I could tell from her emotions they had shifted deep back into her void. Her mind was so fragile that I suspected she was doing this to keep herself from being hurt as a coping mechanism. So I cleaned her wounds, found some bandages in the bathroom cupboard and covered them up for her. I then cleaned the blood from the floor and rinsed her razor. It was still a decent razor that could be used for shaving so I wasn't going to toss it. I also refused to be anything like Edward by removing her choice from her. It was her life. If she wanted to kill herself, I'd sit by her and hold her hand while she did it. I could faintly smell her blood but it no longer phased me, not after that night, whenever I smelt her fresh blood which was often since she tripped over her own shadow some times, it just brought me back to the sorrow I felt of what I had caused. I had destroyed her life, her happiness, she could have had a life with Edward if I hadn't been there that night. But I was, and every time I smelt her blood, I spiraled deep into my own depression. This time I felt differently though as I patched her up, I had a task and focused on following through with that as gently as I could.

Once she was cleaned up I guided her back to her room and began climbing through her window to leave.
"Wait, don't go" Bella frantically called out and rushed to grab my wrist to pull me back into her room. I froze with one foot on her window sill, my upper body hanging out of her window getting drenched in the rain with my wrist caught in her tiny hand and one boot on her floor. Her heart was racing frantically and I could feel my throat close up again. Me leaving was causing her to feel anxious which surprised me. I couldn't have that so I pulled myself back in and closed the window gently.
"You're not going to disappear right?" she asked tentatively.
"No" I replied wondering what she was thinking.

She raced off and came back a minute later with a fresh towel. I hadn't realized quite how drenched I was so I walked to her bathroom to quickly take off my t-shirt and hoodie. They were the wettest and I could at least squeeze out most of the water. I felt her eyes on me as I quickly towel dried my hair and back. She had to be the only human who constantly surprised me and kept me on my toes. I was expecting to feel a wave of lust for my vampire body or disgust at all the scars. Instead all I felt was sorrow, love and protectiveness pouring from her. It was the first time I had felt such strong emotions that weren't utter fear or torture from her in a very long time. I was still facing the wall but I could sense her intense stare from the hallway.
"They are just battle scars Bella from long ago, normally you can't see them unless I'm under direct light like I am now" I said as I squatted down on my ankles to squeeze out the excess water from my clothes into the bathtub.
"No one should have to feel that much pain Jasper, I'm sorry for what was done to you" she whispered. Damn was this girl good at surprising me, I wasn't expecting that so I decided to remain silent.
"If you want, I can dry your clothes in the dryer" Bella offered. I turned around, nodded my head to her and passed them over.

The walk to the laundry involved going down stairs and I could tell she was nervous I would disappear so I lent against the banister of the stairway. That way when she turned around a million times she could still see me staring at the ceiling wondering what my dumb ass had gotten himself into. I was pretty sure she never had gotten my little brother half naked before and I would be so dead if he found out I was here for a matter of minutes and had my shirt off.

Bella made her way shortly back to me and I followed her into her room. I started to look around her room, picking up a book here and there. It gave her the opportunity to sit on her bed and decide what she wanted me to do. I noticed it was around six at night and I knew she hadn't eaten at all today. The only time she had eaten was if she was sitting with her father at the dinner table which hardly happened these days unless someone had brought a casserole or salad over.

"Can I make you something at least to eat Bella?" I asked as I sat down at the edge of her bed. She nodded her head so I stood up and made my way to her kitchen. I didn't have to turn to know she was following me. I was making a point of slowing my motions of walking at human speed since I had a feeling something bad must have happened to her that involved her being left alone. If I zoomed off down stairs at vampire speed, something told my gut it would upset her. I opened her fridge and was half surprised to not see cobwebs for how often this thing was opened. Charlie had taken to eating out a lot to avoid having to cook, he wasn't very good at it. I could smell some off milk in one corner and some meat that was growing things in another corner.

