Chapter Six: Shatter

Fear is abstract. There's never one distinct reaction to fright. Some people run. Some people succumb to fight or flight. Some people shake. Some people collapse. The funny thing is that no one ever knows. The news comes in a flash, and it's too much for the brain to process; or, it's not actually fear itself, but anger. Fear is unpredictable. It's impossible to measure someone's reaction. In a way, it's a defense mechanism to extreme situations. No one knows which mechanism they turn to until their heart is already in their throat.

"You're gonna be okay, baby. We're right here," I choke out as I dig for her epinephrine. Her head rests on Quinn's lap as she strokes her hair back from her face. My hands shake as I bring the injector to the outside of her thigh, and I can hear Quinn muttering encouragement to breathe.

I'm scared because she's my light. I'm scared for Quinn because she's her best friend. I'm scared for Rachel because she's just as much a part of our family, and I can hear her trying not to cry as she relays information to the EMT's on dispatch.

I'm not even sure what happened. I just heard her blood curdling screams as she tried to get away from the swarm. Before I could run fast enough, Quinn picked her up as Rachel swatted them away long enough for Quinn to get Santana to safety.

I can hear the sirens blare nearer and nearer, and an army of uniformed men and women approach with a stretcher, a bag mask, and a cardiac defibrillator. The woman kneels next to me, and, with all the softness in her voice, speaks to me, "I know it's difficult to speak right now, but she's in the best hands. Can you tell us exactly what happened so we can relay it to the team of nurses that are waiting for us?"

Another EMT is gently but firmly assessing her airway, his ear close to her chest. He places a bag mask over San's nose and mouth, and I can't concentrate on the questions because she's panicking, looking for me.

"A boy kicked his ball into a wasp's nest. By the time we could yell for her to move they had already swarmed," Rachel jumped in as I crawled on my knees and held San's hand, "I tried to get her out of the swarm," she can barely get her words out as she chokes down a sob.

"She'll be okay. Right now, we're supplying her with the oxygen she may have been deprived of between the time she was attacked and when we started supplying her with oxygen. The epi pen did its initial job to reduce the swelling in her throat. We need to monitor her oxygen levels and ensure that her airway stays open. I'm impressed, by the way," the EMT says, trying to calm the situation, "we can assess the situation further once we get her into the ambulance, and attach the monitors."

"We're gonna meet you at the hospital. Rach is gonna drive my car, and I'll drive yours, okay?" Quinn says as she leans down into a hug.

"Yeah, we'll see you there," I'm distracted by the EMT's lifting her onto the stretcher.

I feel calmer now that they're monitoring her breathing and heartbeat, and that we're not outside anymore.

"I love you, baby," I whisper against her forehead, and I can feel her fist tighten around my t-shirt.

When we arrive, the nurses are waiting. They say she's stable enough not to go to intensive care. As much as I hate not being the one to do it, I let the nurses lift her from the stretcher and onto the regular hospital bed. I held her hand as they connected her IV's and removed the breathing tube, replacing it with an oxygen mask. The atmosphere calms down as we're left alone.

My heart rate slows and I exhale, knowing she's going to be okay. I lean down to kiss her forehead, and to tell her I'll be right back. I close the bathroom door behind me and reach the toilet just in time to empty my stomach's contents.

I saw within an inch of death today, and I wish that on no one.

I rinse my mouth before making my way back to her. She's moved close to the edge of the bed, making room for me to lie down. She rests her head against my breast as she curls against me. My eyes fill with tears because the weight of her head feels like home. I raise one hand to stroke her cheek, careful not to bump her mask. I trail my fingers up and down the arm that's curled next to her head.

"Go to sleep, baby. I'll be here when you wake up," I say as I hear Quinn and Rachel softly closing the door behind them.

Once San's fallen asleep, I get up and embrace Rachel in a hug. I could see it in her eyes that she felt she didn't do enough. What she did means everything.

"We brought you some pajamas and toiletries," she whispers softly and I squeeze her shoulders before releasing our hug.

"Thank you," I glance between both of them, meaning it as more than a thank you for the packed bag.

"We were thinking of staying in town a little longer, maybe stay with San while you're at work?" Quinn asks quietly and I smile at the thought of them spending time together.

"That sounds great. I'm sure she'd really like that," I whisper through a genuine smile, "she misses y'all."

"I can't wait. We aren't the four amigas for nothing, right?" Rachel says with an amount of excitement only she can possess. I know San will be in good hands until I get home from work.

"B?" I hear San say as she pulls the mask from her face.

"Yeah, baby?"

"I need to use the restroom," she whispers shyly.

"Okay, I have some sweats you can change into if you want. You're kind of mooning our company, S." I say, hoping for a laugh. I help her stand, moving the IV pole out of the way.

"What?! Why didn't you say anything?" I laugh as she reaches behind herself to close the gown. Quinn and Rachel are stifling laughter, too.

"Don't worry, S. At least your butt's cute," Quinn laughs out, and Santana gasps as I lead her into the bathroom.

Once she's finished, I help her into a pair of sweats, her hands using my shoulders for balance. Rubbing her arms as I stand, I bring her into my chest and hold her tightly.

"I'm okay, Britt. I'm gonna be okay, please don't cry," she whispers as her hands feel for my face. I try not to shake as I hold her wrist, turning my face to kiss her palm.

"You're okay," I echo, reassuring myself that she's really here, that I'm really holding her.

I remind myself that every ounce of happiness, every ounce of healthiness, can disappear so fucking quickly. And then, it's just gone. You can't get it back. But, I got it back. My world could have shattered, but I got it back.