"Well this looks appealing, how about we go out? I'll run home with my wet clothes, change and I'll come pick you up in ten minutes? I can be here in five but Bella, you should shower or at least change your clothes, no offense" I smirked.
She stared at me for a long time, deciding whether I could be trusted so I sent her a wave of trust, enough for her to know it was me and not real. It helped her to decide so she nodded and made her way to the bathroom leaving me to find my clothes on my own. I really thought my smirk and comment would get a blush from her but nothing happened.

I ran home as fast as I could wanting to keep to my word since that was how trust was built and ten minutes later I was outside her house in Emmett's jeep. I made a mental note to thank him for leaving his monster behind since I only had my ducati bike here which I couldn't exactly drive in the rain if the point was to not get wet again.

I had the heat on full blast so the car was nice and warm but I also had taken the time to find an umbrella after changing into some gray jeans, a black tank top and a black leather jacket. I made my way to her front door and knocked softly from under the umbrella. I noticed as Bella opened the door, she had taken my advice. Bella had quickly showered and changed into black leggings with a dark green sweater. Everything looked baggy on her from her weight loss but it was an improvement to her sweats that she had been stuck in for four months straight. I passed her blue jacket from the hook once she had pulled her boots on and held the umbrella up as she locked the house.

My mother would turn in her grave if I was anything but a gentleman so I walked her to the passenger door, and opened it for her, closing it once she was sitting inside. I then zoomed around the front chucking the umbrella in the back at rapid speed and hopping into the driver's seat in a matter of seconds. The rain really had picked up and was coming down so hard that even my jacket was glistening with droplets.
"So where to? What do you feel like eating Bella?"
"Oh, um, I don't mind," she whispered.
"When is Charlie due to come home?" I asked with a plan forming in my head.
"Maybe two?"
"Well let's head to Seattle, there's a restaurant there that has amazing food apparently, we can catch a late movie if you want also?" I asked.
"Sure"

Bella pulled out her phone to text her dad presumably. I wasn't going to pry, I turned the heater down now that it was fairly warm and put on the radio immediately regretting it since it was set to pop stations.
"What music do you like, Bella?" I asked as I turned the volume down a bit.
"I don't," she said softly.

I turned the radio off and we drove in silence for some time but it was a comfortable silence. I had a suspicion why she suddenly didn't like music anymore but I wasn't going to pry. In the space of an hour, I had gotten her to shower, talk a little, and get in a car with me to potentially eat. So if she didn't want to listen to music, that was fine with me.

I increased the speed gradually and noticed she didn't seem to care like last time, either she hadn't noticed or she was secretly hoping I would crash. Unfortunately my years of delving into the arts of therapy had me suspecting the latter. Not that I would make a very good therapist in this situation, I was on her side if she wanted to end her life. In my mind she had every right to after what had happened to her and I wouldn't hold her back if that was what she chose.

A short time later, we arrived in Seattle, it should have taken us nearly four hours but I had cut the time in half by getting there in just under two. I made my way to a fancy Japanese restaurant that was one of the most expensive places to eat from. I was hoping that the more I spent, the better it would taste which was the key, I wanted Bella to eat.

I parked out front and passed the keys to the valet before opening the door for Bella and helping her out and leading her inside. We were shown to a table and given water and a menu to order from. I took a look over it and thanked God it was one of those fancy places that didn't put the prices on their meals. So Bella had no way of knowing. I knew she was like me, we didn't see the reason for having fancy things but in this scenario I would drop all the money I could if it got her to eat and to start healing.

"Order anything you want Bella, I hear the steak here is amazing, we fry it on a lava stone, also the sushi is super fresh" I said. I only knew this from the thirty second research I did in the area before starting up Emmett's car.
"Um" she replied softly.
"If you aren't sure what you want I can just order what I saw looked good?" I offered. I knew committing to sentences wasn't something she ever did till recently so I figured I'd give her a break. My goal was to get her to eat, not stress her unstable mentality right now as she sat across the table from a blood sucking vampire who was the cause for all her torture and misery. She barely spoke above a whisper so maybe it was for the best. The last problem I wanted to deal with was having a server suspect me of abuse or kidnapping.

I decided on a lava stone of steak to start off with and some sashimi. She needed nutrients more than rice so I was hoping the fish on its own was tasty. I also had ordered an entree of scallops in garlic butter with a side garden salad for me to pretend to pick at but really they were for Bella also. The hostess then asked what drinks I would want, this made my dead heart do a mini jump as I realized alcohol would be one of those options which could help potentially loosen up Bella a little. I ordered two of the most expensive sake drinks, knowing the alcohol content would give her some much needed joy from her suffering and maybe help her to talk and heal a little. Once I placed our order, the server returned shortly after with our drinks, utensils, soy sauce and wasabi then gave us space while our order was being prepared.

"So do you hate all music or just his kind of music? Because there's a lot of country music out there that you're denying your ears" I asked. I was careful to not say his name knowing from experience of seeing others use his name, what damage it would cause Bella inside.
Bella just shrugged and continued staring off into the distance, evading my question. Bella did sip the sake then rewarded me with a facial cringe for a moment at how strong it was. She then proceeded to continue sipping away. It took me back to my own days of war, those of us that would come back at the end of our day would sometimes have a drink or two to feel some joy after our day.
Our food arrived and it actually smelt delicious even though the food itself would taste gross to me. I took charge of cooking her steak for her on the lava rock while she tasted the sashimi. She had mixed a small portion of wasabi in with her soy sauce and was dipping pieces one at a time. She didn't have to tell me which was her favorite as I sensed it through my empathic ability.
"It's called butter fish, shall I order some more?" I replied, smiling softly at her small spark of joy.
"No, thank you" Bella replied, savoring another piece.

Once I was satisfied with her steak, I served it to her on top of the salad and was rewarded with more sparks of enjoyment firing from her body.
"Does it taste good?" I asked with a smirk on my face.
"I think you know how well it tastes, It's mouth watering! Especially with this sesame sauce, I wish you could try some!"
"May I?" I asked as I masked my surprise at how many words she just used. The alcohol definitely must be giving her liquid courage which worked in my favor.
"Um, sure" she said in a surprised tone as I took a piece of steak that she had cut up, dipped it in the sauce and savored the taste in my mouth before forcing my body to swallow it.
"It does taste amazing!" I commented while smirking at her open mouth. It didn't, it tasted horrible but the tiny smile that came to her face when I said that was worth it.

She continued eating in silence and when no one was looking we switched plates so she could devour the scallops in garlic butter. I then ordered her a small chocolate cheesecake dessert. She had a few bites of her cheesecake before I suspected she might be getting full.
"Don't feel like you have to finish anything for me, just eat and drink what you can" I said gently. She shot me a grateful look and pulled her second sake closer to sip at it while pushing her cheesecake to the side. I'd watched the past months as everyone kept trying to force her to finish her meals which wasn't helping her condition at all. All it did was make her feel angry or depressed for not being good enough.

Bella slowly drank her second sake and I could feel the high she felt which surprised me. I wasn't sure how I had never thought of this before, to get a human drunk and bask in their emotions but it felt amazing and sluggish. She slowly nibbled away at her cheese cake as her appetite returned to her and once she was finished with her sake I called the server over.
I paid up then led her back to the car that was waiting for us already and opened the door for Bella. Once inside I pulled off towards the theater, taking care to go extra slow as I wasn't sure what the effects would do to my near perfect driving. I wasn't sure what would be showing at nine at night. I parked and we headed up the stairs to see what movies were still showing. It looked to be the third spider man movie, a musical, a horror and a strange artistic indie movie.
"What movie did you want to see Bella?" I asked.
"Could we go see the horror movie?" she replied with a smirk of her own.
"Um no, I already have nightmares, I don't need more, why not Spider man?"
"Sure, you don't sleep though?" she asked.

I patted her shoulder gently and went to pay for the tickets. I ordered fresh popcorn to be delivered half way through the movie with two beers. I also picked up a bottle of water for Bella and a blanket that came wrapped in a plastic bag. The seats I had paid for were the kind that reclined and heated up but I wanted to make sure Bella was warm since body temperatures tend to drop when you stay still for long periods of time or don't have much body fat to keep your temperature up.

"Do you mind if I go use the washroom for a moment? Dinner disagreed with me then I'll be back and I can answer your question from earlier once we are seated" I asked as I passed her the bottle of water and blanket. Bella nodded and smirked at my hidden message. I quickly relieved myself and returned to her shortly afterwards. Once we had found our seats I whispered softly into her ear so others wouldn't hear.
"You're right that I don't sleep but you do and your nightmares have become rather real for me especially when you can't breathe. I don't need to breathe yet your attacks have made my empathic ability turn itself against me if I'm too close to you when you're having one. So let's not watch a horror movie tonight".
"I'm sorry, I can't control my breathing when it happens" she admitted while picking at her finger nails.
"You're not broken Bella so please don't feel like you are. I can help if you want but only a little okay? Give your mind a chance to work out how to heal on its own without epic vampire skills"
"That sounds like you're going to stay?" she asked in a quiet fragile voice.

I was enjoying feeling her projection of numbness, happiness, and dizziness. It felt nice to know that she was at least enjoying her buzz of alcohol. It might not be the healthiest path but she was basically an adult so I didn't feel guilty. I'd be drinking my sorrows away if I could, which gave me an idea for later to try. Her happiness had quickly done an one eighty and started diving deep into insecurity and anxiety, she didn't want me to leave.
"I'll stay as long as you want Bella, I should of maybe introduced myself earlier but I thought maybe you would heal better without us in your life but if it helps even a tiny bit, I'll stay till you tell me to go or till you realize that I'm the reason you're in so much pain and start throwing things at me" I said sincerely.
"How long have you been here keeping tabs on me?" she asked quietly.

The movie was about to begin, I was saved from having to reply which gave me the opportunity to think about how to answer if she asks again. I quickly showed her how her seat reclined and heated up as well as opening the blanket up for her.

Once the movie was rolling it gave me time to process everything she had said as well as analyze her body language. She was very reserved and shy naturally but currently, she barely talked unless she consumed a lot of alcohol. I was trying not to pry but I did keep tabs on her mental state as the movie went along, she had gone back to her numb state but there was a tiny spark of hope deep below the blackness. The beer and popcorn arrived half way through which Bella enjoyed. So far tonight was a win, I got Bella to eat, drink, smile, talk a little and commit to being social even if it was with a sadistic vampire who should be locked away in Italy. As the movie drew to a near I realized I had two options, dropping her back to her house where I wasn't completely convinced she actually wanted to be after spending the past four months moping in her bedroom. Or invite Bella to stay at Esme's place and she could see what changes I had made.

I knew before she even said yes that I would have to at least have human food available so while she was using the washroom, I quickly had some groceries delivered, just the essentials, toast, eggs, some protein, rice and salad. By the time she had come out I had placed my order and asked them to leave the groceries outside the door since I knew I wouldn't be far by the time they got dropped off.

"Hey so, this is crazy and you're obviously allowed to say no but did you want to stay the night and see what I've done to the house? Before you say no though, I did just pay for some groceries to be delivered so I will have to duck out for at least ten minutes to put them away, if you wanted to hang out at yours some more or you could just go to sleep, I hear that's an important human thing apparently". As soon as I finished speaking I could feel her anxiety picking up and it was affecting me also only I wasn't as skilled at hiding it as she was who spent the last four months trying to not worry her father. Thankfully we were close to the exit and once outside in the fresh air it became easier to breathe.

"What are you scared of? I'm not trying to pry Bella but when you make it hard for me to breathe like that, I can't ignore that. Also you have to teach me how you disguise this from others because I nearly tripped over my own feet!" I said. She visibly tried to calm herself down and we made our way to Emmett's car.
"I'm sorry Jasper, I'm just scared of being left if I close my eyes or go to sleep, that this will be a sadistic dream"
I understood somehow completely, something definitely had happened while I was gone. I opened the door for her then once I was seated, I turned to ask her a question so I could watch her reactions.
"Bella, you asked earlier how long I have been keeping tabs on you, I haven't been keeping tabs on you, I've been non-stop watching you since the week after you guys broke up. I was furious with him so I punched him in the face before storming out. I had seen you were on the couch and a bunch of people were outside your house so I left you for a week to spend with some friends of mine. Why were there people outside your house?" I asked while gently holding one of her hands in mine.
"He broke up with me, didn't listen to anything I said. Then he left me in the forest and I thought I could catch up if I ran fast enough, explain how much I loved him and that it would always be him. I kept running, then walking. I collapsed from exhaustion in the middle of the forest and somehow I was found late at night" she said in an emotionless tone.
"And now every night you relive that horror story of been abandoned. I'm sorry Bella, like I said, I won't leave you unless you tell me to go and it's not a dream believe me. If you want to spend the night at yours, I can stay outside your house like I have every night or stay in your room if you want, whatever you choose I will oblige. The only time I have to leave your side is if I have to eat but I will make sure you know" I said with conviction. I was going to murder Edward the next time I saw him, he had hurt her, bad then left her to wonder the forest in spite of the danger of Victoria or other animals in the area. That sparked a flame of anger which surprised me.
"Alright I'm heading to my place, you can see what I've done and we can stay up then if you aren't tired. I have a thought that could be fun, what are your thoughts of getting high?" I asked.
"Um how, you can't keep anything down that's solid and I assume smoke doesn't work either" she said as she quickly shot a text to her father probably saying she was gone for the night also.
"But what if I get an animal to eat an edible, I wait an hour till the effects kick in and then I drink their blood? Would I get high also?" I asked as I increased the speed down the highway now that we were out of the city.
"I mean, It might work, I'm confused, isn't' everyone from your time supposed to be snobby and reserved?" she asked.
"Oh no, that's just him, Rosie and Alice. I actually like to have fun and I miss drinking a lot, it always made me feel bubbly and happy inside. You're not the only one hurting, Alice and I were growing estranged for some time, I had questioned her a few times asking if there was someone else. I never got a straight answer but her and Edward were always whispering about some inside secret. So sure when I stormed out of the house I ended it with her via email but truthfully she left me years beforehand. We just hadn't announced it to anyone to avoid attention. I guess I secretly was hoping she would come back to me and I would be her light once again" I confessed.
"I'm sorry Jasper" she said softly.
"It's okay, when you came into our lives she just used that as an excuse to be away more, her weekend trips had turned into week long trips then longer. I think you will like my expression of how I feel when you see the house". We didn't speak for the rest of the journey and I made an order on my phone for some edibles from a local store to be delivered to my house while driving a little slower.

We arrived home and I pulled up into the garage then opened her car door for her.
"So I did some redecorating since I figured no one was going to come back, you can help me do some more, only rooms that are off limits are Carlisle and Esme's as well as Rose and Emmett's, welcome to my humble abode Bella" I said as I opened the door for her to enter the very different house.

The once beautiful house was no longer white, it was still beautiful to some artistic degree but there was a lot of paint, a lot of black and red paint everywhere. I had discovered how satisfying it was to throw paint at perfect walls, at perfect peoples rooms. I was trying my best to hide my emotions from Bella but now they would be on full display, all she had to do was look. Alice had left me just like Edward had left her and my heart felt broken like it would never heal.

"I'll let you look around while I go bring in the shopping, they left me also Bella, never even asked what I was trying to do that night, I'll tell you this, I wasn't charging to attack you, I was charging to protect you from that idiot who had you flying through the air within milliseconds" I said while gently squeezing her shoulder as we took in the once white house, covered in head to toe in blacks, grays, reds, and burgandys.